12900/Fowl Play

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Fowl Play
Date of Scene: 27 September 2022
Location: Goodman Building
Synopsis: Harley Quinn and Sera take on a protection mission at a Prize Hen shop. Things go wrong quickly when Mad Hatter tries to ruin Harley's new life. But a turkey saves the day and their reputations.
Cast of Characters: Sera, Harley Quinn




Sera has posed:
"I think we should call ourselves... Angel Inc," Sera nods her head thusly. It's catchy and it fits her just fine. Today is the day of the Annual Best in Show Chicken Contest. A glorious ocassion when the most beautiful of chickens are put on display and judged by the greatest animal judging minds there are. In America.

For convenience this year the ABSCC is being held in the Goodman Building. A mutually beneficial agreement between the Goodman Broadcasting Company and the ABSCC so that they can televise their oft overlooked spectacle. I wonder why. The celebrity judges are off in their dressing rooms and the hallways are filled with excited contestants plus chickens in cages.

The client enters. One Lady Prissy Havenshire Devonsport. She brought her prize hen all the way from Britain for this. Aptly named Glory, the chicken is, without a doubt, utterly gorgeous. As far as chickens go. Spotled brown feathers and fine features. The chicken knows its a goddess and even sits upon a velvet purple pillow inside its gilded cage.

"Ah! You must be Glory's Protection Detail. So lovely to meet you," she says offering the cage to Harley Quinn. "Now, judging is in three hours and I have some errands to run and judges to talk to. You know how it is, catching up with old friends and sussing out the competition." She coyly taptaps the side of her nose. "Keep my Prissy safe and I will write a splended review for your business."

Harley Quinn has posed:
"Angel Inc..?" The little wrinkle of the nose on a certain clownette is telling on what Harley thinks of -that- name. But then her eyes light up and there's a mischievousness to her. "How about ..., Angel's Secret?" then a wink. What is she talking about? It's not as if Harley expects Sera to even know what Victoria's Secret is. Which is what makes it the more fun.

"Yep, Angel's Secret. That's it. Damn, I need to hire you to get names for my OnlyFans channels and videos." Just casual talk about OnlyFans and such. Because darn it they are doing protection work for a damn CHICKEN. How freakin' glorious is it? If only they hadn't refused Gerti entering the competition....

"It's ok, Gerti.." And yes, Harley has a pet turkey. Long story short it was going to be April and Harley's Thanksgiving dinner last year but they decided they couldn't get to kill this marvellous turkey. So they adopted it. "They are just being specist because you are a turkey and not a chicken..." she pats Gerti's head who just lets out a 'boookkk' of indignified anger. Turkeys have feelings too you know?

But then Glory is arriving and she takes the cage. "Oooh, what a lovely chicken!" she grins, "Don't worry, we know all about taking care of chicks!" she assures Lady Prissy Havenshire Devonsport.

Uff, one gets tired even writing such a long name.

Sera has posed:
Sera stares at the turkey again. These are the things people eat but this one is a pet. It doesn't quite compute but nothing on Earth does. If nothing is going to make sense then you might as well work with Harley Quinn. She reaches out and flicks at the flappy neck bits of the Gerti.

"Angel's Secret. Actually. Angela might not like that. You don't want Angela mad at you. She likes to chop things in half," she states matter of factly. It's true. Angela is the violent one. A true conquerer. Of Sera's heart as well.

Lady Prissy Havenshire Devonsport departs and Sera nudges Harley in the arm with her elbow a little too hard. Harley thankfully is built sturdier than the average human. "This is going to be easy. A few hours work and we're done."

Sera crouches down to look at the prize chicken and furrows her eyebrows. The cage is empty. "Can chickens turn invisible?"

Harley Quinn has posed:
"Oh, promises, promises..." Harley winking back at Sera when she speaks of Angela chopping things in half. Humans are so weird indeed! As for Gerti? It 'boks' again at Sera's touch but doesn't seem to mind it. And what's perhaps more mind-boggling is that she doesn't need a cage, just hanging closer to Harley and with a look to it's eyes that looks smarter than what some normal turkey does. It's what one gets after living for a year in the madhouse that's Harley's household with two hyenas and an April!

