6918/It's Okay if Your Shit Sucks too.

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It's Okay if Your Shit Sucks too.
Date of Scene: 13 July 2021
Location: The Playground
Synopsis: Bucky fills Peggy in on ALL the things, it's a lot! And he even missed a few.
Cast of Characters: James Barnes, Peggy Carter




James Barnes has posed:
    It's been a while since Bucky's been at the Playground. If Peggy had checked on him, she would have found his room... empty. But there's no way he couldn't return when word trickled down that everyone was out of the Framework.

    So, here he is, sometime in the hours just before dawn. He doesn't make his presence known to anyone else if it can be avoided. Oh, he knows he's probably spotted on cameras or the like, but he goes out of his way to avoid anyone else in the hallways as he goes from place to place that he thinks Peggy might be. First stop, her offices. If she's not there, her room. If she's not there, medical.

    The order of his choices is a little backwards, but it only shows how well he really knows Peggy Carter.

Peggy Carter has posed:
Her quarters are the winning place, having checked herself out of medical a day ago and dove straight back into work. She's been worried about him, deeply so, but she also has weeks of reports to catch up on, promotions, a whole mess of other things. The Chief is back and she has a mountain of catching up to do. However, she's also still recovering, so sleep was necessary. After a long cry over children than never truly existed, Peggy and her husband felt asleep wrapped around each other in her quarters.

It's only a few hours later when Bucky manages to jimmy the lock and slip inside. He'll find them both deeply asleep, in nothing but their underthings but tucked under the sheets as well. It's only Peggy's long career as a spy and high paranoia that twigs her to something being wrong. Her head jerks up, hand going for her weapon as she looks into the darkness to that familiar shape.

James Barnes has posed:
    Without a word, as to not wake Daniel, Bucky turns around and heads back for the door. At first it might seem he's leaving entirely, like maybe he just wanted to see if it was true, if she was out and alive and okay. But the pause there, at the door, it's enough to let her know he wants her to follow.

    ... to his own, empty save for the issued furniture, quarters where they can talk alone.

Peggy Carter has posed:
Of course, Daniel is an old spy too. It takes some light shhshing from Peggy and a kiss to his forehead to coax him back to sleep as she slips out of the sheets and grabs her night robe. She wraps it close around her body, securing the tie firmly so Bucky doesn't see anything he didn't sign up for. Then she slips out into the hall to follow him. No words, just quiet trust as her bare feet pad down the hall to his quarters.

In better light, Peggy looks vaguely a mess. There are faint red lines, like tattoos, of circuitry all across her skin. The marks of the pod's connections that have left her, but their marks remain. She's a little gaunt in the face and soft in the body from the weeks of stasis, but it's nothing she can't fix with some PT. She gives him a faint smile as she slips into his quarters.

James Barnes has posed:
    Bucky has to blink back tears and actually turn away at the sight of her. It's like a kick to his gut that he couldn't do *more*.

    Truth be told, he's not looking all that hot himself. She'd be ever curious about the fact that his hair's long again, had she seen him with it short. That hair's in his face now, like it always is when he's trying to hide from something.

    There's a spot or two, small, of blood on the back of his gray hoodie when he turns away. Not bad considering he should have been dead twelve hours ago.

    "I'm sorry, Peggles." For not saving her and Dan... and maybe the rest of them not that they're nearly as much concern to him if he's being honest.

Peggy Carter has posed:
A knot of concern comes to her brow as her tired dark eyes catch sight of those flickers of blood on the back of his hoodie. She doesn't push about it yet, but she's clearly worried. She sinks down into a chair across from him, letting out a slow breath. A slow shake comes to her head.

"No, no...I'm glad you weren't in there. It was a mess, and we had... lots of help. It just took time to get out. And I...didn't even want to. I didn't remember this world or this place. They completely rewrote my mind. I... tried very hard to stay. I'm glad you didn't see that. And it's over now. Not worth worrying about again." She's a bit too stiff about those words. Whatever happened, it's cracked deep to her soul.

James Barnes has posed:
    Bucky's left hand clenches into a fist so tight it damned near creaks and then relaxes again. He turns around, finally, to face her and his expression is completely closed off. But those baby blues of his? There's a storm brewing in them.

