10269/When All Seems Lost

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When All Seems Lost
Date of Scene: 20 February 2022
Location: Martin and Jon's Suite
Synopsis: Agnes, Martin, and Cael mourn the loss of Jon with funeral rites often given the Egyptian royalty and Cael moves one inch closer to accepting her place in their strange, but loving family.
Cast of Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan Sims, Cael Becker




Martin Blackwood has posed:
    Martin stands at the window in the living area, looking outside. He has managed to program the image projected by the hyper advanced glass to give at least a facimile of the outside environment. He is dressed as he usualy in around the house. Jeans, a well fitting shirt and a pair of house slippers. Though there is a piece of attire that only a few have seen him wear on him at this moment.

    The kippah is simmple and dark navy in color with a white embroidery around the outer edge. At his heels on either side are a pair of fluff balls one large and white, the other grey-brown and smaller.

    His hand rests on the head of the large white one and he mutters softly, "It'll be okay. Even if I know it's already happened... it'll be alright. I just have to convince myself of that." His eyes are red ringed, a clear indicator that he's been crying pretty heavily recently but his cheeks are dry. For now.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    The apartment is full of the scent of kyphi incense, honey and wine and citrus. Agnes has been burning the stuff almost non-stop, even leaving a little burning while she slept last night.

    Now, she comes out of Jon's office and heads over to the little altar he has set up with statues of Thoth and Ma'at and Anubis. She's carrying a framed picture of Jon receiving his diploma, with the other person in the picture carefully covered by a piece of paper. She eyes the altar for a moment, considering, then goes ahead and sets the picture on it before moving to light another bit of incense.

    "Martin?" she asks quietly, while she's doing this, "is there... any chance we could get some veal? Sandwiches would work just fine, just..." She keeps frowning at the altar. "We're supposed to sacrifice a calf, and that's the closest thing I can think of."

Cael Becker has posed:
    That's about when the door quietly opens - prompting Bear to take off almost instantaneously, barking happily and wagging his tail. The last 24 hours or so is the longest he's been separated from Cael since he was given to her, and it's clearly he's glad to see her again. Cael responds by crouching by the pup, rubbing his head and ears, and murmuring a quiet, "Shhhh, we don't want to wak- ...oh." Looking up she's spotted both Agnes and Martin in the room, and for a moment, looks like a deer caught in headlights.
    "I, uhh... thanks for watching Bear for me," she says lamely.
    Cael is dressed in her usual attire - jeans, and a sweater, topped with her leather jacket, with the butterfly cuff Jon had given her peeking out. She looks tired, but otherwise herself.

Martin Blackwood has posed:
    Martin is about to suggest to Agnes that there might already be some veal in the refridgerator when Cael comes in. Martin doesn't hesitate much longer than Bear before going over, kneeling, and wrapping Cael into a tight hug. "Thank God you're okay" he says into her coat. "I don't know what I would've done if both of you..." He can't even finish the sentence from the ache in him at the thought of losing both of them.

    "I... felt when he... we both know that he's gone... for now" he says, looking at Agnes. "We've both been coping in our own ways." He puts a hand to his kippah with an embarassed expression on his face. "Agnes. If you want to look into the fridge I think there is some sliced veal in there. It's deli meat, I hope that's alright?"

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Agnes turns away from the altar and brightens as Cael comes in. "Cael!" she says in a voice of relief. "How are you? What happened? Nobody's been in touch or anything, Martin felt Jon die and then I got a dream..."

    She frowns at Martin. "I'm not /coping/," she says stiffly. "I am trying to ensure that my father is able to proceed through the gates of Duat properly, by performing my duty as his eldest--well, only--child." She gestures toward the altar. "The most important part of the burial ceremonies in Kemet was the Opening of the Mouth. We don't have a mummy or a coffin or even a statue, so I got a picture, and we recite spells and make offerings and that allows him to have his eyes and mouth and ears open in the Underworld."

