7134/I'd Rather Be At Your Side...

I'd Rather Be At Your Side...
Date of Scene:	29 July 2021
Location:	Carter-Sousa Home - Long Island
Synopsis:	After their fight, Daniel and Peggy try to come to terms with what they discussed separately. Eventually, they realize they always work better together.
Cast of Characters:	Daniel Sousa, Peggy Carter

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Daniel Sousa has posed:
Daniel returns that hesitant kiss and tells Peggy he loves her before he walks out of the bedroom and into the hall. He had no plan on what to do, he just felt so hurt and so angry he didn't know what to do with it all. Hell he didn't even know who he was directing it at, likely just the universe, there was no way it was Peggy, not after how the hurting he saw in her eyes made him feel. He hated that he hurt her, but he definitely still loved her more than anyone.

He walks to the kitchen by instinct, and after a glance inside steps to the entry hall and strips off his uniform and puts it carefully on a hanger before walking in his boxers and undershirt back to the dishes to clean up. It was simple work, but it was work and he could focus on it instead of his feelings, at least that was the idea, though inevitably his head keeps turning back towards the corridor to their bedroom, thinking about Peggy.

Peggy Carter has posed:
After she gets through the initial round of crying, something she manages to swallow back not too long after he leaves, Peggy stands slowly. She's putting all those British walls back up, hiding all her hurt and confusion behind calm, emotionless expressions and a tight throat. She doesn't even bother trying on the dresses or her old uniform, just smoothing them out before she moves to hang each in the closet again. Who knows if they'll even feel up to going to the ball now.

She takes in another tight breath before slipping out of her old slip as well. It gets hung up next to the dresses, just in case she needs to use it. Then she moves back to the bed, looking for her nightgown and catching sight of one of his shirts casually tossed there. The temptation to put it on instead is a lot. She scoops the shirt up and takes a deep, long breath of it, though that makes the tears harder to hold back. Eventually, she forces herself to put it down and pulls off the rest of her underthings, moving for the shower instead. At least in the shower, she can cry and not notice.

Daniel Sousa has posed:
The dishes are done before he hears the sound of the shower running. He stands in the kitchen just listening, turned towards their bedroom. The sick empty feeling in him grows and a part of him wants to smash things, looking for anything that'd make him feel less sad and less empty.

In the end the dishes and the other things in the kitchen are spared as he heads down to the basement where they'd re-hung the punching bag after Vogel was transported to the Playground. He tapes up his hands without really pausing to think and as soon as he's ready he begins laying into the heavy leather bag with safe and cathartic violence, trying to purge everything he felt with sweat and the steady flurry of punches against the bag, as hot tears burn their way down his face. The sound of the thumping of fists against the bag and the squeak and rattle of the chains can be heard faintly in the quiet house once the shower is off.

Peggy Carter has posed:
The shower is so long that Peggy lets the hot water run out -- something that is probably going to suck for Daniel if he finishes on the punching bag too soon. But she can't stay in there forever. Hopefully all cried out, she steps out of the shower and back into their masterbathroom, grabbing at a towel for her hair and body. They should be going to bed now, curling up and happy. Now, it's the first night she's going to have slept alone since he came back.

After she dries off and pulls into her robe, she finally dares creep out of the bedroom and down the hall towards the kitchen. She needs some sort of tea, something to quiet her head. She looks raw and unfinished again, all her make up gone and her hair in damp waves around her face, as she stands in the kitchen staring at the kettle. Her eyes are clearly bloodshot from the tears.

Daniel Sousa has posed:
Despite his best efforts he can't even lose himself in the act of beating the crap out of the punching bag, thoughts keep surfacing, memories of buying it ages ago and hoping that one day he'd teach Michael how and why to throw a punch with it the same way his father taught him. That lone thought brought it all back up again, the anger, the guilt and that sick unescapable feeling of the whole three HYDRA bullets tore through their lives.

Letting out a final half-sob half-shout he slams both fists into the bag and drops to his knees, his shoulders shaking with the racking sobs that escape him. It's a wonder that he hears the shower stop above the sound of his tears but he does, looking up and back to where the sound had been coming from. He wipes at his eyes with the backs of his wrapped hands, and takes a long look at the stairs. What would he say or do to make this okay? Was there anything, was there-

"To hell with it," he says and marches up the stairs throwing open the door to the kitchen only to find Peggy there. His eyelids blink over reddened eyes and he wipes them again with his still taped hands, before he says, "Peggy," unable to think of more, as he stares at her, hurt tear glazed eyes taking her in.

