1636/With a Side of Mustard

With a Side of Mustard
Date of Scene:	12 May 2020
Location:	Batcave
Synopsis:	The Batlings run afoul of Condiment King; Batman provides ominous commentary.
Cast of Characters:	Barbara Gordon, Stephanie Brown, Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne

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Barbara Gordon has posed:
Well tonight was embarassing.

For the Bats who dealt with the problem.

For the Newest Rogue to strike Gotham.

Still it is over even if the indignity will not soon be forgotten.

Batgirl slurches off the batcycle likely arriving with whomever else was out with her on this daring act of heroism.

Then Babs looks down at her gear in disgust. "I... I just can't even. Who." she just sputters. She reserved bitching for now, not about to start up while trying to drive back to the cave. "Seriously. What is in the water in this town. Who... how .. Why would anyone on earth try to rob a high end charity dinner with condiment guns... I mean.. Condiment King." she waves her arms, her suit making a wet noise as the ballistic leathers shift. "I .. the BBQ sauce is so sticky and I'm afraid to remove my goggles and get the mustard in my eyes. We need to find out whose fault this new side show is and punch them... a lot... in the face maybe."

Stephanie Brown has posed:
Spoiler's motorcycle pulls into the Batcave. It's basic, her own beat up Yamaha, with the license plate removed for anonymity. She pulls it into the vehicle bay and then climbs off the bike gingerly. She wore the mask that leaves her eyes visible, and her face is splattered with different colors of condiment-like concoctions. She removes the mask and her hood, wincing as her hair is stuck it in the BBQ sauce.

"Ow, ow, ow," she says as she grabs hold of her hair as she pulls the hood's fabric away, trying to lessen the feeling of it tugging. "Seriously," she agrees with Barbara. "Next time, could we maybe just once let the JLA come take care of it? I mean they might snicker at first, but they'd figure out why before it was over. Let Arrow Guy or... oh, Aquaman. He can like, hose them all down can't he?" Stephanie asks.

She removes her utility belt and the similar garter, setting them aside and then grabbing the hose used to wash the vehicles. She starts hosing down the bike. "Sorry, you deserved better than that," she says to the bike that has condiments spattered on it from conveying her back to the lair.

Dick Grayson has posed:
Dick Grayson says, "Not. Cool," Nightwing says as he gets out of the Nightbird. He wipes the various sauces from his mask, "It is going to take forever to get that detailed." He leaves the windows down to air out the smell of horseradish sauce and malt vinegar out of his car, "Seriously, though. Why. Why is that his gimmick?"

The eldest Robin hangs his head in frustration and joins the others. "Any of them would work, just better than having /us/ deal with it next time. It's more annoying than dangerous, unless you have a severe allergy to the stuff." He takes his mask off and begins cleaning it, "But, ugh, I guess it's going to be plain burgers for me for the next forever at this rate.""

Damian Wayne has posed:
     Damian pulled himself off of his own motorcycle, which had been relatively unscathed, the same cannot be said about his uniform. The helmet, and the chest splattered with mustard and horseradish.

  "The air is spicy." He says, removing the helmet, and taking his first clean breaths sans disguise. "Better." He comments, squeegeeing his chest a little before flinging it at Nightwing and the ground.

Bruce Wayne has posed:
When the Batlings arrive, the patriarch is for once waiting to greet them. He holds a palm aloft to stop them before anyone makes it too far off the parking slab, putting himself in the middle of the walkway between them and the rest of the Cave.

"Try not to track condiments into the cave," he says with a dry tone. As is often his wont, while in the cave he's in the light trousers and athletic shirt worn under the heavier armor of his costume.

Batman reaches over to a dolly and tugs it towards them, holding the handle out. Atop it are a pair of five-gallon buckets, disposable ones used for weed spraying.

"And that's coming from Alfred. Vinegar and water for your uniforms and the vehicles," he informs them, "and then draw straws for who's going to pressure wash the deck after."

