2011/Hopes and Memories

Hopes and Memories
Date of Scene:	08 June 2020
Location:	Memorial and Meeting Rooms - Titan's Tower
Synopsis:	Raven and Donna discuss dreams, immortality, death and love.
Cast of Characters:	Donna Troy, Rachel Roth

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Donna Troy has posed:
    It's late. Or early. This is something Raven and Troia will probably never agree on. It's Troia's nature to rise with the sun. This is not true of Raven. It's one of those things where accomodations have to be made.

    However this is a time when people are generally asleep, whichever side of the debate they are on. The tower is quiet. Troia would certainly normally be asleep at this time of the night, but something had woken her, a dream she barely remembers. Not a nightmare, just something oddly disquieting. Something that made her want to come down here, to visit the statues of Don and Kole where they stand in their niches.

    And, of course, she'd wanted Raven to accompany her.

    She stands in the dimly-lit room in silence for a while, looking at the two statues next to each other, studying the bronze faces carefully, letting them be etched in her memory. "I tried contacting Hank a few times," she says eventually. "He never answers. I wish... I wish at least he'd tell me to go away or something."

Rachel Roth has posed:
    Of Raven's few true enemies, the sun is the greatest and most powerful. She rues it daily, and more often than not combats it in passive ways. The darkening enchantments on the windows of her room. The doubly thick curtains. The hood, at all times of day.

    She'll beat the lifegiving star of this solar system eventually.

    By now, she was fully awake. Having roused herself in the late afternoon as is customary, Raven is in the thickest part of her day, and the invitation to come down to the Memorial isn't one she's going to deny- especially because she has this... Needling understanding that Donna is uneasy.

    "He is angry, and the part of him that handles that died. Without Don, Hank can't even properly translate the pain into aggression. I'm sure he'd want to tell you exactly what you can do with your time, if he could even bring himself to address it."

Donna Troy has posed:
    "I know, I know, it's just..." Troia stops herself. "Ah it sounds stupid trying to put it into words. I wish... maybe he's found his own way to deal with it. Maybe staying away from us, having nothing to do with us, maybe that's his way."

    She takes a step back, standing close to Raven and putting an arm around her waist. "But maybe it isn't. Maybe that's his way of not coping. I hate to think that maybe he needs us, and we're not there for him because we think that's what he wants."

    Troia lowers her head, letting it rest on Raven's shoulder. "Don could have... Don was the only one who really... you know what I mean." She's silent again a while.

    "I miss Don. His calmness. He always seemed to know what to say. It's funny. He was probably the most quiet Titan, apart from you I guess. But it's like... I keep expecting to hear his voice, and it's not there. We've got more people around the tower than we ever did before, but sometimes it feels emptier."

    Is that what's been making Donna uneasy? There's some resonance of it there, something Raven can sense in her mood now - and once or twice before recently.

Rachel Roth has posed:
    "It's his way. Whatever that way is, it's his. The problem is that he's never walked it before. The road he and Don were on was different than where he is right now, and the worst is that he would need Don to help him find his way back. Let's hope he finds some inspiration that illuminates the path, because quite simply... We cannot."

    There's this... Small, mildly forlorn sigh, as the other woman takes Raven into her embrace. To facilitate, the hand on that side of Raven slips out of her pocket, and her arm slips under Donna's, hooking her delicate fingers around Donna's opposite hip.

    "That's what it's like. No matter how loud, each statement, each situation... You seek out the familiar, your mind starts wondering what the people you're used to would, or should, say... And when they're gone, there is an impossible gap to close, an opportunity that is never taken. It won't stop, but it is our job now to move on."

Donna Troy has posed:
    Donna answers with a nod of her head and a period of silence, a mute acknowledgement that Raven's words cannot be gainsaid nor need any amplification. She had always been impressed with Raven's ability to put feelings into words. Perhaps that came from the different way the two dealt with emotions - Raven by trying to understand, to compartmentalize, while Troia simply tried to harness them.