    Okay, maybe she's coping a /little/.

Cael Becker has posed:
    As Martin greets Cael with a hug, she stiffens under his arms - her breath catching in her throat. This... was precisely the sort of thing she'd been trying to avoid - having to face them. Having to explain things to them. Having to deal with //their// grief, as well as her own - and their sympathy and concern when she knows - when she still feels like she's screwed things up so badly. "I- I'm fine," she says awkwardly, fighting the urge to simply shove Martin off of her. I've just- I've been busy. Had to- to take care of some things, see the Chief, that- that sort of stuff," she explains awkwardly.
    Her gaze goes past Martin to Agnes - as she struggles to find words. What do you say to a //kid// about something like this? Even when they knew it was coming? "...it happened quickly," is all she manages to say, rather lamely.

Martin Blackwood has posed:
    Martin releases Cael after a moment and rises with a nod. "That's... good" he says in hesitant reply. Lady Grey chuffs over and sniffs at Cael a few times before sneezing as dogs do. "But you're not... hurt?" he asks her.

    He pauses and looks at Agnes. "A dream? About Jon?" he asks. "And you didn't say anything?" he sounds almost appaled but the girl was the secretive type and seemed to not mention things until they were important. He's almost gotten used to it but this is an entirely different thing altogether. "What did you see?" he asks the girl.

    He's trying to keep his voice even, though it's a struggle and some of the intensity does bubble out towards the girl. Thank the heavens she isn't the same sort of empath as her father.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "I was going to tell you but I was waiting for Cael because... some of it's meant for her to hear." Agnes frowns. "Actually, a lot of it's meant for her to hear. I think Jon was trying to contact her but had to go through me."

    The frown deepens as she looks at Cael. "Can... can you tell me..." She hesitates, then says, "I know about death and dying and... all of that. I would like to know how my father died."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I'm not hurt," Cael answers quietly, even though her hands, which can be seen as she wraps her arms tightly around Bear, can be seen to still be an angry red color. That's fiiiiine, though. Completely fine.
    "Messages for me? ...in a dream?" she can't quite keep the skepticism from her voice. Of COURSE the girl would dream about her father at a time like this.
    But why would she dream about messages for Cael?
    Well. There are for more ridiculous places the girl's mind would leap than assuming her father's spirit would try to reach out to his girlfriend. But why not Martin?
    "He, uhh... Jon..." She buries her face deeply into Bear's fur, breathing in his familiar scent. It's not that she particularly enjoys the scent - it just helps ground her in reality, rather than letting her become lose in the memory of what had happened. "Michael was attacking Caitlin Fairchild. Jon... intervened. Blocked Michael's sword with a shield. Michael- he knocked the shield aside and- and stabbed him through the chest," she says briefly - her breath catching in her throat before she lapses into several shakey breathes, holding her breath repeatedly until she manages to regain control. "But it was quick and- and Fairchild said he- he wasn't in pain, or- or afraid."

Martin Blackwood has posed:
    Listening to Jon's last moments is hard for Martin and he blinks back more tears that threaten to fall. "That's... that's good. That he wasn't scared..." he says. He barks out a weak chuckle. "Of course he'd go and protect someone who hurt him less than a month ago."

    He sniffles. "Well... have a seat. I'll make us tea and Agnes can tell us what she saw..." He quickly makes his way into the kitchen and starts the comforting routine of making tea for guests. "Oh... Agnes" he says, taking a plastic wrapped package from the refridgerator and slapping it down on the bartop. "Hope that will work for what you have in mind."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Agnes frowns as Cael describes Jon's death, fidgeting with the hem of her short skirt; she's wearing a skirt and leggings and a sweater again. This seems to be the fashion, at least for the moment. "I suppose he... he earned his... place, then."

