12538/Problems with the Pack

Problems with the Pack
Date of Scene:	20 August 2022
Location:	105 W 29th - Jon and Cael's Apartment
Synopsis:	Cael tells Jon about some of the problems she faces with her Pack - and Jon has her back. Even if they don't always agree on the best ways to approach problems.
Cast of Characters:	Cael Becker, Jonathan Sims

---

Cael Becker has posed:
    It's been a long night - and while Cael slept through some of it, Jon was still unresponsive when she woke. She ate, played a video game with Agnes, baked a batch of cookies with the teen - and sent her out with her friends, before she crawls back into the bed next to Jon. Bear jumps up on the end of the bed at Cael's feet, gnawing at a piece of raw hide, while Cael flips through a tome - frequently checking and rechecking images on her phone - until she finally finds the correct page.
    Not that that does her any good. The whole thing is in Unilaterals - which she cannot read.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon stirs slowly, turning over in bed to wrap an arm around Cael. This is a sign he's close to waking; normally he's a cuddly sort, wanting to sleep close on a normal night. When Ma'at takes over, he sleeps like a brick. So movement and a desire for contact are both sure signs that he's waking.

    Whatever dreams he's having don't look pleasant. He murmurs as he stirs, tosses his head, then tries to pull Cael in closer, despite the book.

Cael Becker has posed:
    Cael tucks the cellphone into the book, closing it - and turning towards Jon to wrap both arms around them. Is that one one should treat a probably ancient book? ...well. Likely not, but she doesn't seem to care.
    "I'm here, love," she murmurs quietly to her sleeping boyfriend, her fingers going through their loose hair gently. "You're safe, home in bed, with me."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Cael's words seem to calm Jon enough that they fall back into relatively peaceful sleep, breathing evening out and no longer tossing. For a few minutes, they sleep normally like that, looking actually relaxed for once in their life.

    They blink their eyes open, finally, and peer at their girlfriend, who is surely a fuzzy blur without their glasses. "Cael?" A yawn. "Mmm. Sorry. What time s'it?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    "About one, I think - sleepy head," Cael remarks, her voice fond, and gentle. Her fingers move slowly through their hair as she watches their face. "How are you today, love?" she asks with obvious concern. "What do you need today?"
    The sweet, tender moment is partially ruined when Bear hefts himself up - to come lay over the top of both of them, licking at Cael and Jon's faces.
    "Bear! Hey! Cut it out, you big-!"

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "Foul creature," Jon grumbles. "Shove off." He does shove at the dog, face scrunched up and turned away from the licking dog.

    "I was alright until this giant furball decided to come try to use me as a bloody salt lick. Cael, your dog is a /menace/. Bear, go get Nimue, that is the only furball I want waking me up in the morning." A pause. "Afternoon. Whatever."

    Lady has wandered into the room to see what all the fuss is about, but she's a good girl who's been told in no uncertain terms she's /not/ allowed on the bed, so she just barks and wags her tail from the doorway.

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Bear - off," Cael says firmly. That's enough to get Bear to turn - and jump off the bed.
    After all - there's a good reason Bear's never been taught to stay off the bed. Cael //needs// him when Jon isn't around. He helps with her nightmares.
    "Now he might be a menace, but he's not a foul creature. Be nice to my dog," Cael chides Jon, leaning in to give him a brief kiss.
    "...you didn't answer my question, though. What do you need today? I'm here for you. Okay?"

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "When he's licking my face he's a foul creature," Jon grumbles, but it's good-natured. He pulls Cael in closer, to tuck her under his chin, and sighs.

    "I think I need a quiet day. Go out to the balcony, water the plants, see if I can get ahold of those tobacco seeds for the Velvet Room's garden. Just..." He sighs again. "See if I can get through a day and distract myself enough to /not/ want to punch a wall, you know?" He hasn't been punching walls. Pillows, yes. Screaming into them too, sometimes, and then collapsing into tears. But he's /wanted/ to.

