235/Everybody Be Cool This Is A Robbery

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Everybody Be Cool This Is A Robbery
Date of Scene: 02 March 2020
Location: Bronx
Synopsis: Floyd and Wade save a convenience store from a robbery. Well. Sorta.
Cast of Characters: Wade Wilson, Floyd Lawton




Wade Wilson has posed:
Picture it! Sicily, 1924.

Wait, that's not right.

Picture it! The Bronx, 2020. Home of the Whopper. Well, if you consider Wade Wilson the Whopper, except that he doesn't actually live here. But he is huge. In certain demographics.

Currently, he's in Carlito's Convenience, a corner store where you can still get a slim jim and a nudie mag within several racks of each other. For which reason it's very popular with teenage boys and old perverts. And Wade's kind of like a cross between those two!

"C'mon, there's gotta be some Bit O' Honey left," he mutters, tossing candy over his shoulder into a pile on the floor. "They still sell those, right? It's not just carnivals and movie theaters. I should see a movie. Something weepie and touching. Does Seagal still make movies that can be seen outside of the former Yugoslavia?"

As he's distracted, he doesn't see the three teenagers moving furtively towards the counter, one of them clutching a gun behind his back.

"Gimme all the cash now!" the kid yells at the clerk.

Oh boy. Somebody's going to miss today's episode of Maury. And I wanted to know if Montell was the father! Dammit!

Floyd Lawton has posed:
Floyd's quite probably the worst person to be in a robbery. He's got guns aplenty. He's got a t-shirt and jacket over his suit. Enjoy shooting at him...

Drawing his own handgun, Floyd watches the teenagers. "Put it down and walk away, nobody gets hurt" he says, and glances to Wade. "You found what you want?" he asks, "Don't go to the counter. There's a robbery" he says with a shrug. Hand's on his pistol, though he's perfectly able of ricocheting a bullet off the shelf, the light fixture, right between two magazines, and ping the poor teenager with a gun.

"Put it down" Floyd says. "I don't feel like shooting you today. So put it down. Nobody gets hurt, you go to juvie, right, and you learn your lesson." he offers. Floyd. Compassionate? Nah.

Wade Wilson has posed:
Deadpool cocks his head, "Okay, look, we're having crossed signals here. First, you say don't go to the counter. Then you say there's a robbery. Now, me being me, I'm going to be totally interested in a robbery. I'm a true crime afficionado! You should see my list of podcasts. I'm a real Murderino! So, you can't keep me away from something by telling me something aligned with my special interests is happening. Excuse me, kid," he says, casually shoving aside the boy doing the robbery. The gun gets pressed to the back of his head.

"Back off or I shoot your clown friend!" the kid yells at Floyd.

Wade puts his hands on his hips, "Clown?!? Do I look like Joaquin Phoenix to you? I haven't even been nominated. Go ahead, Floyd, you can shoot him. Shoot him through my head. Maybe I can make it hard for you. See if you can get it through my eye," he says, darting his head a little back and forth.

The man behind the counter is just hiding now.

Floyd Lawton has posed:
Floyd laughs softly. "Look, bud. You want me to try? You're on. Hundred bucks says I make the shot" he says gently, watching him. Looking over to Wade, Floyd draws his gun and spends a moment working out the angles required. Once that's done, Floyd double checks his math....and fires.

Bang

Floyd can make the impossible shots. He aims away from Wade, the bullet ricochets once, twice, three, four times. It bounces and ricochets and ends up exactly where Wade said to try. Floyd's just /that/ good.

"Well" Floyd shrugs. "I was worried on hitting your brain. But I figured I didn't hit anything too vital, right?" he asks, then looks to the kid.

Wade Wilson has posed:
Deadpool sighs as the kid falls to the floor, all splattered, "It's just my brain, Floyd, I'll grow a new one, geez," he says. He kicks the kid once or twice, "Whoops. Oh well, guess that one doesn't have a healing factor. I was beginning to think everyone got one these days. Friggin' Department H," he mutters.

