Owner	Pose
Jonathan Sims	The barque of the sun enters the final stretch of Duat with only two passengers. Typically there's only one, as Ra travels this last stretch before the dawn on his own. Presumably this is meant for the god to prepare himself for the coming day, or for a dead Pharaoh to prepare himself for entering the Field of Reeds, the paradisical afterlife he would enter if he'd made it this far. This time, however, the 'pharaoh' has joined with Ma'at instead of Osiris, and prepares to be reborn. This time he brought along mortal companions, and while the others have all departed by other routes, Cael Becker is still with him.     There's still food and drink laid out, and Jon lingers over at that table, holding a cup of beer with his magical hand. He's watching the gate close behind them, where the companions and servants were left behind, and Caitlin Fairchild and Lady Death went back to the physical world by another route. Looking back instead of looking forward, probably /not/ what the sun's supposed to be doing right now. And he's still glowing.
Cael Becker	"Do you think you'll see her again?" Cael asks quietly - assuming it was Alya he was looking back towards as she joins him - twining her right hand into Jon's living arm, and giving his fingers a gentle squeeze. There's concern on her features, and sympathy, as she can't imagine it's easy to walk (or float) away from his fallen friend - and the mother of his child.     She's a mess - bits of blood an gore still flecked here in there in her hair, and on her clothes - a bit of blood from one of the snakes drying, unnoticed, across her cheek.
Jonathan Sims	"Someday," Jon replies softly, squeezing Cael's hand in return. "I think... I think death, and the afterlife, are kinder than we give them credit for. After all, what we did down there, to Ammit... the way the universe is /supposed/ to work, and does again now, is that the souls given to her go back into the cycle. No punishment nor reward is eternal, so far as I can tell. That would be... against the purpose of mortals even existing, if I'm right about what I think that purpose /is/."     He glances over at her and grins. "Good lord, you need a shower," he comments, teasing.
Cael Becker	"Look. I fought a //blood hippo// for you. A hippo made of blood. That's a thing, apparently," Cael asserts, giving him an amused smile. "So no way you get to comment on the state of my hair." She imagines it's probably pretty atrocious, though.     She leans in against Jon's arm, her head against his shoulder as the boat floats peacefully. As much as she enjoys a good fight - as much as she thrives on challenge - she hopes they can just enjoy a moment of peace together, after all the hell they've gone through. "Truth is, I'm not really afraid of dying myself. I haven't been for a long time. But then - I always thought I'd just... cease to be, before, and that's honestly not so bad. And now... Well. Spending time, at peace, with the people I've known and loved... Can't really argue with something like that, either."
Jonathan Sims	"Don't go dying on me anytime soon," Jon murmurs with a frown, untangling their hands so he can put his arm around her shoulders. "The entire point of coming back was to have more time with the people I love, and that includes you."     He frowns a moment, then says, "...A blood hippo? A hippo... made... of blood? How did that even..." A pause. "Ohh, I suppose that's... /something/ like the Book of Two Ways? Not as much of the 'common' path has come down to us; it's the tombs of the kings that were well-preserved."
Cael Becker	"I'm not planning on it. But I'm also not planning on... changing how I live. Which tends to involve jumping into danger on the reg," she points out simply. "Still. I've managed to survive //this// long. No reason to think I won't continue. We'll have time," she promises him.     "Lady Death showed up and... killed it," Cael remarks. "Which was probably for the best, because I had no idea what to do about the fucking thing. But I wasn't about to let it stop me." She pulls Jon down so they can sit together for a while, shifting for her head is on his chest - listening to his living heart, as it beats in his chest. His lungs filling with air, his voice rumbling through his chest. He was alive. "Thank you for your message. Even if Agnes did think you were being 'rude' to me."
Jonathan Sims	Jon does not resist sitting down, and gulps down the last of the beer so he can set the cup aside. He idly runs his fingers through Cael's hair, frowning thoughtfully as he watches the banks of the river go by.     "Did Alya just... repeat what I said verbatim or something?" He sighs. "She would. But, then, I suppose it would help you believe it was really me, hmm? I'm sorry I didn't hold to that... that I gave up on the idea of coming back. I suppose it /is/ what one is... supposed to do. Shed connections to life, and move on."