He folds his arms and leans against the rocky sidewall at his shoulder. "Interesting question about criminal psychopathology. Any theories as to why someone would take on such a strange moniker?" He looks around the room, challenging the Batlings to apply their brains to the problem.

Barbara Gordon has posed:
Barbara with great resignation stops when Bruce says to not track it further into the cave and just ... sighs deeply. It is one of those soul weary sighs. Of course the dolly will help. "Great... now I will smell like fish and chips not just mustard and BBq.. I " she just shudders dramatically. "I've never once considered mixing BBQ and Mayo... it is an abomination. Who makes a grenade explode with Honey Dijion Mustard.. "

Taking one of the canisters she first starts to carefully spray the batcycle in the spots she tracked any condiments onto.

"Seriously the mechanical aptitude to make mustard explode like that... and just Dijion.. it didn't even have any other characteristics the analyzer could tag on it..."

She isn't ignoring Bruce's real question though. "It is pretty extreme even for the Gotham crazies in Arkham and around town. I mean.. we really need to do a full rundown on this guy and see what could have sparked this."

Stephanie Brown has posed:
Stephanie finishes hosing off her bike, though sees the condiments are apparently not completely water-soluble. "These aren't from Heinz, are they," she grumbles, though the amount stuck in her hair tells her that much.

She looked like she was about to turn the hose on herself when Bruce brings the dolly with the spray buckets. "Ah, thanks, Bruce," the teen says as she moves over to get one of them and go to work. First on her bike, then on her hair, and finally the rest of her, in that order.

As she's spraying, and wiping, Steph gives a soft grunt. "Don't know what his exact deal is. But my experience, was these guys have something missing from their life they are trying to fill in. Something that drives them to where... to where they don't care anything else about pursuing that completeness. Not people, not family, not anything," she says. Stephanie doesn't look at the others as she says, it and her voice takes on a harder-than-normal tone, especially for the last half of what she had to say.

Dick Grayson has posed:
Dick manages to avoid the splatter aimed at him and raises a brow at Damian. "Why?" is all he can bother saying at this point in time. "But yes, the combination in there was the worst." He nods to Batman and begins cleaning his gear off with the provided equipment. Dick would respect Alfred's request, and is quick to clean up, making sure to clean the boots last, to make sure that he would not track anything else in.

"Can't assume a rational actor, but if we are trying to construct their rationality, it depends on their goal." Dick thinks for a few moments, "If he wants fame, a gimmick gets you there quicker and with minimal effort, especially if you don't have the stomach for the more... fame-worthy atrocities that get headlines."

Damian Wayne has posed:
     "You were in the way." He responds, looking to Dick. Damian starts to remove his armor, the top at least. There was a lot of scrubbing needing done.

  The boy's upper body was littered with scars, much like Batman's, each a souvenir of his life before Gotham. And the brutality of the League's training.

  No time like the present, Damian starts scrubbing at the armor. "He wants to feel above people. Choosing the King as that. From there it was probably making use of what he had around the house when he had a psychotic break. Some people have a small arsenal, others, a kitchen with condiments."

Bruce Wayne has posed:
"Interesting theories," Batman remarks.

There's a long pause then, and he moves one shoulder in something like a shrug. "Ulman City Plumbing."

Another beat as he makes sure everyone heard him. "Josiah Ulman was the 'Plumbing King' in Gotham in 1890," he explains. As he does, Batman reaches out and grabs a high-pressure hose; it's unravelled and laid out so the crew can hose down themselves and their gear. Perhaps treacherously, he hands it to Damian, first.

"He locked down the city contract for plumbing the wharfs, the Narrows, and some of the other new districts, ones that have slipped into disrepair. Unfortunately, he wasn't a terribly good plumber, or very ethical. He used a lot of very cheap lead sealant in his pipes, and the infrastructure for them looks like termite crawlings."