The words slip out of their own accord: "I'm sorry."

Peggy Carter has posed:
That last half sob, half shout is the one thing she hears. Peggy standing at the kitchen stove, hearing the pained sound carrying up the stairs. She winces, her heart in her throat again, "Oh, Daniel..." She breathes out softly to the air, having to fight everything in her body not to run to him. He wanted to walk out. He needed his space. Her stalking him wasn't going to help.

Then he's suddenly *there*. Handsome, tear stained face visible from the doorway of the basement. She stares over her shoulder to him, her eyes still equaly as red. She blinks at his words, confusion dancing across her face. "W-what? No... no, you have no reason. I... I am the one who hurt you, darling..."

Daniel Sousa has posed:
Daniel shakes his head. "It wasn't your fault, I was *dead*, hell when I wrote those letters to you in the future I hoped you'd find someone who would make you happy even if the phone call made me doubt it, I-I just didn't expect to be there to hear about it first hand. I'm sorry Peggy, I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, that you had to turn to someone else, I hate that I got killed, if I'm honest with you I really hoped Lily would say things could be fixed in '56 and none of this would have to happen. It feels like everything's fucked up and there's nothing I can do to fix it."

Peggy Carter has posed:
Peg's features pinch a little bit more as he spills all those words. She comes forward, daring to try an dtake his hands. If he lets her, she slowly starts to unwrap his knuckles in the most tender, gentle of manners. Her fingertips carefully smooth across the backs of his palms, giving what bit of comfort she can with touch alone. "Daniel. We... we can't change the past. I don't think I'd...want to any more. I love too many people, know this life too well... Have too much hope, to maybe change something and ruin all of that."

"But you are here NOW. We are together. Now. We have another chance. We could get married again, if you want. Try for more kids. Keep rebuilding SHIELD together. We have long, full lives ahead of us together... I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world."

Daniel Sousa has posed:
Surrendering his hands to Peggy's gentle touch he doesn't stop her from unwrapping his knuckles, his hands flex as they're unwrapped but he doesn't move them away he just leaves them there drinking in her gentle touch. "I know we can't change it, that we shouldn't change it, everything we know would collapse like a house of cards, it hurts, having been gone so long, and I guess the dream of being able to make it go away made it easier to bear."

Fresh tears roll down his cheeks as he takes a long breath. "It's going to take some time to let that go, but don't think I'm unhappy to be here with you now, I love you Peg always," he says pressing a kiss to her forehead and wrapping her in his arms, smelling of sweat and the scotch they shared with Lily. "I definitely want to marry you Peggy, and help you rebuild SHIELD, kids too, when the time is right, if you want those things too," though he suspected if anything the SHIELD part was a given but the rest? He wanted to be sure.

Peggy Carter has posed:
A sad but earnest smile flutters across her tired features as he asks if she wants those things. Peggy's fingertips tighten a bit on his abused hands, now that she's set the wraps aside, and she brings them to her lips to give a soft kiss. "Of course I want those things. I'd have never brought them up if I didn't, my darling. Just because I... I found comfort, found someone who has always been very good and very loyal to me to keep me company when I never thought I'd see you again... That doesn't mean I still don't want to spend the rest of my life with you. I promised to do that once, I meant every word and I still do."

Daniel Sousa has posed:
A sad smile of Daniel's own crosses his lips. "It's not that, I know you meant it, and I know you love me?" he lets his words trail off. "Jeeze I'm getting in my own way here and it's not important? the point is I love you too and I definitely want to spend the rest of our lives together for as long as we get. You mean the world to me Peg, you've always have."

Peggy Carter has posed:
Peggy leans up then, trying to steal his lips for a proper, longer kiss now. She shifts her hands from his palms to wrap around the back of his shoulders instead. She's scared to stop touching him, scared that he might decide to pull away, that the anger is too much. But for now, she's touching him and he's not going anywhere. That's all that matters.