    "What've you been up to, while I've been sleeping off the Ma'at hangover?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    "You know I'm happy to distract you all you want," Cael agrees. "I can destroy you at Dance Dance Revolution some more if it helps," she offers, from her position tucked in under Jon's chin, her arms wrapped around them in return.
    She's silent for a moment before adding, "Other than sleeping myself... Played some games with Agnes. Managed not to burn down the kitchen with her. And... I've been trying to figure out some stuff Silas dropped on my lap - about the pack. The last two leaders," and Elias, "left me with quite a mess. Some of which Silas was holding back from me a little."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon laughs. "I... don't know about DDR. Video games aren't really..." He hesitates for a moment, running his fingers through Cael's hair. How to explain?

    "What... umm... what happened, both last week and last night, it's made me feel... vulnerable. Unsafe. But not just that--I'm supposed to..." He blows out a breath. "I'm supposed to stop that sort of thing from happening. I'm supposed to be good at... reading people, helping their emotional health stay stable. If nothing else, I'm supposed to do something like make sure an unstable person isn't left to her own devices. To some degree, I feel responsible for everything Lydia did, just like I would feel responsible if I didn't take away someone's guns when I knew they were a problem, and they shot someone. Not to mention--she got the drop on me because I didn't prepare and plan properly. None of this had to happen, if I'd been on the damn ball."

    They rest their chin on top of Cael's head. "So I think I just want to feel... mmm... competent? I want to do things I know I can do well, instead of going back and forth in an endless tension between 'I dropped the ball' and 'I'm blaming myself to feel like I have any control over my life when I actually don't' because neither of those is helpful or healthy. Does that make sense?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    "...well," Cael says slowly and cautiously. "Silas gave me a book. A magic book - in Egyptian. I can't read it. But I need someone to help me figure it out if I'm going to help three of my werewolves."
    There's a moment of frustration as she adds, "Three werewolves he //hid// from me." She lets out a sigh before add, "I think he was afraid I'd kill them like the others, that night. But- well. Here, take a look."
    She pulls away from Jon enough to retrieve the book, with her cellphone still inside, so she can offer it to him.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon lets Cael pull away, and frowns at her statement. Hums softly. Then he says, "Just a mo'," and climbs out of bed to head to the bathroom. Presumably to use the toilet, and brush his teeth. He's usually unwilling to do much 'work' before that.

    He's quick about it, though, and when he comes back to the bed he settles down with a pillow behind his back, against the headboard, and opens the book to the page in question. "Hmm. This looks like... what, something that reverses what your tattoo does? Flips the balance the other way?" A pause. "Almost... hmm. Real animals aren't this... brutal, all the time. Wolves play, they have complex social relationships. This looks like an attempt to drive them rabid, almost."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "That makes sense," Cael confirms. "The Theurge - Milo - he had three of these. Silas managed to capture them - they're being held in a separate cave - caged, cared for, and watched. But- their minds aren't their own anymore, and it's no sort of life. We have to find a way to help them." She pulls up her phone to show Jon the photos she'd taken of the three caged people, and their tattoos.
    "Can we write over those tattoos? Or do we need to tranquilize them and bring them in to get them removed with a laser? No laser removal place will work on an unconscious subject, though. And then we need to give them new tattoos."
    She frowns in thought before asking, "My tattoo - it was personalized for //me,// wasn't it? So it won't work on them? But we could just... copy the correct tattoo off one of the other werewolves?"

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon chews at his lip as he looks over the picture of the tattoos. "I could try to heal the tattoo that exists. I doubt a laser would entirely remove the magic that's in them anyway, but I suspect that Ra's power should cleanse the magic and soothe them long enough to put on another tattoo."

