Owner	Pose
Cael Becker	It was remarkably convenient - having a key that lead directly to a free and well-stocked bar. It was, Cael had enough self-awareness to realize, potentially problematic - but she was choosing to ignore that fact for the moment, and has settled in on one of the comfortable, plush, velvet-covered couches with a bottle of whiskey and a glass. Sprawled out on the couch beside her is the large, white form of Bear - without his vest on. He seems fascinated by the velvet, as he licks at it repeatedly, and nuzzles it with his nose.     Apparently this was his first velvet experience.     "Crazy mutt," Cael mutters in a fond voice, rubbing the top of the dog's head.
Rien D'Arqueness	Rien had told Jon that she would try to speak with Cael, to see if Cael would allow her to try and help. But more, she just wants to know the woman better. She can't very well help to lead a team if she knows so little about the people in it. So she steps through into the Velvet Room in the hopes of catching her in a place she'll feel more comfortable. Touchy subjects, personal subjects, are never easy. Especially in strange or new places. She can smell the whiskey, the dog, and the woman, the moment she steps into the room, offering a quick smile towards Cael, "Hello. I hope you don't mind some company, I was hoping to catch up with you before you all left on your vacation." Rien doesn't get liquor from the bar, rather she gets the juice used for mixers, pouring herself a glass and moving towards the couches. "You know, generally I can't stand all the processed concentrates and 'juices' that are pushed out these days. I can... smell it. Smell the chemicals, the processing... but the Velvet Room manages fresh, real juice. It's... nice." Settling in, she looks across to Cael, "How are you holding up?"
Cael Becker	"We have a little time until then," Cael remarks easily. "Jon had some loose ends to wrap up," she adds, using air quotes for 'loose ends' - but there's a tolerant tone to her voice, and expression on her features. "Still. Looking forward to having some time off at last. I've never been able to just... travel before."     She takes a sip of her whiskey before adding, "I haven't tried the juice yet. This place is... strange, to say the least. But it's not a bad place." Or why would she be hanging here? "Thanks for teaching that piano some more music, by the way. Jon said I had you to thank for that."     She's still scritching idly at Bear's head as she adds, "I'm alright, really. I mean- ...things are finally over, which is a relief."
Rien D'Arqueness	"Understandable. He's been trying to make sure that Sara and I are in a good position before he takes off for a few weeks. I for one appreciate it." Rien smiles faintly before taking a sip from her glass. She gives a nod and murmurs, "And I am likewise glad to have the time to stay put. I've traveled quite a bit, and I am ready to stay put for awhile." Looking towards Nameless the Piano, she chuckles, "You're welcome. Though really, I was going to go mad if I had to listen to the same song over and over again." She looks back to Cael and shrugs, "I'm just glad to have picked up the piano over the years." "That it is... though I'm sensing there's a 'but' lurking around in there somewhere." Rien leans forward and closes her hands around her glass as she watches Cael, "I... I know that you deal with a lot of.. very raw emotions. And I will hope that, in time, you will feel comfortable in talking to me about them. But for now I thought perhaps I would offer myself as a sounding board if there's anything you wanted to get out before your vacation. Anything that you don't want to follow you?"
Cael Becker	"A 'but'?" Cael replies with dry humor. "Nah. I'm completely fine, and am certainly untroubled by anything that happened over the last- four months?" Had it really been so short a time? She runs her fingers through her hair - flashing the bright purples, blues, and greens that are dyed underneath natural blonde locks, and briefly displaying the flames she'd had tattooed across the back of her hands.     "I have a therapist I talk to about that stuff... regularly. We're even going to have some video calls while I'm on my trip. And of course... Jon'll be there. And Bear. I'll be fine, and hopefully come back better than when I left. You know?"
Rien D'Arqueness	"Uh huh," Rien responds with an equal measure of dry amusement. She takes another swallow of her juice, then sets the glass aside and murmurs, "I am glad that you have a therapist to speak with, and that you'll be talking to them even over the vacation." Settling back, she looks at Cael and shrugs, "I thought you might, I don't know, feel better.. if you saw that you're not alone if trying to deal with an abundance of hurt and anger. That someone else has walked the path and made the same choices... how they came out the other side." She smiles faintly, "If you want to, that is. I can... share some of my memories with you."
