14907/Attempt Number 736

Attempt Number 736
Date of Scene:	12 May 2023
Location:	Swordfish Bar (SHIELD)
Synopsis:	Wade becomes an official SHIELD agent. Or at least lies and says he is. Drinks and conversation were had. No one died.
Cast of Characters:	Wade Wilson, Monica Chang, Jessica Drew

---

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "Eyepatch..."
    Bip-bip-bip-boop-beep. <BZZZT>
    "Milkshake..."
    Bip-bip-bip-boop-beep. <BZZZT>
    "Catsuit..."
    Bip-bip-bip-boop-beep. <BZZZT>
    "PurplePants..."
    Bip-bip-bip-boop-beep. <BZZZT>
    "Oh for fuck's sake."
    Outside the entrance to the Swordfish stood a man in black dress shoes, black socks, white maritime shorts, and a mainly orange and white Hawaiian shirt depicting a rather scenic sunset in its myriad of colors and artistic flare. A man who is leaning over a datapad and seems to at times be pushing buttons almost at random.
    Also apparently he's wearing a mask.
    "You gotta give me a hint here, man." Wade Wilson, Mercenary extraordinaire, was at his wit's end as he talked apparently to nobody. But when he spoked a hidden speaker answered back.
    << I don't have to do anything, Wade. Go away. You don't know the password. And whoever told you about this place was wrong to have done so. >>
    "I'll have you know I've worked for SHIELD before. Successfully might I add. Sure it might have been a... few layers removed. But still. I even shook Fury's hand once. That's equivalent to being a level 2 agent right there."
    Which likely... was not entirely true.

Monica Chang has posed:
This wasn't typical for Monica. She'd usually be at home playing a video game on her time off. Or down at the gym working out. But tonight, she wasn't really feeling it. She also didn't feel like being in the house at all. So the normally elusive woman found herself wandering down to the SHIELD bar. She'd been there a few times but never really spent a lot of time. It just wasn't her thing. And it was filled with co-workers. Certainly SHIELD was a huge agency so she might not know them. Didn't matter. They were still co-workers.

She was dressed casually. Jeans, t-shirt with AC/DC on the front of it, a hoodie over that zipped most of the way up and the hood pulled up currently. Her hands were tucked in her pockets. Those well versed would be able to likely tell she was armed but not trying to be obvious about it.

Her steps slowed as she approached, seeing someone already at the keypad. Then a little tilt of her head as she saw that someone had on a mask along with his tropical vacation clothing options. Then the speaker activated and Monica's eyes widened. Since she wasn't even aware they had that speaker. Course, she'd never needed to know. Cause she knew the Password. Something this...person did not apparently.

Jessica Drew has posed:
Jess takes a leisurely sip of her martini then gives the bartender a thumbs up. "We don't want riff-raff like that in here." She uncrosses her legs and leans into the bar, "Fury probably shook his hand glad to see his back."

The agent brushes her dark hair back over her shoulder and rolls her eyes."Put him up on the screen, I've got to see this." She obviously had time to change before coming out to the bar and does not look like a government agent and wears black jeans with one knee ripped out and a loose green sweater.

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "Can you give me a hint?"
    << No, Wade. >>
    "How many syllables?"
    << Not going to do it, Wade. Keep it up and you'll get the tazer. >>
    "How many volts?"
    << ... >>
    But that might have been what broke Wade's will as he rested his hands on his hips and _siiiighed_ a long sigh. He held his hand up to the door, shaking his masked head a little. In the light of the hallway one could make out the mass of scar tissue on his body where his legs, arms, and neck are exposed to the air. Definitely an individual that either has a skin condition or was a burn victim of worse. Perhaps that was why the mask.
    Then he takes a deep breath. "Fine, Manny. Fine. Have it your way. I was just... you know. Hoping to see how the other half live. You know. Get a chance to see what might have been. Right? Since hey, I used to be pretty legit. Some people even... you know, they might say I was _too_ legit. But did I quit? I did not, sir."
    Wade backs up slowly from the door. "So now, I'm going to, I guess. I don't know. Go somewhere sadder. Reflect on my life. Bemoan my lost love. Heartbreaking. But no, no, you go on and enjoy your _exclusive_ SHIELD club. That's fine. I'll just be over here..."
    He points to the side, with his back towards Monica, coincidentally pointing at her. "You know, just. Crying. Is all."