    He hesitates a moment. "I... don't know about..." He frowns. "So this book... I think it's a copy of something else. There's a glimpse of a memory, but this book isn't that one. But I think that, perhaps, /all/ of the werewolves should have their tattoos re-done, to whatever the /original/ ones were. Because the tattoos /they/ have... if you had the appropriate control tattoo, you could just... control them. Make them do what you want them to do. I very much doubt that's how the tattoos of Anubis' priesthood worked."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Wait. What?" Cael asks - her voice tense. "That's- shit. Okay, well that's a priority," she remarks in an annoyed voice. "We can't let people turn them into their slave army. I mean, not just to prevent the harm that could cause- but, because I have to protect my people." Both of those things - at once. She runs her hand through her hair, letting out a frustrated sigh. "Milo has some 'mystics' hew knows trying to work with the three berzerkers, but- you know I trust your advice more than anyone else's. You really think you can take those tattoos off? And that you're up to them?"
    She's silent for a moment then adds, "Hannah doesn't have any tattoos at all yet. She hasn't consented yet."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon starts paging through the book, brow furrowing. "Where did Silas get this? From Elias? Because it reads like precisely Elias' brand of picking and choosing what suits him from Egyptology without the context that would show what a /wanker/ he's being." He sighs. "We're going to have to go find the actual book. And, yes, we--I shouldn't have bailed on supporting you in this, back when it first started, and I'm sorry. I was trying to draw boundaries, and not doing it very well."

    He reaches out his arm to put it around Cael and pull her in closer. "We'll figure this out. Maybe we can teach some of the mystics the /proper/ tattoos, so I don't have to do it all, but we start with these 'berserkers' and go from there. Even just removing the tattoos, if they have to be caged at the full moon until we can replace them--at least they can be /normal/ the rest of the time."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "That would be a start," Cael agrees, leaning into Jon's hug. "I don't want to leave them like that a minute longer than we have to. It's not their fault Milo was a complete dick," she remarks, letting out a sigh.
    "Silas said Milo had the book. That's where he got it. Milo used it to make the berzerkers, so they could attack people who have the predisposition to become werewolves, so they could strengthen the pack. Turns out... I must simply have a gene that predisposes me to- become a werewolf."
    She takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly before she adds quietly, "Silas also told me that- that people who //choose// to become a werewolf, they're far more likely to survive the first change than people who were attacked against their will. //Most// people who were attacked... die. If it's not their choice, if they're not willing..."
    She tightens her arms around Jon before murmuring quietly, "Apparently I beat the odds. Because... statistically speaking, I shouldn't have survived long enough to even attack Agnes."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon blinks at all of that for a moment. Then he sets the book aside and turns to gather Cael up into his arms, pulling her as close as he possibly can and burying his face in her hair. He just... holds her for a moment, and sobs.

    "You're here," he says, like he's trying to remind himself. "You're here, and you're alive, and it's--you're fine. You're fine. You haven't hurt anyone. You're fine."

    He sniffles. "Alright. So. When do you want to do this? I'll help as soon as I can." A pause. "I know the new moon is Friday... so this week would be a good time, since everyone's furthest from the change."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I know. We got lucky," Cael confirms. "We got damned lucky. I'm here, and I'm alright, and I can do this. I've got this." Her arms tighten around Jon as she adds, "With your help."
    She pulls away enough to look up at Jon as she adds, "I'll need your advice, though, on the best way to help Hannah accept what's happened. Because I think, the more she accepts it... The less she fights it, the more likely she is to survive the full moon."
    She takes a deep breath in, and lets it out slowly before she adds, "I think that might be a good idea - the new moon. Gives us enough to time research, and figure things out, and prepare... We can keep them safe and comfortable in the cages until then."
    She reaches up to smooth a stray hair away from Jon's face before she adds, "Thank you, Jon."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "Christ," Jon murmurs, shaking his head. "That poor girl. Accept being a werewolf or die. I'll have to think on how to... help. And the others, too, after whatever they did under those tattoos--they'll need support, therapy. I'll take their statements, to get it off their chests, but I suspect neither of us will be very willing to judge them for whatever they did under that influence."

