18117/We're The X-Forceteers! You can be one too! o/~

We're The X-Forceteers! You can be one too! o/~
Date of Scene:	30 May 2024
Location:	These Mutant Town Streets!
Synopsis:	Only YOU can prevent traffic jams! Obey all traffic laws or ELSE.
Cast of Characters:	Wade Wilson, Neena Thurman, Rachel Summers

---

Wade Wilson has posed:
Captain's Dog, Star Crunch 12345

There's an unarmored truck that probably should be filled with money but instead it's filled with a bunch of anti-mutant losers that are dressed in some sort of FoH gear because that's how these losers roll. They happen to be a bit old school, because they are rocking a lot of denim vests and bandana headbands. It's both insane and a mockery that this is happening right now.

What is this, 1997?!

Anyway, these FoH Mooks are hanging out of the sides and the back of the unarmored armored truck and it looks like they are shooting some hi-tech weaponry that they probably got from some D-Lister like The Tinkerer or the Post Credits Scene of Spider-Man: Homecoming. Either way, the concussion and energy blasts coming from the varied weapons in the FoH's hands are doing some major collateral damage as they bob and weave through the streets of New York City!

But what, Idina Menzel, are they shooting at?

"THIS?! THIS WAS THE ONLY VEHICLE AVAILABLE?!"

That right there is Wade Wilson. AKA Deadpool. He's in the driver's seat of small yellow school bus (that just happens to be childrenless, thank zod) and he's trying to keep up with the FoH Clowns that are terrorizing this Mutant Town neighborhood. "I haven't driven one of these since I was nine! At least steal a Cadillac next time! Come on!" Wade hits a series of parked cars to prove just how bad he is at driving this thing.

"So uh.... either of you gonna' do some heroic expletive and stop those idiots or what? We're on the clock here! This scene has to be posted /tonight/."

Wade glances over his shoulder at the only two passengers that are on this chase case with him...

Neena Thurman has posed:
How did Domino wind up in this situation, you might ask?

Don't ask.

Please, please don't ask.

Instead try to focus on the very grumpy albino lady now peeling herself off of the FLOOR of this grungy old bus amid a string of expletives, angrily wiping at her face with a call of "If you don't stop /hitting/ everything I'm putting two in your thick skull and taking over driving!"

There's some scrambling around in the back followed by another sharp curse as she's thrown clear across the vehicle to slap against the opposite side then immediately disappear behind the seats as she slips on the floor again. "DEADPOOL I swear to hell!"

Also clattering about in the back? That'd be the RPG she's been desperately trying to grab and bring up to the front where she might be able to shoot back at those friggin' FoH C-listers. Though before any of this can happen there's a faint groan of "Fell on my keys that time..."

Gripping the seatbacks she pushes forward like a rock climber scaling a sheer cliff face, only stopping long enough to get the explosive launcher tucked under an arm. "You!" she calls out to Rachel then firmly shakes her head. "Red! I don't even know if you /have/ a codename. Can't you do some of that psychic...shit to run interference?" she presses with an aimless and wild gesturing about her own head. "I'd rather get this done sooner than later with our lives in HIS hands" she jerks her head toward the mouthy motorist merc.

Rachel Summers has posed:
It's a verifiable fact that these days, most bigotry comes in retro-90s flavors.

Look it up!

The fact that a bunch of terrorists are rocking Canadian Tuxedos doesn't exactly make them less dangerous, though; just kind of sad. This is the mantra of Rachel Summers as she telekinetically anchors herself to the swerve and slide of a god damn school bus currently hot in pursuit of a truckful of Friends of Humanity - fashion disaster ver.

Concentrating is a difficult thing, however.

"Scene? What?!"

Especially when you're getting acquainted with DEATHSTROKE THE TERno wait DEADPOOL THE MERC WITH A MOUTH for the first time.

Green eyes slide an accusing look Domino's way as the albino merc peels herself off the floor. You know the look. The squinting eyes of accusation. The pursed lips of bamboozlement. The set jaw of agitation. It communicates a very clear message:

'This is all -your- fault.'

This would be a good time for a flashback to explain why, yet none comes, because buffer space is at a premium. Everyone will just have to suffer the mystery and take it on good faith Rachel is right.

