Owner	Pose
Cael Becker	It's afternoon by the time Cael gets away - leaving Jon in Martin's more than capable hands and making her way towards towards Sara's room. Her feet are heavy, and there are bags under her eyes - but she strongly suspects that she'll finally get some proper sleep coming nightfall.     She carries a thermos of coffee in one hand - two cups nestled on top of it - and a box in her other hand. She nudges the door with her foot, making a thudding sound, and waits for a reply before turning the handle with her elbow, and shouldering the door open. "Hey," she says simply by way of greeting.
Sara Pezzini	Sara is presently awake, sitting up more straight in the bed with her tablet open on the table in front of her. Her left arm is no longer completely immobile, but it is still wrapped and has a certain range of motion allowed, but not all. It's enough, she's content with the fact that her arm is no longer completely useless. On the tablet however is a list, but as Cael enters the room she flips the tablet over. "You look like complete shit," she states as she watches Cael come in. "I mean seriously... have you slept at all?"
Cael Becker	"Not last night, no," Cael admits. "I was waiting at the tree - for Jon. He's back." She settles the food box on the little table beside the tablet, without commenting on the hidden screen, and starts pouring two cups of coffee. Inside the food box is a pair of pizza slices, though she doesn't comment on any of this as she settles into a seat next to the bed with her cup of coffee. "You enjoyed the hot dogs, yeah?" she asks simply. "Sorry I didn't come by yesterday."
Sara Pezzini	Moving the tablet off the table to make room for the box, Sara opens the box to look at the pizza. "The hot dogs were great," she replies, then just stops there and looks at Cael. "I get why you didn't come by.... how is he?" The hot dogs, the pizza, even the coffee, it's all forgotten for now. What matters right now is the answer to that question.
Cael Becker	"Forty days," Cael answers Sara quietly, while staring down in the mug of coffee. "That's how long it's been for Jon. Forty days. Most of it was spent wandering a desert - lost, alone, and hungry, apparently." She takes a sip of the coffee then adds, "Michael took his right arm. It's just... gone at the shoulder. But honestly, he's- he's doing better than I thought he'd be."
Sara Pezzini	For one split second Sara looks completely nauseated, like she'll throw up, but she picks up her water and takes a drink instead. Cael said it so calmly. Michael look Jon's arm, the right one, gone at the shoulder. How... how could she say that so calmly? One tear, that's all she allows to escape from her eyes before she sets the water down and acts like the tear isn't there. "I'm glad he's doing better than you thought he would," she says calmly once she had that knot in her gut shoved back down. "Is he here, in the Triskelion? Will you let me know when he can have visitors? I've been seriously worried about him, just kept it locked up until just now. Is he really doing better than you thought?" It was true, even through her own hell, she had been thinking about Jon with Michael, what could have been happening, what may have happened. She couldn't get her mind away from it, even when she was trying to get her own shit in place.
Cael Becker	"He's here," Cael confirms quietly. "He's just- for now, he'd rather... He wants his family with him. He's dehydrated, and malnurished, and- ...he's so thin, Sara." She runs her hand over her eyes, wiping away a few tears.     "Honestly, I- the way Michael was talking about needing to get even with Jon, I... I sorta expected him to take the arm."
Sara Pezzini	Sara moves a few things, including the table, and pats the bed beside her for Cael to sit on. "That's why I said when he's ready for visitors," she offers quietly, ignoring the pang in her gut again. "He's in the best place he could be then, Cael... you know that. They'll get his body healthy, while you and Martin get his mind healthy." She'd never heard what Michael actually said, only what Cael feared would happen so it became what she feared would happen. "I... had no idea what Michael might do, I only had what you thought would happen to go by... so, yeah, I wasn't expecting the right," she admits, trying to keep her shit together over this, to keep her distance where she was meant to be. "They make some great cybernetics these days, so when he's healed..." She didn't know what else to say.
