Owner	Pose
Cael Becker	After their building session in the astral plane, Phoebe had provided them all with little box lunches - which Cael had left Jon and Bear to enjoy on their own, as she moved off to talk to Phoebe in private.     It's a relatively short conversation before she rejoins the pair, dropping down to sit on the ground beside Jon.     "Apparently you are not full of shit," she remarks simply - giving the man a brief kiss as she lets Bear crawl his way into her lap. "Good boy. Who's a good boy?" she asks, scratching at his head and shoulders, with a relaxed smile on her features.
Jonathan Sims	Jon has been spoiling Bear, naturally, because beneath the outer "grr dogs" and whatever else he's a big softie. The dog got some meat and some cheese, although not too much because, as Jon put it, "I don't want Cael to be mad at me for overfeeding you." Bear got some pets, too. Jon doesn't /mind/ the dog. He rather likes him, actually. (He's been seen letting Lady Grey lie across his lap as if she weren't gigantic.) He just clearly finds the dog a creature he needs to entertain.     As Cael herself comes back over, he blinks up at her. "About which subject?" he asks mildly. Because there are so, so many subjects on which Cael thinks he's full of shit.
Cael Becker	"Your little club," Cael remarks casually. Yes, she really just called it that. "'The Justice League Dark.' Sara and Phoebe have both told me to get over myself and admit the damned truth, basically." She rubs at Bear's head again, before reaching over to steal a chip from Jon's box - before she starts opening hers.
Jonathan Sims	Jon frowns at her for a moment, looking slightly affronted. "/Club/? We're not... this isn't... this is /serious/ work, Cael!" He glowers at her for a moment as she steals the chip.     "...You're taking the piss, aren't you?" He sighs, and grabs another chip of his own. "Of course you are."     He tilts his head to peer at her curiously. "Which truth is that, then? That you're terribly useful to the team? That you're around all the time anyhow? More than some full members, I might add--though I don't fault most people, they're busy."
Cael Becker	"//Club,//" Cael repeats - because yes. She is 'taking the piss.' "Where the fuck does that saying come from - 'taking the piss'? Who the fuck would want to take the piss? Ugh."     Someone doesn't know her history.     "And... sure. Any of that. All of that. I think the consensus is just 'accept the truth, you're already a member' - basically. Yeesh." Once her box is open - she idly offers Jon one of her chip - before she starts eating the sandwich that accompanies it.     Nevermind the chips are completely identical to Jon's.
Jonathan Sims	"The origin of the term probably refers to the term 'piss-proud,' which relates to the way that a false--" Jon stops, and coughs. "Well, actually, it's rather... not entirely appropriate for discussing over food, but it probably doesn't have anything to do with urine. Unless it does. It..." He shakes his head. "The Archive provides the /strangest/ things," he mutters.     He reaches out to grab a chip--even if they're identical it makes them /even/--and goes on, "Well I suppose if both leaders accept it, then here we are. Should we get champagne?" He grins at her.
Cael Becker	"Right. No rhetorical questions around Jon - sometimes I forget," Cael replies in amusement, reaching over to muss with his hair - befoe giving the man another kiss.     She then lets out a snort before adding, "You have a rather low bar for champagne - don't you?" she asks dryly - before narrowing her eyes. "Or is this a 'hallelujah, Cael saw sense' thing?"
Jonathan Sims	Jon returns the kiss, then furrows his brow at Cael for a moment. "Cael... the Justice League Dark, it... it means something to me. It means a /lot/. I know it's... ragtag and we only have two out of three leadership slots filled and we have no permanent base, but..."     The furrowing deepens into a proper frown and he looks down at the box in his lap as he trails off. "I suppose I see why you don't take it all that seriously," he murmurs, shoulders slumping a bit.
Cael Becker	"I know it's important to you. Hey," Cael nudges Jon with her shoulder - some concern peeking through her shell. "I'm just taking the piss, still. Yeah?"     She reaches out to rub Bear's fur again before she adds, "Though I guess- I didn't really realize how important it was to you that I //join// it. You and 'your little club' just saved all of reality, you know. Why do you think I wouldn't respect that? Hrm?"