    She eyes Cael's hands for a moment, glances toward Martin. Did he notice? She bites her lip, much like Jon often does, and then says, "Umm... want to come help me figure out how what to do with the veal? The funeral rites, they're supposed to... we're supposed to sacrifice a calf," she explains.

    Whether or not Cael agrees, she moves toward the kitchen, pulling out the new phone Martin got her (yes, her skirt has /pockets/) and pulling up the internet browser. "My dream was... I saw my mother and Jon, talking. Jon asked her to send a message to me, because he said he didn't think the angels would agree to send anything. He said..." She frowns for a moment. "He said to remind me that there are methods to handle the body being destroyed, and that there's a set of extra sheets in the cupboard that are linen, that I can use to wrap the stand-in for his body. He said to tell Martin that he loves you, and you're supposed to relax, and not pull away, and that Jon will take care of things when he gets back. And he said... umm..."

    She eyes Cael for a moment. "...If I'm being honest, what he said about you was a bit rude."

Cael Becker has posed:
    Cael doesn't respond to the offer of tea. She doesn't go to the kitchen to help with the veal. Instead, she remains on the floor near the door, her arms wrapped tightly around Bear, her face still buried in his fur, while the dog whines worriedly and thumps his tail on the floor. His person was gone far too long - and now that she's back, she's clearly in distress.
    Agnes mentioning that the body was destroyed gives the first sign that Cael is listening at all - as her voice catches in her throat, and she goes still and silent, without even breathing for a few moments.
    "H-how... who told you about the body?" she asks uncertainly, cautiously lifting tear filled eyes to look towards the girl.
    She hadn't really planned on divulging that. It seemed needlessly upsetting...

Martin Blackwood has posed:
    Martin had hoped that there wouldn't be a body. It would be too real at that point for him to cope. That Jon has vanished the way jedi do in the movies is perfectly fine with him. "That's... rather a relief to be honest. It make his coming back all the more likley" he says, leaning at the counter, keeping both the young girl and young woman in his vision.

    He relaxes some and frowns at the latter. "Cael. I know you think coming and bringing this terrible news to us makes you a villain. But you're not. We both were already aware of it. I -felt- it and Agnes... apparently learned of it as well."

    The fact that Alya is involved and with Jon also helps him feel safeand content. She won't let anything hurt Jon if she can help it. He remembers that much about her now. "I think... I think he would want us to stick together and take care of each other while we can. I know you are going to go after him soon but until then. Sit. Let us be for you what we are... a family. You're hurt by this, more than just the burns on your hands. It doesn't take a telepathy to figure that out. Let us support you and be here to help you carry the pain. It's just as much ours anyway."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Agnes blinks at Cael, looking up from her phone. "I... just told you. I had a dream." Her tone is full of confusion; this should be obvious, right? "My mother and Jon told me about the body. My mother was a priestess of Sekhmet, she harbored the goddess' power... and Sekhmet escorts the Pharoah to Duat. He's on the right path, the path of Kings. He wants us to know he should be waiting in the Hall of Judgement, when you arrive."

    She clears her throat. "Is, umm... is this what he meant by..." She glances to Martin. "He said that he was certain Cael would be 'freaking out' and to tell her to calm down and let Martin help her. He, umm... he said something about caterpillars? Two caterpillars? I don't... understand. But he said..." She closes her eyes for a moment, trying to remember. "Something like... 'I know she's going to worry about Lady Death being, well, dead, but if anyone can meet us down in the lands of the dead it's her. She's tenacious, she won't let dying stop her--and even if we lose her entirely I'm sure we'll figure out what to do. The people up there just need to relax and do their part and everything will work out.'"

Cael Becker has posed:
    Martin's words make her want to run - and Cael seems on the verge of a very confused panic as she stares at the man, her breathing still unsteady, and a little rapid. She doesn't deserve family. Let alone //this// family. If they knew...
    But then her gaze shifts to Agnes - and from the word 'caterpillars,' she seems absolutely fixated. Her tears start to flow freely, and by the time Agnes finishes, she's sobbing desperately into Bear's side, as the dog steadfastly stands up to the pressure. "Jon..." she whispers between sobs.
    Had he heard her thoughts after all? Had it worked again? How else would he know the pain she was in. "Jon... I thought..."