Cael Becker	There's a brief hesitation before Cael accepts the offer and moves onto the bed, grief still reflected in her gaze. "It'll take time but he'll be okay. He can feel what we're feeling and it's a little overwhelming for him. It might be a little while before he's ready for visitors, but I'll let you know for sure." She's silent a moment before adding, "I was going to the tree in the park to try to talk to him - I didn't think he'd actually be able to hear me, but he did. "
Sara Pezzini	Sara picks up the coffee, offering one to Cael, then takes the other for herself. She'll drink it black, it doesn't matter really because it's not the hospital crap. "I wish I could have been there for you," she offers softly. "But I'm glad he could hear you, it means you gave him hope while he was in his own personal hell." It might also mean that Michael isn't as horrible as he really is, there might be kindness in there some place, but that didn't really matter in the long run. "Just let him know I'm thinking of him Cael," she adds. "That he's in my prayers."
Cael Becker	"Personaly, I think we can do without the prayers," Cael mutters. "But that's what Jon called what I was doing." She makes a dissatisfied expression at that idea. "I'll let him know, though." She takes a deep drink of the coffee, glad that it's at a drinkable temperature.
Sara Pezzini	For a moment Sara holds the coffee with her left hand so that she can use her right to lay on Cael's shoulder. "My prayers go to Gaea," she states softly. "A goddess I /know/ is there, and listens... not some nameless, faceless piece of shit who lets his angels run wild, unattended, and do what they want. Try to remember, not all of the gods out there are absent. Gaea has had Jon's back through this, and she is where my prayers go these days." She gives Cael's shoulder a light squeeze, then takes the coffee cup back to her right hand. "And no, I don't think you were praying. You weren't talking to some god or goddess, you were talking to Jon, and he's no god."
Cael Becker	"I saw Gaea, before Jon turned himself over to Michael. Jon gave the power back to her." There's a momentary pause before she admits, "She was beautiful, peaceful - even with... everything that was happening. Even with what we were about to do."     After another sip of coffee she adds, "And you are here for me Sara, so cut that shit out, huh?"
Sara Pezzini	Sara tilts her head slightly, watching Cael. "I'm sort of there for you," she sighs. "I'm trapped here, I've been trapped here, while you went through the second most hellish thing on the planet. I was here when you went with him to hand him over. I should have been there for you, and I know I couldn't be, and I know you accept that... but this... anger, over not being there, it's fuel for the truth that I'm seeking." She takes another sip of the coffee, before she sets it on the table. "Gaea opened a path for Michael to talk to me, while I was in surgery. I thought it was a dream, but it wasn't. He told me exactly what I needed to hear, like he used to do when he was alive. So where as I've been here, and I'm always willing to listen, I let too much crap get in the way of what I should have been doing, which lead to my being here." She looks over at Cael, "Anger is a great tool for focusing, but so is love, and affection, and friendship."
Cael Becker	"Giving Jon over to Michael was... a nightmare," Cael admits softly. "One of the most difficult things I've ever done. But you couldn't have been there. It was about what- what Jon wanted, and what Jon needed, and that was... me. By his side. You were here for me, after." She wipes at her eyes again before adding, "Fuck, Sara, I want to burn that church to the ground. Why are we leaving Saint Pat's standing after being the epicenter of so much... pain? And torment? I hate that place. I'm never going near it again." Not if she can help it.     Not unless it's to knock the thing down.     As Sara starts talking about her conversation with Michael, there's momentary confusion on her features before she remarks, "Oh. Your partner." Too many Michaels.     "Well. I'm probably the queen of letting crap get in the way... But hopefully when all of this is done..." She's silent for a moment before adding in a quiet voice, "Jon'll be okay when all of this is over. He has to be." The universe can't be //that// cruel. ...can it?
Sara Pezzini	Sara shakes her head slightly. "I didn't mean being right there for it Cael," she comments. "I meant more at a distance, and not quite this far away. I know he didn't want me there, he made that perfectly clear." She looks back to the cup of coffee for a moment, shoves down that sudden rush of pain, then lets out her breath. "It will take Jon time, but he'll be alright. He has a great family to take care of him, including you Cael. It might take him some time, but he'll get there." She pauses there before adding. "Know what... maybe you shouldn't mention me to him, just let me know how he's doing, alright? And if you or Martin need anything on the outside, let me know. I'll be out of here in a few days, and able to help out from outside the room."