"Okay, so..." but before he finishes one of the kid's friends shivs him in the kidneys with a switchblade while the other throws himself haphazardly at Floyd, enraged at the death of their blood brother.

"HEY! MY INNARDS! Those are supposed to stay in. It's in the name. Gosh," he says, turning to face the kid then giving him a Greco-Roman thumb in the eye, "Just when they think they got all the answers, I change the questions!"

Floyd Lawton has posed:
Floyd just fires on instinct.No fancy ricochets. Nope, none. Not when that kid's charging, Fish, barrel?

Floyd groans. "Excuse me, you stabbed my friend" he says. "You gonna apologize or?" he asks, throwing a soda can at the kid with the knife. Sure. Throw a soda can. Good idea, Floyd. He follos that up with some witty....well in theory, banter

"So you stabbed my friend Wade here. Okay, so" Floyd says. "You wanna run at me too?" he challenges.

Wade Wilson has posed:
Deadpool holds up a finger as the kid who jumped at Floyd falls to the floor all shot up. Not exactly super dramatic, but, well, these kids are amateurs and Floyd and Wade are professionals. Sort of. Kind of. Well, they get paid. Most of the time.

"I got it, I got it," Deadpool says, waving off Deadshot's threats to the kid who just stabbed him. "Look, I get it. You're young. You're unpopular. You're smelly. You fell in with a bad crowd. You just wanted some very minty chewing gum to freshen your breath so you could take one last run at that cheerleader who's been givin' you the chubs but you didn't have the cash and your friend had a gun and the next thing you know you're the last survivor of a vigilante execution. Well, first, you haven't survived yet and for two HIIIIIIIIIIII YA!"

Deadpool leaps in a scissor kick, driving his foot into the chest of the teen and sending him careening back into a cooler full of ice cream bars.

He speaks with a faux-Chinese accent out of a kung-fu movie, "Now. You can see. That the Jumping Cockroach Style. Is the most. Superior. Sensei Floyd. Honor me. Finish off my foe. With the Ninth-Degree Flaming Bullet Thrust. And I. Shall pay. For our road snacks."

Floyd Lawton has posed:
"Get the bacon snacks" Floyd says....and launches a headbutt....while watching the remaining kid. "See. Seee" Floyd says and....pistol whips the kid. Then bitch slaps him for good measure....before finally shooting him. Flaming bullet technique, indeed. Looking over to Wade, Floyd blows the smoke from his gun. Dramatic!

Striding to the counter he puts a stick of gum on it. "Hey, buddy, it's okay. They're dead. Ya can come out now and do your thing. It's safe" Floyd says.

Wade Wilson has posed:
Deadpool fingerpoints at Floyd, "You, sir, are a degenerate and a criminal. And I love ya for it," he says, making little smoochie sounds through his mask.

He turns back to the clerk, who has poked his head up a little bit, "And you, sir! Brave under fire! A cool head in a tough situation. I can barely notice the wet spot where you tinkled yourself. Now, if you would be so kind as to ring up our sodium and/or sugar enriched foodstuffs, along with a pack of smokes for my friend, the Gunslinger. Thankee sai from our ka-tet, citizen," he says.

"Soooooooooooooo, I'm not gonna be the one to tell Waller about this."

Floyd Lawton has posed:
"I swear to God...yer next" Floyd says. "You watch it, Wade. Sure, ring us up please and thanks" Floyd adds to the poor clrk and grins to Wade. "I can pull this shit with you all day. C'mon, we got each other's backs"

The idea of telling Waller makes Floyd laugh. "I'm not telling her if you don't. Pinkie swear you won't tell her" he says with a shit eating grin.

Wade Wilson has posed:
Deadpool nods, "Well, if she finds out, we'll just deny everything. Wait, is that Shaggy I hear playing? Cause it wasn't me!"

He leans against Floyd and throws peace signs at the security camera, "#DeadBros!"