Martin Blackwood has posed:
    Martin sighs and moves around, setting the kettle to a lower heat setting to give him adequate time. He moves to stand behind Cael and places a hand on her shoulder. "Sometimes family isn't about who you choose, but who chooses you, Cael" he says, a sad smile on his face.

    "Let us help each other get through this... all three of us -together-." He smiles at Agnes, doing his best to reassure her that her message had made a difference even if it wasn't readily apparent.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Agnes fiddles with her skirts again, blinking at Cael. "I... I'm sorry, was that... I know it was terribly rude, him talking about you... freaking out, and telling you to calm down. He said to let Martin make you tea. And, umm... to... to remember why he gave you your bracelet? Something about coming back together, and getting through changes together? That seems awfully personal, I'm sorry. He... the things he said... he was talking about you finding things to blame yourself for so you could feel in control."

    She straightens her shoulders and huffs. "You should yell at him when he gets back. It was /quite/ rude to say all of that to a stranger."

    After a moment, her expression falls. "I... oh, gods, this is why I didn't want to... you've been through so much, having to... to /be/ there when... I'm sorry, I just..."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I thought..." Cael repeats again, clearly struggling to get //something// out. "I thought I fucked it up," she manages. "I- I- I thought- he wouldn't... that he might not- come back, because I fucked it up, and I couldn't- I didn't want... H-how could I- f-face either of you?" she asks between sobs, as Bear wriggles around in her arms to lick at any parts of her he can reach.
    "Jon..." she repeats. "Ay... Oru- guita..." Don't you hold on too tight.
    Is it really going to be alright?

Martin Blackwood has posed:
    Martin gently squeezes Cael's shoulder. "Come on. Better to get off the ground and sit on the couch, Bear and Lady will make sure that you're well comforted. And I can take care of your hands." As if in answer to her question. "Everything will turn out okay in the end. We just have to trust Jon in this one."

    He looks to Agnes and shakes his head. "It's not your fault, Agnes. Sometimes... with Alya... Jon tended to get... They fed off each other at lot." He remembers long conversations--arguments even--the pair would have about the most ridiculous things; like the right way to pronounce certain words. Often it would come down to one of them getting a dictionary to prove their point. And then a few days later the other would find a different dictionary that proved their point.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Agnes frowns at Cael. "Why... why would... I know you'd do everything you could. Jon said you would, he... he said... 'Cael's going to make sure I come back.' He said he knew you were too stubborn to let him stay dead. Even... even if you /did/ mess something up, you'd fix it, wouldn't you?"

    She folds her arms across her chest. "I'm going to make sandwiches. Veal sandwiches. And you're going to eat one, because... because the sacrifice is going to help bring Jon back." She blinks a few times and then rubs at her face like she's trying to hide the fact that she's crying. "We're d-doing everything we can, right? That's... that's what you're supposed to do. We're... family, right? Th-that's what Martin keeps saying. So we're supposed to do everything we can to... to... stay together. To be together."

    She frowns down at the ground. "You came and found me, right? Even... even though... Elias /stuck me in a mirror/. Even though you didn't know where to go. And you didn't even /know/ me. So you'll find Jon. I know you will."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I'd try," Cael murmurs back quietly. "I'd sure as hell try to fix it. I //am// pretty fucking stubborn." But some thing can't be fixed. She's just glad this doesn't seem to be one of those times.
    She doesn't move immediately after Martin's words, or even seem to acknowledge them, but after a while longer still clutching Bear on the floor, she finally pushes herself up, moving towards the couch and dropping onto it heavily. "Com'on, Bear," she says to the dog, and soon has him up on the couch next to her, and crawling into her lap, to press her down into her seat with his weight. "Good boy. I know - I know I was away a while. I'm okay. I'm okay, Bear." She scratches at his shoulders before adding towards Martin, "My hands are alright. They've been getting better on their own. I wouldn't worry about it."
    She then responds to Agnes again, though she's looking down at her dog as she talks. "I'm not very good at 'family.' I don't really have a lot of practice at it." And the idea still scares her in some ways. "But I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