    He frowns, looking over at the window, clearly thinking about something else for a moment. Then he sighs and rests his head on Cael's again. "Let me know when, alright? This is your pack, your show. I'm just consulting, and providing medical help."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Yeah, well, I figured I probably shouldn't put it that way. I don't know that telling her about the possability of death is helpful at all. She's like- twenty or so? She's practically a kid. People that age - the thought that they might die? I don't know. That's a lot."
    As for the berzerkers - she nods her head in agreement. "Whatever they did - they get a pass," she agrees. "And the time to heal, and recover. With support. What Milo did to them isn't their fault."
    Cael reaches up to trace her fingers over Jon's face, a small smile on her features as she watches their eyes. "I'll let you know when," she promises. "We've got this - together. You have my back, with the pack. I have your back, with the JLD. That's how it oughtta be. Yeah?"

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "Actually," Jon says softly, "it might be for the best. Treat it like a diagnosis of a potentially terminal illness. If she doesn't accept the treatment--learning to be a werewolf, getting a tattoo, and so on--then she may well die. And she can refuse treatment. Some people--even young people--do. But she can't give informed consent if she's not informed."

    He pulls back, to peer down at Cael. "People in their early 20's deal with the fact that they might die all the time. I was barely older than Hannah when Agnes was born, and I was facing 'hey you might die' pretty regularly. She's /not/ a kid, and even if was I'd suggest she be given the facts, up to a point. If struggling with this, and not coming to terms with it, might kill her, then she needs to /know/ that. It does her no good to infantilize her, or any of them. Treat them, /all/ of them, like they're competent adults who can make their own decisions, even if you don't agree with those decisions."

    He smiles down at her. "But... yeah. That's how it ought to be. We support each other."

Cael Becker has posed:
    Cael listens seriously, a faint frown on her features and a crinkle in her brow. "I think I have to earn her trust first, though. Otherwise - it just sounds like I'm trying to fighten her into it. Or threaten her. She needs to believe I'm on her side, and I'm trying to help her, and I'm genuinely presenting her options. I just... I worry that if she goes into the night of the full moon, knowing she might die from it... Won't she just panic? Won't that work against trying to keep her calm, and get her to accept what's happening? Don't you think that fear would ruin everything? What's what I worry about. It's not about infantalizing her, it's- Not everyone can keep their cool when staring down the barrel of a gun. That's what we'd be asking her to do."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "That's why I'm willing to help," Jon says. "I have /training/ in this, okay? Sometimes, when a patient comes to me with depression or anxiety, I've run tests and come back with things like 'you have cancer.' I have had to be the one to inform them that what they thought was a mental health issue is actually something chronic or life-threatening. I've also treated patients who have depression or anxiety because of a life-threatening condition, and I've had people come in suicidal and needing help. It's... well. It's not something I had to do /regularly/, but it's something I've had to do."

    He sighs, and pulls away a bit, settling back against the headboard. "The most important thing, I've found, is to remember that while I am the expert in mental health treatment, and other doctors are the experts in, say, chemotherapy... each individual is the expert in /themself/. Hannah may surprise you. She may be entirely fine with this. She may not. She may even die--and you have to brace yourself for that fact. But your job is not to make Hannah's decisions for her, or figure out exactly the right words to get her to accept what's happening to her. Your job is to give her the tools she needs to handle this herself, and then give her the support she needs to get through the next full moon. And, as a leader, to determine whether or not any individual is a problem for the rest of the pack."

