9595/Self Care: Noodles and Parks Edition

Self Care: Noodles and Parks Edition
Date of Scene:	10 January 2022
Location:	Rockefeller State Park Preserve
Synopsis:	Noodles, nature, time with loved ones - and conversations about death, and tattoos, and trauma.
Cast of Characters:	Cael Becker, Jonathan Sims
Tinyplot:	Path of Glory

---

Cael Becker has posed:
    Cael has been here before - it felt like a long time ago, but it was honestly a matter of months. Another time, other friends - a different dog. ...and a lot of blood in the parking lot.
    She probably won't tell Jon that part.
    At the moment, Cael sits with two orders of Thai food bundled up in a bag on a table - and Bear, sans vest, running around the open space with his heavy, lumbering gait while Cael watches with a small, fond smile. Heading out to the park was not the worst idea she's ever had - and Bear seems perfectly content with it.
    She takes the wins she can get, these days.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon looks dusty and worn when he pops out of a portal into the parking lot of Rockefeller State Park Preserve, but he visibly relaxes as he walks along the trails to find Cael. When he spots her he breaks into a jog, waving. "Hey!" he calls, actually smiling.

    He's been training, so it doesn't really wind up to jog over to the table. He shoves his hands into his pockets and stands there a bit awkwardly for a moment, smiling at Cael, though his brow is furrowed. "How're you doing? I mean. After. Everything."

Cael Becker has posed:
    Cael doesn't let the awkward linger - instead, she greets Jon with what she's certain //both// of them really wants. She hugs the man resting her had against him and letting out a sigh that takes any lingering tensions with her. "Better now," she answers quietly. After all, there are no prying eyes on them - no one wondering, or questioning, or judging what simply felt //right//.
    "You had a good meeting, I hope? Productive?"
    Bear lumbers over, walking a circle around the pair - sniffing at them, and sniffing at the ground, before he trots off once more - tail wagging away.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "Productive until Caitlin Fairchild called into the Tower looking for information on Johnny Blaze," Jon mutters. He wraps his arms around Cael, relaxing, and lets himself go ahead and reach up to run a hand through her hair, gently.

    "Troia and I portaled in to find them mid-battle. We tried to stop them... lord, she's /frightening/ now." He sighs. "I'm okay, before you ask. Gaea... intervened, a bit, to keep me safe."

Cael Becker has posed:
    There's a tilt of her head towards Jon's hand as he runs his fingers through her hair - perhaps a subtle sign of her approval as she listens to his words.
    ....a God had to intervene? She stiffens at that thought, but doesn't release her hold on Jon yet, or lift her head from his chest.
    "They were fighting? What - he runs off fresh from the meeting to take her on, mano a mano? //Why//?" Seems like a foolish move to her.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "Because he thought he could talk her down? Because the Rider decided to 'judge' her? I don't bloody well know." Jon sighs, and keeps running his hands through her hair, looking down to watch the rainbow colors peeking through the strands. "I'm dealing with /that/ business, trust me. I was /furious/. I have to keep asking myself 'how would Peggy handle this?'"

    He snorts. "Admittedly, I could see Peggy smacking Johnny across the face, so I'm not sure that's the /best/ example? Buuut..."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I'll whallop him one for you," Cael mutters under her breath. "I know he's Sara's friend. I know she likes him - but I can't stand the sanctimonious prick." Her grip on Jon tightens, and tension returns to her form as she quotes, "'You can't go blaming God for this - or you'd have to blame God for everything. You can't expect God to fix all of mankind's problems.' I'd settle for God fixing the ones //his armies// are causing! Fuck."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon sighs. "I know," he murmurs, stroking her hair a moment longer. "I /know/. Great Mother, I /believe/, I've /felt/ the Presence and been to the Silver City and I just..." He lets out a long breath. "If God is the close-attention 'loving parent' people want to believe... why is this happening? I keep asking myself the question, and I come down to the idea that whatever the Presence is... They're not 'God the Parent.' They are something larger and more inexplicable, and I... I can't forgive Them for letting this happen. Not yet. Maybe not ever."