Jonathan Sims	Jon frowns down at his lap still. "I just... we've talked about how I don't have a mentor. How I'm... flailing around trying to figure things out half the time." He shakes his head, smirks wryly. "I'm still kind of stunned that we /saved all of reality/. Us. We can't even figure out where to have /meetings/, how'd we manage /that/?"     He sighs and looks up. "Martin promised me he'd be by my side, you know. 'Where you go, I go,' he said. And then angels showed up and he just..." He makes a 'pfft' sound and waggles his fingers. "Couldn't handle it. He won't join the Justice League Dark. I hardly know most of the people in this group that matters so much to me. Half the time I feel like I'm just... I don't know... putting on airs, trying to sound important. Like, who would take me seriously? So I saved the universe--so what? That's what heroes /do/."     He looks over at Cael and shrugs. "I suppose I just... it's not that I didn't think you..." He bites his lip. "I know you believe in /me/. But this... group, this whatever it is... sometimes I feel like I'm grasping at something ephemeral, something that doesn't really mean what I think it means."
Cael Becker	"I want to be there for you - but I don't know that I could //always// be there for you," Cael remarks in a quiet tone. "And- hell, if you, and me, and Martin were //all// throwing ourselves into danger day in and day out - what about Agnes? You can Martin //can't// both go. I know Agnes wasn't his only reason," she may not have even been his main reason, "but... well. For that reason alone, he was right to stay out of things. And I promised him I'd have your back in his place. I know it doesn't- You can't just wave heart-ache away with logic, but..." She shrugs her shoulders helplessly, cracking open the sparkling water that came with her meal.     Blackberry cucumber? ... sure. Whatever.     "So tell me - explain it. What does it mean to //you,// Jon?"
Jonathan Sims	"When Martin told me he couldn't do this we didn't know Agnes /existed/, Cael. It's not..." Jon makes a noise of frustration. "It wasn't some tactical decision. When I told him 'there's a serial killer and it's an angel' he couldn't handle that. He wouldn't..." He shakes his head. "Look, that's not... that's between me and him, it's not the... the point, except that I feel, so much of the time, like this... this whole /huge/ part of my life is something that I can't share with the people I love and it's... terribly frustrating."     He sighs and looks to Cael. "The Justice League Dark... I mean, we're attached to the Justice League, you know? We're supposed to... defend the world from supernatural threats. Ones the Justice League itself can't handle, anyway. We walk in the dark places no others will enter. We stand on the bridge, and no one may pass." Is he quoting something? He's definitely quoting something.     He reaches out for his own sparkling water and takes a drink. "I suppose I sort of... there are moments where it almost feels like I... belong. I still don't quite... have that, with SHIELD. I /live/ in the Triskelion and I still feel like people look at me oddly in the corridors. But then I don't /really/ have that with the JLD, either. I keep trying to..." He holds the can in his prosthetic and reaches out his left hand, like he's trying to grasp something out of the air. "I want to build a place where I belong. Where I matter. Instead I'm stretching myself thin; I've barely spoken to Marc in weeks, aside from running off to fight vampires with him." He shakes his head.     "But I mean... where else are mystics supposed to /go/ if we want to help, if we want to fight the darkness? Or people who aren't mystics, who want to help fight those threats? There's this whole side of the world that most people don't even know exists, and it's dark and dangerous sometimes, but it's also beautiful and glorious. And I want to... to help people, because that's /my/ world. It always has been. The blood of Atlantis flows in my veins, and even if..." He sighs. "Even if nearly everyone else I've met with that blood has rejected me, it's still who I am."     He looks at Cael. "But then, like I said, what I'm grasping at is ephemeral anyhow. I mean, I keep thinking 'these are the people who helped me through the worst part of my life' except... who's even /left/ from that? Lydia and Phoebe and me, and Chas except he's stuck on the bloody Gates of Heaven. Everyone else has... moved on or was never around much to begin with. Well, Nettie's puttering about I suppose." He huffs out a breath.