"When am I gonna meet Angela anyways?! Your other half, paramour, epic love story! And when you gonna tell me about that adventure through death's domain, uh?!"

"Soooo, who the heck hired us to do this job? I thought we were goin' up in life but heah we awhe with chickies!"

"Uh, what?" She turns her head all the way around to look at the cage, pigtails, almost touching the ground as she is all bent over.

"What the fuck!?" Panic!

Sera has posed:
Sera opens and closes the cage door a few times. It's certainly not locked. There's a latch and all. "Can chickens open latches? .. what about doors?" She looks around the room in a 360 spin and then back at Harley. "How did we screw up looking after a chicken in under a minute?!"

She starts to check under the desk, behind the book shelves, underneath the couch by lifting up one corner. Chargrinned expression on her face. "Are chickens worth a lot of money? may be we can just run down to the local supermarket and buy a new one to replace it."

Harley Quinn has posed:
Harley picks the cage up with both hands. Then shakes it a few times as if to check the weight. Nope, empty! One arm even goes through it just to make sure this isn't some cheap MAGIC TRICK!

"She's fully gone!" dramatic chipmunk gasps. Duun duuun duuuuuun.

"Well, we could go get a new chickie ..., maybe paint her the right way but ..., no it would be figured out!" she shakes her head. "Also shame on you, Sera!" these angels are evil.

"We need to find her! GERTI!" The turkey looks up sharply at Harley. "It's time to hunt..." eyes narrow and they both join Sera in looking around the room.

Sera has posed:
"Shame on me?!" Sera points to herself, "You're the one who was holding the cage." Arms flail in the air as she drops the couch. There's an air vent at foot level that is partly open. Sera rips off the rest of the grate and hmms, her eyes narrowing.

"Harley. It's your time to shine with your skinny shoulders. Only you can save the day. In!," she points. "Also this is punishment for asking me how I died. That's just weird. You need to feed me far more drinks before that story comes out. Not even Thor has heard that one yet."

Sera gets down on her knees and puts her ear to the opening. She hears a distant bokbok sound. "I think I hear Prissy. We might be fine if you can get her."

Harley Quinn has posed:
"Oooh, you have in with Thor?!" That has Harley smiling broadly and she leans closer to Sera to give her a little nudge with her elbow. "Is his hammer all they say it is..?" for some reason it's not as if she's asking about Mjolnir. This clownette can be so weird sometimes! "You need ta get me his number and ..." yep, nothing like looking for hookups while the chicken they were supposed to protect is missing..

"Wait, you want me to go where?!" She peers at the air vent. "Do you -know- how filthy those awhe...?! It's not like the movies in which they are all clean up, they are filled with filth, I know it cos I have gone in through even tighter ones when I escaped Arkham and ...." she sighs, defeated. "Fine..."

She takes out her jacket which just leaves her with her sleeveless top and the shorty-shorts and then starts squeeeezing into the place. A bit tight, but she's managing...

"Argh, *cough* *cough*"

Gerti just looks up at Sera inquisitively. 'How did you two EVER get to work together?' that's what the turkey seems to be asking with it's beady eyes.

Sera has posed:
Sera feels judged. By a turkey. She peers at Gerti and then back at the butt of Harley, then back at Gerti. "I've never actually seen his hammer," she says missing the innuendo. "But you can come hang at my place if you want. He comes over for beers. Anyway, I'm going to go find the schematics to see where that vent leads to..." Yeah. Better than being stared at by a turkey. Turkeys are weird.

She opens the door and peers out in to the busy hallway. The sounds of people milling about and chatting and lots of clucking can be heard. It seems no one is looking her way in particular. No guilty consciences perhaps... she shuts heads down the hallway and toward the security room.

There she knocks on the door. A guy whose shirt isn't tucked in opened it up. Squinting at her he rubs his stubbled chin. "What?"

"Greetings brave protector of the Goodman Establishment. I am Sera, Angel of Heven, request your aid in a most priority of quandries," she says in that way she has with people she doesn't know.