    He just stands there for a little while longer, letting the tension from everything drain out of him. Then, finally, he pulls away and looks down at Cael. "How are /you/? Really? I'm sorry I had to take off like that, but... understand that the Amazons serve Gaia directly and the Titans are Caitlin's friends. Being 'Gaea's Champion' puts me smack in Troia's center of beliefs, and she... wants me to do it right. I get that."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I might wish I could keep you all to myself," Cael answers, meeting Jon's gaze for a moment, then looking down and away. "Or maybe me and Martin on my generous days," she adds a bit teasingly. "...but I know I can't. It's okay, Jon." As much as she'd rather hide her face against him, she opts for claiming Jon's hand and drawing him to the picnic table, sitting on the bench and leaning up against his shoulder when he joins her.
    "Arguing with Blaze set me off," she explains. "Had me ready to boil over before the meeting even started - I probably shouldn't have come at all in that mood. I'm worried that your friend Phoebe's going to get burned bad by her plan - her or something else. I hate that I'm not ready to take an active role in this mess. ...but I'm coping, like I have been all week."
    She takes a deep breath in, letting it out slowly before adding, Phoebe suggested maybe I take over quartermaster duties for Grand Central Station - to give me something to do away from the front lines - but I don't know who you have on the task already."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon gives Cael a tolerantly amused look at the first part, and squeezes her hand. "I wish I could just... spend every day with you. At least for a while. Go away for a week, be one of those ridiculously annoying couples that's always holding hands and also bickering with each other. Martin and I've had that; he'd give us the space. But... well. The world needs saving." He sighs.

    He settles down on the bench and reaches out for the takeout containers. "I'm worried about Phoebe, but I trust her, and I trust Zatanna to keep an eye on her. And if it goes sideways... we'll handle it, like we handle everything else." He peers at her. "I... actually thought you did quite well, considering the subject matter. You didn't have to leave, you didn't have a panic attack... I think?" He smiles. "It's okay to be upset. People get upset."

    He considers. "As for quartermaster? Just the people SHIELD sent over. Nobody official, really. It... would be nice to see you more often, so I will /selfishly/ admit I'm tempted to give you the position. And also selfishly admit I'd like my girlfriend to get more brownie points for promotion time." Did he just...? Yes, he did, he called her his girlfriend. He smiles. "Would you find it satisfying? Would work help, do you think?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    Cael's container has a generous helping of spicy pad thai - with the broad rice noodles she's so addicted to. She will share //some// of them if Jon wants, however, as she pops the lid open and digs in with a pair of chopsticks. "I came close to it - and close to storming out of the room. I think, if I hadn't had Bear- well. That would've been another matter," she admits.
    As she starts to eat, her eyes seem drawn to the back of her hands again and again, lingering there with a troubled frown on her features, before she finally forces herself to look towards Bear isntead - where he's flumped on a patch of grass gnawing on a squeaky ball.
    "I don't think sitting around with nothing to do is good for me. I try to keep busy - working out, training, my sessions with Caldwell, taking care of Bear and Redfox - but it's not enough. And I want to help. I want to do whatever I can to lighten the load - to make sure we succeed."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon ordered drunken noodles with tofu, so plenty of spice for himself. He stirs the noodles with the chopsticks and then pulls out a piece of tofu tinted slightly reddish with the sauce. "I think it's a good idea, then, but I'd like Caldwell to give you an official sign-off on coming back to duty first just to be sure. If she can get that done tomorrow you can pop on down to Grand Central whenever you're ready and we'll get things set up. I'll put you in as Justice League Dark affiliated so nobody gripes about a recruit as quartermaster." He smiles over at her.