Cael Becker	Cael idly swirls the contents of her glass, watching Rien for a few moments before offering a one-shouldered shrug. "They're your memories. Your free to share them. I mean- I sorta ambushed you and Robbie with the tail of my trauma, not too long ago." A faint, tight smile plays across her lips at those words. "Not that you really needed to be told any of that..." She'd been there, after all.     Bear, seemingly having decided he's licked the couch long enough, abruptly shifts to licking at Cael's hand, jostling the whiskey and spilling a small amount. "Bear... Lay off it. You're the worst, you know that?" she murmurs fondly to the pup, shoving his head away with her free hand.
Rien D'Arqueness	"Hey, we all have our breaking points. Robbie and I admittedly don't view death the way most do. For us it's a temporary inconvenience, painful but not permanent. You had to deal with... something much worse in that room." Rien lifts a small shrug and smiles faintly towards Cael. Sitting up, she sets her glass aside and pushes up to her feet. Approaching Cael, she settles in on the floor and holds a hand out with a smile. "Take my hand, and I will show you something of my own past. Something that will, perhaps, help you in the process." She pauses, then adds, "At the very least, it will let you see some of what made me who I am today."
Cael Becker	Cael hadn't expected Rien to approach - and that may be reflected in the mild wariness that settles over her gaze and expression. She doesn't take the offered hand immediately, but after a brief hesitation, settles her free hand into place, lightly clasping it. "You'll be... projecting something into my mind?" she asks. "You won't be able to see or hear in my own mind, or alter it?" It was that last part that caused her the most anxiety - understandably.
Rien D'Arqueness	Shaking her head, Rien smiles, "This only goes one way. I have no talent for telepathy or mental manipulation. I can only share my own experiences with others." Letting her eyes close, she draws in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. The light blue glow of the magical energy she produces flows across her forn and touches Cael's hand where it clasps with hers. And when Cael closes her eyes, it's like falling asleep. Like a dream, only she's fully cognizant and aware of who she is and what is happening. Cael gets to see the French countryside in the late 1960's. She feels like a ghost in soemone else's mind, and that's exactly what she is. Spectating on Rien's memories. "REINE DU RIEN!" The sudden shout is a little startlingly, and Cael can hear the mistrust and anger and fear in the tone. It comes from a severe-looking woman with raven black hair kept scraped back from her face in a tight ponytail. Even if Cael doesn't speak French herself, the translation comes to her. Queen of Nothing. A little girl with pale blond hair looks up from where she'd been examining the bone claws that extend from the backs of her hands, straightening quickly and looking guilty. The girl couldn't be more than four or five. The raven-haired woman, who Cael discerns through the connection to be Rien's aunt, strides over and grabs the girl by her arm, a tight hold that hurts, though the little girl simply bites on her lips and looks up at the woman. "You are late to your training session! You have no time for playing, Reine du Rien, you have a job to do!" The little girl is hauled off to a training circle where four much larger 'men' (demons) are standing (bound). She's thrust into the middle of the circle as the first 'cage' opens and lets the demon out. Rien is forced to fight against them, sometimes one at a time, sometimes more. She's battered, beaten, bitten, clawed, kicked, burned... but she's not released from the binding circle until she's managed to lock each demon back into it's 'cage'. For dinner, she's sent out with the dogs to hunt rabbits, deer, and other game animals. Allowed only the use of her senses and claws. It isn't until enough has been caught to feed the clan that she gets to eat. Then she's sent off to her barren room to sleep. Cael feels something coming, a shift, a change.. and it's like looking at a flipbook. Only it's the girl's life. Cael watches the girl grow up across twenty years, a neverending wheel of training in either physical combat or magical tutelage. No affection, no recognition, she's barely treated as well as the dogs the Clan keeps. No name, no place. Cael can feel the anger and humiliation the girl feels. The hatred and anguish. And at the center of all of it, the unbearable loneliness of her life.
Cael Becker	The blue glow is watched with something akin to mistrust - but //Jon// trusts this woman, didn't he? Or why would he offer her leadership in the JLD? ...and she was one of the people who came for Cael. Who saved her life. Gritting her teeth slightly, she lets her eyes fall closed, feeling Bear creeping in closer to her, to press his nose into her chest, and reassure her with his presence.     Bear is a Good Boy.     As the images enter her mind, her breath hisses in between her teeth. It's not too dissimilar to being in the dreamscape - watching Jon's dreams with him. She watches the story of the girl's life play out - the facts of it completely foreign to her, but that feeling of loneliness and isolation - that she understood. Having to fight for everything you had against an uncaring world? That, too, she could understand.     "Poor kid," she mumbles to herself.