Cael Becker	"It came out sounding like just the sort of shit you'd tell me," Cael replies with some amusement. "I was ready to brush it off as a kid under stress - of course she'd dream about her father. But she knew things, and- and it was just what you would've told me, and it was what I needed to hear. I... was a mess. It helped a lot." A tear sneaks out at the memory of her panic and grief - and that overwhelming feeling of failure - that had managed to consume her after Jon's death, and she quickly blinks it away.     "I'm just glad that's all behind us now."     Her arm, draped around Jon's waist, gives a squeeze as she adds, "You don't need to apologize. I mean, that's why I came down here, right? To remind you, for the sake of //all// of your family..."
Jonathan Sims	Jon's hand stills in Cael's hair for a moment, and he sighs. "Are you... do you think you're going to be... well, not /okay/ maybe. Better? I mean..." He hesitates for a long moment, threading his fingers through his hair again.     "I can't promise I'll be safe all the time, you know that. For the same reason you just said--how we live means facing danger regularly. But I suppose it's different when it's not... certain. I just..."     Another sigh. "I saw how you reacted, when I died," he says softly. "And I... understand. Trust me, I understand. I just don't want our relationship to be a... liability, you know?"
Cael Becker	"...you saw that?" Cael asks in a quiet voice. "Fucking Uriel." For a moment - just for a moment - there's some real acid in her voice, but it leaks away as quickly as it arrives.     "Jon, I-" She lets out a sigh. "Right now, I feel good. I- this has been hell, knowing what was coming, knowing nothing could change it." Just talking about it, she could feel that anxiety rising in her chest again, but she tightens her arm around Jon to remind her that he's there, that he's alive - that it's //over//. "I wouldn't ask you to change how you live anymore than you'd ask me. It's alright, Jon. I'll be alright. I know someday we'll be parted, and that'll hurt like hell for whichever of us is left behind. ...but I'll be alright."
Jonathan Sims	"He apologized," Jon says softly. "Uriel. He... they were... the archangels, they /all/ were unable to... think creatively, to learn and grow. I asked the Presence to give them that, to give them maturity. And he... apologized, for not being able to see another solution to the problem, one that wouldn't have hurt me so much."     A pause, and then he adds, "They gave me this chance, you know. The way Michael killed me... I shouldn't have been able to come to Duat at all. It should have bypassed all the normal routines of the afterlife. I should have just... reunited with God, as it were. Uriel's plan would have been complete, once the Presence stepped in. But he made sure I got this chance."     He sighs. "Don't be too hard on him. The archangels that opposed Michael... they've been rather backed into a corner, watching him create and destroy whole universes without being able to directly stop him. In the balance of all they were facing, one life isn't much of a price to pay--and as soon as I started talking about coming back, he supported the idea."
Cael Becker	Cael doesn't answer immediately. She stays where she is, her head on his chest, listening to his breathing, and to his heart, her eyes closed. She breathes in unison with him, quite naturally, and passes several moments in silence.     "I don't know if I can forgive them," Cael finally states. "I don't know if I can forgive any of them for putting us through this kind of hell - but especially not Michael, or Uriel. I hate them, Jon."
Jonathan Sims	Jon sighs. "And would you hate the Chief if she ordered me to do something she knew might kill me? Even if she did it to save the world? We both know she'd do anything she could to avoid that order--but what if she couldn't? /Really/ couldn't? Would you hate her, for making a choice that hurt her just as much as it hurt you?"     He shakes his head. "Uriel didn't choose me for this--Gaea did. Uriel helped me at every turn, gave me information that saved many lives, and in the end did everything he could to help me come /back/ from this. He intervened in the process, at potential cost to himself, to make sure I even got the chance to come back. And it /hurt/ him. The Archive was created at Uriel's direction. The Archivists are... /part/ of him. He loves me far more than either of us can possibly imagine--and did everything he could to make sure I came back from dying."     Another sigh. "If you need to hate someone, go on hating Michael. There's a chance he'll listen now, and understand what he's done... but he hasn't yet. Uriel apologized immediately. Michael's probably just thinking up creative ways to fight me."
Cael Becker	"It's not the same," Cael insists in a quiet voice, her eyes eyes still closed. She can feel the pain, grief, and anger welling up in her - even as she tries to force them away. It's over now. They made it through. They've fixed the universe. They've saved Jon. It's all behind them - and what lies ahead cannot possible hurt them like what has already come and passed.     "That isn't why I hate him," she admits quietly. "He- he kept me from you. He wouldn't let me-" He's right here. He's right here, and whole, and alive, she reminds herself as she tries to hold back the rising panic and desperation that memory evokes. "I couldn't get to you - because of //him,//" she explains - venom leaking into her voice.     How do you forgive someone for that?