    Her free hand finds Raven's placed on her hip, and she entwines her fingers gently between her friend and lover's. It's another kind of agreement, a mark of the thoughts - and the moment - shared.

    When she speaks again, the immediate subject has shifted, but the broader subject is the same. "All these niches. One day... each of them will be filled. I'm... Diana's nine hundred years old. My mother is over three thousand. I've been granted the gifts of the Amazons, Rae. All of them. I'm not... unless something happens to me, I will outlive this building. Live to see these niches filled, one by one, with statues. Of... of my friends."

Rachel Roth has posed:
    When Donna's hand intertwines itself with hers, fingers hooking around one another, there is this squeeze that Donna will feel, even though it doesn't come close to doing much more than being felt.

    There is a pensive period, a moment or more's worth of time that Raven spends in consideration. It isn't a contest, but even if it were, Raven's statements are perhaps more ominous than they are comforting at first.

    "My father is as old as the cosmos itself. A thing made of anger that will exist until the breath of this universe leaves its lungs. What I've inherited I do not fully know, but I know how much was -desired.- I hope for something as peacefully swift as three thousand years." she acknowledges, resting her cheek silently atop Donna's head.

    "These displays will fill, and more will be built, if the Titans persevere into the future. Even if we don't, one would hope that they're maintained by someone. Fifteen, thirty, a few hundred, a few thousand, the number of years don't matter if the light is snuffed before its time. Can't dwell on death. It will always win. You can only dwell on life, and be satisfied by that, even if you trip up every now and then."

Donna Troy has posed:
    The squeeze is returned, tighter, when Raven says her piece about her own likely longevity. There is an almost tangible sense of /relief/ from Donna. The relationship - even if it is in some ways three years old - has that sense of freshness and newness about it that makes the thought of where it might stand in a hundred years when the rest of the Titans will be dead seem absurd. At least to Donna who tends to live in the moment. Yet at that moment it will be obvious to Raven that the question had been weighing on her.

    It's not enough though.

    "It's easy to say that now, Rae. I mean even standing here, with these two... the tower feels alive. Just knowing there are all the others here. Asleep in their rooms, or whatever. It feels like a place of life. But what happens when there are more statues than people? I mean... that's how it was when you were here alone. And one day, even if we... even if everything works out well, it'll be that way again. Inevitably. The tower will house more dead than living, and then it will be a mausoleum, not a place of life."

    It's not like Donna to be this morbid.

Rachel Roth has posed:
    Raven acknowledges the relief- it is, to her, almost palpable, but similarly it isn't total. There is something deep-seated there that she could, if she wanted to, attempt to probe for... But Donna isn't a subject being interrogated. She is not the enemy, she is Raven's partner- and that means she gets more respect of her boundaries than everyone else.

    Still, she can feel that this isn't over before Donna even speaks.

    "Will it?" she asks, looking out at the statues somewhat impassively, "Or does it already? We all leave our mark on the world around us. There is... Legacy, here, not bodies. Statues as monument to actions and personalities, not as markers for graves. If you take it in that sense, we already walk amongst the dead, both literally, and figuratively, as we change into different people day by day."

    Then, a short pause.

    "In that sense, these statues are an inspiration. Or, they will be. Lighten up."

    The worst part? Nobody will ever believe Donna.

Donna Troy has posed:
    'Lighten up.' Being told to lighten up by Raven. Nobody would ever believe her, but she's not going to tell anyone, anyway. It would raise too many questions. The incongruity brings a smile to Donna's lips even if the words don't convince.

    "I can't believe you're the one telling me see the positive side Rae," Donna says, lifting her head to plant a quick kiss on Raven's cheek. "But it's not that simple. Of course we should honor their legacy. But it's a lot easier to do that when the legacy is a living one, when there are people to share it with. That might not always be the case. We walk with the living as well as the dead, and that helps us feel alive."