Rien D'Arqueness	It becomes clear as the girl ages and grows... this is Rien. This is Rien's life. Her 'childhood', that Cael is witnessing. Even into adulthood, she watches Rien being treated as little better than a tool. And seeing how that changes Rien fromt he curious little girl just trying to figure out where her claws came from, to an angry young woman who lashed out at everyone and everything. In the 80's, Rien and her mother encounter the reason for Rien's birth. The Truth. An ancient, powerful, immortal demon Rien's grandmother had summoned to save Rien's mother's life. The fight is engaged, the two sorceresses attacking the demon, Rien physically, with claws and feet. Her mother with spells. Cael gets to see a somewhat younger Logan burst out of the treeline and engage the demon. The fight gets dragged into a city, Rien and her father fighting against the demon as Rien's mother channels the magic needed to send it back to Hell for another ten years. The best they can hope for. Temporary banishment. Only Rien's mother doesn't make it. The Truth stabs her mother through the chest with one large claw and drags the body to Hell with him. When it happens, Logan tries to approach and Rien attacks, screaming at him about how he's not her father and she has no father. Taking punches and swipes at him until Logan finally leaves. Another ten years, training and vitriol heaped on her shoulders. Bigger, stronger demons are brought up to 'train' with. She dies, again and again. Each time, her mutant healing factor bringing her back, forcing her through the pain of limb reattachment, of having to shover her innards back inside before the wall of her stomach can heal over them. In the 90's, it's time again for the Truth. Only this time, Rien's mother isn't around. So Rien takes him on herself. This is her purpose. Her sole reason for existing. And she's getting her ass kicked. Logan shows up once more, fighting off the Truth while Rien opens the portal. This time, Logan talks Rien into going through the portal with him, so they can finish the demon and prevent him from returning. They find her mother, alive, being tortured by the Truth. Together, the trio escape and a door is opened, with Rien's mother staying behind to keep it open. The pair leap through to be confronted with the Truth from the 40's. Both versions of the demon see one another... and begin to fight. Rien and Logan get them back through the portal and into Hell, where Logan and her mother use their own lifeforces to form a cage for the demons to fight in, binding themselves to it to form the lock. The couple becomes stone, a statue, holding closed the cage ont he two demons. Rien is thrown through the portal and emerges into the current timeline... in 1945. She meets her father, again. And soon after, the TVA, who tell her she has to stay away from Logan as she's a variant and it would cause issues with this timeline. So she travels. The French FOreign Legion, the BPD (later WAND), SHIELD... she does stints with all of them. But the flipbook pauses when it shows Rien going back to Clan D'Arqueness. It shows her talking to the people that are supposed to be her family, but who have never actually treated her as such. She can feel that anger and hatred from Rien's youth... and she can feel the current Rien pushing it away to offer reconiliation with the Clan.
Cael Becker	Cael tries to pull her hand back - puzzlement on her features, along with a put-off, almost afronted look. Why would she //want// to reconcile with- pieces of shit like that?     "Just... How old are you?" she asks uncertainly. "You've- lived the twentieth century twice?" She doesn't bother to mention that //she's// been back to visit part of the twentieth century she'd had no business visiting. She steadies herself with a deep draught of her whiskey before adding, "Why would you want to show me all of that?"
Rien D'Arqueness	Letting go of Cael's hand when it's pulled back, Rien lets out a breath and gives a faint smile, "Right around 120 years old. Maybe a little more." She rises up and moves back to her chair, resettling herself and looking back to Cael. "You saw what anger and hate made me become. Barely more than an animal, lashing out at people who cared. Hurting them because I hurt. It didn't do me any good, either. In the end, I lost my mother and my father, forever." Rien lets out a breath, "Clan D'Arqueness... that was.. harder. And I didn't have anyone pushing me to reconcile, I had to come to it on my own. So it took... awhile." Decades. "But.. in the end, I wanted to not be that person anymore. I didn't want to be what they'd made me. I wanted to be someone of my own choosing. And that meant, letting go of the anger. The Clan I made peace with isn't the one persecuted me. I mean, they are, but... time changes people. Events change people. They apologized for their treatment of me. Acknowledged that they could have done a better job with me across the years. They opened the door for me to forgive them, to let the past be the past and to move forward with my present."