Cael Becker	"Sara... I'm going to tell him you're thinking of him, and praying to Gaea on his behalf, and you can't fuckin' stop me," Cael counters bluntly - a smile appearing on her lips for a moment. "Honestly, I think he'll appreciate it. And whatever shit you think he's still carrying.... that shit happened over a month ago," for Jon, anyways, "and believe me, he's got other shit on his mind."     She sips her coffee again before adding, "...and what do you means days? I thought you were going to be stuck in here for weeks? What changed? The doctors changed their minds?"
Sara Pezzini	It doesn't matter that it was a month ago for Jon, it's still fresh for Sara. She won't bring it up to him, it'll pass into the mists of time eventually, but right now that Jon screamed at her in Grand Central Station was still echoing in her head. "No, I can't stop you," she admits, picking the coffee back up. "As for what changed, the arm changed. It was the primary reason for long term required stay, and it's not as bad thanks to Uriel. The stitches and other wounds will heal over time, but I don't need to be here for that." Taking a drink of the coffee, she hold onto the cup. "The stiches will come out in another week from my release date, and another MRI to check the deltoid... it's just a process, and it's not set in stone. Soonest is two, three more days."
Cael Becker	"I'm glad some of those winged assholes aren't useless," Cael remarks in a dry voice, shaking her head slightly.     "You know - in the last battle? Michael turned on Caitlin. Ripped his power out of her by force - painfully. She feels... disillusioned. Betrayed. ...I almost feel sorry for her." She takes another sip of her coffee before added, "Of course, that happened just after Jon tried to save her, and she repaid him by dislocating his arms, covering his mouth, and ordering us all to stand down. So. Mixed feelings about her, you know?"
Sara Pezzini	Sara sighs, shaking her head slowly, anger rising up in her chest again. She should have been there, but she couldn't because Barachiel was one of the asshole angels and fucked her over. "I don't really feel sorry for her," she comments after the anger gets shoved back down. "She made her choices, she has to live with the consequences like the rest of us. I made a stupid choice, to question myself, and an angel fucked me up. She made the choice to serve Michael based on faith, and Michael fucked her up. No... I don't feel sorry for her, just like I don't feel sorry for myself. I'm angry, she should be too."
Cael Becker	"I think she's pretty pissed," Cael answers wryly. "And... like I said, I know for a fact you wouldn't be here right now, if she hadn't intervened... If she hadn't ordered the angels to stand down, and if she hadn't stopped the bleeding. I would've kept fighting Barachiel. I might've ended up more badly hurt than I already was... and it would have been too late to do anything." She gives a shrug of her shoulders before she adds, "She wouldn't even take my thanks. She feels she's done too much... damage tot warrant any sort of appreciation, but- well. For all we know, Michael got into her head at some point, in all of this. If he can make me //attack Jon//..." Then how responsible for her actions is she, really?     "I forgive her, but then again - I need to work with her if we're going to bring Jon back from death." She states this simply, like she's talking about changing the tire on her bike.
Sara Pezzini	Setting the cup back down, Sara continues to study Cael while she talks. To hear her talking about Caitlin like that, after all the times she'd heard Cael railing against her, it was difficult to accept. She understood why though, how it was that Cael went from hating her to feeling sorry for her, to just accepting. "I don't know what happened, other than what you've told me," she says quietly. "So you're saying that Caitlin is realizing she was on the wrong side, or is she just sorry that she lost and realizing the damage? I don't think for a moment that Michael got into her head though, I think her faith blinded her until it didn't. Faith can blind people in ways those of us without it can't even comprehend. I've seen people do some amazingly stupid shit in the name of faith, and Caitlin is added to that list."