He rubs his eyes and looks back at the bright security computer screen behind him in the dimly lit room, then back to Sera. "Ma'am. Imma have to ask you to get all out of my face with bigs words and stuff. I'm at the end of an 11 hour shift here so.. you know.. scoot."

Sera blinks, "Scoot?" No one demands Sera scoot. She picks him up easily, turns, then deposits him back on his feet. Striding in to the office, she shuts the door behind her. He bangs on it, "Hey uh.. you're not supposed to be in there!" The sound of keys rattling as he tries to find the one to unlock the room.

Harley Quinn has posed:
Wiggle, wiggle. That's what that booty is doing as Harley slides further and further into that air vent until she is out of sight and beginning to travel up the vent. Oh gosh, people can be so filthy with the air they breath. There's a lesson here for you, kids! Do you truly know what air you're breathing when under the effects of ac? Harley does!

"Oh, god damn it. I can feel it down my throoaaaatt...." she is complaining on comms even as Sera goes all rampage on the poor security guy that just wanted a nice shift on his way to old age and insignificance. (How did this get so dark?)

"Also, you are on for beers aftah. I still want that story, and I can get other people drunk like noone else can!" Harley's voice on comms, "I can see some light ahead..., think I am gettin' somewheah..." but no chicken in sight..

What's in sight is Gerti. Standing on a table right next to Sera and looking at her judgementally after that stunt with the security guard.

"Bok!"

Sera has posed:
Sera jumps and turns suddenly to stare at Gerti. "How did you... never mind." She taps the side of her nose, "You're a wiley one Gerti." She turns back around and finds the building schematics. "Okay. Good news complainy butt. You're headed straight for ... something called Broadcast." She taptaps the map, then folds it up and turns to the door as it opens.

The security guard opens his mouth to say something as Sera pats him on the head. "Good job protector of the Goodman Establishment. We can all count on you." She pushes past him and heads down the corridor toward the room titled Broadcast.

"Kinda morbid though, isn't it? wanting to know how I died?," she asks over the comms but gets several looks from proper looking people hugging their chickens in the hallways.

Harley Quinn has posed:
"No one's evah complained about my butt!" That's the response coming from Harley. "Broadcast? Ooooh..." she really isn't too sure what that is either but sounds fun. She gets to the end of the vent and pokes her head out to look at what's on the other side.

Hol' up.

"Wait, ain't broadcast where they awhe actually broadcastin' the news?!" Harley exclaims, still with her head out the vent.

Gerti continues following Sera like a valiant companion, which just brings more looks from the people hugging their chickens. Did they really let a turkey get in the contest? Apparently so as it keeps close to Sera! And it also sort of marks her as a contestant on the show so there is no one stopping Sera or asking her what she's doing backstage. Gerti, master of infiltration.

Sera has posed:
A woman in a t-shirt and jeans sitting at a big control panel of buttons and toggles and levers pauses and turns her head to stares at Harley's face poking out of the vent. "Uhhh.. hey there." She tugs on the arm of the guy next to her who has a headset on and is staring at broadcast monitors. He turns and stares up at Harley too.

"Hey aintchu Harley Quinn? You is Harley Quinn! I don't forget no faces," he states.

The woman's face lights up. "Holy crap it's Harley Quinn. What are you doing in the airvents Harley Quinn? You saved my car from blowing up once in Gotham City. You're an insurance hero." To be fair, the only reason the car was in danger in the first place was because Harley was setting bombs for Joker.

"Yeah why are you up in a vent Harley Quinn?," he says. The pair repeating her name over and over again. "You're not stuck are you Harley Quinn?" On one of the monitors Glory rushes past.

Sera pauses at the door with Broadcast written on it, then looks down at Gerti. She kneels down on one knee. "This is is Gerti. This is the boss fight. May be. Probably not. But you and I. We've got this. We enter, we capture Glory, we put Glory back in the cage and Lady Prissy Havenshire Devonsport never knows we almost lost her chicken." She holds up a fist for a fist bump. "Let's do this!"