Cael Becker	"I don't- I'm not-" Cael says hesitantly, a frown pulling at her features. She draws Bear in closer, wrapping one arm around the massive dog's neck, and resting her face against him for a moment. "Look, I know I'm a bit of a mess... But in a lot of ways, I think I'm in better shape than I've been in a long while. I'm certainly happier. I definitely have more people in my life than- well, then I can //ever// remember having. So... I just wouldn't worry all that much, if I were you. I'll be alright. I know I will be."
Rien D'Arqueness	"I'm not trying to say you are or aren't anything in particular. I've shared my experiences with you because I see hints and glimpses of who I was, in you. You... carry anger like a sword and shield. As if it protects you and makes you strong. But the strength from anger is... draining, and the anger itself tends to burn away parts of you." Rien frowns faintly, "That loneliness I carried with me didn't really start to go away until I started to let go of the issues of my past." She looks back up to Cael and smiles faintly, "You do have Jon, and Martin, and Sara, and I'm sure there are more that I don't even know about. I just... I wanted you to know, to see, what holding onto anger for too long can do to you. And... what's possible when you let it go." She lifts a shrug, "In the end, it's your choice but.. beyond the therapist, if you ever need to vent some of the anger. I can listen. Or we can spar, I promise you can't do me any permanent damage."
Cael Becker	"And my sister - Alis," Cael supplies quietly. "And I've got Agnes - and Bear, here. Not to mention Sam, and- well. There's a few others. Like I said, I've got more in my life these days than I've ever had. I'm //happy//. For the most part, even with- everything that happened."     She scratches at Bear's neck as she adds, "The anger isn't- I try to keep it under wraps. Try not to let it... control me. I probably haven't always succeeded."
Rien D'Arqueness	Nodding, Rien smiles softly, "And that's good. That's very good." she reclaims her juice and takes a swallow or two, needing the hydration. Shaking her head, she murmurs, "But that's just it, Cael. You're not trying to get -rid- of the anger, just... hide it. That isn't healthy. Anger, especially long-term, is far more detrimental. And.. I recognize that you might feel that you would be.. vulnerable or weak with out it, but really... the anger is keeping you from being who you're supposed to be. The anger is what will limit you." Her presses a hand to her breastbone and murmurs, "I was created to be a tool, a weapon to be used against a demon. And I was treated as such. But that is the very least of what I -can- be. And I couldn't move forward, until I stopped looking behind."
Cael Becker	"And that took you how long?" Cael asks - heat starting to leak into her voice. Her eyes flick towards Rien for a moment, then down towards the floor, staring at no particular spot. "It's been //four months,//" she points out. "Four months since- since my boyfriend's best friend made me nail myself to a cross. Made me //want// it. Four months." Her arm tightens around the dog, who whines in concern, licking at Cael's chin.     "I- it wasn't Chas. Not really - I know that. I //know// that. He was- was trapped in his own mind, watching, and- and unable to change any of it. He didn't //ask// for any of that to happen. I know that, but he- it was his face. His voice." She blinks away tears before adding, "So maybe it's no fucking surprise if I keep looking over my shoulder right now."
Rien D'Arqueness	"Without anyone to support or care for me? All alone in a world that I was never made for?" Rien quirks a faint smile towards Cael, "About a decade after I stepped into this time. But as you've mentioned... you have people. You have people that care about your, about your wellbeing... to tell you these things. I had to come to the realization all my own, with nobody to help." She cants her head, listening, quiet. Rien watches her, then asks softly, "Are you sure it isn't because the anger feels safer than the guilt or humiliation? Because it feels better to be angry than afraid?"
Cael Becker	"Why should I feel guilty?" Cael counters immediately. "//I// did nothing wrong." She lets out a huff of frustrated air, still staring down at the floor. She finishes off the whiskey in her hand abruptly, and sets the cup aside, freeing up her other hand to bury itself deeply in Bear's fur.     "...and I have no reason to be humiliated, either. I fought like hell. I did everything I could to- to stop him. To get away. But he's too powerful - I never had a chance."
Rien D'Arqueness	"Neither guilt nor humiliation have ever needed to make -sense- to be present, Cael. You saw my past, felt what I did. -I- had nothing to be ashamed of, no reason to be humiliated or guilty. I was a child, and I did everything they ever told me to do. That didn't stop the feelings from being there. Rien watches Cael carefully, her eyes dropping to where her hand sinks into the dog's fur. "As I was told once... feelings don't have brains. There's nothing rational or intelligent about them. They simply are." She smiles softly, "And I would agree with you. You did everything you could. That is the most anyone can do. But that doesn't mean it isn't there. There is every possibility that you could do everything exactly right, and still lose."
