11782/Buds with Beers: Werejackal Edition

Buds with Beers: Werejackal Edition
Date of Scene:	27 June 2022
Location:	Avengers Mansion - Back Yard
Synopsis:	Cael turns to Cap for some advice on here werejackal problem. He provides some perspective. Also: she calls him Steve.
Cast of Characters:	Cael Becker, Steve Rogers

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Cael Becker has posed:
    For one reason or another, Cael has been a little more sparse around the Avengers' mansion than she would like - but today she's carved out some time while Jon and Agnes are at home constructing a cat tower. After checking in with JARVIS, and a debriefing about recent Avengers activity - Cal has found her way to the backyard, with a cold beer - and a rubber ball.
    The beer is for herself, and she sips at it, holding it in her left hand as she stares out over the lawn. The ball is for Bear - who chases after it with a few excited barks, snatching it out of the grass, then walking around with his nose to the ground for a while, snuffling, before running back to Cael with his tail wagging. His colorful vest rests nearby - still festooned with Pride swag from the day before.

Steve Rogers has posed:
    Beers in the backyard is a time-honored summer tradition, and it is /officially/ summer, after all. Not just because it's past June 21, but because it's /hot/. So Steve is in shorts and a t-shirt when he comes out, carrying a cooler of beer, because he wants more than just the one. He's been feeling restless lately--activity's come in bursts, nothing really sustained, and he's looking forward to some of his summer plans. He's been spending too much time around the Mansion lately.

    "Hey, Becker," he says. "And hey, Bear!" Yes, the tone is /decidedly/ happier for the dog. Who can blame him? Bear's a Good Boy.

Cael Becker has posed:
    True to form, as soon as Someone Else shows up, Bear turns away from Cael, and brings his ball straight to Steve, tail wagging fiercely enough to wiggle his entire back half as the slobber-covered ball is offered over. "Traitor!" Cael decries the dog with an amused smile. She's //used// to this by now.
    "Hey... Cap," Cael greets the man, flashing him a brief smile, and offering a simple nod of greeting. "How've you been? I know I've been... a little scarce lately."

Steve Rogers has posed:
    Steve puts his cooler down as he crouches to grab the ball from Bear. "You want it?" He teases the dog for a second, waving the ball back and forth, then lobs it /quite/ a ways away. Far enough to give the dog a bit of a workout going after the ball. It's a big backyard, after all.

    "I'm alright," he says, as he picks up his cooler and brings it over to place it next to a chair, that he then sits in. There is, of course, another chair nearby. "Getting a little stir crazy, but summer usually fixes that. What about you? Any big summer plans?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Uhh... Not exactly," Cael admits, in response to Steve's question. She gives a brief, tense smile as she explains, "Just been sorta... jumping from crisis to crisis. I mean, not even done dealing with my own shit, and then Jon's having a tough time and needing my support but- well. He's already doing a little bit better, thankfully." Or seems to be? She can only hope he isn't simply putting on a brave face.
    She shoves her hands back into her pockets, watching as Bear tears across the lawn, only to be briefly distracted by a gopher popping out of a hole. He barks, shoving his nose in the hole to investigate.

Steve Rogers has posed:
    "Jumping from crisis to crisis, huh?" Steve glances over as he opens his beer, raising his eyebrows. "That's... not great. I mean, I know the feeling. That seems to happen in this line of work, you know?" He doesn't say it in a brushing off sort of tone. It's sympathetic. He's been there.

    He snorts a laugh, watching Bear go after a gopher, and says, "Well, what's been going on with you, then? I mean, I heard about the, uhh..." He pauses, and takes a long drink of beer. "I heard about your past catching up with you. Good to hear that's been taken care of." He can't really admit to having been /part/ of that where JARVIS can hear.

