6768/Excuse me, how do you Earth

Excuse me, how do you Earth
Date of Scene:	02 July 2021
Location:	Unnamed Shopping Mall
Synopsis:	Scott Lang takes Maxima to a Mall, it goes about as well as one could expect.
Cast of Characters:	Maxima, Scott Lang

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Maxima has posed:
It is a normal evening in Scott's perfectly normal neighborhood. In fact it has been nearly a month since the last incident to earn the ire of the local Homeowners Association or City Council.

But as they say, nothing good lasts forever. And so it is that the silence of the evening is broken by a knock at Scott's door. Or it would be a simple knock if the knocker were an ordinary human and accustomed to the effect of their strength on Earth structures, however the knocker is Maxima and the door goes flying from its hinges crashing into the opposite wall across the foyer.

"Scott Lang! Are you here? I wish to consult with you!" Comes the sound of Maxima's voice after the crash.

Scott Lang has posed:
There is quite thankfully no one in the living room at the time, Cassie off with her mother and Scott having just put the finishing touches on a turkey sandwich in the kitchen. Two slices of rye, thick-cut honey-smoked turkey, cheese, tomato, lettuce, just the right amount of mayo and a dash of pepper. Nothing fancy, enough to make his stomach rumble as he lifts to his mouth...and then the crash, Scott jumping into the air while his sandwich does the opposite as it plummets from his hands. He stares at the now jumbled mess on the floor and his eyes are almost watering with the sadness of it all. He sucks in a deep breath before releasing it as a heavy sigh and steps over his lunch that never was to peek his head out of the kitchen.

"MAXIMA! You're back to see me! That, that's just...why are you here Maxima?" Scott unable to even feign being all that happy to see her as he sees his door laying across his couch. His eyes shut a moment before he walks over to it and picks it up, leaning it against the nearest wall before rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

Maxima has posed:
Stepping in through the entrance in all of her majestic glory is the metal space bikini clad warrior princess from space. "Why are the doors on this planet so flimsy?" Maxima muses aloud as she enters.

But then Scott is there and her attention is immediately upon him, "Scott Lang! I once again require your assistance. This planet is very strange." She informs him as she walks over and sits upon the couch he just removed the door from moments before, crossing her legs. "Since I will be living here for awhile, please explain human society. How does one..." She pauses to search for the right word, "Earth?" Living here... surely she doesn't mean /here/ here, right? Right?!

Scott Lang has posed:
Perhaps for the best Scott doesn't interpret it that way. Or perhaps for the worst since he offers no objections. Surely a space princess has already found better accomodations than a small single-family home on the edge of the city with ant-chewed furniture. "The doors are flimsy because most people don't knock with ten tons of force behind each knuckle. Do you know what handshakes are? If someone offers you one, DON'T do it unless they're Kryptonian OK?" Scott requests. Taking another moment to steady the door he walks over and flops down on the couch beside her. No metal bikini, but considering it was noon he probably should have been in something besides plaid pajama pants and a ratty t-shirt that seemed to feature several Kellog mascots fighting with medieval weaponry while 'Cereal Killers' was written underneath.

He sits there in silence a few moments and then shrugs as he leans back and looks over at the redheaded amazon to quip, "I don't even know where to start with that. We just kinda muddle about our lives. Get a job, get a hobby, get some friends. Eat, sleep. Bit less conquering than Almerac but I can't imagine we're THAT different are we?"

Maxima has posed:
Maxima folds her arms under her chest, somehow still sitting impossibly ramrod straight with perfect posture. "Handshake?" She asks tilting her head to the side. "I am not familiar with this handshake, what purpose do they serve? It sounds like a challenge to battle, shaking your hands at someone."

Maxima listens nodding her head slowly. "Is the Justice League not a job? I am told both this planet requires money for the exchange of goods but producing things valued in this currency should not be done because your economy is based on scarcity? Why not just eliminate scarcities and everyone will be happier and able to more fully realize their potential?"