Cael Becker	"I did everything right," Cael agrees quietly. "I was- I was safe in my room when I was taken. I had the charm Jon made for me. I fought like hell. None of it mattered, of course. Except that- that I held him off just long enough. If I'd given in even a few minutes earlier..." They'd have been too late to save her.     She continues to grip at Bear tightly with one hand, while the other hand strokes at his fur, slowly and rhythmically. "I //want// to hate Chas, you know. That'd be easier. That'd- hurt less, I think. But I don't. And I know- I know Jon doesn't want me to. I'm sure he wishes we could get along and- I don't know. Go on fucking picnics together or whatever."     Yeah. Because Cael and Chas are the picnicing type.
Rien D'Arqueness	"I know." Rien doesn't elaborate to which part, or maybe to all of it. She just draws in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Looking to Cael, there's nothing but empathy for someone who's gone through similar lanes of Hell as she has. "We all made mistakes at one point or another during this whole... thing. Some of those mistakes affected more people than most. Some of them affected the people we most wanted kept clear." She pauses, "For me, I am sorry we didn't get there faster. I'm sorry that it took us so long to reach you. If we had been faster, maybe things wouldn't have gone as far as they did." Lifting a hand to forstall her, Rien smiles, "It isn't about logic or reason. It's about feelings and emotions. Even if we couldn't have gotten there any faster, I'm still sorry we didn't." Reaching into her jacket, she comes out with her home-rolled herbal cigarettes, lighting one up and drawing deep on the smoke, "He would like for you and Chas to be able to get along again.. eventually. The biggest concern we've faced right now is... what do with you both missions-wise. If the two of you can't be around one another, functioning and able to work together, then we need to determine who goes on which missions and who is left at home." She smiles faintly, "Personally, we would love to have you both along. But if it will compromise the group or the mission, then we'll have to make a choice on a case by case basis."
Cael Becker	"Yeah, well - I wish you could have gotten there sooner, too - but I don't blame you. I'm grateful you got there when you did." Cael answers firmly.     "And I'm not sure if I can manage a mission with him," she admits honestly. "Because seeing him makes me- The memory tries to overwhelm me. And if it's a mission, then... Well I wouldn't have Bear with me, either, so..." She shrugs her shoulders helplessly. "I don't know what to tell you. And I don't really know the best way to test it. I mean, unless we had some sort of... skirmish game, with both of us there. But I'd know it wasn't real, so... We couldn't be sure even then."     She's silent a moment, then glances towards Rien to ask, "Do you think Jon could make me believe a skirmish was a real mission?"
Rien D'Arqueness	"I know, but I blame me. Because I can," Rien offers that faint smile towards Cael. She draws on the cigarette and gives a nod, "I am also glad we got there when we did, and were able to save you." Settling back into the chair, she motions for an ash tray and one appears, letting her tap the end of her cigarette into the tray. "We're certainly not asking you to right now either. Nobody is asking for anything to happen -right now-, Cael. Being able to... forgive... it takes effort, time, and willingness. The first step, is letting go of the anger. I know that its justified, and I know that it can feel... warm, and comforting even. But it is a lie." She pauses, then shakes her head, "Could he? Yes. Would he? Not in a million years. For now, we'll handle as I mentioned. Case by case basis, we'll determine who has the better skillset and experience for each mission, and that will determine who goes. Or, if one of you chooses to stay home, then obviously that means the other person can go. That will work until you and Chas are at a point you can be in the same room for an extended period."
Cael Becker	"He might if I asked him to," Cael answers quietly, but there's a faint frown on her features, as she continues to cling to her pup. "I don't know though. As much as I'd want to know - to be sure... I- don't like the thought of people toying with my mind, my perceptions. Even Jon, though he's the only one I'd even consider- I mean. I trust him."     She takes a deep breath in, and lets it out slowly before adding, "I don't know when I'll be able to be around him. Maybe I won't //ever// be able to," she says bluntly. "It's hard. It's really hard. I mean- part of me still wants to beat the shit out of him. Even though I know that did nothing. Absolutely nothing."