Cael Becker	"It was a short conversation," Cael admits. "But I think she realizes she's on the wrongside. She-" There's a flicker of anger and annoyance on her features before she explains, "She was //horrified// to learn Michael was torturing Jon. Like she didn't realize that was something he was capable of, when I'd already told her- I'd explained to her what Michael had done to me. It's not exactly fucking news that Michael tortures people." She glares into her coffee for a moment, but even that doesn't last before she takes another deep drink from its depths.     "She feels she's been used, lied to, and misled. I told her Michael can't lie, but that... he certainly contradicts himself. She wanted to rush off and rescue Jon from Michael's care, but- ...with Michael's power, there's no chance we could have gotten Jon back. None. There- ...there was no point in even trying, and Jon didn't want us to, besides."
Sara Pezzini	The coffee gets set down and Sara's hand returns to Cael's shoulder. "She couldn't hear the words or believe them through the radiance of her belief in his God and him," she says quietly. "Now that his radiance is gone, she could hear and believe. She was used and misled, and all in the name of a God who doesn't give a single flying fuck about any of this. Even still, even with knowing that, and knowing she stopped my bleeding out, it doesn't change the facts for me. It doesn't change that I won't forgive her for what she's done." She gives Cael's shoulder a squeeze. "Jon made it clear this is what was supposed to happen, this was his choice, his sacrifice, and even if we could have gone and found him, he wouldn't have come with us, but it's okay to feel sorry for her, and be mad at her at the same time. I know you need to work with her for what comes next, and I hope she can get her head out of her own ass long enough to do what needs to be done."
Cael Becker	"Working with her would be harder if I'm angry. So..." Cael shrugs her shoulders helplessly. "I'm just... I'm trying to do the things that need to be done. Trying to help Jon accomplish what- what he willingly decided to do. Trying to save fucking reality." And that means letting go of her emotions, as much as she possibly can - for now. "God, it's hard, Sara. I honestly- I don't think Jon really realized what he's asked of me but- either I help him, or I abandon him, so..."
Sara Pezzini	Sara gives Cael's shoulder another squeeze, it's all she can offer. "No, I don't think he realizes," she offers softly, wishing she could do more and knowing she can't. She's not part of this, she's not one of those who gets to help so all she can do is be there for Cael up to the moment in time that she can't. "Is your intention to just try and shut it all off until it's over? Lock it up, save dealing with it for later? Because with me Cael, you don't have to do that. You don't have to be the strong one with me," she takes her hand off Cael's shoulder again because she knows touching her too long makes her edgy and nervous and a few hundred other things.
Cael Becker	"...I don't know," Cael admits quietly. "I just... Today especially, I just can't. It's a lot. It's... a lot." She lets out a frustrated sigh, before finishing off the last of her coffee. "I think it's just day by day, at this point. Until all of this is over. And- honestly, thank goodness for Martin. I don't think either of us could do this without the other."
Sara Pezzini	Sara keeps herself from grinning about that. It's a horrible, horrible situation that Jon is in, but together Martin and Cael have his back and each other. It's what she hoped would happen, the family would pull together around Jon. "If you need to turn em off for now, that's fine." Sara says, keeping that grin away. "Just remember, when you do need to let it out and be emotional, I'm here, and I'm certain Martin would listen as well, and be there for you."
Cael Becker	"And Alis, and Bear... I'm not alone, I know. ...it helps. I wouldn't be able to cope if I thought I was alone in all this." Cael's hand reaches almost instinctively to where Bear //usually// would be - though for the moment, the dog is absent. She pours herself a cup of coffee instead, before she asks, "Is there anything else //you// need? Until you're able to get out of her..."
Sara Pezzini	"No, there's nothing I need," Sara replies, gesturing toward the two chairs in the room with her. "One of those is for Wade, the other is for Johnny. They are usually here, you know... all the time." She snorts. "They're really helpful, I love them both, they've been doing so much for me... but they are also driving me crazy." She pauses, looking toward where Bear should be. "He with Jon right now?"