    Donna lowers her head back to Raven's shoulder. "I was dreaming earlier." Here it comes. "I don't really remember it. But I was in a long hallway, and... I mean I was in the Tower. You know how it is in dreams. You can be in a place, you /know/ you are in that place, even when it is different? I was in Titans tower. I knew that's where I was. And it was empty. I thought about what it must have been like for you, for all that time, being alone here. But there was... I knew it was something more than that. I knew I was the last Titan. That all the other Titans were dead, and I was... I felt so lonely."

    The fingers tighten on Rae's again. "Please don't die Rae. I know, I know you can't promise... that what we do, it's always a risk. A big risk. It's just... I couldn't... please try not to. That's all."

Rachel Roth has posed:
    In the end, Raven had intended it more as a specter of levity amongst their talk of death. "Nor will anyone else, Donna. You will have to live with that." The little peck on her cheek leaves this small reddening behind- a blush flushing in that is inevitable after even a small gesture like that. "None of this is easy. It never gets easier. Maybe we're just now learning that, but it's true. It never gets easier. We can't take for granted when these times end happily, rather than abruptly."

    Raven exhales softly, at the request. "I'll give it my best shot." she responds, after a moment. "But dying an early death should be the least of your worries as far as I'm concerned. I don't plan on going anytime soon."

Donna Troy has posed:
    There's another squeeze of the fingers, and Donna nuzzles into Raven's neck a little. "I guess when those times are happy, you just can't help hoping that they don't end happily or abruptly," she says. "Because in that moment you don't want them to end at all."

    She inhales slowly, and exhales fast. It's not quite a sigh, but something approximate. There is something about a release in it, as if she were trying to expel some tension from her body with the breath. "Raerae, I..."

    She interrupts herself to kiss Raven's cheek again, another peck regardless of any blushing the first may have caused. "I love you," she concludes.

    There is a silence, and a sense that something has shifted, a marker in the conversation reached. There is a statement hovering on Donna's lips for a while, something about that 'least of your worries' statement, but she puts it aside for now. That's another conversation.

    "When I first heard," Donna begins. "Mom told me. I got back to the palace... I'd been away a couple of months. A guard duty thing. She told me. Then... Diana came home, the next day. She had brought Cait with her. Cait stayed with us a while, she was kind of in a bad way. Had a lot of healing to do. A lot of the things that you've told me since I came back, about not blaming myself - Cait said the same. And I said them right back to her. But I didn't really believed them until I came back. And until you helped me understand. You're so good at putting things into words."

    She lifts her head and looks into Raven's eyes. "You know though, there's one thing I still feel guilty about. It's kinda hard to admit this. But... Kole. I uh... I don't... Don meant more to me. Hera. It sounds bad even saying it, but it's true."

Rachel Roth has posed:
    There is little in the way of response from Raven. Not vocally, at least. There is reciprocation, of course- and she does repeat the phrase, her voice earnest, and that baring of herself is so intense that she cannot speak above a whisper.

    "I love you too."

    Then, Donna begins explaining. Raven can sense that there is something unsaid, something that she is certain will be touched on later- and something she is already deeply familiar with. She lets it lie without risking disturbing it.

    "By the time you heard, I was already unconscious." she remarks, considering for a moment how the mirror shattered- how what it let out saved the Titans in the moment, but nearly doomed her in the long run. "Caitlin's... Obsession is troubling, but she has a level head."

    "Ah, now you're picking favorites. Such a shame."

Donna Troy has posed:
    It's obvious that hearing the words means a lot to Donna. Even whispered. Maybe more because it's whispered, because it wasn't easy. This isn't something she expresses in words. It's spoken in her posture, in a slight increase in the closeness with which she holds Raven, the light touch of fingers stroking Raven's hand, in the way she brushes her cheek against her lover's. Words could not say it so clearly.

    "That's totally unfair," Donna tells Raven. "I'm not picking favorites, I'm just being honest. And also I /just/ told you that I felt guilty about it and you're only saying that to be mean to me because you're a terrible person."