    The smile fades as he notes where her eyes keep going. He pops the tofu into his mouth and chews, swallows, then says, "Hey, Cael... have you talked to Caldwell about that?" He nods at her hands. "I can tell it's bothering you."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I'll see what she says tomorrow," Cael agrees, flashing Jon a brief smile, before taking another bite from her noodles. As he indicates her hands, though, she stiffens up and fights the urge to pull them back, and hide them out of sight. A brief jerking movement stands testament to the urge, however. "I, uhh... there's been a lot to talk about," Cael admits a little uneasily. "...I've skirted around the issue," she admits.
    "I know I shouldn't," she admits. "I just-" she barely knows her? She doesn't want to come across as a complete lunatic. "I know I shouldn't."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "It's okay," Jon says softly. "It takes time to open up to a new therapist. It's been, what, a week or two?" He shakes his head. "Talk about it when you're ready... I know you said it bothers you, not... not being marked."

    He hesitates. Reaches down to press at his chest. "I should have bruises still, where Fairchild hit me with that tire. I should have more marks from the vampires. It's... strange, the things you think about. I deliberately let my own healing leave scars if it would naturally, just because... I think I just subsconsciously know 'this is how it's supposed to be.'" He sighs.

Cael Becker has posed:
    "It seems like a ridiculous thing to be bothered by," Cael answers quietly. "I've- I mean, I don't run into open flames very often. But when I did... part of me wanted to shove my hands in." Her gaze flicks quickly to Jon, as if terrified he'll misunderstand as she hastily adds, "I don't want to hurt myself, not really. It's not about that. It's just- it just seems so wrong. I try not to look at them - maybe if I just wore gloves more..." Then she wouldn't notice.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "Maybe," Jon muses, picking up some noodles onto his chopsticks. "I... don't think that burning yourself is a good idea. But... gloves, or... something? To mark the place? Some people use tattoos to mark significant events so they don't forget, so there's a record on their body. I of all people understand the need for a living record." He glances over at Cael and then eats the noodles, looking thoughtful.

Cael Becker has posed:
    "If I honestly thought burning myself was a good idea I'd've done it already," Cael points out in a dry voice - before she latches onto some of what Jon says. "Tattoos?" she repeats. "Of some sort of... burns? Or fire?" she suggests. She looks thoughtful - and after a moment, pulls out her phone to do a quick search. She scrolls through some of the pictures, before murmuring to herself, "Maybe we try drawing them on first... See if it even helps. It might help..."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "I'd recommend that," Jon says with a smirk. "I've had more than one friend who got a tattoo in a drunken haze and came to regret it by morning."

    He stirs up the noodles some more. "What else've you been doing, then? I didn't pull you out of bed or something, did I?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    After looking at several tattoo designs - which range from the grotesque, to the tribal, she ends up pushing her phone towards Jon with the image of a single, stylized row of flames running across the hand near the knuckles. Simple and understated - compared to the others. She gives him a silent, questioning look before helping herself to a bite of //his// noodles.
    "No. I spent a chunk of the day at Shadowcrest - looking at their books, and understanding none of it. I needed to really clear my head before I tried driving, you know?" Strong emotions and driving are a bad idea in general. "Talked to Phoebe some. Turns out... we've both had pretty shitty lives. Go us."
    She pokes at her own noodles adding, "I have been wondering about something, actually - tried finding out about it in the library, but..." Well. She'd been a bit too lost in that collection.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon nods approval at the tattoo design, then quirks a brow as Cael steal some of his noodles. He deliberately leans over to steal some of hers in retaliation. So /there/.

    "Yeah, Phoebe's... gods. Poor girl." He shakes his head. "I have to figure out how to tell her and Zatanna what's coming, for me. Maybe I'm waiting until I have a clearer plan of what to do, but that's... probably not the best idea. I just... don't want her to assume she doomed me, nicknaming me 'Thoth Dad.'" He shakes his head.

    "What is it you're wondering about, exactly...?" He peers at her curiously.