Monica Chang has posed:
There's a laugh behind him. She hadn't meant to laugh outloud but when that quick interchange had led to the Important Questions <tm> had been asked of how many volts, she had not expected it any more than Manny had.

It only got worse when he continued. So by the time he said he was going to be over there--and pointed at her--crying, she had a bright smile and was giggling.

He knew it was SHIELD related. He knew Manny by name. But he was obviously not SHIELD since no password. But now she was intrigued, even as she stifled the giggle behind her hand very quickly and hoped he hadn't heard it.

But now she had a question of her own for the masked man. "Did you just quote MC Hammer?"

Jessica Drew has posed:
When Monica comes into view, Jess's green eyes glint with laughter. She takes takes another sip of her drink, then waves at the screen, "Oh, this is going to get a lot better now. How are you going to let Monica in and keep him out?"

"Chang is such a nerd, catching that. I almost want you to let him in just to see how bad it will get. He doesn't need the password."

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "I approximated him. And please. It's Hammer. he dropped the MC part in '91." Wade turned then to speak to the voice that was behind him, those irisless white eyelets looking upon Monica, then down since she's a bit shorter than him. "If he was here right now..."
    Wade drew in a deep breath through that mask and between his teeth behind it as if pained. "I would have to tell him, 'Please Hammer don't hurt her. She didn't know.'"
    Then he offers his hand, "Wade Wilson. Esquire. Mercenary. SHIELD agent."
    << He is not a SHIELD agent. >>
    "You should've let me finish. Former SHIELD agent."
    << He has never been a SHIELD agent. >>
    Another wincing intake of breath, "Again, let me finish. Former SHIELD Agent. In my heart." Then he looks back to Monica. "You see what I have to put up with."

Monica Chang has posed:
"And that was his downfall. He should've kept the MC," Monica shares her two cents as she regards the masked face of the man. Interesting mask. It was very--emotive. She could read his expressions for the most part as the eyelets shifted with the subtle movements of the muscles underneath. Instinctively, she was leaning a little closer, tilting her head to peer at it from a slight angle. Which was not her being weird nor firtatious, just she had seen new tech she hadn't seen before and that caught her eye.

Then the back and forth started and Monica would look from Wade to the speaker then to Wade. By the end of the exchange, she was grinning again. But at least Monica wasn't staring at his mask like she wanted to steal it now.

She took the offered hand in her own, a brief squeeze, two pumps, release if all goes to plan. "Monica Chang. Actual agent of SHIELD. If it's any consolation, Manny treats everyone that way. But the fact you don't have the password, seems we are in a bit of a conundrum here. Why are you trying to get inside anyway? It's just a bar. We don't keep all the fun stuff here or anything."

Jessica Drew has posed:
"Manny, Manny, let him in. You must let him in." Her British accent comes to the fore. "It hurts too muchto inhale martini up your nose. Come on, please." Jess grins at the bartender who has seen it all, working her charm, batting her long eyelashes at him.

"I mean, his delusions of being a former SHIELD agent are too precious to pass up. Chang and I will will cover for you if there are any problems. Promise."

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "What, you never walked by like a Gentleman's club and wondered what it was like on the inside? Filled with so many Gentle and Manly Men." Wade asks of Monica even as inside Manny is giving Jess the old stink-eye. But he grimaces and starts to acquiesce... after putting a few security measures into place, though that takes a few moments.
    "Never walked by a Furry convention and wondered what they were doing in there? Strolled by a Battery store and pondered about going in? Like what do they do in there? Do they just sell batteries? Do they also sell battery utility chests, or perhaps battery inspired products? Battery-themed baseball hats?"
    Wade gestures back toward the door. "I want to go through that door. Tiny Little Monica of SHIELD, because it is there."
    Which was when the door finally opened up with a click and a creak while from inside Manny's voice can be heard. "It's on yer heads, you two."

Monica Chang has posed:
At all of his examples, there was a negative shake of Monica's head in response. Apparently the mysteries of both gentleman's clubs and furry conventions were not a draw. Nor battery stores. Not because she didn't care about batteries. She'd actually been inside a battery store before, thus it just wasn't a mystery.