Scott Lang has posed:
"No a handshake is...it's not important right now, it doesn't come up that much," Scott feeling they're getting off track in a hurry even as he casts a glance to his busted door. What WAS important in trying to get Maxima situated? And away from doing any more damage?

"Yeah I agree making it so everyone has enough is a really good idea but I'm not an expert and I'm pretty sure you just dump a thousand tons of gold on the planet all at once it's gonna cause more problems than it solves...look forget the job thing right now, that, that might be a bit much," as Scott imagines any poor manager anywhere trying to tell Maxima what to do. He actively shivers but forces up a smile as he looks back at her away from the broken door. "Why don't we start with getting you to blend in? Remember how I tried out some Almerac clothes on our trip? Maybe you need some Earth ones. There's a nice little outdoor mall about 3 miles up the road that way, you can't miss it..." Scott making it sound like he was going to send her off on her own on this mission!

Maxima has posed:
Maxima stops and considers this, taking a moment to look down at her 'armor'. "Earth coverings are so flimsy, but you are right an Earth outfit might help me fit in with the humans." She nods her head several times seeing the logic in this. "It is settled then! Scott Lang we shall go to this 'mall'!" She uncrosses her legs and stands up. "Let us be off!"

Scott Lang has posed:
It was almost a view he could enjoy as Maxima stands up beside him in such skimpy armor. If only she wasn't a constant source of torment in his life. "But I...my door..." he starts to try and finagle out now before releasing a groan. Maxima had made up her mind, there was no changing it, he knew THAT well enough by now. "At least let me put on real pants and, lean my door or something," he grumbles, moving quickly before the space princess's patience wore out. When he finally walks outside his house with at least some jeans on he is careful to prop the door behind him, a good inch wide gap visible on one side if someone is really looking.

"We're stopping at Home Depot too!" he insists as a few thousand fire ants scuttle up along the edge of the doorframe just daring someone to try and break in while he's gone. From there he leads Maxima to his ever so sensible Accord, a few child's toys and fast food bags decorating the interior before they set off.

"Can't your, you know matter fabricator do this? Lots of people make knock-off Levis, one more pair of those isn't going to break the economy," he suggests as he tunes the car radio over to a classic rock station.

Maxima has posed:
Maxima waits for Scott to change his clothes, she seems to have at least enough patience for that. "What is a Home Depot?" She asks as they exit Scott's home, "Do they sell homes there? I don't think you need a new one just because of a door.

Once outside she turns and gestures towards the door, which proceeds to right itself as if by some unseen hand and fit itself back into the frame, the metal hinges reconstructing themselves as if they had never been wrenched violently apart.

"Levis?" Maxima asks, following Scott towards his vehicle. "Of course I can duplicate your flimsy Earth attire, but I need examples. Do you expect me to appear like... this?" She gestures at what Scott is wearing. Apparently his attire is not to Maxima's tastes.

When they reach the vehicle, Maxima peers at it curiously. She walks around it once and then again but in the other direction. "You wish to go there in this?" She asks Scott, as if that wasn't obvious.

Scott Lang has posed:
"What I am wearing is comfortable and functional! And yes, this is an Earth vehicle. I can't fly like you can. Besides it's easier to carry stuff. Now c'mon, hop in," Scott insists with a smile as he leans over and pops the passenger door open, patting the seat...and wiping a stray stale French fry off it at the same time. It was clear from the double pace around Maxima was having strong doubts yet, Scott deciding to fall back on a tactic he'd learned from Back to the Future. "Unless something scares you of course."

Maxima has posed:
Maxima continues to stare at the vehicle for a few moments, "Your vehicle is not frightening, it is primitive. It probably doesn't even fly." Not that most Earth cars fly, but Scott has also experienced what Maxima is accustomed to for 'transport'.

Reluctantly she begins trying to squeeze into Scott's Accord, which with her 6'2" amazonian frame is something of a feat. "This vehicle is small." She pronounces once she has folded herself inside. By some miracle no bits were torn off or irrevocably bent into new shapes in the process.