    "Nothing to worry about? he asks, incredulous, his voice raising just a little, pitched a little too high. "Look at you!"

    It's been a long time since he's been prone to fits of random violence, but ... damned if he doesn't take one stride forward and flip the coffee table. It goes flying across the room to shatter against a wall. "FUCK THAT! It's not worth worrying about?! FUCK THAT!"

    ...it hasn't been easy out here either and it shows, he's definitely backslid. It's why Sam dragged him off to stay at Steve's in the first place.

Peggy Carter has posed:
While many might wince or shy away from the violence, Peggy just stands up slowly and takes another step forward, waiting for his fit to finish before her small hands reach for his shoulders. Unless he jerks away from her, she keeps that solid, warm touch in place, as grounding and calming as her face looks. Other than those red circuit lines, she looks very much her old, solid self.

"I am *fine*. These marks will fade, it's just... almost an allery. Just irritation. Goodness knows I've had *far* worse injuries before. I am back now. Why worry about a woman who is standing here, healthy and breathing, in one piece? The worst thing is catching up on all the paperwork." She gives him a weak smile with that, squeezing his shoulders.

James Barnes has posed:
    Bucky doesn't jerk away, he would never, not even when he was at his absolute worst. But his shoulder does tense under Peggy's touch.

    "You were *gone*," he says quietly. Not in a way that even remotely places blame on Peggy herself. Just stating a fact, one that was really hard for him to deal with. "... and I couldn't bring you back." Like she's *always* done for him. But he can't deal with that for too long, so.

    "Steve's sick, Zola infected him with a virus when we got trapped in 1943 by some clock thing. Opal, you remember her? She has a line on where the scientist is that has the anti-virus. He's actually holed up here, in Delaware. She's still sussin' out the exact location."

Peggy Carter has posed:
That makes her blink. The comment about her being gone softens her eyes just a touch. Instead of speaking in turn to that, she tugs him into an actual hug. Chest to chest, her slender arms tight around his tense, muscled shoulders. She's careful not to press against where ever he is injured, but she's holding on tightly otherwise. "I... I was gone. Or out of commission, at least. But I'm back now, and that is what matters." She's trying not to dwell on anything else. Too much weighs too heavily on her soul.

Then she hears that news and her body freezes up a bit. She pulls back enough to look into his eyes, concern deepening. "How...how bad is it? As soon as she gets the information, I'll be there, you know. I'll help. But...trapped in... 1943?? What?!"

James Barnes has posed:
    At first that hug just makes him tense up more. Bucky's a big old ball of tense emotions that he doesn't know how to process. The dude's literally been living one war, one fight, one run after another for the nearly the entirety of his adult life. It didn't leave a lot of room for emotional development. Sometimes he's a little like a child in that regard, lashing out when he can't process. But eventually he lets out a heaving sigh of a breath and wraps his arms around her in turn.

    When she pulls back the sound he makes is somewhere between a hiccup and a laugh, maybe a little hysterical sounding. "...and Lucky Jimmy Howlett tried to kill me last night." ...and that's just the tip of the iceberg.


    "I dunno, I dunno what it's gonna do to him. He's different than me. Zola used the same thing on me in the 70s. I got really sick, woulda died if it wasn't for Ruby," - Opal's sister.

    "It was an 084 that went sideways. We... ended up... it was the night before the Expo, two nights before I shipped out."

Peggy Carter has posed:
Peggy knows. She knows that the hug is going to take time. She knows she has to push through the tension and fight before he'll ever properly release into her arms. She knows. So she keeps her arms there and lets him breathe through it, holding as close as she can until he actually hugs her back. She then turns her head to kiss his cheek, a quiet reassurance she is most certainly still there.

And then she's looking back up to him, her brows arching, "...wait... What? Why? I haven't talked to Lucky since..." And then she goes quiet, her cheeks rising in a bit of blush. Well, there's some history THERE. "Never mind. I am guessing that is why you're bleeding? I'm glad he didn't try TOO hard, you are still here."

She then listens to the rest of the other mess, her expression going a hint more serious as she processes the possibilities, "Well... that's a mess, but Opal is on it, right? We'll get the information, and we'll get him better. It's what we do."

