12672/Priority Mission, Codename: Onomatopoeia Pistachio

Priority Mission, Codename: Onomatopoeia Pistachio
Date of Scene:	23 September 2022
Location:	The Cumberland Harvest Festival
Synopsis:	The Outsiders respond to a metahuman sighting at a local fall fair just outside of Gotham and <insert nut pun here>, but they manage to save the day despite <insert another nut pun here>. Did they learn the danger of being too punny in the field? ...probably nut.
Cast of Characters:	Tim Drake, Phoebe Beacon, Conner Kent, Lonnie Machin

---

Tim Drake has posed:
    The first days of autumn have arrived and even this early into the season, sweater weather is fully in effect in the northeast. Leaves are changing colors, pumpkins have begun to appear in overwhelming numbers at the grocery stores, and some of the more enthusiastic folks have already begun to decorate for Halloween. One of the biggest ways (locally) to celebrate fall having arrived is the Cumberland County Nuts Festival.

    At least, that's what it started as back in the 50s. There's been a semi-recent rebranding to the less joke-worthy Cumberland Harvest Festival, though nuts (especially those produced locally, like chestnuts, walnuts, and hazelnuts) remain as an unstated theme. Yes, there are people running around as nut-themed mascot characters. Yes, they spend the entire weekend being tormented by local teenagers.

    The crowd is predominantly Gothamites however, given Cumberland County's close proximity to the city. Which is why there isn't an immediate panic when a man in a colorful costume ascends the stage in the middle of the Annual Pistachio Pry (believe it or not, a competition to see who can open 100 pistachios the fastest). But then he takes the mic from the emcee (believe it or not, this event has an emcee) and utters a single word before a massive explosion rocks the fair.

    People start running then, and that's where the video Red Robin is playing on one of the main screens inside the jet cuts off. "A local news reporter was on the scene and caught this," he says (believe it or not, the winner qualifies as news in Cumberland County). "So far that's all we have beyond scattered social media mentions of metahuman activity. I have no idea what we're about to drop into beyond absolute chaos, because we're look at over twenty acres of land to search and several thousand people on-site."

    After a moment of staring steely-eyed at the screen, Tim sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose through his domino. "Just look for people dressed up as nuts."

    Then he hits the switch to lower the ramp at the back of the jet. Smoke immediately begins to filter into the jet's interior from fires burning down below, and the occasional scream or cry for help can be heard in the distance.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    Phoebe had been pulled from her celebratory dumpling upon passing her stats test (which given the nightmares of Darth Maul's Hate Machine naming is probably no small feat), but when Duty Calls. you answer it -- even if the things are a bit nuts at the moment. There's a case to crack, and when you're not exactly paid peanuts through various shell companies specifically by a guy who was looking for fighting people with a bit of pistach-- I mean, penache, penchant for the unusual who can be written off as 'lone wolves'. The Outsiders are such a group, and Phoebe does love her found family.

    Duty nutwithstanding, Balm had suited up, and was mutely watching the TV, domino mask in her hand as she pursed her lips. Tim's dedication to heroics is calmondable, even if he's a tough nut to crack sometimes, but she's nut giving up on the group.

    And now that we need an epipen for all those puns for those who are allergic to nuts, she gives a wry smile to Red Robin, her eyebrows drawing up as she applies her domino to her face, and gives a thumbs up.

    -So we're looking for ourselves out there.- she signs to Tim, and then as the ramp lowers, Phoebe pulls her hood up and steps out into the nuttiness.

Conner Kent has posed:
"People dressed up as nuts," observes Conner, all dressed up in red, black and blue for once, "constitute a large part of the Gotham population." He considers a few seconds, "how many pistachios can you open in a minute?"

He is curious, but not that curious. In fact he is hovering close to the door of the jet, as soon as it opens he is going to check the explosion site for injured. It has not been half an hour yet, and the time of response of emergency services might not be the best in a small town close to Gotham.