Martin Blackwood has posed:
    Martin gives Agnes a frown but lets her move to make the sandwiches she's determined to make. He understands that sometimes teenagers need their space to let their feelings out. If she wants his help or comfort, he's there. "You have to start somewhere..." he says to Cael. "And that sounds about as close to family as anything else."

    At that moment the kettle starts to hiss with the sound of its boil and he turns to go fix the tea for the three of them. Lady for her part moves over to the couch and jumps up on it before adding her own weight to the pressue on Cael. If Bear can do it, she can to, right?

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Agnes goes and starts pulling things out of the fridge and cupboards: bread, eggs, milk, tomato sauce, parmesan and provolone, breadcrumbs. "We don't have any mozzarella," she says with a frown. "Martin, can we get some from the cafeteria? The recipe calls for mozzarella."

    She turns away from the fridge to peer at Cael. "Will you eat sandwiches with me and help me pray for Jon? Because that's what family does. Help people... prepare for their journeys, in life or death."

Cael Becker has posed:
    Eat a sandwich, to pray for Jon? When she still very much just want to run from the flat? "I'm not very hungry, but... sure," she forces herself to respond, rubbing at the heads of both of the dogs, and trying not to feel... trapped.
    Agnes had heard from Jon - as unlikely as that seemed - and Jon still believed everything would be alright. She should focus on that. ...right?
    "We've still got some whiskey in here - right, Martin?"

Martin Blackwood has posed:
    Martin nods. "Yes. Both the stuff you brought and the stuff from that final meal. Which do you want?" he asks, peering over his shoulder at the woman as he pours the hot water over the strainer in the pot and lets it steep. If it keeps Cael here he will let her drink as much as she needs to cope.

    He looks at Agnes. "How much and sliced or not?" he asks. "I can go get it after I serve tea, just give me the measurements and quantities." Once the tea is served and it and the whiskey is placed ont he coffee table along with a single tumbler, Martin gets what Agnes needs from the cafeteria. The whole process takes about ten minutes. As he returns and hands over the cheese (and an other ingredients the teen needs) he asks, "What exactly is this meal supposed to do?" He's studied Egyptian funeral rites but he doesn't remember reading anything about sandwiches in any of his texts.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "The ritual is called the Opening of the Mouth. The whole point of the ritual is to begin the process of transforming Jon into an /akh/, a reanimated spirit. Then he will be able to see and hear, speak and breathe, in the Underworld. It's the most important and consistent part of the burial process, begun in the Old Kingdom and persisting right through to the Ptolemaic era. Traditionally, a calf is sacrificed and eaten at a feast. So... veal, and since it was deli sliced, sandwiches seemed like the best idea."

    Agnes has been breading the veal that was in the fridge, and then frying cutlets. With the sliced cheese, she puts together sandwiches, traditional veal parmigiana style. "The ritual is supposed to be performed by a priest, or the son of the deceased, but... technically I /am/ the heir to Jon's power, so I should be able to perform the spells. Since there's no body, we use the picture in its place, make offerings, wrap the picture in a linen shroud, and then enjoy the meal."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "The, uh- the one you brought," Cael answers Martin. Her voice sounds a little leaden, even to her own ears, but she's genuinely trying as she rubs at the heads of both of the dogs. Jon believed - believes? - she has a place here. Martin and Agnes both welcome her. //She's// the only one who seems to have an issue.
    She accept the whiskey when it's offered, and forces herself to take small sips rather than downing the whole thing - listening as Agnes describes the ceremony. Jon believes in all this stuff - and after the shit she's seen... why should she really doubt it anymore?
    "Would it help, ummm- I have the clothes. The clothes he was wearing when he- wouldn't that help stand in for his body? Or would it not make any difference? It, uhh... It has some of his blood."