Jonathan Sims	"He was protecting you," Jon says gently. "Cael... what if Michael had turned on you? Had stabbed /you/ with that sword? You'd be gone. Just... /gone/."     He pulls away from her a little, so he can look her in the eyes. "That sword, Cael... it sends energy /straight/ back to the Presence. That's why Michael used it on me--he was trying to /get rid of me/. But it also gains the Presence's attention, and that's why Uriel tricked him into using it to kill someone who didn't deserve that. He'd already set things up with Suriel to give me a chance to talk to the Presence and go to Duat... he might not have been able to intervene in time, for you. And then you'd just be... /gone/, and no way to bring you back."
Cael Becker	Was he protecting her? Or was he protecting his precious //plan//? It's not a thought Cael is able to express, however, as she loses the fight against her emotions and gives into the tears that had threatened to spill over. They streak down her cheeks, mixing with the blood that was dried there, and dripping in red tracks down her face as she clings desperately to the man beside her.     He's here. He's alive. This is real, she knows it is. She feel him, hear him, smell him...     "I just... wanted to get to you," she manages to force through the tears.
Jonathan Sims	Jon wraps both arms around Cael and pulls her close. "Your death would have worked for the plan," he murmurs softly, "but... you wouldn't have come back. And it would have hurt me immeasurably. And he /cares/. Trust me, I... understand how he thinks. He won't care that you hate him; if you're safe, that's all that matters. And... I saw. He moved as soon as I was dead."     He sighs. "I was dead within 30 seconds, Cael. I don't know how I managed to get the leaf out and give it to Caitlin. Sheer force of will, I guess. And then, well, you saw. There wasn't a body to hold. If you'd already been there... he might have turned on you instead. Maybe it would have helped you, to be right there, but... I don't think that would have been worth the risk of losing you."     He pulls her closer, tighter. "Don't... please, love, holding onto that anger and pain, it doesn't do any good. The universe is fixed, and we have a chance most people never get. We've been /exceptionally/ privileged. I didn't just have some near-death experience... I know /precisely/ what it is to die, secrets the living do not know. I... don't intend to share them, not widely. But I... honestly? I'm grateful, that I had the chance. There are so many things that have held me back for so long that just... don't matter, anymore."
Cael Becker	Cael shakes her head helplessly. How does she explain the pain, the frustration, and the sheer panic of that moment? How does anyone have the strength to simply //forgive// that sort of wound? How can she explain the way it already haunted her dreams? She doubted that would simply to away with Jon's return. It might get better, but... it still happened.     "It hurt," she manages quietly. "Even- even w-with all that time t-to prepare... E-even knowing- Even having a p-plan to- it hurt. So much. I couldn't- I couldn't just-" How could anybody stand by, and simply watch on faith alone? //How//?     "I've never been as strong as you, Jon." Lifting one of her hands, she wipes at her eyes - trying to get her emotions back under control, as she almost invariably does when they slip out from her grasp. "I don't know how to forgive them." Either of them.
Jonathan Sims	"I wouldn't ask you to forgive Michael. But Uriel..." Jon hesitates. "I would have done the same thing, in that situation. Maybe I'm just afraid some day I'll do something that hurts you, to protect you, and you... won't be able to forgive me."     A pause. "...Again." He laughs, wryly. "I mean, that's why you couldn't stand to look at me a couple of months ago. Because... I did something that hurt you, to protect you."     He sighs. "I wouldn't be here with you if not for Uriel. And I mean that in... every way possible. I wouldn't /exist/ without him, in a way that means... mmm. Family? I guess that's how I see him. Like family." A snort. "Of course, you're under no obligation to /like/ your boyfriend's family."     He hesitates for a moment, then says, "I don't think I can forgive Michael. It... dying, it..." He frowns, and bites his lip, and shakes his head. The words are hard. Or maybe he doesn't want to talk about it.
