12545/Advocation

Advocation
Date of Scene:	20 August 2022
Location:	105 W 29th - Jon and Cael's Apartment
Synopsis:	Jon comes home from the JLD Leadership meeting more irritated than he let on. Cael offers to talk to people for him.
Cast of Characters:	Jonathan Sims, Cael Becker

---

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon had spent most of the day out on the balcony, tending the plants, but then got a text from Rien saying that he and Chas needed to meet her in the Velvet Room. He takes the opportunity to pop over and pick up some seeds for the greenhouse there, so he leaves a little early.

    It's late by the time he gets home, carrying a plate that has a couple of slices of quesadilla, an empanada, a meat pasty, and a samosa on it. "I'm home!" he calls. "And I brought food. Rien made /far/ too much food, and I thought it'd only be kind to bring you some since I'm... rather full, really."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Have I ever mentioned that I have the best, most considerate, most caring boyfriend- well, in the building, at the very least." There's mischief twinkling in Cael's eyes at this declaration - as she puts down the tablet she was working on, to move towards Jon and kiss them. It's a brief kiss, though, so she can take the plate of food and pick up a slice of quesadilla for a nibble. "How was the meeting?" she asks.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "Pretty good, for the most part," Jon replies, having returned the kiss and handed over the plate. "We made some plans, had a long talk about gift-giving customs." A pause, and then a chuckle. "Don't ask. It was more of a thing to talk about than anything important." He heads for the kitchen, to make himself tea.

    "Lydia left a letter in the Velvet Room," they add after a moment, frowning. "She, umm... well. She's running away, basically. Quitting the JLD by letter rather than actually... facing anyone." He shakes his head.

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Yeah?" Cael asks - a samosa part way to her mouth. She lowers it slowly back to the plate, and follows Jon into the kitchen. She watches Jon's back as he works on his cup of tea.
    "Did you want to face her - already?" she asks. "Or are you relieved to have her gone? Or... something else?"

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "I'm angry that she didn't risk Rien or Chas being angry at her," Jon says, his tone biting. "I'm angry because her inability to face down what scares her is what landed us in this situation to begin with. Because she evidently hasn't learned a gods-damned thing in this whole mess. But, you know, evidently I'm supposed to 'give her time' because she's confused and scared and..."

    He shakes his head. "Not important," he mumbles. He's making himself a cup of lavender Earl Grey, which he often drinks when he's upset and anxious. "Chas is going to have to track her down eventually... so." He shrugs. "It'll get taken care of, one way or another."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Yes. It's important," Cael contradicts Jon without hesitation. She sets down the plate of food, and moves closer to them, putting her hand on their back. "When you're upset, it's important. It's fucking important. You hear me?" she asserts unrelentingly.
    "I care a lot less about giving her time - than I do about giving you time. Or whatever else you might need. Do you need me to track her down and sock her in the face? Because- happy to do that too, you know."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "You'll have to get in line, I'm sure, given how concerned everyone else bloody is about bloody fucking /Lydia/," Jon says, slamming the cupboard door shut.

    He sighs, and closes his eyes for a moment. "Sorry. That's not--I'm trying not to take this out on you. I'm just... angry, all the time, lately, and it just keeps... /building/." He shakes his head, opens his eyes, and focuses on putting loose leaf in the strainer while the kettle boils.

    "Like I said. Chas evidently has to go talk to her, so... let the leadership deal with the problem."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "If you need to scream, Jon - then scream," Cael says understandingly. "I know it's not me. I know it's not personal." She waits until he gets his leaves into his strainer, then turns Jon towards her - reaching up to put one hand on their chest. "You're hurting. It's okay to hurt. What happened to you was //wrong,// and I'm here to support you however you need me."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "I don't know what I need," Jon says, sounding frustrated. He leans toward her a bit, closing his eyes again. "I'm just... I don't know. I come home, and it's /trauma/ all fucking over again. From someone I trusted, and cared about. And there's not a damn word about whether or not--hey, maybe she's right? Maybe she's /not/ cut out for this life? Maybe we /can't/ fucking trust her, when by her own admission she freaks out at the first sign of danger? Not to mention--"

    He swallows. "I can't keep... I can't step away from leadership duties /again/. I keep having to do that, and I just--I have to be able to handle shit. But I'm volatile right now, and I'm resentful, and taking this out on other people. I got so mad at Rien and Chas that I almost punched a damn tree."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Better the tree then Rien or Chas," Cael remarks with a wry smile. "If it helps... We can spar. Whenever you need, as often as you need, if that can bleed off some of the anger for you. Or we can go for a jog. Or... I can just hold you, and sing to you, and massage your hair. Whatever helps you get things back under control. It will get better - one day at a time."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "I know," Jon says. "I know. I just..." He frowns, and shakes his head.

    The kettle goes off, and he turns away, to pour hot water into the cup. "I don't know if--maybe I should step back for a bit. Step down, even." A beat. "That's--well. That's where my mind went, but that's probably too extreme. I'm just tired of feeling like the--I don't know. Like shit happens to me, and it's just... invisible to people. Like Mercy, the other day, insisting I /have/ to forgive Lydia. It felt like a slap in the damn face, even if she doesn't know what /happened/. But Rien does. She was there. So was Chas. And them focusing on /Lydia/ instead of trying to make sure I'm okay makes me just want to... walk away."