The click from the door unlocking and the way it swung free now that the bolt wasn't in place had Monica looking at it in surprise. "Wait, what?! When did I become responsible for him? I didn't sign up for that."

Yet, she moved to that door, swinging it open and giving a little mock bow. "After you. Remember the rule." Singular. One rule. "Don't do anything that I'll have to arrest you for. Wait, two rules. Or shoot you for."

Jessica Drew has posed:
Little does Chang know what her fellow agent has set her up for, yet. Drew bats her big baby greens at Manny, "You know how to treat a woman, Manny. It's on us." She stands on the bar rail and peers over the bar, then sits back, just as the door creaks open.

"We're locked and loaded now, right? Let her rip. And while you're at it, let me buy whatever Chang and Wade is having and let me have another." Turned on the stool to see the grand entrance, she looks back over her shoulder at the disgruntled barman, "Let him think it is on the house."

"Hello, Monica. Brought a friend with you?" she asks with wide-eyed innocence. "He -needs- to have the law laid down for him. Come to the bar and have a drink. On the house. Right, Manny?" Eyebrows raised, she casts a glance back at him.

Wade Wilson has posed:
    Strolling inside, Wade steps forward with an easy step, hands on his hips. Sidelong toward Monica he says, "Sure sure. Though to be fair a little police brutality never hurt anyone." Which was patently untrue.
    He took a deep breath. Then sloooooooooooooooowly turned in a circle as he surveyed the bar. He leans back, holding up his hands with thumbs and forefingers creating a frame through which he views the area, one eyeball scrunching up as if trying to imagine it on the big or little screen. He shakes his head.
    "No no, this just isn't working for me. Needs better decor. And a new bartender. And..." Then he points at Jessica. "Oh no it's you. The... eww, spider goo girl."
    He touches a hand to where his mouth on the mask would be then leans to the side and 'whispers' to Monica loud enough for the entire bar to hear, "She has a spider's spinnerets on her wrists. Which are basically Spider Ooh-Oohs. Which means she has..." He stops, then whispers quieter, "Lady parts on her wrists."
    He covers his 'mouth' with one hand. "Scandalous!"

Monica Chang has posed:
"Oh. My. God."

The three distinct words come from Monica's mouth as she stares in horror at Wade. Because he went there. Like outloud. He said things that probably people had thought at some point or the other. Not Monica, of course! She knew far better than that. "She does /not/ have lady parts on her wrists!"

But she moved to join Jessica, giving a little nod and a smile at her fellow agent before hooking a thumb at Deadpool. Then she sidled up to the bar.

"Manny! Why am I responsible? I agreed to no such thing!" Then to Jessica a negative shake of her head. "I don't even know him."

Jessica Drew has posed:
Eyes watering from the laughter she is trying to keep at bay, Jess holds up her wrists. The loose sweater bares the tender white of her inner wrists for all to see. "You do know, the more the merrier, Wade? Good to see you, too."

Jess gives him a long slow look from the black shoes and socks to the loud print, "What dumpster have you been shopping from? Did you get dressed especially for us?"

Pressing her lips tightly together in a vain effort not to smile, she shrugs, head tilted to one side, "Just sharing the wealth that is him, Monica? Oh, and thanks for the lady parts bit. What are you drinking?"

Louder to Wade, "She's right you know, a spinneret is not a vulva. But I wouldn't expect you to know."

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "Indeed, I would not know. I am sweetness and light." Wade says as he then saunters on over to the bar and hops onto a stool, taking a seat there and then giving Manny a /look/ with squinty eyelets. He then turns around to lean back against the bar and says, "I'll have whatever the ladies are having. Even if it's some sort of froo-froo drink. I shall show my appreciation in this solidarity."
    A deep breath is taken, "So there."
    "But alright, now that I'm in here, I admit to being a bit sub-whelmed." Another look around the place, "It reminds me of... like one of those corner bars in Jersey where they don't have an actual sign for the bar itself. Just like, a sign that says just 'BEER' or 'Michelob' if they got one free with their last alcohol order from the distributor."
    He chews his lower lip under that mask, then turns his head toward Jessica. "Ok so tell me about this Monica chick. I'm too shy to ask her directly." Which is... likely not true.