Scott Lang has posed:
     "You'll be fine," Scott assures as he starts the car, a local rock radio station blaring out 'Sweet Child O' Mine' mid-song. Sure enough the Amazon is predictably disappointed as the car doesn't fly but instead begins to roll its way down the street, the potholes of New York a unique experience for Maxima to enjoy.

     Scott travels in relative awkward silence for a couple minutes, stopping at every red light and stop sign no doubt much to the princess's chagrin before he sucks in a deep breath as if bracing himself for something. Finally he notes, "You do know you are difficult to get along with sometimes don't you? The complaints. The demands. Smashing my door. Like you can see how other people might not want to put up with all that right?" he puts it bluntly, already pulling into the shopping center parking lot as he searches for a spot.

Maxima has posed:
"You know, I could /make/ this vehicle fly." Maxima offers after the jarring thud of the third pothole. "How is this mode of transportation considered viable when the ground is so uneven?"

She listens to Scott's criticism and he even manages to come through it in one piece. "Your door is fine. I fixed it. It is not my fault Earth uses such flimsy materials!" She crosses her arms in front of her chest defiantly.

Scott Lang has posed:
     "You are not making my car fly. If you break something on my car you can't just, push it back in place like you did the door. This is a finely tuned machine," Scott counters as he ever so carefully backs into a parking space, readjusting the car at least twice, ever so worried about door dings. Once settled he switches the engine off and unbuckles but doesn't immediately climb out. Another deep breath. He had to hash this out with her.

     "Look you came back to me I ASSUME because you've gotten to know me and trust me. And that's cool, that's awesome. You're awesome! You're a freaking space princess with amazing powers and you're fearless and..." his words pausing, almost saying 'you're beautiful' but not vocalizing it. Did it matter when she could read minds. He bites down on the inside of his cheek a moment trying not to think about what she was reading and only making it worse.

     "But you're also spoiled and demanding and if you want me to keep helping you with stuff like this I just need you to be a tiny bit nicer? Alright? Now c'mon, lets go teach you what pants are. Oooh or maybe a sundress! And there's this great pretzel place I gotta show you," Scott's moment of seriousness gone in a flash as he starts out of the car at last headed for the mall.

Maxima has posed:
Maxima just sits there for a moment listening to Scott. There is every chance that had his service to Almerac and her people no matter how coerced been any less great that a lesser man would not have walked away or at least would have had the door ripped off of his car.

Scott does come out unscathed though and Maxima's door opens seemingly of its own accord but entirely undamaged. She doesn't seem to appreciate Scott's description of what she views as Royal Privilege, but she did at least listen and not smash anything, baby steps.

"What is a sun dress? Is it made from the plasma of your system's star?"

Scott Lang has posed:
     "No it, you know it'll be easier to show you," Scott finally says, staying only a step or two ahead of her as he leads the way, feeling slightly awkward as he does. It was the kind of thing where a couple might hold hands or slip an arm around a waist but they weren't that. But what kind of workfriends went clothes shopping together? Alien he reminds himself, royal alien. This was a diplomatic mission. He does speed up slightly as they get close to the mall entrance, giving himself plenty of time to get the door for her before she has a chance to try it and then quickly follows in behind her.

     Like most malls in the US it wasn't the three story bustling hub of commerce it might have been in years past, but New York's were faring better than some. Certainly there were enough people there to give Maxima's current outfit awkward stares, and Scott by proxy for being with her.

     "Lets uh, lets get you something simple and quick to start with," Scott encourages as he leads Maxima to between a few clothing shops. Nordstrom, Old Navy, Forever 21, their posters and mannequins colorfully decorating their front displays. Simple, classic. Absolutely no way she'd pick anything off the wall as Scott tempts fate. "See anything you like?" as he sweeps his arm around the various shopfronts.