Rien D'Arqueness	Rien gives a nod to Cael's words, understanding the sentiment behind them. "I know that it's hard. I know that the idea of having to be near him makes your teeth grit, your temples pound. But sooner or later, either the two of you are going to have to come to an agreement, or someone is going to have to step back from the League. I don't want that, none of us do. You're both invaluable members." She draws on her cigarette, then exhales and murmurs, "That time is NOT now, though. And hopefully it will never come. For now... I'm just hopeful that... maybe it will help. Maybe knowing that there -can- be a way through the issue, will help." She smiles faintly, "For now, the best advice I can give is to forget about all of us here and go have some well-deserved relaxation with Jon, Martin, Agnes, and Bear."
Cael Becker	"It would probably make more sense if I left. Chas has more power than I do - than I ever will," Cael replies without hesitation - though that means //not// having Jon's back. ...that's not a thought she relishes. "But... yeah. We'll just see how things go. Right Bear?" she asks - scritching at his neck with both hand for a moment, before burying her face against him, and breathing in his doggy scent.     She's fine, she tells herself silently. She's fine. She's safe. It's all over. She has friends - many friends - and family, and though she doesn't need it - they would protect her with their lives. She's safe.     "I'm looking forward to the trip. I've never ski'd before. Hell - I've never really been to the snow. So... It'll be fun. It'll be a new experience. And it'll be a chance to get to know my... family."
Rien D'Arqueness	"Mm," the sound isn't one that relishes the thought of EITHER of them leaving. Both are fully contributing and useful members! Rien lets out a small sigh and murmurs, "Focus on you for awhile. Take the time you need to get to a point where anget isn't something you have to hide because it isn't something present that often. I cannot overstate enough that anger is your enemy. And given the family line that -I- come from? That's saying something." She quirks a faint smile towards Cael. Nodding, she offers, "If you like you can borrow my skis. I haven't used them in ages, but they're very well-made." Pausing, Rien chuckles and adds, "They aren't like.. antiques. They're maybe three years old. I just haven't been to the Alps in the last... year or so. For obvious reasons. Snow can be delightful, especially when you have a warm hearth and family to come inside to."
Cael Becker	"I- well, I guess I wouldn't mind the loan of some skis," Cael agrees. After a last, tight squeeze, she straightens from her grip of Bear's neck, and wipes briefly at her eyes.     "And believe me. I don't //hide// my anger. I wear it right out in the open." Reaching out, she pours herself another whiskey - taking a sip of the contents and letting out a faint sigh. The whiskey in here really isn't bad.
Rien D'Arqueness	"Great! It will be good for them to get some use. I'll check them over and make sure they're waxed up and the bearings are oiled tonight. If you want, I can leave them with Nameless and you can just pick them up whenever you want," she nods towards the piano and smiles towards Cael. "And I really do sincerely hope you all have a wonderful time." As to the comment about her anger, Rien just sips from her juice and smiles. "To be honest, I haven't even really had a drink in awhile. There just doesn't seem much point, when I can't get the mellowing effect."
Cael Becker	"Well. Maybe you just haven't had good enough stuff," Cael counters - after giving a simple nod to the offer of leaving the skis with nameless. "Jon and I were drinking this whiskey called 'A Midwinter Night's Dram' when I kissed him. Not sure I can blame the whiskey for that - but it is //very// good whiskey. Of course, it also has the price tag to match." Her demeanor is starting to relax, little by little, and with it - so does the dog in her lap, no longer pressing into her, or licking at her, or letting out little whines. Instead, he simply drops his head into Cael's lap, wagging his tail idly.
Rien D'Arqueness	Chuckling, Rien shakes her head, "I wish that were the case. That Asgardian mead that we had after the Heaven's Gate fight barely managed to get me buzzed, and it lasted for like.. 30 seconds." She lifts a shrug and offers, "It's the haling factor. I'm... pretty much immune to poisons, toxins, and drugs of various sorts. Which is nice in that I can't be roofied. But it also means anytime I -am- hurt, I can't take anything for the pain. So... I just get to be in pain until it's fixed." Chuckling, she adds, "ANd I have absolutely no excuse. I meant to kiss RObbie when I kissed him. Wanted to something fierce."