Monica Chang has posed:
Wade. That puzzle piece was given and added to the rest. She had a name to go with the face. Wait, scratch that. She had a name to go with the mask. Though she was admittedly curious as hell about his story. Skin condition? Burn victim? Something else? She had no idea. But obviously Jessica was familiar with him and she trusted Jessica's judgement.

"Beer is fine. Hei--" Suddenly she didn't want to be saying anything that had the term 'hiney' in it. Maybe it was some survival instinct that warned her about Wade. "...I'm open to whatever is on tap. Something strong though. None of that light shit that might as well be water." She was in the US. Strong American beer was basically light beer in other countries.

She turned on the barstool to look at the room then at Wade. "I told you it was just a bar. And I can hear you. I'm right here." And she reached out to wave a hand in front of his mask.

Jessica Drew has posed:
"Private clubs have a tendency not to put their names on a marquee. It keeps the undesirables out." Jess gives Wade a look that she expects him to ignore, then shares a glance with Monica.

"Lovely of you to show solidarity, Wade. Ask Monica yourself, she -may- tell you about the number of degrees papering her office walls or she may not. You've likely just met the smartest person you'll ever encounter. Try to be nice. I know it's an effort but try anyway."

To Monica, "American beer should never have been invented."

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "Is that true?" Wade turns from Jessica and toward Monica, asking her with that mask quirking an eyebrow somehow. "Are you the smartest person I'll ever encounter? Because that's what ole Crotchwrists is saying." He gestures with a thumb in Jessica's direction and doesn't even have the decency to look at her when he says the thing. So mean.
    He then, however points at Monica, "I shall have you know, I've met like... some very super smart people. Like... Tony Stark once shot at me." He lifts his head a little, rubbing at his shoulder with one hand thoughtfully. "And I stood in front of Reed Richards' statue that is down at ESU. Though ok personally I never finished College. I think." Those eyebrows of the mask knit together somehow.
    "But hey I'm smart. I win like... just about any game of Trivial Pursuit I enter. Though ok, full disclosure, I usually just play with myself." Quickly he points at Jess. "Hush it!"
    Then he continues, "I suppose that's not really playing though, more just... reading the cards."

Monica Chang has posed:
"Jess.." That tone of voice reprimanding while being embarassed. "I'm not that smart. And I only have two degrees."

Which in turn should be answering Wade's question as well as she gives a little shrug. Thankfully the beer is delivered then and she can take a moment to lift the mug and take a swig of the dark beer inside it. A little nod of approval, a lifting of the brows. "German? Nice." And she turned back to the conversation.

"No, American beer should not have been invented. Though it was and they should do the responsible thing and outlaw it."

Then she was listening to Wade and she started to open her mouth at the mention of playing with himself. Then snapped her mouth shut and shook her head. Nope. Low hanging fruit. No pun intended.

"Yes, that is called reading. But nothing wrong with that either. Though, now I have to ask. Why would Tony Stark shoot at you? He's one of the good guys, right?" And that had her glancing at Jessica as well.

Jessica Drew has posed:
The insult is not unexpected, Jess shrugs then takes a slow sip of her non frou-frou martini, staring at Wade over the lip of her glass. "How will you have a drink, Wade? Tip up your mask like the Mandalorian or take it off? We're all friends here, don't be afraid."

Jess who has the clearance to check on people, already knows what his face looks like. SHIELD keeps very thorough files. She may know more than he would like which bothers her not at all.

After shrugging apologetically to her fellow agent, her answer is a long pained sigh. "Exactly. Manny took precautions."

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "Ah sometimes. We don't see eye to eye." Wade answers as he turns and then accepts a likewise German beer. He lifts his mask a little and takes a sip of it, then sighs a little as he settles on the bar stool. He takes another deep breath, "And sometimes I'm, you know, breaking the law. Technically. Old laws. Out-moded, out-dated. Really I'm innocent, it's society that's to blame."
    Yet as he says this stream of his consciousness he doesn't seem _entirely_ into it. The mask makes a small face as if he were grumpy about something. He looks over at Jess. "Hey Agent Drew, that was mean of me. You're okay, really. Usually. Sometimes. When you're not trying to harsh on my groove."
    He then looks around the bar, sighs again, then says. "Alright, sure. But just this once." And as he says that he casually reaches back and with little warning he _whips_ that mask off and sets it on the bar. Revealing his bald head and that rather displeasing mass of scar tissue and facial features that is his head. He smiles thinly a bit, nodding to himself. "I know, I know what you're thinking."
    He turns to each of them in turn. Then he smiles warmly, "Look at those perfect teeth. How did he get them so white? Clean living. That's the answer."