Maxima has posed:
Maxima seems accustomed to the stares. She's probably used to people gawking as a royal. Well, gawking or cowering in fear.

Maxima takes her time stopping in front of different mannequins. A snap of her fingers and burst of light later she is no longer adorned in a metal space bikini but an identical copy of the skirtsuit that the Nordstrom's mannequin is wearing. At the next mannequin in front of Forever21 another snap changes her outfit to a mini-skirt and croptop with not much more coverage than her space bikini.

Each store brings a different outfit, sometimes two or three. Everything seems to be going fine, as fine as can be expected until Scott's attention wanders for what seemed like the briefest of moments before being called back by the sounds of commotion. He perhaps should have warned her, because when he looks back Maxima is standing in front of a Victoria's Secret mannequin surrounded by gawkers with camera phones snapping pictures and Mall Security rapidly closing in on the now lingerie clad space princess.

Scott Lang has posed:
     "Oh, well that should save me some money after all," Scott comments as Maxima demonstrates the ridiculous limits of her powers. It actually makes him grin, he thought he'd have to buy her stuff but if all she needed was to see it? So he presses on a bit as she has her fun, the nerd that he was eyeing the displays of a Gamestop when the hollering and wolf-whistles begin. And not just two but THREE mall security guards closing in on her. Scott had no fear for Maxima. But between the geriatric guard, the one who looked to be in his teens, and the other who looked like they had never let a donut pass them by, he had a lot of worry for the guards' health.

     "Crap crap crap, why is it always something?!" he hisses as he rushes over. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't tackle them, he doubted he could get her to listen. One guard already had their hand on their mace container he could see. He needed something to distract the crowd and the security. Something MORE interesting than a fitness model in underwear. His hand goes to his pocket and comes up with one of the size-changing discs, his eyes roving quickly around the mall. It needed to be safe but hard to ignore.

     Playing on his phone the teen worker hadn't even taken notice of the commotion up the way. Sat at a cart set in the middle of the mall's main thoroughfare it was stocked with pop culture knick knacks and toys. He hears a small 'thwack' sound and one of the figures shifts, a Sesame Street talking The Count. "ONE! AHAHAHA! TWO! AHAHAHA!" The teen's eyes don't look up until three. Was it getting louder? Or...

     There was a much more shrill scream several stores down, the crowd getting a glimpse of a rapidly growing vampire as a scared teen runs away, the cart collapsing under the mathematically inclined bloodsucker. "FOUR! AHAHAHAA!" it booms as the figure with its smiling fanged face continues to expand, its voice booming with an echo. Thankfully the center of the three story mall has plenty of room as Scott rushes in behind the now distracted crowd to dramatically stage whisper at Maxima, "PICK ANOTHER FREAKING OUTFIT!"

Maxima has posed:
Maxima puts her hands behind her head almost seem to pose in the red lingerie set that matches her hair and was clearly never meant to be worn outside of a bedroom, at least to Earth eyes. "Scott! I think I like this one!" She calls over to him, even as the mall security closes in and more pictures are taken.

"Hey lady! Stop! What are you doing?!" One of the security guards shouts in Maxima's direction waving his arms to try and get her attention. That is of course until they have a bigger problem to deal with, quite literally. The growing Sesame Street vampiric mathematician being quite impossible to ignore.

There's just one problem, it grabs Maxima's attention, too! "Scott! There is no time for that! I must do battle with this giant creature before it destroys the mall!" In lingerie, what is it with space princesses anyway?

Scott Lang has posed:
     "No, no you do not! You'll only break more stuff! The giant creature is working for me! Change...I mean, remember that one for later if you like but right now change into something else! Something very different. Maybe change your hair too. And glasses. Glasses are a good disguise I hear," Scott recommends with nervous glances at The Count, people crowding around as he starts talking again, this time with a pre-recorded thunderboom that's loud enough to rattle the glass of some storefronts and make a few people holler. Oh and there's a kid crying. Way to go Scott.