Martin Blackwood has posed:
    Martin swallows roughly before looking at Agnes. "I... I don't know. I mean, the ritual calls for a body, not the blood or the clothes." He shifts a bit before watching the young girl as she works. He shrugs.

    "Of the three of us, you're the expert here" he says glancing between the pair. "Would having those things for this help?" He wants to say that having them alone for the sake of posterity and sentiment would help but the act of bringing them up seemed to take a lot out of Cael and pushing more on that part of it isn't something he wants to engage with right now, especially when she seems to be calming down (at least a little.)

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Agnes frowns thoughtfully as she puts the sandwiches onto four plates and carries them out to place one on the altar and then the others handed to Martin and Cael and her own set on a side table. There's some extra veal, breaded and unbreaded, on Cael's plate--presumably for Bear.

    "It... couldn't hurt to have the blood for a sympathetic resonance. I mean, I'm using a picture instead of a statue, it's..." She frowns. "Jon keeps saying magic is more about... belief and will than precision. I've been... struggling with that, a lot." She giggles. "He, uhh... he said Elias is a 'two-bit sorceror who, like so many rich white men, thinks he buy his way to competence.' But according to Jon, the people who are /really/ good at magic can set up an excellent ward with nothing but a piece of chalk and some blood. The fancy materials just... help, make the process easier, let you either put in less power or get more for the power you put in."

    She hesitates, a moment, then admits, "I'm... not that good at magic, yet. I'll take whatever might be able to help."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "It's, ummm... I left it at my apartment," Cael explains. "So I'd have to fly there and get it. I fly pretty fast, though. But if it'll help... If it'll help Jon... I want to do this right. I want to help, I just don't know how. Magic really isn't my thing - at all." Right. There's some ground-breaking news.
    She rubs at Bear's head, subtle shifts in her posture as she leans forward telegraphing her readiness to get up. "Should I hurry and get it now? Is there anything else that might help?"

Martin Blackwood has posed:
    Martin frowns and nods. "If you can be back quickly" he says to Cael. "I mean, I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to, but... it might help, at least some." He offers the woman a small smile. "And that's what we're doing all this for, isn't it?" he asks.

    He looks at the sandwich and gives Agnes an uncertain expression. "Are there words that needed to be said before the meal?" he asks. The concept isn't undeard of, from a number of other religions. It's possible they all stemmed from this singular practice--after all this religion is older than most others.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "We should probably wait until after the spells are recited to eat, yes," Agnes says. "But I think, other than that... we have everything we might need. Or at least, everything we can get right now. There are things that would be better, but..." She shrugs. "There isn't really time to try to find them."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I can be back quickly," Cael confirms for Martin, before looking to Agnes again.
     "How hard are they to find? What kind of things are we talking? I mean... Jon has a lot of friends. I could call them," Cael suggests, her brow furrowing slightly.
    Perhaps it's no real surprise that it's the thought of having something to //do// - to actively do to help Jon - that seems to be settling her grief and anxiety more than anything else. Well - other than getting a message from beyond the grave.

Martin Blackwood has posed:
    Martin is not blind to Cael's eagerness to -do- something. It's a feeling he's be having for months to this point. He shakes his head at the woman, his smile turning a bit sad. "I think we can work on any of that -after- tonight" he says to her. "For now, let's just go with the clothes and his..."

    He pauses unable to reach the truth of what's on the clothes. "I think the clothing will be fine for tonight. Go get them and then we'll finish up here for tonight." He give Agnes a nod, hoping she agrees, before he looks back to Cael. "Don't take too long."