Tim Drake has posed:
    "I have no idea," is Tim's point-blank answer to the question. And then of course his fingers are typing away at the control panel in his left gauntlet, because Tim can't not know something. "So apparently there's a guy on YouTube who's going for some kind of record. Three minutes fifty-three seconds for a hundred pistachios." Mental math happens here over the span of a second or two. "That's two-point-three repeating seconds per pistachio, so..."

    All Phoebe gets is a roll of his eyes, and then a few seconds later a big exhale of breath that comes with an agreeing "You're not *wrong*," as he descends the ramp.

    And Tim was right, about the whole chaos thing. They've landed near the corn maze which is currently on fire. Yes, there's popcorn, but most of it is appearing and then immediately burning to a crisp on account of, you know, the whole fire thing. There's also several nearby stands where people, likely the farm owners and vendors who are just here trying to sell their homemade pickles and jams and arts-n-craft things, are cowering amidst overturned tables and ruined wares. Further on, a tent that was likely some sort of circus-style entertainment show has partially collapsed.

    A ferris wheel towers over the fair, its support struts audibly creaking and moaning as it sits at a slight angle from some unseen damage hidden by other structures blocking view of its base. Thankfully it looks like either it was in-between riders at the time of the original incident or has been evacuated in the meantime, though the people in the drop tower aren't so lucky. But at least they're just stuck up there, as the tower looks sound otherwise.

    "...Just under twenty-six pistachios."

    Red Robin shakes his head. "Focus on evac. Emergency services are en-route but I'm getting reports of some kind of obstruction in a nearby major thoroughfare that's delaying them, so let's make sure we get people away from the fires ASAP."

Lonnie Machin has posed:
    "I don't really see the joke," Anarky says, descending from the ship - why is he here? That's an existential question he asks himself of- oh wait, no, he's pretty confident in his reasons for being. "Nuts are an important local crop to this community. Besides, unless you're allergic, we SHOULD be eating more nuts. They're a healthy source of fats and proteins, good for the hair, good for the skin. The only issue is when a water-hogging nutrient-depleting crop like almonds is planted in an environment that can't support them, which, you know-" He pauses, and then throws his hands up. "No one's listening to me anyway, are they."
    "Anyway, I'll go... look around." He says, gesturing.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    Balm had given a sort of mirthless smile to Red Robin at the roll of his eyes, before she looks out over the mayhem. Popcorn burning to a crisp with a sound like firecrackers -- or light gunshots for those who don't live in Gotham and deal for it.

    -I was listening.- Phoebe signs to Lonnie, the blue optics of her domino settling on him for a brief before she takes off running towards the crowd that was there to sell their home-made pickles, threatened by fire -- good start. She doesn't need a voice to bring her circular shields to bare, the rosy-gold, slowly-spinning circles of her magic circles forming up to provide relief from the fire and heat -- and catch little embers of popped corn on fire!

    Shouldn't have to say much to get them moving while the moving is good!

Conner Kent has posed:
It was a rhetorical question. Some day Tim's obsession to know all pointless stuff is going to hurt him. "Only twenty-six? Lame," forever disappointed at humankind lack of pistachio-opening skills, Conner nevertheless flies off the jet, looking for people in trouble. "I only need a little sunlight," he tells Lonnie in passing.

If he can't see anyone in immediate danger, preventing the ferris wheel from crashing down becomes Conner's priority. Despite the size, those things are not that heavy and it should be without his tactile telekinesis ability to pull out and place down on the ground without breaking.

Tim Drake has posed:
    The most immediate danger is probably the fire, excepting the ferris wheel potentially toppling over. But Conner encounters no issue in rectifying that asterisk, and soon enough the circular frame of the ride has been settled down somewhere much closer to the ground. Potential energy significantly negated!

    Superboy's view from on high confirms exactly how dangerous that fire really is, though. Most of the corn field is toast, and there are a few nearby structures that have started to burn; given the nature of temporary installations set up for these sorts of things, they're probably not structurally sound in a way that can withstand extended burning.

    Which means the best direction for Phoebe to escort the nearby folks is in the opposite direction. Also, handily, towards the parking lot! Of course that obstruction in the street Tim mentioned is actually a car crash caused by people fleeing the fair, so...