     Provided he does get Maxima to change into something slightly frumpier, or at least different enough not to get mistaken for a Victoria Secret model slumming it at a mall appearance, he actually does dare to try and put an arm around her waist, doing his best to guide her away to the food court. "You know if you can just change clothes by seeing them we didn't have to come here at all. You could just look at other women around town. And see perfectly well none are walking around dressed like what you just had on," he, chastises her again? He was getting bold. His eyes narrowing up a bit as the hamster in his head manages to get the wheel to turn once or twice. "I kinda wonder if you needed me for this at all."

Maxima has posed:
Maxima looks pointedly at Scott for a moment, perhaps not believing the giant thing menacing the people is his doing until she finds the truth in his thoughts. "I see." She nods, looking around. "This planet has strange hangouts about exposed skin." A not uncommon critique among aliens, apparently there are no Space Puritans.

Looking around for something to change into Maxima spies another store across the way and a snap of her fingers later is looking less like a slumming Victoria Secret model and more like a female version of Lobo as she is decked out in a body hugging black PVC skirt and matching top adorned chrome spikes and chains of various lengths and a pair of knee high stompy boots with three inch soles making her seem even taller than she already was.

She looks down at Scott but allows herself to be lead away while Scott's giant Count is still distracting people. "Around town? Most of them are fat and wear rags. This place has such a wide variety of interesting styles and attires, asking you was clearly the right decision. She ignores Scott's comment about walking around dressed like that having already addressed it in her mind. "You seem to question yourself a lot. You should have more faith in your own ingenuity and resourcefulness."

Scott Lang has posed:
     "That's a, yeah that's a different look alright," Scott having little doubt nobody would put this goth punk and the lingerie model as being the same person together. It does certainly draw a few glances though as dressed in his Dad jeans and jokey t-shirt with arm around the waist of goth who is practically a half head taller than him now, well, they hardly looked like the type who hung out together. He grimaces and tries to ignore the stares, not about to ask her to change again.

     "I'm not doubting myself, not entirely," Scott admits while in the background the cackles of The Count begin to fade, already shrinking back to his former height with, minimal property damage. "I'm just saying I have no doubt in YOUR abilities that you could have managed this without me. Whatever though, it's fine. I trust you got enough ideas? We can get something to eat seeing as I lost my sandwich earlier," Scott pulling his arm off her as he steps over to a fried chicken place and orders two meals. Only cringing a bit when he overhears two old ladies behind him, "Oh that's nice, he's taking his daughter out for lunch. Probably trying to get her out of this phase. You know I had one like that back in the 80's..."

Maxima has posed:
"This planet is strange. Having a native guide is useful. Though I suppose I could ask Supergirl. She has assimilated remarkably well." Maxima explains before offering an alternative if Scott is unhappy.

She watches Scott head towards the fried chicken shop. "Ahh Earth Avians seared in oil, it smells wonderful." It seem Maxima approves of fried chicken.

Before, perhaps to Scott's dismay, she turns to the pair of old women and informs them. "He is not my father, he is just escorting me. As is only fitting for a Princess." And then she turns away from them again as if that should clear everything up.

Scott Lang has posed:
     "Now look I'm fine showing you around, I'm just saying things have been a little rough for ME around you is all," Scott says which already has the two nosy women looking a bit shocked. Maxima of course doesn't help things at all when she declares he's a professional escort and she's a Princess.

     The two ladies stand there shocked a moment or two before they turn and hurry away, one hissing to the other, "I never minded a bit of roleplay with Charles bless his soul but we kept it in the bedroom!"

     Red in the face Scott collects the food on a tray and sulks to the darkest corner of the food court, which wasn't very dark at all as he sits down. "Maybe we need to work on wording too. And this whole goth thing it..." Scott about to chide it after all before he finally breaks into a wry grin and shakes his head. "Hell it works on you but I can't think of many outfits that wouldn't. So how's the hunt for a genetic partner going anyway?"