    She's smiling when she says it though. It would have hurt at a different time, if it had not followed so soon after those four words. She was baring her soul and Raven responded with snark, but it doesn't matter. The ghost of her dream is forgotten, the fear of a lonely immortality vanished for now.

    "Cait is... more complicated than she seems. Because she's simpler than she seems. She has a lot to... what do you mean by obsessed? I don't think she's really obsessed with anything. /Focused/ yeah. "

Rachel Roth has posed:
    Raven is less physical, merely resting herself against Donna. It could be seen as passive, but really it ends up being a representation of that stability that Raven desires. She just wants to bask in it, and frankly, covet it for a while.

    "Life isn't fair, Donna." she notes, playing further into the joking air. "But... Don was something special to all of us. It's only natural that his loss would... I guess, mean more. It doesn't diminish the tragedy of losing Kole, but his importance just amplifies the loss."

    Raven sighs, quietly. Her head rolls to the other side. "She has a good heart, and means well. I just worry that meaning well means that it will not be much longer before she comes to tell me that what we are doing is unnatural, or us that we are living in sin."

Donna Troy has posed:
    Donna reaches a hand out to touch the statue of Don. She'd probably step away from Raven to do this but for an awareness that Raven is getting a rare contentment from that physical closeness she has no desire to end.

    "Don was special. Everyone is special in their own way, but Don was special in what he meant to us too. Kole... she was nice. But I don't think that she... she didn't change us, if you know what I mean. She didn't leave the kind of... Don left more of a mark on our lives, I think. Kole's death is no less of a tragedy, but I can't help it if I feel Don's more."

    Donna reaches her hand, having to stretch a little this time, to brush it against the hand of Kole's statue. "Sorry Kole," she says with a slightly sad smile. "You died helping to save the world. You will always have my utmost respect. You were a true hero. There are those who mourn your passing as much as I mourn Don's, and more. Maybe I just never got to know you well enough."

    Donna gives Kole's statue a few more moments of silent, respectful consideration, then turns away, to face Raven, her hands on Raven's arms. "Rae, Cait is... it's complicated." Cait is very young. Donna doesn't know if Raven knows that. She might well, because Raven knows all kinds of things, but as far as Donna knows, she's the only one of the Titans who Caitlin has told that she had been alive far fewer years than her appearance would suggest. "When she was on Themyscira, she had... well, some problems. I mean taking in the facts that don't exactly correspond to her beliefs. I mean it's kind of hard to tell someone 'your Pagan gods don't exist' when they're likely to answer 'would you like to meet them?'"

    Donna becomes aware that she's looking into Raven's eyes and it kind of derails her thoughts for a moment. A happy smile spreads across her lips.

    "Uh. The point is, Cait... she's fine. She needs it to try to help her make sense of the world, but she kind of knows it's not that simple. Look. Um..." Her eyes flicker downwards a moment. "Rae? It's late. It's kinda your bed time, right? And I haven't exactly had a full nights..." A grin flashes across her lips. "Wanna...?"

Rachel Roth has posed:
    Raven isn't exactly clinging, not that Donna is likely to notice very much if Raven were to really try and impede her progress, but all the same, Raven isn't necessarily -letting- her reach or break contact.

    She knows that apologizing to Kole, even symbolically, is important- but considering that Donna voices every sentiment that Raven feels, there simply isn't much that Raven has to offer. This is Donna's exercise, and despite that Raven is here for her, she has nothing meaningful to add.

    "She can take comfort in it as much as she needs to. We all have our crutches that help us. It's only if she tries to make it spread that I'll have a problem. To many of the people she listens to... Even if my father weren't what he is, I'd be an abomination."

    Raven's brow raises, and the point is put to rest as soon as Donna's mood makes that shift. "I am certainly not tired, -yet.-" she responds, silently calling up a shifting, black shape that envelopes them both, and they're gone.