7234/They Fight Crime!

They Fight Crime!
Date of Scene:	05 August 2021
Location:	The mean streets of Metropolis
Synopsis:	The Network declines to order the Ilmr and Deadpool Show Fight Crime Pilot for Obvious Reasons.
Cast of Characters:	Wade Wilson, Ilmr Hukommelse

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Wade Wilson has posed:
He's a smart mouth regenerating mercinary with a heart of gold who breaks the fourth wall all the time; she's an amnesiatic Asguardian with a talent for music, a spring in her step and who saved the world once....They Fight Crime!

Deadpool knew that this was a pilot, but he also knew that he was support to know that this was a pilot. So he tried to act cool and casual, making sure the Netowrk didnt notice that he was strolling along with his hands behind his back, whistling innocuously down the street of Metropolis, looking around for a female humanoid with a diamond floating above her head indicating that she had the Quest. He didnt, in fact, see that, but did see Ilmr standing on a street corner looking slightly confused and meandered over to her, "Excuse me, are you Asguardian?" He asked, trying to seem perfectly normal.

Ilmr Hukommelse has posed:
Ilmr looks at the man feeling confused at first but then smiles and says, 'why yes, I am. Do you need something?' His casual behavior unnerves her a bit because she can't quite make him out, but her desire to understand what is going on around her overcomes that.

Wade Wilson has posed:
Wade Wilson says, "Yes, indeed," he holds out a finger in a gesture and with a voice that indicates he might be saying 'And wait there's more!' on a knife commercial,"I need a partner to fight...crime...do you seem to be in need of a partner to also fight CRIME" he holds his up clenched passionately straight out of something this side of a Russian Pravda poster. "Don't you worry about the crime here on the streets of crime riddled" he looks around, "Metropolis. Known for its rampant crime!"

Ilmr Hukommelse has posed:
Ilmr is seriously confused by this strange man. 'You are strange,' she says, 'and I'm still forming my opinion of you but I need to serve a purpose so I will help you'. She sounds braver than she feels. This man is just way too weird.

Wade Wilson has posed:
Wade Wilson smiles,"That's awesome! Now let us go fight....uh..." he looks around, confused, "the...crime." He looks around....waiting. "Crime?" He turns down an alley and shouts, "Hello...Crime?" His voice echoes into the darkness. He lifts up a trash can lid, "Crime?" Then he looks at the camera and says, "We'll be right back after these messages..." Ilmr then sees him look at a brick wall talking to it though of course our audience cleverly sees him look right at them, "Like...hello, Network guys? You did like you know pay a writer for a SCRIPT right? You didnt just go to some random humor website, click a button and then generate a meme and build AN ENTIRE SHOW around it without a script...right? Right guys?"

The brick wall does not reply.

Ilmr Hukommelse has posed:
Ilmr just stares at Wade. WTF is this, she thinks, is he on something? 'Do you have any idea what you are doing? or where we are supposed to find these criminals because I'm confused enough for the both of us here', she says.

Wade Wilson has posed:
Wade Wilson looks confused and then suddenly throws his hands up in despair, "Nooooooooo! We're about to be CANCELLED! CURSE you cancel culture, I WILL NOT BE CANCELLED! I'm gonna save this show...PLOT...TWIST...he's random, he's unpredictable, he's DEADPOOL, he IS the crime" he takes a baseball bat from his back and briefly looks confused, "I feel I am rampantly stealing this gimmick from someone else....but I dont immediately remember who...Ilmr" how did he know her name again? There was no diamond that displayed it indicating she was a PC going on the server...lucky guess? Name tag left over from when she was in another dimension saying, "hello my name is Ilmr?" Either way, he takes the baseball bat and begins to whack it at a man who is parked in a handicapped parking space without having a handi capped parking sticker.

Ilmr Hukommelse has posed:
Ilmr is really confused by now but when she sees him go after the car in the handicapped spot, she just sighs, and sit down and starts singing. After a few minutes, she notices him going after others who have committed parking no-no's, and goes after him. 'Umm, Wade? Is this what we are supposed to be doing? And do you really need me to bash cars in, yo seem to be doing just fine without me'.

Wade Wilson has posed:
Wade Wilson says, "OK look," he stops setting the baseball bat on fire because its sweeps week and the audience is really demanding something extra, "I'm insane and break the fourth wall, but I'm pretty sure that if you go knowing MY name without an explanation the continuity errors will break things up and weird twilight zoning laws will happen and monkeys will go around jumping on planes, so let's do this right. Hello, person who I have never met before, my name is Wade Wilson. I find people who violate minor parking laws to be offensive, do you want to join me in a holy quest to stop them? Also, nice singing voice, we totally need to do a musical episode once we have enough street cred to get away with it. What's your name by the way Ilmr?"

Ilmr Hukommelse has posed:
Ilmr digests what he just said. 'OK, you're insane.... but yes, I have noticed people who perform such actions to be particularly nasty so yes, I will join you in your quest to stop them. My name is Ilmr'. She offers her hand to shake.

Wade Wilson has posed:
Wade Wilson shakes her hand, "It's a deal Ilmr, why dont you use those musical talents to help us get a theme song like "The Ilmr and Deadpool power hour, saving your milk before it turns sour...or something like that, catchy lyrics...OK, THERE's one!" He spots an SUV double parked across two parking spots and he reaches into a bag that was totally there before and unzips it, taking out a rocket launcher.

Ilmr Hukommelse has posed:
Ilmr just rolls her eyes and goes looking for someone else committing a parking infraction, and finds a minivan that has parked horizontal. She charges at it and sends it flying. Hmm, she thinks, this could be fun and a great stress reliever!

Wade Wilson has posed:
Wade Wilson unleashes the rocket launcher on the SUV and sets it on fire. A guy comes out and shrieks, "You cant do that to my SUV!" he takes out his phone and calls the cops.

Ilmr, being able to move several tons of metal without breaking a sweat causes the other car parked in the handicapped parking spot to go flying through the air and hit a large stone wall turning it into an accordian.

Ilmr Hukommelse has posed:
Ilmr walks over to the irate man and takes his phone. 'I wouldn't do that if I were you. Consider us the, uh, parking patrol. And you were in violation of rule 322.2, thou shalt not over more than one space in a parking lot and rule 323.1, thou shalt not park horizontally. If you want a say in the matter though, you're welcome to talk to my friend there... he's not quite right in the head though.'

Wade Wilson has posed:
Wade Wilson is impressed at the Asguardian ability to learn obscure parking regulations by osmosis and nods approvingly. The man seems intimidated given what she just did to the car, and gulps, putting it down. He says, "No, no I dont want any trouble..."

Sirens sound in the distance though and Deadpool shakes his fist in frustration, "Curse you Mall Security Guards! My ancient nemisis strikes again. Let's split up, they wont find us so easily...

Ilmr Hukommelse has posed:
Ilmr laughs. 'That was fun, Wade! Although I probably did go too far with that man. I'll go this way then.... meet up somewhere?'

Wade Wilson has posed:
Wade Wilson says, "Absolutely," he hands her a card and makes a phone gesture, "Call me" and runs off."