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Oh, yeah, that- that pile of shit's behind me," Cael says a bit dismissively. "It's... a little weird not to have to be wary about saying the name 'Shelley' anymore. I can be honest about who I used to be." She takes another swig of her beer, giving herself a moment with that thought - because it's still taking time to adjust to it.
    "But that's not what I meant. I, uhh..." She shifts uncomfortably - but is this really something she should keep completely hidden? Even if they're still planning on fixing it? "Did you know lycanthropy's like... a real thing? Werewolves and all that?" She glances aside at Steve for a moment, then turns back towards the lawn again, watching Bear bark once at the gopher hole (you tell him, Bear!) before turning to search for his ball.

Steve Rogers has posed:
    "I have actually heard weirder things," Steve says with a faint smirk, taking another swig of beer. "It /is/ kind of weird, though. One minute the world's pretty normal--even if it's going crazy and there's a World War going on--and the next I wake up and there's aliens and magic and time travel. If I didn't know any better, I'd think I got accidentally transported to one of those serials we used to watch. Oh, and those were /great/, they had everything, and suspense, and you had to /wait/ for the next installment instead of just binging--"

    He coughs, cutting off. "Right. Sorry. Werewolves. I... assume your problem's with werewolves?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    "You will never convince me that binging is not the superior way of life, Steve Rogers," Cael counters immediately, flashing the man a brief smile, before looking back to the lawn again. Bear seems to be having a little trouble finding his ball, walking back and forth and sniffing...
    "Werejackals, actually," she remarks. She takes a deeper pull from her beer bottle before she remarks, "Last full moon... I wasn't feeling great. ...next thing I know, I'm locked up in a cage, with Jon outside, watching me, waiting for me to wake up. Apparently inbetween... I'd tried, and failed, to eat his daughter."

Steve Rogers has posed:
    Steve listens to this, eyebrows raising slowly. He takes another swig or two of beer. Huh. When Cael is done, he takes another swig of beer.

    Huh.

    "So, first question: why were/jackal/?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    Cael shrugs her shoulders helplessly. "We fought some. There's a pack of them in New York City that's been hunting and killing people. We went after them, took a bunch of them down... I was injured. But I wasn't the //only one// injured. ...I was the the only one //changed// though. We haven't gotten to the bottom of that yet." She continues staring off across the grass. She finishes off her beer... and then abruptly chucks the bottle, as far as she can. Bear watches it go sailing by, as he trots back towards Steve with his ball in his mouth once more.

Steve Rogers has posed:
    "Yeah, okay, but... why /jackals/? Why wasn't it a pack of werewolves? I've never heard of werejackals. Are there other were-things?" Steve looks over at Cael and frowns. "...Okay maybe that's not the important thing here, it's just... not really what I'd expected."

    He sighs. "Well... you're out of the cage. It's not the full moon, right? So you should be fine. That's how it is in the movies, anyway, and I'd guess if you're not caged up... then it's okay. Right?" He raises a brow. He's not really worried; he figures he can probably take a werejackal.

Cael Becker has posed:
    "That's what everyone keeps telling me," Cael mutters under her breath, her shoulders hunching, and her hands going deep into the pockets of her jeans. "I've got this, umm, tattoo now - that's supposed to give me more //control// over it. That should, uhhh... hopefully stop me from completely losing it. That should make sure I remember what happens, and will leave me enough... myself, that I know not to eat my boyfriend's daughter - for example." She's silent for a moment.
    "But I've changed once, since the full moon. Just the once, but- I don't know. I don't... entirely trust we know how this whole thing works, yet."

Steve Rogers has posed:
    "Well... yeah. It's new. It was... weird, when I first got the serum," Steve admits. "I was /taller/. Stronger. It's... a /lot/, to go from normal, even scrawny, to..." he gestures at himself, "this in such a short time."

    He looks over at Cael. "You changed since the full moon, though? On purpose? What happened?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Not exactly on purpose?" Bear pushes the ball into Steve's legs as the pair are talking, looking up at him pleadingly with his dark eyes. "Jon'd been taken," she explains. "By this... asshole that used to abuse him. Crazy cult leader. He'd also- uhhh, he'd had Jon's daughter. Raised her - Jon wasn't aware of that until recently. It's- anyways, there's a history. It's complicated, he's an asshole, and we hate him, and he'd taken Jon."
    She lets out a heavy sigh then explains, "So... when I saw him, I just- I got angry. I- well, Hulked out, I guess. I changed... and I tore out his throat. And... swallowed a piece of him." It's plain enough, even with Cael looking out across the lawn that the words make her nauseous as she says them.