Monica Chang has posed:
The reassurance from Jessica has Monica nodding. Precautions. Which sounded completely necessary because he was explaining his side of things. Old laws indeed. Somehow she didn't buy that. Not even a little bit.

The question of the mask did have her attention though. Jessica's words made it sound like he didn't normally take it off? Made sort of sense considering his attire did not match wearing a mask. And if the face looked like the exposed arms and legs, the might be self conscious. Yet if he was, why would he not cover his arms and legs too? Something didn't compute here. Which made it a mystery. Which meant she had to figure it out because that was how her brain worked.

Then he took off the mask and she looked at him openly. Letting her dark eyes move over his features, taking them in, even as she picked up her beer. But when he said he knew what they were thinking, Monica's eyes lifted a little. Telepathy? Ah, no, just something else as he used that humor to deflect. Was that his thing?

"While they are impressive and whatever solution you are using is working, so keep it up. That isn't what I was thinking? What I was thinking was...why the mask at all?"

Jessica Drew has posed:
It is still a shock, even for someone who has seen the photographs. Jess gives him her best blank expression, worthy of the toughest interrogators which she has the reputation of being and then glances over his shoulder at Manny who stopped polishing his glass; his only sign of surprise. Manny has seen it all.

As for Jessica who has been badly burned in the line of duty, speckled with purple marks from the lead in high velocity rounds, she imagines the incident and the subsequent pain he probably experienced. Inwardly she winces at the thought and blesses her mad parents for the regenerative genes she possesses.

"Right. Clean living while you commit enough felonies to put you on ice for the next century. But no matter." She nearly smiles, "You must give us the name of your dentist."

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "Oh that's nice of you to say. Very much a dear. Brilliant and so so polite." He looks over at Jess with those last few words as if confiding in her that her colleague is just too cute for words. Then he's looking back. "But really it's okay. I've come to terms with it. The whole cancer-ridden thing. Sort of my character flaw, an adversity for me to overcome in my hero's journey. Poor Wade with his face like a turnip soaked in sewage and then left in the sun for two weeks sort of thing."
    Then he gestures with a thumb in Jessica's direction, "She knows my story. As soon as she met me she dug up my file." He touches a hand to the side of his mouth and again stage-whispers to Monica, "She's obsessed with me. Shhhh."
    But then he's engaged with arguing his innocence, "C'mon, they're mostly little felonies. And mostly against bad people."

Monica Chang has posed:
"Little felonies? I don't think there are little felonies. Thus why they are...well. Felonies!"

Monica was not one to be shy and pretend she wasn't staring when she was staring. Sure, she could. She was trained to play her role properly when she was undercover or the like. But to be blunt? She wasn't undercover right now. She wasn't having to play a role. And thus, she was looking him over critically as she added cancer to the puzzle pieces.

"Jess?" And she looked to the other woman. "Will you forward me that file next time you're in the office?" Because she wanted to read up too, get an idea here.

SO he was a bad guy. Sort of. Maybe one of those anti-hero types. But was he a Batman anti-hero just beating people up or a Punisher anti-hero killing people and ending up on the top ten most wanted list. So much range there.

She brought up her own hand in a side whisper, which was more a stage whisper since it was completely audible to anyone close to them. "Maybe she likes you? Y'know, when you aren't insulting her wrists."

Jessica Drew has posed:
"Awww," she lifts her glass to Wade, then makes a comical moue at Monica, "my secret is out. I fell in love with his mask but was spurned because of my spinnerets. I am now living the lonely life of an agent dedicated to her work while our man here," she waves the nearly empty glass at him, "plays the anti-hero. It's the bad people that saves your ass while we all while we look the other way. Of course, you'll have it on your desk tomorrow.

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "Well, be that as it may. I am feeling charitable tonight." Wade takes another sip of beer, "Next round's on me. Now let's spend the rest of the evening dishing on rumors and boys." And that was when the drinking began in earnest.