"Then... I hope that's enough. While I will always, always care about Logan... I never married him. We never even moved in together, I never chose a life with him. I did that with you. Time and again. And I always will. As long as you want me, I'm here..."

Daniel Sousa has posed:
Daniel doesn't dare move except to lean fully into that kiss, his shoulders relaxing as he does, the relief palpable, in how tightly he holds her to him.

"It's more than enough, I'm sorry if I made you think I'd want to walk away for you for good. It'll never happen, you mean to much to me, that you chose a life with me means too much, I'm sorry that I hurt you Peg, can you forgive me for that?"

Peggy Carter has posed:
"Oh god, Daniel, of... Of course. I knew it'd take time and... while I never meant to hurt you, I KNOW this hurt you. And I'm sorry for *that*. But I'd rather you know than... dancing around trying to hide things from you. I'll never do that." Other than injuries. They both do that. It's a bad old habit. Peggy leans up to kiss him again, this time a bit slower and longer, a tear of relief escaping down her cheek as she rubs her fingertips up and down the back of his shoulder blade.

"I just wanted to give you time and space if... if you needed it. I would have understood. I don't think I'd have slept the whole night and I certainly cried the whole shower but... You deserve the time you need."

Daniel Sousa has posed:
"Thank you," Daniel says softly, letting out a held breath. It hurt but it's not your fault. Depending on which memories are winning it's been just a few months or we've been together the last fifteen years, neither really helps me process how long things have been for you, it's hard to wrap my head around. I appreciate you telling me though, I'd never want us to start lying to each other," except about wounds, that's the unspoken caveat, then he returns that kiss long, slow and tender holding on to her like his life depended on it.

Daniel nods when the kiss breaks, "I tried my best to keep busy, to try to force the hurt out or burn it all away, but in the end all I wanted was you, you're the only thing I want when I hurt like this, the rest of it was all wasted effort, I love you Peggy and I'm sorry I made you cry."

Peggy Carter has posed:
Peg keeps the kiss there as long as deeply as he'll let her. With every kiss, something in her chest unclenches slowly. Her fingertips slip down his side gently, finally coming to rest upon his hips as she pulls their bodies just a bit closer where they stand together in the kitchen. She shakes her head gently once the kiss breaks, "No, no... you didn't make me cry. The thought I might... lose you. That's why I cried. To go through all this and have you slip out of my hands, god, Daniel, I think that might be the one thing that would finally kill me. But we're not going to let that happen."

She's about to say something more and then the kettle which has been slowly coming to a boil finally starts to scream. She half jumps, looking down at it with a silent glare. "Sorry, sorry... Do you want tea?" She turns to at least pull it off the steam and start steeping her own, but the moment has been broken.

Daniel Sousa has posed:
Daniel is almost out of breath by the time the kiss is done, having gotten lost in how good it felt to share that intimate moment with his wife. "I understand, I felt the same way when you were sick, to come to the future only to lose you, I used a lot of that sleep break you sent me on, crying all the tears I didn't want you to see. Pretty sure it would have killed me too, or I'd just stop caring about fixing my time problem and just go back and let what is supposed to happen," he says before he takes her hand and meets her eyes, "And you're right, we're not going to let it happen."

The kettle startles him too, jumping a little and then chuckling. "It's fine, tea would be good," he says stepping back half a pace to let her attend to the kettle. The break in the moment allows other thoughts to seep in and Daniel says, "We still want to go to the ball? I know Jim, Logan, whatever he's calling himself will be there, but I can deal with it, plus I hear Sharon's coming too."

Peggy Carter has posed:
Making the tea and not needing to cry feels like the first bit of normal since the conversation started. Peggy lets out a slow breath, calming her emotions as she focuses on making him another strainer of the white tea she tries to give them at night so they don't keep themselves up until all hours -- at least, not due to the tea they are drinking. She sets his cup to steeping as well and turns back to him, hips resting against the edge of the kitchen counter.

"I think so, as long as you are up for it. I did talk Jim into going... and Steve would be devestated if we weren't there. Not to mention Sharon. We... we're going to go. Get that dance in. Have a nice time."

Daniel Sousa has posed:
A smirk crosses his face "Jeeze, us, Jim and Steve in the same room," he shakes his head and laughs. "What do you say? We've got Lily's number, we could see if she could pop back in time and pick up Fred and Violet and really swing for the fences for awkward."