Steve Rogers has posed:
    Steve considers that for a long moment.

    "...That's kinda fucked up, Becker," he admits.

    He takes a swig of beer. Then he says, "The swallowing a piece part. Not the rest. I mean... sounds like the guy deserved it, y'know? Sometimes... what you do, for someone you care about, a friend or a family member... is you go out and take out the bastard that hurt them. Because that's what'll keep them safe. Y'know? So that first part? That's... normal. That's /good/. That's the kind of thing you're /supposed/ to get angry about, and use whatever power you've got to fight. 'Cause, well, it sounds like the guy was a bully." And everyone surely knows what Cap thinks of bullies.

Cael Becker has posed:
    "No fucking kidding," Cael agrees fiercely. "I, uhh- I got sick on the plan afterwards. The guy might have been a piece of shit, but he was still... //technically// human. He, uhh... He was scared. And in pain. And I mean - it's not like it lasted long, but I held him. I stared into his eyes, and then when he was dead... I dropped him." She takes a deep breath in, and lets it out slowly before she adds, "And I'm not really sure how much of that was... me. And how much of that was the thing I became. But it's fucked up. You know?"

Steve Rogers has posed:
    "Well... that seems like something to parse out, y'know? I mean... you were angry. And it's normal to..."

    Steve sighs, and leans back in the chair a bit. "I've seen guys do /crazy/ things in battle, Cael. Humans, normal humans, that just... people get angry. People get /furious/. People get scared. And they do things they think they'd never, ever do. But it's there inside them, and it always was. That's..."

    He looks aside at Cael. "Did I ever tell you about Dr. Erskine?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I don't like to think that kind of shit is just... inside me," Cael says in a quiet voice. "But, uhh... I've tried telling Jon things could have gone a very different way - if I'd stayed in that life. Stayed with the Alhambras, so- I don't know. Maybe." Maybe it is all inside her. That's an unsettling idea.
    She glances at Steve for a moment, then shakes her head, and looks away again. "No," she admits. "Not really. Not much."
    Bear looks between Cael and Steve - seemingly forgotten. The pup heaves a sigh - then goes over to Cael, flopping down to gnaw at his ball.

Steve Rogers has posed:
    Steve nods. "I don't talk about him a lot. But he, uhh... he was the lead on the project that made me what I am. He's the one that chose me to be the test subject, over a lot of other candidates. And I mean... these were All-American boys, y'know? Big, strapping, brave. Better shots, most of 'em." He smirks. "And they weren't even all entirely dumb."

    He sighs. "The night before the test, I asked him... why me? Out of all the choices, why /me/? And he said... the serum was going to enhance /everything/ I was. Not just make me bigger and stronger... but if I was angry? Make me angrier. If I was brave? Make me braver." He takes another drink of beer. "He said I had the best /heart/. And that was more important than anything else. The heart... that couldn't be changed as easily."

    A frown. "I think about him... all the time. Would he approve of what I'm doing? Of all this?" He waves the beer around. "The mansion, the photo ops? I... sometimes, I honestly wonder. Every time I've ever been tempted to misuse my power, even a /little/, I think about Dr. Erskine, and how much he believed in me."

    He glances over at Cael. "I think he'd probably say what I'm saying--that you've gotta figure out if what you did, if that's /you/ or not. And if it is, well, maybe you work on changing, if you don't like that. And if it isn't?" He shrugs. "You think of a guiding star, and you follow that when things get tough, so this werejackal thing doesn't change you into someone you don't want to be."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I don't think your Dr. Erskine would have picked me," Cael says bluntly.
    She falls silent for a short time, then, before she asks quietly, "How do you figure that out? How do you separate out, what's me and what's-" She takes a deep breath in, letting it out a bit shakily. "Or maybe it doesn't really matter. This is- it's supposed to be temporary. Jon, Lydia - they're trying to find a way to fix it. To undo it. So I just need to hold it all together for- I don't know. A few more weeks." It couldn't take longer than that. Could it?