James Barnes has posed:
    "Because I killed his wife," Bucky murmurs quietly. Another little sign of how he's backslid since all this shit started. He doesn't say 'The Winter Soldier killed his wife, he says 'I'.

    "I did, for a minute. I think, at least that's what they told me... die. Morrigan MacIntyre was there though..." ...and she's the only reason he's still walking and talking.

    "He didn't realize it was me. Felt bad after. We're good." Hah! Logan runs him through with eighteen inches of adamantium claw times three and 'we're good'.

    "It was a fuckin' mess. You were there, with Howard Stark. I could smell your rose oil and vanilla."

    Opal. Hmmm, now that's *interesting*. When Peggy mentions that name, her boy actually smiles. It's a little thing, but it's a *real* smile. "Yeah, she's on it. Nagel was in Madripoor but fled before we could get him..." Oh man, that look, the way he suddenly shifts his gaze over her shoulder and to the left, the way he lets that sentence hang like there's soooo much more to that story.

    Someone pulled a stupid and he's afraid to tell his 'sister' what he did.

Peggy Carter has posed:
"*You* didn't. The Winter Soldier did. You didn't do that to his wife more than you tried to kill me. We just need to keep getting that through your thick, stubborn skull." Peggy states with a little huff, but she's not going to let him get away with that self hate stuff. Her dark eyes are quite determined on it. She gives his shoulders one last squeeze before gently pulling back, giving him a little breathing room as well.

Then that trailing off happens. She pauses, tilting her head to the side. Her brows arch with a little smirk fluttering across her lips. "...And just what else happened in Madripoor, hmm? I know that look. Or not look. There's more going on here..."

James Barnes has posed:
    Damned if he doesn't look like a toddler with his hand in the cookie jar five minutes before dinner. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, his boots are really interesting, his hair falls over his face again.

    His confession comes out in a rush of words that tumble over one another and barely audible.

    "We needed intel and a way in... only one person had both of those things...." His words get faster still... "IbrokeZemooutofprison." Finally Bucky looks up and adds, "It's *Steve*.

Peggy Carter has posed:
Both brows arch quietly, hearing that. Peggy tilts her head slowly and mulls over this, carefully walking over the shattered coffee table on the floor and back towards the chair where she previously settled. She sits down again, hugging her robe closed around her to be certain she's still properly covered. She crosses her legs and sighs quietly.

"Well, did he do what you needed? I've... broken people out of prison before myself, when we needed. One of which is walking through these halls right now. And if he is done, do you have plans on putting him BACK there, or using him again? What is your cost benefit analysis here?" Peggy asks, as neat and practical as ever. She's an old spy, not a line follower.

James Barnes has posed:
    "Cost benefit analysis? It's *Steve* and he knew where to get the information to save him, Peggy." Bucky backs up against the wall and slides down it to sit on the floor despite there being a perfectly fine couch in the room.

    "We found out about a new project HYDRA is working on. They call it RABID - Rapid Acute Biochemical-Induced Deindividuation. It's like the serum, but it's short lived and causes the subject's own metabolism to fire so high that they burn from the inside, they melt... literally melt. I saw it with my own two eyes when six of them chased me through Manhattan. I told him if he helped me save Steve, he could help us take that program down."

    Because there's nothing Zemo hates more than a super soldier or HYDRA.

Peggy Carter has posed:
A slow sigh escapes her lips as she watches him slide down the wall. She unfolds from her chair and picks her way across the table again, still hugging her robe around her, to go join him at the wall. Gently, her body still sore from sudden use after weeks atrophying in that pod, she sinks down to sit next to him. Shoulder to shoulder.

"Well, then, it seems like that's a useful tool to have on the board. We'll keep eyes on him. Frankly, right now? We're all criminals. What's another criminal added to the mix. If he continues to be useful, keep using him. If he pushes to hard, then we do our best to put him away again and it's just us who need to be sharper than him. I won't damn you for reaching for every tool at your disposal, James."

James Barnes has posed:
    Bucky tips his head over to rest it against Peggy's shoulder, his shaggy head of hair against her cheek. "Sam punched him in the face when he tried to say zeppelin. That was kind of funny." It might take Peggy a second or two to get the meaning there. Longing, in Russian, it starts with a 'z'. Which brings things around to...