Cael Becker	Cael shakes her head, holding her breath to try to slow, and stop her sobs - letting her breath out in heavy, abrupt gasps, before quickly sucking it back in again. It's not the first time he's seen her do this - and it's unlikely to be the last. "I //can't// forgive him right now, Jon. I'm sorry," she says in a quiet voice.     "But I love you... not him," she adds in an attempt to reassure him. It's all she can offer because - like Jon, lying is just not a possibility. Not to him.     After wiping at her eyes again, she adds, "I'm sorry, you know. So sorry for- for everytime I've hurt you. Everytime I've- I've made all of this harder for you. I'm sorry."
Jonathan Sims	Jon's quiet for a long moment, staring toward the stern of the barque, holding Cael in his arms without stroking her hair or... much of anything. "I've tried very hard not to be selfish," he murmurs. "Not to... insist that... /I'm/ the one going through all of this, not you or Martin. I've tried to tell myself that you were the ones that were going to be left behind, and that should be the focus."     He frowns. "I think that was a mistake. I think the... resentment that stirred up made it easier to give up on the idea of coming back. I'm not as strong as you think I am, Cael. Being unendingly kind and caring and forgiving and putting up with whatever anyone threw at me... that was a defense mechanism as much as anything you or Martin do to push people away. It's something I realized when Michael had me that I haven't quite managed to... explain right. That... that I..."     He hesitates a moment, then says, slowly, "How does one stop an enemy before a shot is fired? Disarm them. Infiltrate their camp. Become invaluable, so they trust you, so they will not want to hurt you. That's where that comes from, that... unending willingness to put up with whatever people need, emotionally. Not... not that I don't /care/. I do, that's why I chose that method. But..."     He frowns, looks up at the sky. "Even now, I'm afraid that if I said 'yes, you hurt me, and I'm sort of mad at you for that' you'd... pull away. Some part of me calculates how truthful I can be, without pushing you away. But I can't... lie, anymore. So I have to admit the truth, or say nothing. And the truth is... it hurt. And I was afraid of you... breaking down, or falling apart, or leaving me, so I put up with it." He swallows. "I'm sorry I didn't... I'm sorry I hid that from you."
Cael Becker	"I don't want you to hide things from me," Cael answers, staying tucked where she is, tightly against his chest, with the tears dripping down her cheeks slowing dramatically. Her pain, her desperation, was far less acute now that they'd moved onto what was a 'safer' topic for her - and away from the pain and trauma of the moment of Jon's death. "Or at least... I don't want you to feel like you need to. I- I can't promise I'll always take things the right way, but I want to try. I can't promise I won't hurt you again - but I want to bring you more joy, than pain. And I did try... to think about how all of this would be for you. To- to be there for you, and help you. I know I didn't always succeed, but I tried. I'm still trying."     She tightens her arms around him as she asks with concern, "How are you Jon? Really? What do you need from me?"
Jonathan Sims	"I keep telling myself that every time I really do /need/ you, you're there," Jon says, and then quirks a bit of a wry smile. "But you know how your mind can refuse to see reason. How fear can creep in and make you irrational."     He sighs. "I'm... pretty well, right now. Someday, I'm going to have to... to talk about it. About what happened. Because it... that moment was..." He swallows, and shakes his head. "I don't want to think about it, but I can't avoid it forever. It was... the words that come up don't... /fit/ right, it doesn't make sense that that's how I feel but... maybe I'm still processing the torture? I don't know. /Violated/ is the word I keep coming back to, and I don't... know why. Maybe it was just the... deliberate violence of the whole thing. It shouldn't have hurt... but it /did/. It... it..."     He shudders, shakes his head. "Mmmm. Don't want to think about it. Not... not doing any good, remembering. S'pose it doesn't help that it's getting all tangled up in my head with the, ahh, bull goring me and then eating me, back, umm... a few hours ago."
Cael Becker	"The //WHAT?//" That finally has Cael pulling away from Jon, but only so she can look at him with disbelief and horror. "That- that's- ...that's fucking messed up!" she protests, her gaze studying Jon's features, while one hand reaches out to gently touch his cheek. "And you're... okay? You're okay with something like that?" How? She'd be a //mess,// she has no doubt. She studies his features for a few moments more before tucking in against him again, this time up against his shoulder, as one hand reaches up to the back of his head, to draw his face gently in against her. "Fuck, man..."     That's messed up.     "I want to be there for you - when you need me. I want to be what you need, when you need it - as much as I can. The worst is behind us, and whatever fall out we still have after all this... pain, I know we'll get through it together. I have no doubts."     She takes a deep breath in, and lets it out slowly before she admits, "I went to Caitlin, you know. Because she was... with you. I had to know. As much as I could, anyways. I had to know."