Cael Becker	"Do we HAVE to share every part of our lives?" Cael counters quietly. "He said he'd always be there - he'd always have your back, and then... he couldn't, and it hurt you. He did what almost everyone does. We all make promises we mean to keep - without realizing what it is we're saying. Without realizing we've made a promise we //can''t// keep." She smiles wryly at Jon. "I think you know how hard I try to avoid doing... exactly that. I try to never make a promise I can't back up."     She runs her fingers through Jon's hair as she adds, "Martin loves you. I'm sure it eats at him - not being there. Not keeping that promise. Just- don't let it come between the both of you, alright? We really don't //have// to share every aspect of our lives. Yeah?"     She wraps her arm around Jon's waist then, leaning in against him as she listens to him continue - to talk about why the Justice Leaque Dark is so important to him. Her eyes close, as she simply listens to his voice - a frown pulling at her lips now and then. "I don't think anyone looks at you oddly in Triskelion Jon - honestly. You are welcome there. You're a member of the team - I mean. How does Carter feel about you? She trusted you. Yeah? What does //that// say about you, and your place there? Dummy."     She gives him a nudge before adding, "But you belong in the Justice League Dark too - and that's fine." She turns her head to study his face - concern showing again as she adds, "You do belong, you know. And you are loved. And.... even if people come and go from our lives, it doesn't mean - we're not all going to leave you. No fucking way. Alright?"
Jonathan Sims	"Cael... I don't think you understand how /little/ of our lives Martin and I have shared. And a lot of that's my fault--there's a really important chunk of his life missing from his memories. But that promise, he made it after he /faked his own death/ and left me alone. It's not /every aspect/, Cael. It's..."     Jon shakes his head. "Can we please just /not/ talk about that? Please? That's not what we're talking about, right now. Just put it aside."     He sighs. "Peggy trusts me, yes. I'm sure the others do, too. But I'm not exactly... it's not..."     He fiddles with the can. "Cael," he says softly, "Magic isn't an 'aspect' of my life. It's not a profession. It's not a hobby. Magic is what I /am/. And I have nowhere that I feel I can... practice that, and learn it, with other people. And it's not even that the JLD is that, it's just that... that's what I have to offer to the world, I guess? I don't..."     He shakes his head. "Sorry. I just really was happy that you wanted to join, properly. I... I want this to be something, and I don't know if I can even... do that, because most people see it as a... side project."
Cael Becker	"I'm sorry," Cael says without hesitation, her tone contrite. "I don't really know all of your and Martin's history. I don't really know what I'm talking about - so... I'm sorry." There's a momentary pause before Cael, apparently never content to leave well enough alone, adds, "But I still think he over-promised."     She kisses Jon on his temple before falling silent again, listening and trying to understand what he's trying to //say//. "So when you felt like I was trivializing it..." She lets out a sigh, and gives Jon a gentle squeeze with her arm.     "Honestly Jon... that sort of stuff is why I didn't think I could, or should join. Why I didn't feel I belonged. Practicing it, learning it with other people - that's not something I can really take part in. I do want you to have that, though. I know how important it is to you."     She's silent a moment before adding, "Offering the world your magic is... important. It's valuable. But you do know you offer a lot more than that, right?"
Jonathan Sims	Jon sighs. "It's not like that's even... what the Justice League Dark /is/. Not really. And I'm not... I'm not /saying/ it right, it's..."     He frowns. "I went to talk to Caitlin the other day, I mentioned that I think. And I... gods, I /envy/ her, you know? The whole time she was being deceived by Michael, she had this... this whole group of people at Titans Tower, waiting for her to come home. /Certain/ that she'd see the truth and come back to them. And she did, and... well, of course I don't know the internal whatever going on over there, but she didn't seem like they'd /rejected/ her."     He looks over at Cael. "What do you think would happen if Michael took control of me, if I went and worked for him? You think the JLD would be certain I'd come back, waiting for me with a... a base, and love, and cookies?" He shakes his head. "Chas got possessed by an angel and we tied him up in the back room of his own bloody bar. Nobody bothered to clean him up for /days/. And he did the whole thing because he was scared and alone and desperate for help."     He swallows. "I... I wish I could... I wish I felt like I knew enough about magic to take in students. I wish I could build something that would provide a /home/ for people who fight this stuff. Not just mystics, but /everyone/. People who understand that sometimes you take on power from questionable sources, that sometimes people get mind-controlled, people who've been through that shit and can support other people. Somewhere that... when some FBI agent watches a guy get turned inside out, she has somewhere to go, to find out what's up with that."     He shrugs. "I just don't know... if I can do that. If I /should/ do that. If I'm capable, if the other people involved are willing. We don't even have a base!"