    "Hydra attacked the sphere. We were all there defending it and... they blasted ... those words on loudspeaker." It's clear that's a painful thing for him to talk about. "They were going to turn me against everyone there on our side, Peggy. I could have killed Sam or Sharon..." He didn't though! Could be she's read about what he did there, to stop it from happening... or even seen it if there was video rolling down there.

    "Zola almost got me in 1943. I'm still not even sure how that happened, just that he said something about how it would be nice to have two of us. Me and Steve both got a little stupid at the end there, stayed when the others left. We didn't know it, but both of us were trying to save the other, change things. It didn't work." Obviously.

Peggy Carter has posed:
It's not until he admits about what he and Steve tried to do in 1943 that her expression goes tight. A brush of anger across her face and she's sitting up straighter, turned a bit more towards him so she can properly meet his eyes. "James." She breathes out quietly. "I will never, ever blame you for what they did to you. What they made you do. The awful things they stuck in your head. We... we have ways of dealing with it, and what happened in the Sphere is proof that we can get you *out* of that even if they dare try. However..."

She takes in a slow breath, pulling back some of the temper that she's feeling in a mix of overprotectiveness and shock at what he tried to do, "Mucking about with the timeline that way is complete lunacy. You could have gotten ALL of us killed, do you understand that? Destroyed reality as we *know* it! As is, I feel guilty every day that Daniel is here and we managed to grab him from the *moment* he died. But he might still have to go back. Because all of reality is more important that our hearts, do you understand that?" It breaks something in her to say it, but she knows it's true.

James Barnes has posed:
    There is really no one in the world that can pull his crap out like Peggy can... or at least not this easily. There's one other person that's close; a little blonde Honky Tonk bar owner. "I thought it would be easier on everyone if I just... went away, Peggy. I know now that I was wrong, but we were *right there*, two days before it all ... before the first step was taken down the path that leads to..." All of it, him almost killing Peggy included.

    "I was gonna shoot myself... my then self, in the head. I had the shot lined up. But then Steve, then Steve ran up beside me and I couldn't. I couldn't let him get splattered by his best friends brains and blood."

    Morbid image that, but... the life Bucky's led makes morbid the norm.

    "We both know it was dumb, but... he did it first."

Peggy Carter has posed:
"Yes, well, once we know he's not dying, I'm going to give that boy a lecture of the sort he hasn't seen in decades either. So you aren't the ONLY one in trouble, but seriously, Barnes. Never. Fucking. Again. Do you understand, Lieutenant?!" Oh, he really is in trouble. It's bad when Peggy uses her mom voice, it's worse when she uses the SSR leader voice. Unit commander, SHIELD commander, all the soldiers she's been in charge of all these years. She's terrifying with that tone.

She waits quiet now, lips in a neutral line once she's said her piece. She's waiting for his agreement or his attempt to dodge at more excuses.

James Barnes has posed:
    "Yes ma'am," Bucky murmurs quietly before he lets his head drop against the wall to stare up at the ceiling.

    "Don't go too hard on Steve. I know how much he hates himself for not being able to keep me from falling. I know... he just wanted to try to make it right, make it better, fix it. I know because I feel that way every single day about seventy fucking years of my life."

    He's quiet for a long time after that, just hoping that Peggy will get it and go easy on his 'brother'. When he speaks again, his voice is softer, but also lighter. It's like when a person talks about something their kid did or about their favorite pet... about something they love? "Me and Opal have hanging out a little. I hadn't contacted her since Steve brought me home until about a week ago."

Peggy Carter has posed:
"And you are certain she is...Trustable? I appreciate her help, but... I just do not wish to see you hurt, James. There are too many people out there who may wish to use you to their own ends." Peggy murmurs gently. If she has any intention on going lighter on Steve, it's not clear, but she doesn't protest Bucky's reassurance of that matter. She'll handle it her own way. She always does.

She takes a slow breath and lets her shoulder lean against his once more, now that the lecturing is done and they are gently relaxing together again. She's exhausted, emotionally and physically.

James Barnes has posed:
    The usual go to response to that question would be, 'with my life'. But Bucky replies, "With your life, Peggy and Steve's and Sam's. I didn't start knowing her during the war and stop after..." HYDRA got their hooks in him.