Cael Becker	"Agnes and Lady Grey," Cael answers. "They were having fun, and I didn't want to interrupt. Jon... does not want me leaving Bear with him," she says in a wry tone. "He's made that very clear. When I leave Bear, he feels like it's work. Like he has to 'babysit' the dog, and protect him, and care for him. So-" She says, and shakes her head. "I guess I made some assumptions, and it pissed him off, so..." For the most part, she's keeping Bear away from Jon, unless she really needs the pup.     "Besides, I was coming here - to see you. Figured I probably wouldn't need him. It's just a bit weird //not// having him around, at this point."     After another sip of coffee she adds, "I'm glad you have them both to look after you. I wish I could do more, but..." She shrugs - then runs her hand through her hair. Somehow, Cael found the time to have her hair bleached and re-dyed - because the colors underneath are golden yellow, teal, and blue - the same colors as the wings Jon sometimes manifests of late. She also seems to have added the flame tattoo to her right hand, to match her left.
Sara Pezzini	"Who is Lady Grey?" Sara asks, finishing off her coffee and setting the cup down. "And why would Bear be work?" Sara notices all the changes, but she doesn't say anything. So many changes, hopefully they all help Cael, and it good to see her taking time for herself, though the color choices for the hair... still she doesn't say anything. "Cael, I think you need to stop worry about me. I mean I know you're going to, but don't." She picks up the water and takes a drink. "The guys will take care of me, they always will, until they kill each other..." She looks down at her left arm in the sling. "I'm almost there, almost able to take care of myself, and I'll have Witchblade back. That's my purpose Cael, I know that now."
Cael Becker	"Jon feels like it's work. He feels like being left with Bear is being left with an extra responsibility," Cael clarifies, shaking her head slightly. "So. ...I'm not doing that anymore. And Lady Grey is the pup Martin somehow acquired. Apparently she's going to be //bigger// than Bear. She's cute right now, though. I'm sure you'll see her around, and Bear's sure glad to have a playmate," she admits - smiling briefly. Watching the two pups play with Agnes had been a nice little break.     "If I'm being honest, I don't worry about you that much," she adds with a wry smile. "And I feel a bit guilty that I don't. I know Wade and-" dipshit, "...Johnny have your back." God, Cael, you're not a teenager anymore...
Sara Pezzini	At the moment, Sara doesn't actually believe she'll see Lady Grey, and she's okay with that, she at last knows who it is. "Bear needed a playmate," she offers with a chuckle. "And Agnes needs that stability and normalcy. It's a brilliant really, smartest thing Martin could have done. Could I get you to pour a little more coffee in the cup? I can use the left hand for light things, that's it." She finally reaches for a piece of the pizza. "Is there any estimate on how long Jon has to stay in the hospital?"
Cael Becker	Cael obligingly pours the coffee for Sara, giving her a slightly sheepish smile for not having missed that it'd gone dry. "Jon didn't want the dog at first. I was ready to smack him one. Agnes and Martin both needed her to get through all this. ...he came around, though."     As for Jon's care, Cael gives an uncertain shrug of her shoulders. "Martin has a better idea of all that. Since it's been so long since he was... wounded," tortured, "he's actually had the time to heal. He's mostly just dehydrated and... thin. He's lost so much weight."
Sara Pezzini	Sara nods, picking the new cup of coffee up and just looking at it. "He'll gain his strength back, he'll gain the weight back, it'll just take some time," she offers, but a part of her realizes that it wasn't true. Jon was still supposed to die, and there was an astral battle that was coming soon, one that Jon wouldn't stay out of even though he should, and recover... but like so many others, she knew he wouldn't take the time to actually recover. "I'll get my aunt to make a tiramisu for Jon," she adds. "When he can get to solid food again. Let me know, cause she loves making them and it will help with weight."
Cael Becker	"He doesn't have time," Cael answers quietly, staring down at her coffee - the pain she's been struggling to block out showing briefly on her features, and the way her shoulders slump.     She has to help Jon heal, so he can be prepared to die. How can anyone do that for someone they love?     She forces herself to take a sip of the coffee before she adds, "But I'll definitely let you know when he's ready for anything as rich as a tiramisu. I'm sure we'd all appreciate a little of it. I'm surprised your Aunt hasn't been drowning you in the stuff while you're in here."