    He shakes his head. "Saying 'not everyone can keep their cool' /is/ infantilizing, Cael. You don't /know/. You never know until someone's tested. 20-year-olds get terminal diagnoses /every day/. Many of them step up and handle it gracefully and well. People are stronger and better than we give them credit for, by and large." A pause. "Well. Most people, anyway."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I would argue that a terminal diagnosis is a little different than this, Jon. Staying calm, and not fighting it is how she stays alive. And there's a very specific moment to be afraid of - the full moon. It's one thing to say 'you have cancer. Do you want chemo or not? It'll make you feel like shit, but it'll give you a few more months.' It's something else entirely to say 'unless you stay calm on the night of the full moon you'll die.' I know we won't word it //like that// - but I fail to see how telling her that helps her to stay calm. I fail to see how it gives her more choice. All it does is increase her anxiety, and decrease her chance of surviving. You don't think that's true?"
    She presses her lips together, struggling with both frustration, and confusion. Sure, she asked for his help with this. Sure, he knows far more than she does about mental health, and yet- that doesn't mean she has to simply agree with them.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "You had the anxiety anyway, love," Jon points out. "You didn't know what was going on, and it terrified you. You were anxious, and angry, and sick. She's going to know /something/ is wrong. My suggestion would be... well. You know me. My suggestion is /always/ going to be the truth. But I'm certain there's a way to couch it that's more 'this is going to happen, and it'll be far easier if you accept it and let it happen.' Let her know that this is serious, and she needs to listen to you and trust you."

    He sighs. "Look--you asked for my advice. That is my advice. But this /is/ your show, so if you don't want to tell her the whole of it, then you don't tell her the whole of it. If it'd help, I can meet her and tell you what I think she can reasonably handle. I'm not going to go in there and tell her things you truly don't think she should know. If you think that thinking you might have died would've just made things worse for you, and you truly think that's the case with her--maybe you're right. I'll support your decision, either way. Alright?"

    He grins at her, and reaches over to ruffle her hair. "We know you're usually right, hmm? But if you ask for my advice, you're going to get it, whether or not you actually /take/ it."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I asked for your advice, and I do appreciate it. I'll think about it, and get to know her better, and- we'll see. We'll see. I know she might die. I mean, according to Silas... He made it sound like she doesn't have much of a chance. But I do think it's my job to give her the best chance possible, and support her, and be there for her."
    Well. At least they know what Cael's doing next full moon.
    "And I'd appreciate it if you met with her. I mean, hell. Having the Archivist backing my play might give her more reason to trust that I do have her best interests at heart. You know?"
    Pushing herself up to meet Jon, she kisses them gently then asks, "You want to keep looking through the book to see if there's anything useful? And I'll get you a tray with some coffee, and a scone, and the like?"

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "Sure. But, umm--mind if I take it outside? I... my shoulder hurts." Jon rolls his right shoulder; he summoned up the magical arm in the bathroom, but there /is/ a sort of flickering to it, and dark flesh trying to creep down from the shoulder, under the sleeve of his shirt. The sun seems to help it; according to Jon, it's 'undoing the tangle' of the threads of magic Lydia wove in to make his form what she wanted it to be.

    He leans in to return Cael's kiss, then takes the book and gets up off the bed. "I'm /certain/ this is a bastardized copy of what you really need. I'm going to figure out what, and we can head to Egypt--maybe with Marc's help, and some of your pack--and find the real one. You can all take back the legacy Milo and Elias left you, on your own terms."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I would love to have scones and coffee with you one the balcony," Cael reassures him with a smile, as she follows them off the bed, wrapping her arm around them briefly so she can rest her head on their back. She's only there long enough to murmur, "I love you, Jon." And then she's off to make up a tray for the both of them - with a large, white, 'foul creature' following on her heels. She pauses, looking back towards Jon to ask, "Hey Jon. Why are the pyramids in Egypt?" She only pauses long enough for him to give her a baffled look, and to open his mouth to give her what is doubtlessly a painfully pedantic answer before she adds, "Because they were too big to fit in the British Museum. Obviously."
    She gives Jon an impish smile, and without waiting for a response, continues on her way to the kitchen.