Fortunately, all the insanity in the world can't keep Rachel from doing her job (which is not a challenge). With an agitated roll of her eyes at all the -nonsense- she is currently being subjected to, the redhead directs her attention upward to the ceiling of the bus as Domino calls out to her. She's already projecting outward and upward when she hears that request, the equivalent of a psychic buzzsaw suddenly shrieking to life with the sparks and sounds of tearing metal as she literally carves a hole into the top of the bus with the power of her brain.

She debates, for a moment, telling Domino to call her Prestige. ... She thinks better of it, because she still regrets that codename, and so settles for:

"You know, Red works just fine." The winds rush and roar loudly into the bus from her makeshift porthole as Rachel lifts off the unfortunately sticky floor of the vehicle. "I'm going to give you a distraction -- you do your thing, Spot!"

And with this, Rachel suddenly -shoots- out of the hole she's made in the top of the bus, astral flames bursting around her in a swirling vortex of pulsing orange and crimson tongues of fire. It's extremely flashy. It's extremely attention grabbing. It basically paints a giant target on Rachel.

Which is exactly the point.

Just to seal the deal, however, that chunk of metal Rachel tore out of the bus? She -flings- it at one of those Denim Goons with the power of her mind, intent to bean him across the head with a slab of metal. You know. Gently.

< Wait. > Rachel's voice suddenly projects into Domino and Wade's heads, more felt like a warm hearth's crackle than actually physically heard.

< Why were you driving a school bus when you were nine--? >

Wade Wilson has posed:
"Because I couldn't find a limo. Duh!" Deadpool's response is pretty much as calm and as normal as can be. In fact, it's a bit too calm considering that he's smashing into any vehicles left and right. In fact, it's almost as if he's getting points for the things he crashes into. How this school bus is managing to continue to roll is beyond even his own knowledge.

Not that anybody's ever said that Deadpool knows too much.

So this is the part where the FoH Gangers decide to try and do something even more rude than shooting and blasting their tech weapons at the bus and at the randoms and innocents all over the neighborhood. They yell. "HAHAHA! DIE MUTIE!" "YEAH! YOU STINKIN' GENEJOKES!" "YEAH! POWERS SUCK AND WE'RE TOTALLY NOT JEALOUS OF YOU!" "Todd, shut up!" "Yeah, shut up Todd!" "Aw come on, guys!"

Their conversation is interrupted by the sudden arrival of the metal bus piece sailing in the direction of Todd's head. He's out cold almost immediately and his finger continues to squeeze the concussion blaster into the inside of the Unarmored Armored truck and thus helps making more trouble for the FoH Gang on the inside! Because now they are being blasted by their own as well!

One of those spare blasts knocks a stop sign off its pole and onto the windshield of the bus. "Whoa! Stop sign!" Wade slams on the brakes just long enough for the RPG to fling forward and right towards Domino. That's lucky, huh?

"Sorry about that, gals! Always obey traffic laws!" The stop sign slides off the side of the bus and Deadpool slams on the gas again!

"... hey, did he just say 'Mutie' with the Hard M?" Deadpool goes into a full Stephanie Tanner, "HOW RUDE!" Flooring it.

Neena Thurman has posed:
"Just roll with it! It's all any of us can do!"

For once this is most certainly not Domino's faul--okay, there's still decent odds that it is. But she had all of the right reasons! ...Probably!

Or maybe she just wanted to screw with some bigots, who knows anymore.

Maybe if they hadn't spent so much on the special effects for Rachel's telekinetic showing off they could have afforded a flashback, but now it's Dom's turn to roll her eyes with a muttered "That girl..."

Deadpool can answer the bus question, /this/ gal is still bouncing around trying to get to the front. It's a short bus, too! This'd be real easy if it wasn't Wade trying to pinball it down the street! Another swerve causes the albino to stumble with a squawk, suddenly dropping sideways squarely across Wilson's lap.

Domino shakes out her head, blinks, looks up at Deadpool, looks out the road, and snaps eyes wide open at seeing the Stop sign flying toward them. "Look out!"

Brake checking the bus about slings the albino onto the dash before spilling out across the floor, right in time for the launcher to drop on top of her with an "Oof!"