Cael Becker	Okay. That's... a lot.     Cael goes silent - still tucked in against Jon, with her arm around him, but now her face is turned down and away just slightly, her expression pensive, her body a little more stiff against him. Bear lets out a quiet whine, creeping closer to Cael's chest so he can nuzzle her, while she sets down her drink to pet at him absently.     "That would... sure be something," she finally agrees quietly. "It's very... you. Something to aspire to, I suppose," she remarks, while a mix of confused thoughts whirled in her head.     What if she'd had somewhere like that to turn to? She wouldn't have accepted it at the time - would she have? Of course no one cleaned up Chas - he'd just tried to kill her! Would people be waiting for Jon to come back if Michael wormed his way further into his brain? Or would it just be her and Martin?     Or what if Michael got into //her// head again?     So many unpleasant possibilities.
Jonathan Sims	Jon sighs and wraps his good arm around Cael. "I didn't mean to upset you, love," he murmurs softly. "It's just... at the very least, a group of people that can be called on when there's something weird going on, you know? The Justice League or the Avengers run into some weird magical shit and they can call us up and go 'hey can you look into this?' That's... important. I mean, it's not as if nobody else out there handles this sort of thing, it's just that there isn't exactly anyone /public/, you know?"     He chuckles wryly. "I doubt Phoebe would agree to the 'public' bit, of course. She's Gotham through and through." He gestures at the warehouse. "Wayne Industries and all. I'm happy for her, I am, it's just... she's still at the stage of 'desperate to belong' that means looking for something someone else already built. Following their example. I'm... I want to build something myself. I want family."     He glances down at Cael. "I /have/ family, of course... but if that family can't follow me into places I /have/ to go, because I'm the Archivist..."
Cael Becker	"I know you didn't," Cael answers Jon quietly. "That was just- it was a lot of things. At once. I'm fine." Why does she bother lying to the empath? It wouldn't even be a believable lie if he WEREN'T an empath - given how she continued to hold onto Bear with one arm - as he whines quietly and nuzzles at her, while she holds to Jon with the other.     "And I don't think you being the Archivist is what- well. Anyways." Whatever she'd been about to say, she simply drops it, changing topics instead.     "I know what it's like - searching to belong. Desperate for family. It's taken me my whole life to find a place where I finally feel like I can- and sometimes I'm terrified I'll lose it all, somehow. Or that it's a dream, or a lie. I know how that is - how it feels."
Jonathan Sims	"Sometimes I feel like I'm hanging on by my fingernails," Jon admits. "Just... trying to hold everything together. I need that bloody vacation... but I can't get it until this is dealt with. I really can't. And I wish..." He trails off, shakes his head, sighs.     He leans his head over to rest it on Cael's. "Sometimes," he says softly, "I think about quitting everything. Especially since... I came back from Duat. Leave the Archive with SHIELD, sure, but the rest? Quit it all, go on sabbatical, maybe permanently. Write some new music. Travel the world. Dig through the Archive for all the old family recipes and teach them to Agnes. I mean... that's what I came back for, not... building astral illusions to trick stubborn archangels."     He sighs. "Don't know if I mean it," he admits. "But it's pretty bloody tempting."
Cael Becker	"We both do," Cael agrees. "I'm looking forward to it - really." She turns her head - just enough to give Jon a brief, gentle kiss. "We'll get there," she promises.     "I think... when all of this is over, you take as much time as you need. I won't blame you. I mean - you know me, I'll keep my fingers in a dozen different pies. I just- I can't sit still. If I tried to take time off like that... I'd crawl out of my skin. But you've been through more than anyone should have to. So you take the time you need, and I'll be there with you."