Steve Rogers has posed:
    "And what if they can't fix it?" Steve asks bluntly. "What if this is the new normal? I know a lot of people who've gone through this kind of thing. One accident, and suddenly they've got power they didn't expect to have. And they have to figure out how to use it properly."

    He glances at Cael. "Yeah, Erskine might not have picked you... but a lot of the guys he didn't pick went on to be damn fine soldiers. You don't have to have unwavering morality to be a good person. Good people make mistakes. And... really, the /one/ guy you, uhh, chewed on... sounds like maybe he deserved most of what he got. He hurt your family. Most people are gonna relish hurting the person who hurt their family, Cael. That doesn't have to come from any kind of... weird were-jackal curse."

    A pause. "No, seriously, /why jackals/? I don't get it."

    He shakes his head. "Anyway, even if it's temporary, you've got the power, it's your responsibility to use it properly, right?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    "...yeah," Cael admits quietly. "I guess." She's definitely //not// lookig towards Steve as she asks bluntly, "You don't think it, uh... You don't think I'm a monster, though, do you?" She pauses only a moment before she adds, "I mean, why would you? You pal around with Banner. Any group that'd- I mean. I guess it's not that different, yeah?"
    As for the werejackal thing... She shrugs her shoulders and adds, "You know how Jon's... abilities and stuff is largely tied in with Egypt, yeah? The whole Archivist thing, Avatar of Ma'at... etc. I think that's why... jackals. They're Egyptian. We've got //three// Avatars of Egyptian Gods in this city, so- yeah. Jackals. Ain't it a kick in the head?"

Steve Rogers has posed:
    "Ohhhh. Okay, /that/ makes sense. I, uhh... don't know much about all of that," Steve admits, rubbing the back of his neck a little sheepishly. "Actually, I think I was thinking hyenas. Someone showed me something from this Disney movie, it was... kinda weird, to be honest." Goosestepping hyenas /might/ just be weird to Steve Rogers of all people.

    Then he smirks at Cael. "Yeah, I mean, you 'Hulked out,' right? And I know the Hulk. So... no, I don't think you're a monster. I think you're a person struggling with a lot of stuff, trying to figure things out. But, look, Becker... who cares what /I/ think." He waves a hand as he puts his beer down and leans into the cooler to grab another. "Forget about me and how I see things. I don't have to look at your face in the mirror every day. What do /you/ think? Do /you/ think you're a monster?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Be prepaaaaared..." Cael sings in response. Just the two words - but she smiles in amusement as she does. Of //course// Steve would find that weird.
    The smile quickly fades, though, and she doesn't answer Steve's question immediately. She continues to stare off across the lawn, as Bear looks up from his gnawing, and sits up instead, nuzzling his head at where Cael has her hands shoved into her pockets. "I don't know," she finally says. Everyone says I'm not - but I'm not sure. I mean - me, standing here. Having a beer... //right now// - I'm not a monster. But that thing I turn into... And if //that's// a monster, then doesn't it mean-" She sighs heavily, and shakes her head as she repeats, "I just don't know."

Steve Rogers has posed:
    "Well," Steve says, "you need to figure that out."

    He sighs, and gets up to hand over another beer. Whether or not Cael takes it, he says, "Look, I don't know what happens when we die, but I kinda figure that it involves making sure you're square with yourself and with God." He waves a hand. "I know you don't hold with all that stuff, but I just mean... whatever 'everyone' says doesn't matter if /you/ think you're doing wrong. You've got to have something /inside/ you that tells you what's right and wrong, and you've got to follow that. You know me, my moral core's pretty easy to sum up: I don't like bullies. I don't want to be a bully. So... what's /your/ moral core?"