Wade floors it, resulting in a mad Neena-grab for the handle which opens the side doors. They pop halfway open as she's left clinging to the handle with one hand and the RPG with the other. She sounds so happy about the experience!

"Fricking KILL YOU ALL!"

Rachel's certainly doing her part to put on a show, giving Dom the chance to throw the side doors fully open then try and wedge herself in. It's a balancing act to make sure she won't go flying out of the bus while also setting the RPG up where she can both attempt to hit the other vehicle and not blow up anything else, like herself. It's complete with a dreadful note of "Oooh this is gonna be fun. I haven't touched off one of these from the side of a speeding bus since I was nineteen. Like riding a bike!"

Except not at all.

Rachel Summers has posed:
< That you can just roll with any of this makes me just as much concerned about -you-! >

What's the emotional imagery of alarm? Because that is exactly the sentiment that Rachel is projecting into their brains right now.

Then again, she seems to be rolling with all this insanity just fine, so that probably says something about -her- too, but.

Hey shut up maybe.

Of course, right now Rachel's not thinking of the probability that she might also be insane (the answer to that is already clear); she's focusing on the task at hand, like a -professional-, blissfully above the chaotic antics within the bus like some sort of big shot. She can't help the little smirk as her well-timed Whacking Slab does its job in unleashing chaos inside the Unarmored Armored (?!) truck. She lands with lazy serenity on the top of the school bus, digesting Deadpool's explanation with a frown.

< Thank you. That was incredibly informative. You're a master of exposition. >

How can a psychic voice be so completely deadpan with sarcasm? The World May Never Know.

She's about to load up another jab when, well, Responsible Driving happens. That stop sign CRACKS into the windshield. Rachel, on top of the bus, looks down with surprise. She begins to think, < Hold on, I'll get it off-- >

Which is really just the most poorly timed moment for her sentiment to be cut off as Deadpool -pumps the breaks- so hard Rachel just -FLINGS- right off the bus like a slingshot.

"What the FUCK--"

Telekinesis seizes her in mid-air, stopping her from ramming directly into the truck. Which is just about the time she notices Deadpool FLOORING IT ONCE MORE. Rachel -just- manages to bank up into the air seconds before the bus slams into her, letting out a expletive string not fit for this pose rating before she refocuses her ire on the truck ahead.

She has Strong Feelings about the Hard M. She really does.

And she makes it known by seizing a manhole cover just beneath the truck with her mind and suddenly -shooting- it up into the undercarriage like a pop rocket, with enough concussive force to hopefully send the thing spinning out -- hopefully in a, by great quirk of luck, perfectly primed position for Domino's RPG.

< Is this why you two are friends? Shared bus fetishes inspired by your youth? >

She feels it's worth asking.

Wade Wilson has posed:
Rachel might want to be careful inside Wade's head. While he's getting the communication, there's a lot going on in there. There's a ton of My Little Ponies, a few 80s Action Heroes, the talking trees from Wizard of Oz, a game of Strip Monopoly between some Sexy Chimichangas and sitting on the Iron Throne, straight out of Game of Thrones, is Bea Arthur. Ruling with a plastic Infinity Gauntlet full of Jelly Beans.

For the briefest of moments, when Domino is sprawled across him, Deadpool is in love again. There's even hearts in his lenses. But then that ends so abruptly that the Pool-O-Vision just fades.

Somewhere, the Studio Audience awwwwwwwwwws.

"AIM FOR THE RECTUM!" is yelled in Domino's direction to help with the aiming. It is during this yell that Wade is actually able to keep the short bus straight. "Hey! I think I finally got the hang of--"

He smashes through an old lady's food cart. "Nevermind!" He holds his hand out the window and catches a falling bottle of Nyquil. "Oooooh. The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, aching, coughing, stuffy-head, fever, so you can rest medicine!"

Cut To: The Unarmored Armored Truck

Inside, the FoH Mooks have been concussive blasted to hell and back and they are all knocked out. But Todd is just waking up. "Uh. Guys?" He starts trying to wake them up about the same time that TK'd manhole cover does its magic and sends the UAT spinning out with all the cinematic stylings of a Michael Bay trailer. The vehicle spins completely around and the fact that the accelerator is still pushed means its headed straight for the bus now.