Jonathan Sims	Jon snorts. "Admittedly, I wouldn't just... stay at home and putter all the time. I'd probably find fires to put out. I mean... I'd still be /Archivist/. And Ma'at joined with me for a reason; I'd have that to contend with. So even if I 'retired' I wouldn't really be /retired/. I just wouldn't be working on a team anymore."     He sighs. "That's what I wish people would understand, when they insist I need to step back, to stay out of things--I'm not jumping through portals and facing down archangels and whatever entirely just because I /want/ to." He taps his forehead. "I'm going to be pushed to go out and /do/ things, to /experience/ things, until I die. And age is no impediment; Gran was still just as active as I am--if not moreso--in her 70's. I've got memories in here of Archivists that were spry and active until almost a century or more. So I'll have my fingers in pies, I won't be able to sit still... even if I /wanted/ to."     He smirks down at her. "I mean, if there isn't a haunting or a monster at whatever ski lodge we wind up heading to, I'm probably going to try to go /find/ one. It's just... what I am, now." A pause. "And honestly? I don't... mind that. I don't even mind the responsibility. I mind..."     He frowns. "What Sara said? Just... out of the blue 'Jon shouldn't swap with Michael, Jon's had to deal with more than enough?' It felt... it felt like undermining. She hadn't talked to me, found out how I'm doing. Hadn't expressed concerns privately. She just..." He sighs. "It's not that I wanted to do that. It's that I'm not... this, here, what we're doing? /This/ is what I need to be doing, right now. I can't walk away even if I wanted to, and I don't /want/ to. For myself, I /need/ this. I was tortured, I /died/, for /this/ fight, and I'm supposed to... what, sit on the sidelines instead of making sure all of that /meant/ something?"     A shrug. "But I feel like the rest of you don't trust me to handle things, and not just because of the jewel business."
Cael Becker	"...including me?" Cael asks quietly. The accusation stings - even if she understands entirely where it's coming from - and why. I mean - does she trust him?     She lets out a heavy sigh, taking the time to find the words, the //right// words to explain how she feels, and what she thinks.     "I believe in you. You know that, right? I believe that you mean well, always. I know that you're smart, and strong, and kind, and capable. I //do// trust you. ...I just don't trust you alone, with Michael. Can you honestly tell me that concern is misplaced?" she asks.     She gives Jon a squeeze as she adds, "I want to support you, and help you, not stiffle you or coddle you. If I get it wrong sometimes, I'm sorry. I just... you're so important to me. You know?"
Jonathan Sims	"No, I-I know. I /know/ I... /earned/ your distrust, with Michael." Jon sighs, and squeezes Cael in return. "I shouldn't have... lumped you in with the others, even if I /do/ feel sort of like you see me as a... wayward puppy these days." He grins down at her for a moment. "Like I said, I've earned that."     He frowns. "But Sara... I know she means well too. She does. I know everyone /cares/. But I... honestly, I had a moment there where I thought... maybe I should just stay out of this altogether? Maybe they don't... need me? Gods, I wish I could just... get /over/ that." He shakes his head. "But on the other hand, it does rather smack of benching your star keeper just because he let in an own goal." A pause. Cael wouldn't get that. "Or, umm... pulling your best driver from the race after two laps because he's having a bit of trouble?"     A frown. "The thing is... I can /do/ this, Cael. I /know/ I can. I've got the... the thread, now, I know what I've been doing wrong. At least... for myself, for my own peace of mind. Jonathan Sims wants to get along with everyone. Jonathan Sims wants to reach out in comfort even to his worst enemy." He smirks. "Jonny Demonic doesn't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks of him, /least/ of all some poncy archangel. Will that be enough to talk Michael into giving up his power? I don't know. But it's enough to protect /me/, keep me sane, while we figure this out."
Cael Becker	"I believe you can do it, too," Cael answers softly. "More than I could. I can't- everytime I see him, all I can think of is how much I still want to hurt him. Like- nothing I can do to him will ever be enough for what he's put us through. //Nothing//. For my pain. For yours. For the stress and torment //that// caused me. ...for Amit. All I want - all I ever want - is to make him suffer.     "And somehow..." Her voice is quietly disbelieving, "You see beyond that. You want to set things right. To... heal. To understand. I know you can do what I can't." Her fingers brush over Bear's ear gently as she talks, her gaze fixed down on the pup.