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Hey, I have dibs on the unhealthy assignment of guilt," Cael says dryly. "I doomed you with the words, 'I love you.'" She lets out a heavy sigh - she's trying not to believe that, but- ...it hard to shake it.
    She stirs at her noodles, not seeming to protest the theft, other than giving Jon a brief, amused look. Her attention is back on her food as she explains, "I was trying to figure out... how the Egyptian afterlife works. Can you make up for past mistakes - or once your heart carries a burden - is there no way back? Your heart is too heavy, and you're doomed? If your heart is light, you go to some sort of paradise, but- if it's too heavy? What happens to that person - that soul?"

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "Ohh," Jon says, and then blinks at her. "You... could have asked," he notes. A pause. "Well, I suppose you are. So... hmm."

    He eats in silence for a moment, thinking about how to explain things. "There's... a lot, and it's complicated, but the general idea is that the soul goes to Duat, the underworld, to be judged. The deceased presents themself before the forty-two assessors of Ma'at and recites the sins they did /not/ commit during their lives. Then Anubis takes the heart and weighs it against a feather of Ma'at--which is actually quite heavy--and if the heart balances with the feather or is lighter, then Thoth records the result and the deceased goes into the afterlife ruled by Osiris. If it is heavier, then Ammit eats it." He frowns. "If what Ammit grants me, the Nullspace energy, is what she uses on souls in the Duat? Then they are permanently destroyed. Gone forever."

    He frowns down at his food. "But... one /can/ unburden one's heart. At least, that's what Ma'at told me, when I nearly died. I am trying to unburden myself of the weight of the lies I've told. To be more true to myself, to keep my heart lighter."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "That I am," Cael confirms, before listening to the explination. "Paradise - or oblivion, huh?" she asks. "I mean - doesn't seem so bad, seeing as I'd assumed I was signed up for oblivion before. I mean - I //assume// I still am?" She pushes her food around a bit awkwardly as she explains, "I guess I just- I know you're doing everything you can to change your fate - but I just... I guess I wanted to know what would be in store."
    She takes another bite of her food before asking softly, "How heavy do you think my heart would be? You know my sins."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "I've taken two statements and felt no stirring in my soul that you deserved to die," Jon says softly. "But... then... I don't exist to judge mortals, really. I'm meant to judge bigger things. Maybe my scales are calibrated differently than the ones in Duat."

    He turns to look at her. "That being said...? Most of the 'sins' in Egyptian thought are about disruption to the community. You're trying to redress the balance. To make up for what you've done, to heal your heart, to keep others from going down the path you walked. You defend and protect the innocent. If my gods told me that your heart was heavier than the feather I'd tell them to fix the scales. /I/ judge you worthy, Cael." He leans over to kiss her forehead.

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Yeah, well... I'd hope //you// would," Cael says in her usual dry tone - though with a hint of a smile at her lips. A hint that iwdens briefly at the kiss. "I can't imagine you'd- that you'd be interested in someone you found unworthy." Sure, Jon had used the word 'girlfriend' - she still seemed to be struggling over it, though.
    "...not that I'm exactly asking to be converted, or signed up, but- I mean, do we even know how someone gets sent to one afterlife, or another? Does it require worship and belief?"

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "I /think/ so? That's what the whole 'death gods' business last summer would imply... what I've heard is that they were squabbling over the fact that fewer people are going to traditional, ancient afterlives, and people are living longer..." Jon shrugs.

    "I don't know where an athiest would go. I wouldn't want to say 'nowhere' but... I honestly don't know. Maybe just... reborn?" Another shrug. "I'm curious about how it all works but I've honestly no idea." He smiles. "And... I wouldn't try to convert you, or sign you up. That's your own business."

    He picks up some more noodles and gives her a sidelong glance. "Wondering how I get back out, I take it?"