    Well. At least it's not on fire, because someone in charge of this whole mess was smart and made sure they gravelled over the field. As it turns out, parking a bunch of cars on top of grass is also a great way to start fires, from the heat of engines radiating down underneath the vehicles.

    "We were listening, believe it or nut," Tim says. And somehow his expression remains totally blank as he sweeps past Lonnie towards the half-collapsed tent, muttering something about clowns as he goes. "Keep directing people towards the parking lot!" he calls out behind himself.

    And then the tent blows up. Red Robin comes to a standstill, his cape snapping upwards from the concussive force of the blast radiatng outwards. Standing amidst the wreckage afterwards is... a guy in a pistachio costume.

Lonnie Machin has posed:
    "...Sure." Lonnie says, before he puts his hand over his mask, and then says, "One of these days I'll cashew unprepared with a pun." That's when the tent explodes, and... "Uh-huh. So." He says, crossing his arms and his ankles and leaning against a booth nearby somehow still standing and not on fire, "I don't suppose you're about to surrender peacefully? No..." He says, "I've got a sinking feeling things are about to Mongogo Nuts." He looks around, seeing if his puns are catching on with the others.
    "...Maybe that one was a little obscure..."

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    Balm's domino picks up on the joke and gives a text :D :D :D to anyone who can receive it at Red Robin's and Anarky's jokes. She's listening.

    She's busy playing guard to the people, backing them away from the raging fire of DOOOOOOOOOOM while her hood gives obnoxious little flaps around her, and she tilts her head back to look at the.... the guy in a pistacho costume.

    Pop! Pop pop pop! PING!

    And that just sounds like trouble as she makes a face, and tries to recall...

    <Condiment King does not have a brother in the foodcentric crime business, correct?

Conner Kent has posed:
The new explosion catches Conner floating at low altitude looking for a source of water. Lacking 'freezing breath' what he needs is a water tower or truck he can use to control the fire. Maybe a fire hydrant would do. There is a change of priorities as the shock wave sends him flying into the corn dog stand.

"Oh no, it is the Exploding Pistachio Man," he grumbles. "Only in Gotham... okay, or close by."

Tim Drake has posed:
    There's a lake, not far away! Some assortment of water-based activities were previously happening, though now it looks like people are either paddling boats desperately across towards the far shore or abandoning their canoes as they race back to loved ones. There are probably some other temporary sources of water for the fair nearby, though no easily-spotted hydrants.

    The good news is that up there, Superboy will be able to see at least one fire truck basically offroading across the field towards the fire. A few more are behind, their drivers likely waiting to see if the first, bravest one, will be able to make the crossing.

    In the meantime though it's just them, and while it's not appropriate to snicker at a crime scene, they're from Gotham, which is probably like the world capital of dark humor anyway. So Tim's definitely laughing, and maybe also purposefully facing away from the rest of the team so that they can't see him doing so.

    Well, before the explosion. Now he's facing in the direction of the guy in the pistachio costume who is presumably the source of said explosion.

    The pistachio looks at Anarky. Inside the inflatable shell part of the costume, he's basically just wearing a green morph suit, though with his face exposed (and also painted green).

    And at that last nut pun, the pistachio man (really just a teenager) lifts a hand to point a finger at Lonnie.

    "Pow."

    Which is when Lonnie will feel an invisible burst of force slam against him like he's just been punched in the face!

    Red Robin's right in the middle of replying to Phoebe with "Let's hope not," when it happens, half-twisted to glance over his shoulder. And he takes a half-step towards Lonnie before wheeling around to face the... pistachio. "Confirmed metahuman. Superboy, let's take him down. Balm, make sure Anarky isn't dead, then back us up." Taking a smoke grenade from his belt, Tim overhand pitches it towards the pistachio man, who does a repeat of his previous motion with the pointing and this time a "Blam!" which causes the grenade to explode in midair.

Lonnie Machin has posed:
    Lonnie gets bowled over - which means he's propelled through the air and physically into the duck pond. He lies there dazed, for a moment, and then says, "...Robin, do me a favor and grind that goober into peanut butter?" He drops his head back and says, "I'll join you in just a minute, once the world stops spinning. ...Nuts!"