Harley Quinn has posed:
"That's me!" Big wide grin from the head popping out the air vent. It's so good to be recognized. She would preen all over if only her body wasn't tight as a vise inside that darn vent. But she starts wiggly-wiggling out, "Well, gotta have ya ovah ta convince my insurance officer to lower the payments on my car! I sweah, they think I bring my jaguar to all kinds of danger..." She kinda does. But then they are going all weird with repeating her name, "Okay, you guys are reallly startin' ta creep me out ..." something's fishy here. She's finally up on her feet though, and right on time to see Glory running past. "I just saw Glory! Out of my way creepos.." She tells the man and woman before moving to go after Glory.

As for Gerti? She listens. Or is she just standing there waiting to be fed by Sera? It's a toss-up. But the fist coming closer gets a wing to bump against it. Wing bump! Gerti's ready to rumble!

Sera has posed:
The red light for broadcasting is off and the crew are standing around. There sure are a lot of them, all wearing their headphones and microphones and holding clipboards or operating cameras. Sitting at the news desk is a man wearing a tall hat.

"Harley and the Sera, roaming 'round the streets. Looking for a chicken, with Gerti at their feets. Stumbling in the ignorance, the fowl fools firmly foiled. Their contract with the Lady will no doubt be utterly spoiled," recites the Mad hatter before laughs and stamps a hand to the news desk. "More tea!"

One of the aids twitches and walks over with tea pot and pours it in to the cup, then retreats. The whole crew turns as Harley enters the room. "Harley Quinn, it's so good to see you Harley Quinn." The Mad Hatter laughs again.

Sera kicks open the door and Gerti races in ahead of her. She stares in wonder at the unison speaking and the weirdly dressed man in front of the camera. "You know this guy Harls?," Sera asks.

Harley Quinn has posed:
"The Mat Hatter?!"

Big dramatic pause as Harley STARES at the top hat wielding man talkin' all fancy, "Now that's just fowl play!" She tells the man, "Weren't ya supposed ta be back in Arkham?" she looks around at the creepos, yea, not going to be easy at all to stop this, "I know 'im.." she tells Sera, "He's mad as a kite!" and that's saying something when it's Harley telling this. "He likes to hypnotize people, these people are most likely all under his control.."

"But you are just the hatter.. Have I told ya that I have been to actual Wonderland? And become the QUEEN?!" Oh yea, Harley is proud about that achievement. Bit of a tease to her grin too. Perhaps to throw the Hatter off his game just enough so they can move in and stop him.

Sera has posed:
The Mad Hatter pauses for just a moment. "Oh Pish Posh. Harley Quinn. No, I am utterly board with Arkham so I left. No thanks to you! turn coat. Working with Batgirl. Turning over a new leaf. No one likes a rat, Quinn." He says every one of his mind controlled minions pulls out a knife. Some pocket knives, some kitchen knives, some gardening implements.

"And.. whoever you are," he says flailing a hand in Sera's direction. "Sera. Who talks funny. Your business is going down in flames. You see, my devious plan is almost complete - Lady Prissy Havenshire Devonsport will be returning any moment to check on her beloved chicken Glory and oh, but, she will find only an empty cage and neither of its protectors..."

He laughs and bangs his hand against the table top again, then sips the tea all calm like. "Broken, demoralised, desperate for cassssh. Harley Quinn returns to where she came from. A life of crime. Where she belongs."

Sera taps a finger to her other fingers as if counting. "Wait. You did all this so Harley would have to do crime to eat? ...dude. That's messed up!"

The Mad Hatter points an accusing finger at Sera. "Get 'em boooys... and.. uh.. girls.. and everyone who doesn't fit in to the gender binary. We're all inclusive here..."

Harley Quinn has posed:
"What a cunning plan! But I already do some preeettyyyy sinful things on OnlyFans.. I can get ya the address if ya want and ---" Cue fight music because the Mad Hatter just unleashes his minions against them.

And that means it's time for a BEATDOWN. But a soft beatdown because she knows these are innocent people. Oh gosh, how far down has Harley gone if she even minds the goons now?! But then again she even had her little project to help gooks in Gotham that wanted to change lives so ....