Sara Pezzini	There it was, Sara knew it was in there, the realization. She knew it was in there, that it couldn't be far from Cael's mind, but she let's it go because that's what Cael needs right now. "She has been," she replies regarding the tiramisu. "I keep sending them home with SHIELD agents because I don't intend to get fat, and Aunt Ruth is sending one a day. If she didn't have to work, she'd be here too, but I can't..." She takes a drink of her coffee, no more weight on Cael's shoulders. Deal with it later. "I'm glad she's working and not here."
Cael Becker	"And I haven't gotten any of it yet? I see how it is," Cael answers - allowing humor to slip into her voice, rather than drown under the grief and pressure. Sara's sudden change of topic goes completely unremarked in her current state.     "You know, Jon swears he's going to learn how to make curry noodles for me, after all of this is over," she remarks. "It's... it's nice to have things to look forward to. You know?" It's //necessary.//
Sara Pezzini	"I didn't know where you were, or what you were doing," Sara answers with a slight shrug. "They'll be another one today, you want to take it with you? You, Martin and Agnes can share it. Give it what..." she looks over at the clock. "... another hour and it will be delivered. She knows I'm not eating them all, but she makes food when she worries, then sends it." She takes a drink of her coffee. "There's a lot of things you should be looking forward to after all this is over, Cael. Curry noodle though, that's what you're focusing on?" She chuckles and nudges Ceal. "Curry noodles... yep, that's Cael."
Cael Becker	"Curry noodles, and going on vacation," Cael answers simply. "But... yeah. That's what I'm looking forward to. Simple pleasures." She gives Sara a small smile as she asks, "What're you looking forward to on the other side of all of this mess?" she asks. "You, and Wade, and... Johnny, I guess." Yeah. Someone's still not over that.
Sara Pezzini	Sara lifts her shoulders in a slight shrug. She hadn't even been thinking of after all this, she was keeping her head in the here and now. She knew Cael hated Johnny, and that is why the remainder of the relationship stuff, she wasn't going to go into, or talk about with Cael. "I haven't thought about it," she admits after a moment. "I've stayed in the here and now. Have you all decided where you're going on vacation?" Yep, subject change.
Cael Becker	"Not yet," Cael admits. "I figure... it's something nice to talk about, right now. When... when we have to find a way to recover from what's happened, and prepare for what's coming." Yup. She's deliberately saved it. She knew this would be a dark, and challenging time and they needed something, some sliver of hope, to keep them all going.     "I don't even know where I want to go myself. I mean, you saw how I was in Hawaii. I wanted to do all the active, thrill-seeking things. Sitting on a beach staring at the waves would drive me... insane. But I don't particularly want a crowd either, right now. And- who knows what Martin, or Jon, or Agnes would want. ...we'll figure something out, I'm sure."
Sara Pezzini	Sara smirks. That trip to Hawaii had been a mistake, honestly didn't seem to have helped Cael at all. It was spur of the moment, the only place Sara could think of at the time, and had been a mistake. Live and learn. "There's lots of fun places out there with action to be had," she comments, taking another drink of the coffee. "Thought I think you might need to think of places fun for a teenager as well, which removes some of the more highly dangerous, active things. Still... I'm sure you'll all come up with something fun."
Cael Becker	Cael lets out a quiet snort. "With a teen and two dogs? Yeah. Nothing too dangerous," she agrees. "But we'll figure out. Somewhere with jetskis. Or... hell. Maybe I could learn to... //ski//." Snow could be fun. ... right? "I don't know if Agnes has ever seen been in the snow - real, proper snow. I mean, when have //I// ever been in snow more intense then a New York winter...?" she muses in a thoughtful voice.     "If there's anywhere with real snow out there, when ll of this is over, I guess."
Sara Pezzini	"There's lots of places with snow, even in the summer here," Sara comments, then takes a bite of the pizza. When she's chewed and swallowed, she looks back to Cael. "Though I don't know about taking the dogs. If it ends up they need a place to camp out while your gone, you can leave them with me. I'll be at the house, they'll have the back yard." Sip of water is taken, better than coffee and pizza. "I mean I know Bear can go, he's a licensed therapy animal, don't know about Lady Grey though, depends on how you travel and where you go, but you should learn to ski. Nothing better then strapping sticks to your feet and throwing yourself down a mountain."