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    Phoebe hadn't been paying attention when the next explosion occurs, she turns, bringing both hands up with her shields to try and protect the oncoming fire truck from getting knocked over, taking a couple of steps forward as she breathes out, wincing, and there are boot marks from her feet digging in and getting pushed back through the gravel, barely able to keep her balance.

    And Red's confronting the pest-achio.

    Luckily, Balm happens to be very good at making sure people aren't about to eat it, definitely not about gin-go bellow-tha ground. OK, that one was a bit of a stretch.

    >On it. Balm texts back, as the firemen come to take over fire control, and she hops over to give Lonnie a hand out of the pond as she signs -Need heal?- with the other hand.

    >Gonna need a lot of butter for that quacker.

Conner Kent has posed:
Conner escapes the corny trap of the demolished stand just to see how Robin's smoke grenade goes off too soon. What happened? Well, he can't see the Pistachio-Man due to the smoke, "meta for sure? He is not tossing hand-grenades around or something?"

Let see then... he climbs up a few yards into the air again and attempts to find the pistachio menace, flying over the smoke cloud. "You know, if I had to wear that costume I would go nuts too."

Tim Drake has posed:
    If you're still punning, then you're probably going to be okay. A walk-it-off level of damage, by Tim's estimate (and previous experience). The tent is less okay; the explosion has leveled it and whatever it contained, though for better or worse it doesn't look like there were ever any clowns.

    "Pistachio butter," Red Robin corrects because he's pedantic, not that anyone present is going to be surprised by that. His staff snaps to its full length as he rushes forward into the cloud of smoke that now just serves to obscure where the pestachio (new meta accepted) is, precisely.

    The same problem Conner is dealing with, though flying over it is a convenient solution. And there he is, fairly shaking with rage in his puffy pistachio shell, trembling hand outstretched at Superboy's approaching figure.

    "ZAP!"

    And from out of nowhere a lightning bolt arcs down to strike Superboy!

    Given that the metahuman situation is rapidly going from bad to worse as this is... wait for it...

    A TOUGH NUT TO CRACK!

    ...it's good that while the oncoming firetruck lurches slightly as the concussive wave from the explosion rocked it slightly, Phoebe's shield had absorbed most of the blast, and soon enough the truck's crew is rushing out to start fighting the fire using the truck's onboard water tanks.

    Also, Lonnie comes up from the duck pond with the rubber ducky that has the gold star on the bottom! Grand prize winner!

Lonnie Machin has posed:
    Lonnie drips, as Phoebe pulls him up, and he casually shakes his arms, shedding water - before he gives her the duck. "Here, I think it'll get you the stuffed gorilla." Meanwhile, he grabs some of the balls you're supposed to toss into the milk cans, whose necks are actually too narrow for the ball to go in, and after Madcadamia Nut here strikes Superboy with a ball of lightning, Lonnie starts whipping the balls at the back of his head. He uses a baseball pitch.
    "Thump!" He calls out. "Thwack! Whack! Klunk!"

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    -Thanks, I think?- Phoebe accepts the duck with an amused expression, but it gets packed away in one of her side bags as she turns, looking back over to where the cloud of smoke has formed, she decides that it's time to play hardball.

    Just as Lonnie starts shooting for the Star, she breathes out, and sweeps one hand forward, summoning up a ghust of wind to clear away the rest of the smokescreen, holding her right hand out, her left hand held in an arcane position, her eyes narrowing beneath the domino.

    Nut=!Magic she texts, her head tilting a moment.

Conner Kent has posed:
Meanwhile Conner is going through a rather electrifying experience and drops from the air just behind Tim with a 'thud' and a 'ow'. "That was... lightning, not an explosion, what kind of meta is that," he sits up, "didn't felt like magic, that is something."

Not like Phoebe's breeze. Oh, there is the Pistachio-Man himself, just as the smoke clears Conner decides setting his stupid outfit on fire with heat vision would give him something else to do that blasting and zapping people.