    A pause. "For what it's worth, I really don't think you did anything wrong. But you're obviously struggling with it. Is that because you feel bad... or because you /don't/ feel bad and you think you /should/?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    Cael takes the beer, taking a swig from the bottle, while rubbing at Bear's head with her free hand. She's silent for a while - turning over Steve's words. What's //her// moral code? "Don't harm good people. Leave the world a better, safer place because I was here." That's her moral core. Right? And she is still doing that. Isn't she? Nothing she did to Elias... is against //that.// Is it?
    "I don't feel bad about killing him. I just- Watching him die like that. Enjoying it. That's- it's wrong. Isn't it? And- God, eating a piece of a person is just //gross.// It bothers me. It //does// make me feel bad."

Steve Rogers has posed:
    Steve sighs. "You know, for a person who doesn't go to church you sure /act/ like a Catholic." He grins. "I just mean, the guilt over killing some guy who sounds like he was pretty terrible all around... look, Cael, if you don't like how you did it, don't /do/ it like that again. If you feel like enjoying killing him was wrong, and you're tempted to stare into the eyes of the next guy? Don't! If you think eating people is gross--and it is--then don't do it again! Pretty simple."

    He shrugs. "Learn from your mistakes. Do better. Move forward. Or are you looking for someone to absolve you of what you did? Because... it sounds like the kind of thing we do in confession. Asking a priest to ask God to forgive us. And I /know/ you're not doing to do /that/. So, forgive yourself, or don't, and do better in the future."

    He eyes Bear, and then says, "Maybe play with your dog."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Fuck God," Cael says immediately - and with fervor. "I'm definiately never asking for that uncaring asshole's forgiveness." Yeah. ... not a Catholic.
    She lets out a huff of air before she explains, "Look, Steve," wait - did she just call him Steve? That's- ...weird. She doesn't linger on it long, though. "I- my problem is, I mean- I still don't really know how much control I'm going to have over all this. 'Do better. Don't do it again.' That's- it's easier to say that when you- I still don't know how much of that... //thing// is //it,// and how much of of it is... //me.// Jo and Lydia, they did this spell that's supposed to give me more control. Make it more of a symbiosis. But how much control is //more// control? I- I'm still figuring all this out, and it- it scares me," she admits.

Steve Rogers has posed:
    "Well... if you don't have control then I'm not sure it's your fault, really," Steve says with a shrug. "I get that that's... hard. I... I wish..."

    He sighs. "Bucky's the guy you need to talk to about this. But..." But, well. Bucky's never around, lately.

    He rubs at the back of his neck, pulling his mouth to one side. "I'll think about who might be able to... I can listen. I will /always/ listen, alright? You're scared, you're freaking out, you up and ate a guy, I'm here. You got that?" He gives her a serious look. "Otherwise... maybe Banner can offer some advice, or Jen Walters, or someone like that. And, uhh, you know Reyes, right? I... I think he might have some... insight into what you're going through. Because if this /is/ you then I can help with that, but if it's /not/ you... I can listen, but I haven't... been there, myself."

    He gulps down his beer. "But for right now... let's get you out of your head, huh? I'm curious if 'werejackal' can throw my ass like that amulet did, but I'm up for tossing a ball for Bear to catch. What d'you think?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    Cael snorts before she remarks, "God - Barnes would tell me to stop being such a pansy. 'Oh no, you tore out one man's throat, Becker? Boo fucking hoo.'" She flashes Steve a brief smile. "There's some fucking perspective, right?" She lets out a sigh, and pulls back more of the beer. "Alright. Well. Figuring out if it was... it, or more - I don't know if I can without more experiences //changing.// So... Best case scenario, this gets fixed quickly and I never quite figure it out. I could definitely live with that."
    She crouches down then, wrapping her arms around Bear, and running the fingers of her free hand through his fur. She stays that way for a moment, then stritches at his side with her freehand before she rises, picking up the pup's ball and giving it a strong toss.
    "Thanks, Steve," she adds quietly. For... what? For listening? For accepting that she might be the sort of monster that tears out assholes' throats sometimes? "I appreciate it."