    "She tried, Peggy, more than once, to save me. One time, we were on the run together, she uprooted everything and she managed to keep me one step ahead for six fucking months, Peggles. Six months at one time, running but...free."

    He leans his head over now, probably more on top hers with the way Peggy's sitting. "She's gray on some things, but she's a *good* woman and she cares about me. She sees me, all of me, everything I've done and she just accepts it. She's a friend." Friend... it doesn't sound like he's talking about a 'friend'. But he really and genuinely seems to believe that's ALL it is. Men are stupid and clueless, boy doesn't even see that he's falling in love with that girl.

Peggy Carter has posed:
A slow brow arches in his direction and Peggy smirks quietly, "A friend. Yes. Of course." Peggy deadpans towards him, clearly not believing that. But she doesn't push it right now. She just shakes her head and gives a tired, heartsick sort of chuckle to herself. "Well, I am glad you two have found each other again. You deserve a few nice things, James. You always did."

She reaches one hand over, gently squeezing at his knee for a heartbeat or two before she shifts forward and moves to gingerly stand. Everything is so sore. All of her skin still itches from those little red lines. She runs one tired hand down her face. "I'm glad you came to see me. Maybe stay around a day or two? I promise it's not so awful here..."

James Barnes has posed:
    Bucky pushes himself up. He doesn't immediately help Peggy to her feet, but it's clear he *wants* to. He knows how... stubborn and prideful she can be, that need to appear tough. He gets that so he just hovers in case she stumbles.

    "I've been staying at Steve's apartment in Brooklyn with Sam. It's better for me there, my head's more clear. I don't feel so... trapped. But we'll come back tonight. Maybe we'll stay a few days..." Carefully, maybe testing the waters before, "Are you guys gonna make me stay?" Because he knows he's still pretty much stamped 'Property of SHIELD'.

Peggy Carter has posed:
"No. I am in charge here. If you do not *wish* to stay, you do not have to. But..." A bittersweet smile hovers across her features as she watches his eyes. "I had hopes I'd promoting you to full agent soon. I meant to do it before all this mess happened but then I was... Indisposed. Still, the way you conducted yourself -- and how you warded off danger, even from your own hands -- was laudable. If you decide you wish to be a full agent... The position is waiting for you." Peggy's smile remains bittersweet. She probably knows his answer. But she had to offer, never the less.

James Barnes has posed:
    Well, that's a shocker. One that Bucky's not sure how to handle. His eyes widen a little at first. Maybe he smiles a tiny bit. But still. "Let me think about it? You have no idea how much it means to me that you'd put that much faith in me, Peggy. It's just... SHIELD's entanglement with HYDRA right now, it was fucking with my head hard. I may need more time to get myself sorted before I can even take on that responsibility.

    Honestly, how very... grown of it, the realization that he's not control of his own shit is a bit step for him, and that's all on Sam.

    "Well, I'm gonna go back to the city and get him and Lili. I know Opal'd love to see you?"

Peggy Carter has posed:
A slight nod comes from her, bittersweet smile returning to her lips, but she seems to understand. "Of course, Buck. Whenever you are ready, you let me know. And *this* SHIELD, *MY* SHIELD... We're clear of HYDRA. I saw to that. I should have figured it out and cleaned things a long time ago but I was sorta frozen for a while. Glad it's done now. But however long you need. I'll be here. Waiting." Peggy lets her smile warm a bit with that promise.

Then she's leaning forard to tug him into one more goodbye hug, this one more gentle than the first, but just as loving. "Go ahead. Travel safe. You know where I'll be. Once I've gotten caught up with the mess of work here... maybe I'll be able to get out for a visit. Give Lili a good scratch for me, will you?" She squeezes his shoulder one last time and moves for the door. Crawling back into bed with her husband sounds like a lovely idea right now.

James Barnes has posed:
    "You can scratch her yourself when I get back with her. I'm picking them up to come back here for the evening." Lot of driving for one day, but Bucky doesn't tire easily. He leans down and presses a kiss to Peggy's cheek before he murmurs. "You don't have to be afraid to admit that your shit sucks too."

    On that note, he's out the door and sneaking his way through the hallways the same way he came in.