    He stops, and clutches the edge of the counter. "See? Maybe I need to step back. Again. Maybe I need to step down, because I evidently can't /handle/ this."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "You, Jonathan Sims, are strong enough, and capable enough. Of that I am completely confident," Cael counters. She'd let Jon step away, following them only with her eyes - but as they stop and clutch the counter, she moves towards Jon once more, draping a supportive arm around their shoulder. "But whatever you decide - I've for your back. And I will fight anyone that questions your decision - on your behalf."
    Her smile is small, sad, and gentle. "You have to do what's right for //you// sometimes. Maybe that is stepping away. But that's not because you're not good enough. I know you can handle this but- you need to decide if it's worth the pain and damage it might cause you. That, to me at least, is the real question."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "I mean..." Jon laughs, a little shakily. "We're protecting the boundaries of reality. That seems worth pretty much any price, yeah?"

    He stares at the counter. "I just... I know what I'd do, in this situation. If it wasn't me. As one of the leaders. I'd support the victim, I'd make sure they were getting help, I'd... well... I'd do what I did with you, when Michael attacked you. Instead... Rien's first response was 'I told you this would happen,' and Chas is hyperfocused on making sure Lydia atones. Neither of them seem to give a shit about my mental state as a matter of the health of the team. There's... well... there's nobody else that does what /I/ do. And we've already talked about that, remember? Ages ago. And it's still a problem."

    He frowns. "But I really don't know that I want to face either of them, right now, with the victim-blaming and the... I don't know. We're supposed to go look into this prison that Lydia says is in the Velvet Room, and I just... if I go, right now, am I just going to be pissed, that people keep acting like Lydia's mental state matters more than mine does?"

    He glances aside to Cael. "I know /you/ think I'm capable. I know /you're/ here for me. I really don't know if anyone else on this team does, or is. I don't. And why the fucking /hell/ am I sticking my neck out for people who can't rally by my side when I'm hurting?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Okay. Love." Cael lifts one hand to Jon's cheek, staring up into their eyes, and waiting a moment until they're staring into hers in return. "Do you want me to be your voice?" she asks. "I can advocate for you. I think we should tell Chas and Rien how much they've hurt you - because I don't think they want to hurt you like this. Do you?"
    She smiles a bit sadly as she adds, "Of course you look after the mental and emotional wellbeing of the team - that's what you do. That's part of who you are - deeply, and intrinsically, and it's part of why I love you. But others just- they don't look at the world the same way. They don't realize the harm they might be doing. I suspect... they simply believe that you're strong enough, so they should focus their attention on someone who obviously isn't - without realizing at all what they've just done to you. Yeah? So let me talk to them for you."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon stares down at Cael as he listens to what she's saying. Then he closes his eyes, and sobs a little, and wraps Cael up in his arms. "I--that might help. Yeah. I'm--I'm just--I don't want to sit around feeling resentful. I don't want to have some damn martyr complex, but that's how it's starting to feel. And, gods, I /hate/ that. I don't want to be the ass sitting around griping about how much I give for everyone and how little I'm appreciated. But that's how it /feels/."

    He buries his face in Cael's hair. "I'm so tired of being some kind of--cosmic whipping boy. Whatever bloody kharma I'm paying off, I want to be /done/ with it. I'm /not/ that strong, you know? I just... keep pushing on through. What else am I going to /do/?"

    After a moment of sobbing, they add, "But... if you could advocate for me... yeah. Yeah, that'd help."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "You don't have to be strong around me," Cael whispers for Jon, both arms wrapping around Jon to hold them to her, with a fierce, protective squeeze. "Especially right now. Whatever you're feeling, I'm here for you. Whatever you need, you only need to ask and I'll do everything I can to make it happen. I've got you, okay? I've got you."
    She goes from simply holding Jon tightly - to burying the fingers of her right hand into Jon's scalp - to massage in the way she knows Jon appreciates.
    "I'll send them a message in a little bit asking for a meeting. Okay? Just me, and the two of them - and I'll speak for you. And when I come home... We'll hop over to Oxford for fish and chips, and eat them in the park. Yeah?"

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "Maybe not /right/ this moment," Jon murmurs with a smile. "It's late, and there's things to see to. But soon, certainly."

    He thinks for a moment, eyeing the cup on the counter. "I think right now--I want to drink my tea, and... maybe we can try DDR? And then go to bed. Because I'm tired, /again/. Gods, you'd think I'd get used to this eventually." He's half-smirking.

Cael Becker has posed:
    "And I will hold you, and sing you to sleep, while massaging your scalp," Cael offers in response. "I think it sounds like a plan."
    She tilts her head to find Jon's lips, giving them another kiss before she murmurs quietly, "You're going tot be alright. We've found our way before, we'll find it again - together." Extricating herself, she gives Jon a gentle push to add, "Get your tea. I'll get the DDR pads set out."