Tim Drake has posed:
    In the space of the last couple of seconds Red Robin has disappeared into the cloud of smoke that has begun to drift sideways, but then he emerges with a jumping leap, the end of his staff slamming against the pistachio man's back.

    Which rebounds off of the inflatable pistachio shell without so much as dimpling the thin, nylon fabric, and Red Robin stumbles over his feet as he steps backwards.

    It's the same with Conner's superheated vision, which makes no sense because that synthetic blend definitely has a melting point much lower than whatever ridiculous degree Kryptonian eye beams can reach.

    "Right, no magic," Tim says with a nod after getting two independent sources to confirm the fact. That's just good experimental procedure. Alright, time to come up with a new working theory.

    Which, thanks to Lonnie pitching a bunch of balls at the nut (...heh), is a pretty easy task, as their foe immediately ducks down, hands coming up to shield himself as he yelps.

    All Tim gets to say is "That's really weird," before he's getting skipped across the ground like a pebble over the lake with a well-aimed "KAPOW!" before a rapid-fire burst of "BANG BANG BANG" causes a bunch of small impacts to start peppering the area around Phoebe and Lonnie like a spray of bullets!

Lonnie Machin has posed:
    Lonnie throws the last of those bouncy-balls, and then he's forced to hop-dance away from invisible bullets. "Onomatopoeia!" He says, "His power's also his weakness! He's invulnerable unless you do it!"
    He looks over at Tim. "...Is it strange that I find the thought of you doing this kind of a turn-on?" He asks, that damn white mask still as impassive as stone.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    Whatever power this meta is using it's not magic, of that Phoebe is certain, and like her, she thinks... some of his trouble can be mitigated by rendering him mute, coming to the other conclusion Lonnie does -- but as he inquires as to the attraction of this, she makes A FACE, and she texts back:

    OMGWTF that is my brother TYVM D: D: D:

    And then she draws along the side of Pestachio, and she textends her own staff, taking a capsule from her own pack.

    Woosh ka-PING whrrwhrrwhrr poof-SPLAT! she announces over text.

    Why? Because she is baseball-batting with her extending stick, activating the pellet and motioning it through the air in order to make the pellet, fill of an air-hardening goo, asplode before it hits the perp in green and hit his lower face -- hopefully sealing the problematic mouth shut!

Conner Kent has posed:
Conner heat vision can make iron red-hot, so yeah, plastic and cloth should be burning. Maybe it is magic and... when Lonnie explains it, he facepalms. "That doesn't even make sense. Robin, I demand an explanation in tune with the laws of physics!"

Then he turns to Pistachio-Man. "As for you, if you say another world I am going to 'crunch' you in the teeth, and maybe 'snap' a few fingers."

Tim Drake has posed:
    In order from Lonnie to Phoebe to Conner, Tim's groaned answers (as he is still knocked flat on his back from getting kapow'd) is "Yes" then "Sorry" and finally, as he gets his breath back, "You literally shoot lasers from your eyes." He struggles to his feet just as Phoebe's text-to-speech announces in a robotic voice the "SPLAT" that results in a faintly grey-tinted goop landing right on Pestachio's face.

    Tim's still rubbing at his chest through the armor-plating of his costume as he makes his way back over towards Conner. And then they're both standing there as the pistachio falls to his knees and, scrambling, claws uselessly at the goop over his mouth. He's definitely breathing hard, but aside for definitely having a sort of whistle-y breath thing through his nose, he's fine. Fiiine.

    Well aside for the whole being a criminal thing. That's slightly less fine.

    "Good work team. I'll take care of things here; let's focus on making sure all of the civilians and then NEVER speak of this again."

    And thus whatever dastardly plan the man dressed as a pistachio was attempting to bring to fruition has been stopped. In the end, it was...

    ...all for NUT.

Lonnie Machin has posed:
    Lonnie looks on the ruins of the burning nut festival, and then he gives his head a slow shake. He turns and heads back for the plane. "...If you ask me?" He says, "...This whole thing was *bananas*."