Cael Becker	"I'll probably want to bring Bear," Cael answers simply. "But I mean- I guess we'll see. Maybe my opinion of that'll change after- when all of this is over. But there's still a lot of shit ahead of us, and I suspect I might need him. Even if I am going with Jon. ...and Martin and Agnes."     As a family.     Fuck, just shoot her now.     She lets out a sigh, running her hand through her hair and revealing more of the blue, teal, and gold hidden beneath her blone hair.
Sara Pezzini	Sara watches Cael again, almost feeling the unspoken words. She knew what Cael was thinking in that moment because it came up before, and despite her roommate's best efforts to never get attached, the woman had managed to not only get attached, but she was also now part of a family... still fighting it, but well, Rome wasn't built in a day. "Either way," she comments. "If Lady needs a place, she's welcome at the house if it comes to it, just have to wait and see. I'm sure you'll be living with them before that time anyway, working through everything that still has to happen, it it likely, so easier to work out the details along the way to distract yourselves."
Cael Becker	Cael responds by shaking her head - immediately feeling embarrassed by the idea of //moving in// with Jon and Martin. "And I do what - sleep on the couch? There's two bedrooms. One is for Agnes, the other is for Jon and Martin. There- there isn't a place for me, even if I wanted to- I mean, it's just not like that, and I don't need to move it. It's not like I'm far. It's not like I won't be seeing them, regardless." She then hides her face before her coffee cup, taking another drink.
Sara Pezzini	"Why are you getting embarrassed?" Sara asks softly, actually confused by that reaction. "I mean, you want to be a part of Jon's life, right? You /are/ a part of Jon's life, and thus Martin and Agnes'." She tilts her head a little, trying very hard to understand why just saying it would embarrass Cael. "I mean, who says they'll remain in that place? Cael... you're a part of their lives now, you really should stop thinking like you'll be on the outside of it all the time, because you won't be. You're family to them, and I realize you're taking that step by step, one day at a time, but you need to prepare yourself for it being a possibility."
Cael Becker	Cael stares down into her cup for a while in silence, before simply closing her eyes. "It doesn't feel earned," she finally admits quietly. "It doesn't feel... //mine//. And that's their home, and- Fuck, I know Jon, and Martin, they've both... insisted I'm welcome, but something about it just doesn't feel... right? It makes me uneasy, and I'm still at least half-convinced it won't last. That as soon as I really accept it, or rely on it, it'll just... disappear. I mean, there's no real guarantee we all make it out the other side of this thing - is there?"
Sara Pezzini	Sara sets the coffee down and gives Cael's shoulder a light pat. "Listen Cael, you punish yourself so much, for things that aren't even your fault. You don't think you deserve anything good, no joy, no happiness, no living, just existing. You've been like that since the day I met you," she says calmly, softly. "What you don't seem to realize is... you already paid your dues. You deserve the best things in life, and from just watching you and Jon, and not knowing any details beyond you do 'seeing each other'... it's not going to end. It's not going to be taken away from you. In the end, you'll get Jon back and life will go on, and you /deserve/ the happiness that will come with life going on." Cael's shoulder gets a squeeze. "I know how hard it is for you to accept anything, to take steps outside your comfort zone, a zone I might add that is very small... but with this Cael, it's worth the risk. Jon's a great guy, Martin's a good man, take the risk... open yourself up and accept it. You won't regret it, because in the end, if you don't make it out the other side, you will regret not having done so to give them that comfort and joy."
Cael Becker	"I'm terrified we won't, Sara," Cael admits in a quiet voice. "That after all this shit - that one or the other of us won't make it through to the other side of this, and then-" what the fuck will it have been for?     "I try to hope I'm wrong about that - but life doesn't come with any fucking guarantees, and- ...my luck is shit." She takes a deep breath in, letting it slowly before she adds, "But I'm trying to be there. For Jon, especially - but for Martin, and Agnes too. I'm trying. Hell, they gave ma keycard to their quarter and- ....just that feels strange to me."