Anyways! FIGHT MUSIC!

Spin over the girl that was asking about her insurance. Bop to the head to throw her to the ground. Kick on a table to send it tumbling towards a pair of rushers that were going in with a knife.

As for Gerti? Out of sight still! Maybe looking for the prize, Glory!

Sera has posed:
Sera blinkblinks as two people wearing headsets turn toward her with knives. She lifts up a finger, "Uh. I have a thing again people stabbing me with sharp things. It's just this thing you know? where I don't like it. Also, there's that word again. Onlyfans? what does that even mean."

She lets out a small haunty song and the electronics in the room flicker and warp briefly as her wings burst from her back.

"What the shit?," Mad Hatter says seeing the emergence of magical angel winds from Sera. "That's a hell of an upgrade from a bat, Quinn." Seeing the usual goons vs 'hero' is about to go wildly wrong he finishes his tea and then heads for the fire exit.

Sera sings again and a magical shield appears on her arm. The knives come in and dash against it. She pushes the people back. "Harls don't need me to put you back behind bars ... wait where'd he go? Hmph these people are innocent right?" As the Mad Hatter gets out of range in his departure down the fire escape, some of the people look dazed and take off the headsets.

Gerti, on the other hand.. really is missing. So is Glory.

Harley Quinn has posed:
"Yea, no hittin' 'em too hard!" Harley warns Sera. No need for a lawsuit after all! Or a hit on their rep for hitting innocents. She jumps over a guy coming at her in a knife, doing a flip in the air before landing gracefully. "Yea, you betta run. Or I will set the Gotham Sirens on your ass! In fact, think I am gonna do just that ..." now Hatter's done it. Gonna get Catwoman, Ivy and Harley coming for him LATER!

With the people starting to come down from the hypnosis Harley looks around. "Where's Gerti?!" She asks, eyes widening. "GERTI!"

Panic!

Sera has posed:
With the rest of the crew separating themselves from the mindcontrol devices Sera releases her magic. The shield and wings disappear. There's no Gerti. There's no Glory. She sighs and slumps her shoulders. "I think.. I think he won. There's nothing left to but to go face the music."

Dejectedly, she turns and leaves broadcasting heading back to the room where they started. Where Harley's jacket is. Where the empty gilded cage is. "Come on Harls. Better we admit to her face to face that we screwed up than ghosting..."

But when she enters the room - there's Gerti, standing next to the cage with its door closed and Glory inside it. Bokbok. Gobblegobble. Sera blinks. Did Gerti save the day and rescue Glory while they fought the bad guys?

Sera fist pumps in to the air, "YES! GERTI!" She offers the turkey a victory high-five.

Harley Quinn has posed:
"But how..?!" Harley is looking EVERYWHERE, even asking the dazed bystanders if they saw a chicken and a turkey. Nope, nothing. They are truly gone! "April gonna kill me! She was supposed to last at least until next Thanksgiving!"

Hold up. Is Harley going to have Gerti for Thanksgiving!?

More panic! Harley makes her way over to Sera and holds her by the shoulders. "We have FAILED!" she can be such a dramatic clownette when she wants to...

And then it's the walk of shame back to the room they were at. At least there are no bells and they don't need to do the walk of shame naked. Small blessings....

"Gerti!" She exclaims at the same time Sera does.

As for Gerti? Slow motion jump to give Sera a high-five.

Sera has posed:
Lady Prissy Havenshire Devonsport walks in to the room and immediately ignores Harley and Sera and the turkey. She makes kissy sounds to her chicken and opens up the cage. She gives Glory a hug and says, "Oh there you are my gorgeous Glory. You are such a wonderful chicken yes you are and these lovely people have taken such good care of you." More kissy noises.

The chicken preens. Sera rubs the back of her neck. Yes, totally they nailed this. Perfect. "Now here's the money as promised," she says handing a stack from her purse over to Sera and then pats Harley on the head. "You two lovely ladies have a great day now."

Picking up the gilded cage and her prize chook she leaves the room. Sera stands there quietly for a moment. "Okay never again are we doing protection detail. Or escort missions."