"Crime in the Narrows goes down by 1.2% for every sixty days of labor Gotham City Utilities puts into tearing out old pipe. There are thousands of kilometers of pipe under the city, though. Contaminated resevoirs, too. And there's a lot more money to be made getting the contracts to fix it than to actually fixing them."

"Not everyone is a deranged lunatic or a scheming mastermind," he concludes. "Some of them are addled in ways that have everything to do with drinking sour water for years on end."

Barbara Gordon has posed:
"Well Josiah Ulman was definitely a criminal." Barbara says sourly.

She carefully, oh so carefully points the sprayer at herself now and hoses down her cowl and face with the water and vinegar mixture. It is a good plan really start at the top and do some hosing as she works her way down so she doesn't have to cover any area twice really.

"Still this seems almost too ridiculous even for a mental break or someone seeking fame. I mean... it is just.. stupid." once her wrist unit is hosed off she taps it "ORACLE, did we get an ID off the Captain of Ketchup yet from the police intake or Arkham intact..where ever they took him?"

There is a pause before her wrist responds in the modulated ORACLE voice "Mitchell Mayo, stand up comedian." .. .... .. Babs just stares at the wrist computer.

Stephanie Brown has posed:
Stephanie Brown rinses off a sleeve. The worst of it might come off now but her costume is going to need a pass through the laundry after the body armor additions from Barbara have been pulled out of it. She washes down the front and then gives a squirt of the vinegar and water towards Dick, along with a grin for the older man.

She looks towards Bruce at his explanation. "Still not sure that justifies..." she says, pausing to eye part of her costume and sniff it. "Worcestershire sauce as a weapon," she replies. "Even addled you'd think he could come up with... oh, I don't know. A club at least?"

She peels off the top of her costume, wearing a sports bra beneath it that keeps her sufficiently modest. "Yeah, that's getting a good long soak in a vat of Tide," she says of her costume. The blond looks over as Babs gets an id on the Condiment King. She shrugs. "Each of these guys has their own issues," she says with a shake of her head, and lacking some of her normal good humor.

Dick Grayson has posed:
"Reminds me to take a look at the Bludhaven sewers, I bet they are in similar shape," Dick notes. He listens to the response ORACLE gives and says, "Really? Well," a sigh, "at least he stayed on brand." As Stephanie shoots water and vinegar at him, the first of Batman's trainees hops back, "Really? You too! You two had best not start something you aren't willing to finish!" His tone is not hiding the joke as intended.

Dick then says, "At least I don't see Mr. Mayo pulling some clever scheme turning peanut butter into a shaped charge to escape. If he does he's earned it at that point."

Damian Wayne has posed:
     Damian takes the pressure hose, holding the uniform out a ways and spraying it down. The helmet, will need more care for the electronics inside it.

  "So lead poisoning? Was he ever sent to blackgate over it? Or perhaps a guillotine in city square?" Yes, Damian quite thought it funny when the proletariat fights back against the bourgeoisie.

  His armor cleaned off, he hands the sprayer to another member of the family. "I would rather take Kite Man."

  He took the bait, quickly taking the hose again and spraying at Dick defiantly.

Bruce Wayne has posed:
"The Hare Clinical Survey is a useful tool," Batman clarifies for the team. "Sussing out delusions of grandeur and narcissism from true psychopathy. Or schizophrenia."

"Not a major distinction for most medical professionals. For us, psychological profiling is a key tool. It helps us predict responses. You get better at looking for chinks in armor. Predicting irrational responses or even manipulating compulsive behaviours."

"That does not mean anyone should take this... 'Mitch Mayo' any less seriously," he reminds them. "Today it just smells bad. Imagine what could have happened if those explosives were acid." A sobering thought. "There are advantages to playing to their tune. That's why I gave Damian the hose first. Predictable responses."

Batman looks at Damian as the rascal hoses his brother down, and something almost like-- vaguely proximate to, anyway-- a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

Barbara Gordon has posed:
"I'm still digging into Mitch Mayo later and trying to figure out what caused a stand up comic with a... unusual name to go full out condiment themed villain. I mean I would have imagined he would have been a chef.. or a ballpark vendor the the Gotham Knights or something."