All jokes aside he nods, "Damn right we're going to dance, been waiting to do that with you since we started dating."

As for having a good time, "Actually I did book us a room near the ball, good thing too because Coulson gave us tickets to a show and reservations at some up and coming new restaurant, promised to keep us from being called in too, so what do you say we make a weekend of it. As long as Phil can actualy wrangle the world's disasters that long."

Peggy Carter has posed:
Quietly, Peggy brings the mugs of tea over to the kitchen table. If they sit and drink them here, by the time they finally go back upstairs there might actually be some hot water back for Daniel to take a shower. If they're lucky. She settles into the table, grinning at the thought about the dance. "We could invite Lily. I suspect a few people would be VERY confused, but she practically counts!"

And then he makes that comment about Phil and the tickets. She blinks in surprise, her head tilting a bit to the side, "Well... that was awful kind of him. I'll admit to barely knowing the man but... goodness. I almost feel guilty."

Daniel Sousa has posed:
"Why not? I think no matter what we do there are going to be a lot of confused people at this dance," he says when so many of them haven't aged much since their day. "And we really could, she could use the fun by the sound of things."

"Don't know him all that well either, I think he's worried about you and wants you to take a break, so he's bribing us with a night on the town. Good approach, probably way better than coming to you directly with that sort of thing," he smirks into his tea. "I told him you'd likely force him to take some time off next, but I say we make use of what he gave us, technically we haven't had a real date in 65 years, so might as well make it memorable."

Peggy Carter has posed:
There is still something wary in her features. Maybe because Peggy simply doesn't know how to take time off, or she feels like she's already had too much time off already. But then he mentions they haven't had a real date in that long and it's enough to win her over, smile growing a bit wider as she reaches forward to scoop up her still slightly steaming tea. "Yes, well, when you put it like that... It would be rather nice to make a weekend of it." Peggy bites her lip in consideration.

"Fine. But we keep our phones on us and on buzz, at least. And I need to talk to Phil and May, make certain they know they can call us for ANY emergency. It's... off duty but on call, if that makes sense? We should ask Lily to come too, she does deserve a night out and she served long enough with us..." Peggy then realizes how that sounds, "Uh, to the dance. Not our date. Date is us. Just us."

Daniel Sousa has posed:
Daniel lifts his tea nodding about the conditions regarding phones and keeping in touch. "Deal," he says offering to clink mugs on it. "We stay in reach of work but otherwise enjoy the weekend.

Laughing as she clafify's about Lily and the date. "Trust me, she's lived in this house, I am sure he's had more than enough of our lovey dovey feelings for several lifetimes, so I think we're safe," Daniel says before reaching over to put his free hand on Peggy's. "But yes, the date is definitely just for us."

Peggy Carter has posed:
A long, deep sip of her slightly too-hot tea is taken, but Peggy likes the familiar burn down her throat and even takes a second before resting the mug back down on the table. Her hand turns, lacing her fingertips with his, a softer, tired smile crossing her features. "Sounds like an excellent plan. Now... can I tempt you back to bed tonight? Hopefully most of the hot water has come back by now. I truly had no clue how I was going to get to sleep if you stayed on the couch. I probably wouldn't have."

Daniel Sousa has posed:
Daniel happily laces his fingers with hers and smiles. "I'm glad you don't have to find out tonight," he says about how she'd sleep with him on the couch. Leaning across the table he steals a kiss. "Consider me tempted," he says as he settles back and downs the rest of his tea smacking his lips a little as it was still too warm for that sort of thing. He sets the cup down smiling and pushes up from the table "A showet sounds good," he says before looking down to Peggy. "Am I going to be doing that alone, or can I do a bit of tempting of my own," he says with grin as he meets her eyes.

Peggy Carter has posed:
The question of tempting her to the shower gets a slightly surprised, happily so, look. Peggy grins to him, a faint flush coming to her cheeks. "Why, Daniel Sousa. I do think I will distract you from getting clean. But, that is half the fun." She grins, standing up and happily abandoning her tea on the kitchen table. It'd still be there if they wanted it when they got out. She slips her elbow through his and leads the way down the hall to their bedroom, grinning too wide the whole time.

There was more than one way to make up after a fight.