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" The FoH Drivers are now facing the RPG grenade that's speeding towards them.

In a word? Boom.

With the fiery explosion in the foreground, Deadpool's response to Rachel is so calm and so matter-of-fact that it becomes quite obvious that he's focused on trying to open his Nyquil bottle and not focused on the fact that they just exploded a bunch of FoHoes.

"Oh, we're friends because she has huge bazonkas and one day I'm going to earn the chance to motorboat them. ONE DAY!" Deadpool's probably lying.

"... also we both love guns."

They are probably about to roll right through what's left of the FoHoe Truck. And Todd.

Neena Thurman has posed:
< I'm flattered by your concern > Domino thinks back, similarly both deadpan and sarcasm-filled at once.

She especially likes the part where Rachel both gets ejected from the top of the bus then nearly gets run over by the same bus. She had it coming!

Weird telekinetic stuff is happening up ahead but she's not about to miss such an opportunity (so long as she's not thrown about like a ragdoll some more.) < Buses are useful! > pops into her mind as she lines up the sights on the wildly spinning truck. "RPG-7, up the tailpipe!" Except the UAT is now barreling straight for them. "Scratch that, up the nose!"

A pull on the trigger results in immediate drama fore and aft. Behind her half of the side windows on the bus immediately shatter from the concussion. Up ahead where most of the special effects team spent an entire afternoon, pure PG-13 rated mayhem. There's even something for the 3D Glasses wearers in the audience as a singed 'Todd' nametag flits about in the air.

The albino is immediately in her happyplace with the smoking launcher held high and a mixture of a laugh and a cheer sounding out before it abruptly cuts short as realization dawns upon her...both vehicles are still headed on a collision course.

"Wade--! WAAAADE! Stop thinking about my airbags!"

Rachel Summers has posed:
There's few things in this world that can provoke a reasonable fear response in Rachel 'I Lived Through A Dead Timeline And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt And All My Friends And Family Murdered' Summers.

Wade Wilson's mind might be one of the few to claim that dubious title.

At the very -least- it merits 'extreme concern.'

And that is why Rachel keeps it -surface level only- when she's doing her mental banter; even -that- leaves her with the feeling that the bizarre grime of Deadpool's mind rubbed off on her, like grease if grease was full of retro pop culture and strange, unfathomable meta.

She's going to need a metaphorical shower after this. And a literal one.

As it is, Rachel valiantly suppresses a grimace as their gambit pays off with explosive success. The psychic redhead comes to a stop, the straps of her trenchcoat rustling in the wind behind her like the tail feathers of a Phoenix as she floats above the mayhem, hands securely affixed to her hips.

< That's much less interesting than the bus fetish, > she gravely imparts to them both. < But they are pretty nice--wait. Deadpool? Hey? Are you--? >

Wade--! WAAAADE! Stop thinking about my airbags!

Rachel Summers squints as the bus roars straight past her. Straight past her, and right for the truck. She frowns.

She sighs.

< Ugh. >

She's already reaching out with her mind to try to seize that bus and bring it to a stop her damn self, teeth gritting as she strains trying to wrangle in ten thousand pounds of screaming metal and also screaming Dominos and Wades. But even Rachel can't bypass the laws of inertia (yet).

Can she do it?!

Can she save them?!

Can she save the one nearest and dearest to her heart.... TODD?!

The answer is--

Wade Wilson has posed:
The explosion of the UAT has actually managed to launch Todd out the back of the thing! Yeah, his nametag is fluttering somewhere but his body is sailing right through the window of a local Mutant flower shop and the Plantkinetic is none to happy about that. Oh, the vines. THE VINES! They squeeze!

But that's enough of that.

"Wait, huh?" Wade looks up from the bottle of Nyquil. "Airbags?! Where?!" Instinctively there's some brake slamming and emergency brake pulling and there's going to be a whole lot of bus shaking... or TKing thanks to Rachel. Either way, the bus comes to a grinding halt while what's left of the UAT does something almost close to that as well.

And then Deadpool's body goes sailing through what's left of the windshield. Because seatbelts ruin lives.

As he smashes through the glass and is headed straight for the burning wreckage of the UAT, one of his pouches opens up and from within flings a plastic ring. It sails through the air and in the direction of Rachel's forehead. It's a cheap plastic Planeteer knockoff ring with a big 'X' in the middle.