Cael Becker	"That's not what I meant," Cael replies with amusement. "I meant - if you can't get drunk, then you need to enjoy it for the taste of it - which means going top shelf. Midwinter Night's Dram is //good.// It's expensive, of course - but it's good." She lets out a sigh as she adds, "And I wasn't drunk when I kissed Jon. Hadn't had more than a few sips. It just- he was in pain. He'd just told me that he'd learned he needed to die, to fix whatever was wrong with reality... so I kissed him. I wanted to take that pain away, and I just- reacted on instinct. ...and immediately apologized. I was so sure I was about to either become a homewrecker - or lose someone I cared about."     Rubbing Bear's head she adds, "Didn't work out that way, did it?"
Rien D'Arqueness	"Ahhhhhhh, yeah, I only buy from anywhere that I can see the process and know exactly what is going into it." She taps her nose, "Ever smelled something so terrible you could -taste- it? My sense of smell is better than any dog in the world, might even beat Laura's, but I don't know, I think that would be splitting hairs. Anyways, I can tell if there's chemicals or the like in a drink. Even a lot of bottled water is just... bad." She flashes a grin, "But I'll give that Midwinter Night's Dream a try." She glances down and murmurs, "Robbie and I had... been through an intense experience. It was right after the... right after we found this place. We went back to my place for some drinks and to talk... and... well..." Rien lifts a shrug and murmurs, "And now I've met his brother and we're dating and I probably spend more time at his place than mine..." Shaking her head, she flashes a grin at Cael, "No. No it didn't."
Cael Becker	"Yeah, well - dying so many times in a row like that is sure to, uhh... forge some sort of bond," Cael agrees. "I still feel a little bad that I was just- ...hiding in the stairwell, keeping Jon from even helping." She smiles a bit tensely. "Honestly, I'm a little surprised you guys even consider taking me out on missions still - after that, and then just- completely losing it when we went to get Chas back. I worry that I'm a liability."
Rien D'Arqueness	"It... definitely started something." Rien chuckles softly and lifts a shrug. She looks back to Cael and murmurs, "We all have our stopping points. Some of them are just... a little different for some of us." She glances down and sips from her juice. "I think it would do you a world of good to take some time to work through some of the things in your head. Utilize your therapist, your support system. I'm less concerned with keeping you out of the field and more concerned with making sure that you don't help yourself into a nervous breakdown."
Cael Becker	"With the angel bullshit behind us? I'm less worried about a breakdown, honestly," Cael says with some degree of confidence. "And as strange as it may be to say, with everything that's happened... everything I'm carrying around, but- I can't remember being this happy. I mean, every moment's not happy, of course. But... On average, I'm happier, and happier more often, than I've ever been. I mean, I think you win the shitty childhood contest. But mine wasn't exactly daisies and sunshine."
Rien D'Arqueness	Laughing lightly, Rien lifts a shrug, "I think everyone's childhood is the worst to them, because they had to live through it." She calms quickly, then looks at Cael, "I'm still worried. Trauma like that doesn't just go away, Cael. If it isn't being dealt with, then it's like carrying around a bomb in your chest. We never know when it will explode, or what will set it off. I am -so- glad that you're feeling so much better. I think that's wonderful. But I think if you keep working at things with your therapist, if you keep being honest with yourself... then you're going to have a terribly bright future."
Cael Becker	"I'm not going to stop talking to Caldwell," Cael confirms with an amused tone. "I mean- Jon's a therapist. You think he'd let me get away with just- stopping therapy?" A smirk pulls at the corner of her lips. "Can you just //imagine// the amount of shit he'd give me? //God.// Nope. So not worth it." Suuure - that's why she keeps going to therapy. To keep Jon off her back.     She scratches at Bear's shoulder, adding, "I really do believe I'll be fine. I have Jon. Do you even //now// how stubborn they are?"
Rien D'Arqueness	"I think... Jon wants what is best for you, but he also wants you to make your own decisions. So he occasionally ends up in a spot where he isn't sure if he -should- say something or if he should just let it be. And I think that his Disappointed Look is probably the stuff of legend." Rien chuckles softly and leans back into the chair, giving a nod, "You keep using the word 'fine' and that makes me a little nervous. 'Fine' is the word people use when they want everyone to think everything is okay but it really everything is on fire around them." It would seem Rien is not up on the memes. She sips from her juice and chuckles, "I'm getting an idea."