Sara Pezzini	Cael's shoulder gets another pat before Sara takes her hand back. "You've been given the key to the apartment," she comments. "You may not realize that, but that's one of the achievements of dating. And I know your scared, your scared all the time, hell..." she shakes her head with a small sigh. "I'm scared all the time, of losing the people that matter to me the most. Not telling someone how you feel before you die though? Is that really better than admitting to them and yourself what you feel?" Picking her coffee back up she just looks at it for a moment. "They say it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. There is some truth in that, despite all the pain that comes with losing someone. I know you're trying, and you've been way better about accepting and taking steps then most would likely have expected." She looks back up to Cael. "I'm just saying Cael, make sure Jon knows exactly how you feel about him before the shit hits the fan, alright? Don't be afraid to admit it fully, give him that, give yourself that. You know I'd protect him for you if I could, that I'd accept death in his place if I could, I'd do that for you and them... but it's not an option, so be sure he knows."
Cael Becker	"I thought you were about to die," Cael offers quietly, her eyes still closed, and her head bowed. Yet she still couldn't give voice to her feelings - not directly. "And I- I couldn't bear the thought of holding you, and watching you die, like- ...Alis. And I hated myself for it, because you deserved to- because I shouldn't have let you just be alone."     Taking another of her deep, slow breaths she adds, "Jon knows. He can feel what I'm feeling - and I've told him that I love him, more times than I can count."
Sara Pezzini	Sara nods, offering a smile as she says, "Then you're good, Cael. He knows, you know. Don't be afraid of it." She takes another drink of the coffee before setting the cup back down. "I wouldn't expect you to go through that again Cael," she says after a longer pause. "Don't be upset with yourself for that, you can let that go. And if it happens again... I don't expect you to do it. Walk away, because that's better for you and allows you not to suffer a repeat of your past. I don't ever want to cause you pain, even if I'm dying."
Cael Becker	"There'll be pain either way," Cael answers quietly. "So... so if it does happen, I hope I have the courage to face it." She lets out a heavy sigh, then adds, "Preferably, though, no getting killed, yeah? 'cuz I just can't take it right now."     She finally forces herself to open her eyes, and look back to Sara with a small smile. "Anyways. I'll... be alright, for now. I have my friends, and my... family," nope, it just doesn't sound right, does it? "to look after me."
Sara Pezzini	Sara's smile broadens a little. "I won't be getting killed any time soon," she offers with a nod. "But I will be ready for astral combat, one way or another, I'll be there... in the mean time, if there's anything I can do, let me know. I know you have to spend your time with Jon now, so it's my turn to offer anything you might need, or they might need."
Cael Becker	"Tiramisu," Cael replies immediately. "...maybe the occasional babysitter? Or at least someone who Agnes could call, if we're all out." she says in an uncertain voice. "I mean, odds are, one of us would be able to stay with Agnes, but- I mean, like... this morning, when Martin and I both went to get Jon..." Moments like those are sure to crop up from time to time.     "Other than that, I don't know. I don't know what else we would need..."
Sara Pezzini	Sara offers a nod. "Give Agnes my number, and when things are a little more stable, arrange an introduction," she says straight out, no pause. "I'm available for that without hesitation, even semi-broken I could do that. We're all family, we have to take care of each other." She looks at the clock again, "The tiramisu should be here in about 15 minutes, so hang til then and take it, the whole thing, feed it to Martin and Agnes... I cannot eat another piece. I swear, no more. Please save me from my aunt's food."
Cael Becker	"Sure," Cael agrees. "I'll check with Jon and Martin - and then pass your number on." She doesn't imagine they'll have an actual issue with it.     Her expression shifts a bit uncomfortably as Sara calls 'them all' family - but she doesn't remark on it, sipping her coffee instead. The pair end up passing fifteen minutes talking about the family of hot dog vendors and how they spent the evacuation - only to return the moment it was lifted. Once the tiramisu arrives, she lays claim to it, promising to check in on Sara again when she has more time - before returning to Martin and Jon's quarters to check in on the pair - and make sure Lady and Bear haven't wrecked the place.     They've probably wrecked the place.