Deadpool raises two fingers up to the side of his head and he thinks in James McAvoy's voice...

< Welcome... to the X-Force. >

And then Deadpool smashes into the fiery wreckage without so much as a care in the world. He's probably burning up and everything but there's a raising of his (fiery) gloved hand out of said wreckage and a thumbs up with it to show that he's okay.

"Hey look!" And his other hand comes up as well showing the now OPEN bottle of Nyquil! "I got my Nyquil open! Hah! Childproof, my bootay!"

And then more fire hits him.

"Ow! Hey! Hot hot hot!"

Neena Thurman has posed:
< Would you PLEASE stop saying 'bus fetish'?! > is what she thinks first.

Did Domino miss Rachel's thought-compliment? No. No she did not. But she's too busy trying to not end up as a new hood ornament on the UAT. It's a real concern! Like how concerning it is she now has the mental image of being motorboated by Deadpool.

On second thought, now she wants to keep a front row seat to when their bus slams into the UAT. Kill her now, kthx.

At least she doesn't have to put up with Rachel's psychic contamination. Dom remains blissfully unaware of that part of their exchange and she could not be happier about it.

What she IS worrying about is a sudden kick in the backside from her over-eager survival instinct. No front row seat to carmageddon today, after all. The empty Noob Tube slips out of her hands with a clatter as she starts sprinting down the center aisle toward the bus's emergency back door.

She's JUST about to reach it when Wade hits the brakes. Again. Again Dom's eyes go wide in purely comical fashion as momentum changes, the door seemingly getting pulled /away/ from her as she frantically stumbles and is sent straight back into the middle of the bus. Her butt unceremoniously greets the floor yet again as Wade is busy Buzz Lightyearing his way through the windshield, complete with another 3D-focused slow motion action shot of a membership ring which must be something new they're doing now since DOM never got a ring of her own (the scandal!)

Dazed and staring up through the bus's brand new sunroof, there's only one thought left on her mind:

< Wait -- /what?/ You did /not/ just invite Red to the 'Force. ... Wiiilsooon! >

Rachel Summers has posed:
Whether through Deadpool's skillful Safety First driving instincts or Rachel's big brains, that bus comes to a screaming stop.

Whereupon it just kind of launches Wade out of the crumbling windshield like a cannonball that is decidedly not invulnerable while blastin'.

Rachel, catching her breath, just sort of watches this all play out from where she floats above, staring blankly as Deadpool lands in the conflagration that was once an Unarmored Armored Truck.

"... Oops. -- Huh?"

Something comes flying out of that wreckage. Rachel, assuming it's some kind of attack from a vengeful Todd probably, reaches out with her mind to -seize- the thing like an insect frozen in amber seconds before it can bean her across the forehead. This leaves her staring at... at...

Her red brows furrow and her nose wrinkles as she stares at that Planeteer ring with a complete lack of comprehension.

< ... What the hell is that? >

For you see, Rachel is too young to know what Captain Planet is.

Or she came from a hellish dystopia and retained absolutely no pop culture knowledge from her childhood. Either way.

It's a grievous blow to the soul of any 90s child.

The redheaded telepath receives that telepathic invitation (draft??) just about when Domino finally recovers. She blinks. Her head tilts.

< ... Huh. >

And slowly, she floats back down into the interior of the halted bus, landing in a smooth and unconventional perch atop the back of one of those cushiony black seats. She folds one leg over the other. She considers. X-Force. It's not something she expected, but...

The wheels in her head are turning when Dom mentally shouts out her disbelief. It -certainly- doesn't affect Rachel's ultimate choice, of course. It's -certainly- only coincidence that immediately after that cry of Wiiilsooon! that Rach looks -right at- Domino, smiles a dry smile, and thought-declares:

< Happy to join the team, Wade. >

Whereupon she just slides that plastic ring on her ring finger just to double down on being an ass.

She's admiring the little X-Force Planeteer ring (not really; she's just taunting) when she blinks. She stares at the burning wreckage. She wonders, for a moment, if Wade is dead. She ponders, for a time, over the fact that he wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Silence reigns.

...

"I thought he said to always obey traffic laws."

X-FORCE!