Cael Becker	"Fuck, I'm not saying I'm 100%," Cael counters dryly. "Hell. Like I said - I'm not sure I have any busienss going on missions right now. I'm messed up. But I'm not going to kill myself or others. I'm not going to do any serious bodily harm, either. And I //will// be fine. I really believe that - because Jon's too fucking stubborn for any other outcome to be true. He would never give up on me - never - and whenever I really need him? He's there. He makes it work somehow. If I were doing this aline... then I'd be a little more worried." She smirks briefly, then asks, "But what's your idea?"
Rien D'Arqueness	Nodding, Rien smiles, "Well, if you feel you want to take a break from active missions, we will absolutely keep your spot open for you. I think 'medical leave' is quite a bit different from say... someone just disappearing on us and not communicating." She lifts her juice to drink down the last of it, then chuckles, "Oh, no, I just meant I was getting an idea of how stubborn he can be. I think you're doing just dandy without my interference, and I'm sure as Hell nobody to be talking on the matter of relationships."
Cael Becker	"Neither am I!" Cael counters, before letting out a laugh. "I'm... completely lost. But somehow - we're muddling through it alright. I've even //mostly// stopped expecting Martin to suddenly decide he wants me nowhere near his husband." Under her breath she adds, "Metamour is still a stupid, made up word." I mean. Who else has heard of the word 'metamour'? Geeze.
Rien D'Arqueness	Laughing lightly, Rien shakes her head and offers, "If it helps, I have yet to even -meet- Martin, though I do hear he makes an excellent cup of tea." She pauses, then almost sheepishly explains, "While yes, all words are made up words, a metamour is a term that applies to a very specific polyamory relationship. In this case, a Vee relationship, wherein one person, the pivot, is simultaneously seeing two others AND those two others are both monogamous to the pivot." Rien lets out a breath and grins, "I went through the sixties, seventies, eighties, and nineties twice. Relationships have always been interesting to me even if I haven't really BEEN in one in a very long time. Or... ever. This is my first one. Is that weird? That seems weird."
Cael Becker	Cael looks surprised by this news - but it prompts her to admit, "My first relationship as well. I've never... been interested in anyone before this." She's silent for a moment before remarking softly, "I won't say it was all worth it - if I could have Jon. That's... selfish. People died. But... I'm glad that something good came out of this mess. Out of everything that happened. I don't know if Jon and I would have ever really //found// each other, otherwise."
Rien D'Arqueness	Lifting a small shrug, Rien murmurs, "Relationships are difficult. They mean... staying put and being around and getting attached to someone. I had a hard enough time just being okay with my own family, trying to be okay with someone else's issues on top of my own just seemed like... it wasn't really worth it." She looks to Cael and offers a wry smile, "I don't know if it will be worth it in the long run. But, I do know that I like not being alone."
Cael Becker	"Yeah," Cael agrees quietly. "I was alone for years. After I was seventeen - after my sister died. I was on my own. And now... I know my sister wasn't completely gone all that time, after all. I have Sara. I find Jon. I've got friends.... It's good not being alone. It was scary at first, but- it's good. It was worth it." She takes a sip of her whiskey, then ruffles Bear's fur as she adds, "And then Sara and Alis got me thi smonster. Yeah?"
Rien D'Arqueness	Nodding, Rien doesn't elaborate on her circumstances, Cael's already seen them. But she does smile when Cael talks about it being good not being alone. Nodding, she smiles at Bear, "He's a good boy, and he really works for you, so that's good." Looking back to Cael, Rien offers, "Well, I think you have your priorities straight, and you seem like you're on a good path. I'm really glad we were able to talk and I'd love to get to know you better after the vacation. But for now I should probably be getting back. I'll make sure to leave those skis here for you if we don't see each other again before you leave."
Cael Becker	"I mean- save the world when you can't. Don't hurt your friends, or the innocent. And take the time you need to stay sane and keep doing your work. //Easy,// right?" Cael lets out a laugh - as they both know it's anything but. "But... yeah. Thanks. And, uhh... Congrats on the promotion - don't envy you the work. ...at all. I appreciate you taking some of it off Jon's shoulders, though." They shoulder too much if you don't keep a close eye on them.     "Take care of yourself too, huh?" she adds, showing no intention of moving from the comfortable couch.
Rien D'Arqueness	Rising up from the chair, Rien chuckles, "Hey, I don't mind shouldering some extra work, especially after everything Jon's done. You make sure he takes the time to enjoy that time off." She winks at Cael, turning to head for the door, pausing and looking over her shoulder with a smile, "I'll do that. Thanks."