Jonathan Sims	"It was part of the process," Jon says with a sigh. "Becoming 'one with the earth god.' I didn't know they'd mean that quite so... /literally/. But it makes sense when you think about it... if you think the sun goes /beneath/ the earth, then it sort of does get... /consumed/ by the earth." He frowns. "Doesn't make it... pleasant. Not in the slightest."     He closes his eyes and leans against Cael. "Do not mistake my calm for being... okay. It hasn't all quite hit me yet. I'm still partially possessed by the spirit of Ra... and Ra goes through that /every day/. For him, it's as natural as taking a shower or eating lunch. I wouldn't be surprised if the further I get from this, the worse I feel, at least up to a certain point. Dying and being reborn isn't... /pleasant/, Cael, but then birth isn't pleasant either. It's terrifying and dangerous, but necessary."     He frowns, and then nods. "That makes sense, I suppose. She was... right there, after all."
Cael Becker	Cael nods, one hand wrapped around Jon's waist, the other still gently holding his head to her. If they could stay this way forever... well. That wouldn't sound so bad, right now. "Well," she murmurs - no need to speak loudly, with the both of them held so closely together. "However you feel tomorrow, or next week, or next month... I'm here for you. If you need someone to hold you, I will. If you need someone to talk to - I'll listen. If you need a distraction... I'll do the best I can. Any time, day or not - even at seven AM which is, seriously, just the //worst// time. The worst."     She's silent a moment before adding, "And if you need time by yourself, then- well. Tell me that, too. I can't promise to be as good at this stuff as you are - I don't have any of your training. But I'll try, and things will keep getting better. I know it."
Jonathan Sims	"I know," Jon says softly, quietly. "I know you'll be there for me. I'm not... I'm hopeful, right now. I might not always be. I'll... have bad days, rough days. We've seen that. But right now... I have a second chance. So I'm hopeful, and not too angry. I... don't know that I'm angry at all anymore, about how things have gone. It's not wholly your fault. How can you help if I won't /let/ you?"     He sighs. "Right now... I just want to enjoy this time we have, and then when it's over, get home to Martin. I'm still... buffered by Ra, and Ma'at. For now."
Cael Becker	"I promised Martin and Agnes that I would do everything I could to bring you home," Cael agrees. "So I have every intention of bringing you back to them. He's-" She can't help but feel a pang of guilt before she admits, "I tried to avoid them. I thought- I was so convinced that I had let Lady Death died. That I'd... failed you by not being able to let you go. That I might have ruined everything. How could I face them and tell them that?" she asks.     "...so yeah. Your message was just what I needed to hear."
Jonathan Sims	Jon frowns. "Why on earth would you think...?"     He sighs, and shakes his head. "Just... just keep it in mind in the future, yeah? We'll adapt. We'll figure things out. One way or another, we're going to succeed. Whatever Michael has in store. Okay, love?"     He smiles. "It's good that you didn't avoid them. The tea... really did help."
Cael Becker	"Oh, I did avoid them, but... they had Bear," Cael remarks in a wry tone. "And I needed him." She smirks in amusement at herself before she adds, "Look... I'm an idiot. I know I'm an idiot sometimes, but that's just how I- I don't know. That's how I was thinking. I was in pain, and I was angry, and... even knowing it was coming, even knowing I couldn't stop it, even knowing we had a plan, I- it all ended up feeling like I'd failed. But Martin and Agnes wouldn't let me pull away, and we got through it. ...together."
Jonathan Sims	"That's what family does," Jon says softly, trailing his fingers through Cael's hair. "You get through the tough spots, together. We'll hurt, and be angry, but we'll get through."     He clears his throat. "That said... we've only got so much more time here on the boat before... well..." He coughs. "I think I would very much like another kiss. Or two. Or more? There has to be /some/ kind of upside to getting the whole barque to myself for the final hour."
Cael Becker	"I'm still getting used to the idea of... a family," Cael admits. "It's weird. It's- I know this isn't true. I //know// it. But part of me feels like- like somehow I don't deserve it."     Having made that admission, though, she seems fully prepared to breeze right by it. "I don't think I'd mind a few more kisses, either. And maybe another cup of that beer." She lifts her head to find Jon's lips, kissing him with a gentle, but insistent need before she adds in a whisper, "I love you. And I'm so glad you're alive again..."