Cael Becker has posed:
    "Wondering how you get back. Wondering... what it'll mean for you, if you can't," Cael answers in a quiet voice. "Wondering if there would be anyway I could see you again, or talk to you again, if-" She lets out a frustrated sound, running one of her hands across her eyes. "God, I hate this," she murmurs quietly.
    "I know you're going to do everything you can to figure it out, or break the game, or find a way around it. I know that - but there's not guarantees of success. I just need to know what happens - and I really don't want to let go of you.
    "I want to stand beside you and face all of this together." She just... doubts she can.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon listens quietly, to all of that. Then he puts down his chopsticks, turns to take Cael's and put them down, and takes both of her hands in his. Looks at her with a surprising intensity. His voice, when he speaks, is even despite the gaze.

    "If I die," he says, "I will be attached to the Archive the way my ancestors are. I will speak to Agnes. I... have spoken to my grandmother's ghost, actually, directly. But that is what awaits me, or some part of me, at least. At least a piece of my soul stays with my successors." He smiles. "It's... not a bad fate. I realized a little while ago that I'd have chosen this if I'd had the choice. It made it all easier."

    He hesitates, searching her eyes, then says, "...Agnes will know how to summon a ghost. There are others who know how too. If... if I die, and I don't come back? Then call for me, on Walpurgisnacht or Halloween. Those are the best times to speak to the dead. Call for me, and I'll come talk to you. Say goodbye."

Cael Becker has posed:
    Cael struggles to meet Jon's gaze - holding it for seconds at a time, and flicking to the side, before looking back once more. Tears start to streak her cheeks, and she offers a wordless nod of confirmation to all Jon has to say. "I've never loved anyone before - and as soon as I do, all this. If God, and Michael took you from me..." she murmurs- a lump in her throat stopping her from speaking for a moment. "I'd make them pay. I'd make them regret it." she concludes.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon smiles down at her for a moment, and then leans in to kiss her gently, briefly, before pressing his forehead to hers.

    "I know you would," he whispers. "I know. I'm going to do my best to cheat this fate. Change the game. Ra goes into the Underworld /every day/ when the sun goes down, and comes back renewed... and Ma'at goes before him, to ensure order in the world before the sun comes up. I think that's my way back. I /hope/ it is. I need to talk to some people. But it... it feels right."

    He sighs. "But... just in case I can't." He closes his eyes. "Just... just be with me, until then? Even if it's short. Treasure what we get."

Cael Becker has posed:
    Cael's hands squeeze tightly on Jon's as she leans against him, their foreheads pressed together. "I will," she promises. "I mean... I'm still here, yeah? Didn't let the pain drive me away, this time."
    In a softer voice she adds, "I'm sorry for the way that must have hurt you. It won't happen again - I'll stay by you."

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    "It's okay," Jon says. "I really do think... you were in love with me, and you didn't know it. I was in love with you, and /I/ didn't know it. Neither of us understood why the whole thing was hurting us so badly, so... we couldn't handle it properly. I forgive you, for that."

    He just sits there like that for a little bit, and then pulls away. There's food to be eaten, and probably a dog feeling neglected. "I admit I'll miss having you out in the field, at my back. But it'll be nice to have you at Grand Central, and you need to do what's right for you. Knowing you're there... it helps."

Cael Becker has posed:
    "I want to be there, at your back. I want to be out in the field. I want to-" Cael's voice catches in her throat before she forces herself to continue. "If Martin can't, then I should. You shouldn't be alone."
    She takes a deep breath in, and lets it out slowly as she adds, "I'd do it if I could, but if I break down in the field - I put others in danger. And all this - it isn't just about us. I'm going to keep trying to get better."
    As they pull apart, there's the faint sound of a squeeky toy. Bear has made himself comfortable and is watching the pair, nibbling at his toy. Either its his lack of a vest, or he seems to think Jon can handle this on his own, as he seems completely unperturbed.

Jonathan Sims has posed:
    Jon turns to regard the dog, then reaches out to gently offer his hand to Bear, waits for him to drop the toy, then tosses it a little ways away for the dog.

    "I know," he says simply, when that's done. "It's alright, Cael, really. No need to apologize."

    He eyes her, then says, "So. Was there any juicy gossip when you and Phoebe talked, or is there /nothing/ lighter we could discuss while we finish our food?" A smirk.