Babs keeps half an eye on the water fight going on. Now that her gloves are mostly clear she takes them off and carefully undos the jacket removing it and dropping it on the ground by the bike. Starting to methodically hose it off with the sprayer in her bare hands now.

This isn't the first time she has had to hose off equipment.

It sadly won't be the last either.

Stephanie Brown has posed:
Stephanie Brown peels off the rest of her costume after washing it off, revealing spandex shorts underneath. Next she focuses on herself, trying to get that BBQ sauce out of her hair, as well as hosing off the rest of her.

"All of these guys, can't turn your back on them," she says, mouth pressed in a firm line. She deposits her costume into a container and then turns back to the bike. It gets some extra attention. The old, banged up Yamaha is by far the least of the vehicles present. It probably is worth less than the comfortable, ergonomic office chair at the console of the Batcomputer. But one could argue the old bike gets as much care, or even more, than the other vehicles. It shows as Stephanie finishes getting it clean and then dries it off carefully before worrying about herself in that regard.

"Dibs on the shower," she says, watching as Dick and Damian continue the water fight. "You guys got it covered already anyway, right?" she says with a more normal-sized grin.

Dick Grayson has posed:
"There is always potential for things to be worse," Dick remarks, "We profile the best we can, and try to predict where we can," he nods, "It just seems like when we seem to have someone figured out they..." and then he gets smacked with water from the hose. "This is why we can't have nicer things," he remarks.

Dick nearly shoots a glare at Damian, but does not rise to the bait and continues cleaning his gear, removing the outer suit, leaving behind the former Robin in a compression shirt and compression shorts, "Eventually he will get bored," Dick says as he begins cleaning off the car, while probably still being sprayed with the hose. Though, he eventually tires of it himself, and makes sure to put the Nightbird between him and Damian.

Bruce Wayne has posed:
"Someday, one of you is going to replace me."

Batman's words cut across the rush of flowing water. "Even if I beat the odds, I know I'll start slowing down. I can't keep at this indefinitely; the human body won't allow it."

"You have to understand how and why these people think how they do. What they plan. Where their minds go. You have to differentiate between delusions and insanity. Between the violent and the ignorant."

He turns away and starts walking back up the walkway towards the root of the Bat Cave itself. "I'm not doing anyone any favors," he calls back, over his shoulder. "I wouldn't be the first person to call Batman crazy. Maybe that's what the job calls for."

Barbara Gordon has posed:
Babs keeps working down until she is barefoot with just her underarmor layer on now. She just hoses down the upper armor layer.

"Shower is all yours Steph." giving the Baby Bird first run at it while she watches Damian irritate Dick over with the car and hose.

She pivots on a foot and calls after Bruce. "I don't know old man... I mean the miracles of science these days." yeah she is walking proof of what is possible with cutting edge science and medicine.

I mean yes something else could take him out but still he is Batman. Probably always will be as far as Barbara is concerned.

Stephanie Brown has posed:
Stephanie Brown listens to Bruce quietly. "That's good, because can't say any of us are particularly sane," she says after looking around at the group after Bruce's final comment, and giving everyone a little grin as she does.

She gathers up her uniform and takes it off to the laundry. "I'm so using up the hot water," she says, like that were even possible with it feeding down from the mansion above. As she departs, she does glance back towards Bruce though, as if playing over in her head what he had to say.

Dick Grayson has posed:
Dick listens from the safety of the other side of the car and sighs quietly, "I understand. These are real people with real motivations, and how they react matters. Just, Condiment King, really?" He waits a few moments to collect his thoughts, and to figure something out. He does return from behind the car and says, "He's not wrong, but yeah, we are all a little messed up. What sane person does what we do, heh." Dick raises a brow, "My advice is ditch the cape. Best choice I ever made when I designed my gear."