Jonathan Sims	"I've seen so much pain in my life, Cael," Jon says softly. "I've had so many broken people come through my office, people who all too often are out there fighting, like we are, trying to right some wrong in their past. It's so common there's terms for it. The wounded healer, in my case." He smirks, but only briefly. "Sometimes they've gotten vengeance, sometimes they haven't, sometimes they /can't/. But over and over, they wind up in my office."     He reaches down to stroke her hair. "Causing more pain doesn't heal your own. Venting anger doesn't make you less angry. This isn't... this isn't my opinion, there are studies that back this up. The answer, pretty much always, is... letting go. Forgiveness, if one can. And I don't mean... I don't mean reconciliation. I don't even mean telling someone they've been forgiven. I mean... letting go of the anger and the pain and moving on from it." He sighs. "Easier said than done. But at the very least..."     He turns a bit to look down at Cael. "You're right. /Nothing/ will ever make up for what he did to you, to us, because every time you see him and every time you hurt him, that just brings it all up. Eventually, we're both going to have to figure out how to move past this. Right now isn't the time--right now we're still /in/ the thing."     His expression hardens. "I mean... for fuck's sake, Cael. He /killed/ me. He deliberately ran me through. It shouldn't have hurt, but it /did/. It hurt like /hell/. And people want to /keep me out/ of this whole thing? Take away the chance that... that maybe..."     He frowns, and looks away. "If I can convince him to give up his power," he says, "it means he's saying I was right, and he was wrong. It's better than an apology. It means I /win/." The guilty expression on his face can probably be put down to what he was saying just before this--it's not what his training tells him he ought to care about.
Cael Becker	Cael looks towards Jon as he talks, and gently strokes her hair - feeling the pain welling up to the surface as tears spring to her eyes. Bear lets out another of his quiet whines, ever serving as a barometer for her emotions as he nuzzles his wet nose into her stomach.     "How do you ever move past something like this?" she asks quietly - meaning both of their pain, as her hand rises to Jon's chest, resting where she'd seen him stabbed by Michael's sword. "Because honestly I- that feels like something I'll never have the strength to do. Ever."     She takes deep breath in, letting it out slowly before she'll add, "You are right. And I think you will win."
Jonathan Sims	"Time. Therapy. Support from people who care about you." Jon sighs. "Maybe you never do. Maybe we both stay broken. At least we'll be broken together?"     He sighs and reaches down to cover the hand on his chest with his own. "Right now isn't the time for that. Right now, we /can't/ move on. We're still in the middle of it all. That's why we're planning a vacation for /after/ this is all over. I mean, who knows--maybe Michael apologizes and that helps. Maybe you make him grovel and beg and that helps. Or maybe we just stop having to be around him and worry about him and /talk/ about him, and we go to therapy and go on vacation and continue our lives and then one day we look up and realize that we haven't talked about that jackass for a whole year. But we can't know right now."
Cael Becker	"Maybe," Cael agrees quietly. "Who knows." She takes a deep breath in, letting it out slowly, and repeats this several times before adding, "What I do know... is I'd be a mess without you. Hell. Who knows - maybe that terrifying feeling that the pain was too much to carry would have gotten... worse, without you. You're the only thing making all of this bearable."
Jonathan Sims	Jon smirks down at Cael. "Just me? That's hardly fair. Bear hasn't helped at /all/?"     The smirk fades into a more genuine smile, though, and he squeezes her tightly. "I... well, maybe I'd have made it through, it's not as though I'd have been alone, but Martin hasn't been out here fighting with me. You... you've been the reason I'm fighting so hard. If not for you, I wouldn't have come back, I know that much."
Cael Becker	"Bear is the very best boy," Cael answers with amusement, sparing the pup another fond rub. "He's helped. Alis, and Sara've helped. ...hell, Martin's helped some. And Caldwell, of course. But I really don't know how things would've turned out without you," she asserts again.     "We're all glad you came back. ...Your Royal Godliness," she remarks with a faint smirk, before giving Jon a kiss.     "I love you. ...I can't believe that used to be hard to say."
Jonathan Sims	"I can't believe you love me when I am, in your words, the /worst/." Jon grins down at Cael and then gives her a kiss in return.     "I love you too," he asserts. "And we're going to do this. Together. What comes after... we'll figure that out."     He glances down at the box in his lap. "Let's eat and... whose place are we at tonight? Yours or mine?"
Cael Becker	"The absolute worst," Cael agrees with a grin, before turning her attention back to her box.     "Look, Jon, if you have to ask me - you know what answer I'm going to give. //Mine// - of course. And I don't even have to be honest about my answer - //I'm// not an Avatar of Truth," she teases with a grin.     That said - she digs back into her meal, pulling out another little tidbit to feed to Bear, who's happy to take the tribute as his due.     I mean - because it is, really. He's just the best boy, after all.