Owner	Pose
Cael Becker	Cael returns from the bathroom for the second time since the group had started their return trip home with the unconscious Jon. The first had been so she could get changed, and get the blood off her face, neck, and chest. The second time... That was to empty her stomach, as she fights the urge to well and truly panic. She needed Bear - but that was hardly an option. She needed her meds - but she hadn't thought to bring them in the heat of the moment. She would simply have to endure.     Slipping back into her seast on the Mooncopter, she reaches over to reclaim Jon's hand, pulling it into her lap, as she reaches over to his face to brush briefly at his hair. "I'm bag, love," she murmurs quietly.     She can hold it together. They'd be back home soon - and then she would need to talk to Agnes.     Then she can have a breakdown.
Lydia Dietrich	Since they left, they had flown far enough for the sun to dip back down below the horizon, leaving Lydia looking healthy again. The sounds of Cael's retching wasn't lost on her and she watches as Cael makes her way back to her seat.     "How're you holding up?" she asks, concern in her voice. "That was... pretty intense, but you held it together. I know it probably doesn't mean much, but I'm proud that you kept control out there."
Cael Becker	Cael's gaze goes towards Lydia, her hand tightening around Jon's, and then she looks away again, staring at the bulkhead across from her without really seeing it. How is she? "How do you think?" she asks in a quiet tone. Perhaps she's afraid that speaking too loud will bother Jon - though that's patently not true.
Lydia Dietrich	Lydia considers Cael for a moment before answering. "Panicked. Scared. There's probably some kind of weird adrenaline crash you get when you shift back that isn't helping either." She purses her lips and stares down at her hands. "I wish I knew how to help."     She sits there for a moment in silence when something occurs to her, and she lets out a soft chuckle. "You're like I was after my first Brotherhood mission. You grew up around violence, but I've always been this spoiled little rich girl. I was there at the riots of Curtis Moore's assassination, sure, but this was different. That was a brawl. This was... /intense/. I was shaky... nauseous." She shakes her head, "I had nightmares for weeks."     "It passed in time," she says quietly. "The more missions I went on, the less it started bothering me." Another soft laugh escapes her, as she holds up a pale hand. "Then /this/ happened to me, and all my squeamishness went away." She turns her head to look out the window. "And that scared me, too."
Cael Becker	"You forgot sick," Cael answers flatly. She looks towards Lydia, then away again, to stare at the wall across from her. She can feel the nausea still roiling in her stomach, even with the offending bit of flesh gone. "I //ate// a piece of him," she rearks. "He was a piece of shit who deserved all the fear and pain he got but- ...I ate a piece of a person."
Lydia Dietrich	"Yeah, I..." Lydia begins, and then shakes her head. "For me it's different. For vampires it's all about blood. We're laser focused on it," she says running her hands forward in a straight line, as if to illustrate the laser. "Every thing we are is in the service for getting more blood. Except maybe turning into bats," she chuckles.     She lets out a sigh, and leans back in the seat, resting her head on the headrest. "I had the ability to be grossed out by my own actions edited out. Whenever I thought about what it would be like to be a vampire, I always thought that I'd have problems about drinking blood at first but..." There's a small shake of her head, "Nothing could prepare me for just how /good/ it is. If I went back to human... I think I would be horrified with myself."
Cael Becker	"Elias needed to die. I don't- I have no regrets about-" Cael shakes her head before saying quietly and fervently. "Fuck that guy. He needed to fucking die. I just- I ate human flesh. I- watched him die. I reveled in his fear. How much of that was- .... //me//?"     She pulls Jon's hand up to her chest, a silent tear falling. Wake up, Jon. Wake up. Please...
Lydia Dietrich	"That's... not what I was talking about," Lydia says with a frown. "I'm not disputing that he needed to be taken care of. I don't like killing but I can recognize that sometimes... sometimes it's the only way."     "I don't know," Lydia says with a huff of air. "I asked myself the same thing. 'How much of this is me? How much of this is the Beast?'" Her lips press together in a thin line, and she looks over to Cael. "You remember when we went down into the Duat to save Jon? You remember that gate that was nothing /but/ blood? It was overwhelming. The Beast almost won that day. If I had let it take control, I would have tried to eat every single one of you." She lets out a soft sigh. "I couldn't fight it head on. I had to... on some level, I guess.. acknowledge that there really wasn't a beast at all. It was all me, and through that acceptance I found control."     "I'm not saying that you have to do that," Lydia says firmly. "Not yet. There's still a chance we can cure you... remove this curse from you." She sounds so /convinced/ of this inevitability.
Cael Becker	"He fucked Jon and Agnes up so much. He's- he was a sick fucking prick," Cael mutters under her breath. Holding onto that anger - wrapping it around her like a blanket - was easier than dealing with what had happened. What she had done.     "...but even then. Do people need to suffer? Do I- should I enjoy it? Isn't that- I'll end up like them. I'll end up-"     She glances aside at Jon's still form, a sadness on her features as she remarks, "I have to stay... good. I have to stay- If I want to see Alis again. If I want- I can't be a monster."
Lydia Dietrich	Lydia's face falls with sympathy and sadness. "You won't end up like them as long as you remain in control. This was the first time behind the steering wheel, Cael. It's going to be rough."     "Hey," she says, turning so she can face Cael fully. "The bastard got what was coming to him. You're allowed to feel some satisfaction in bringing his evil to an end. You didn't attack me, or Marc, or Layla. To paraphrase Jon, being a monster is what you /do/, not who you /are/. If he had done to my family what he did to yours I would have enjoyed tearing his throat out, too. Hell, if I'm being honest I probably would have wallowed in his blood. I don't consider myself a monster, though. I don't think I've crossed that line, yet. Between you, me, and Elias, or whatever his name actually was, who was the /real/ monster between us?"
Cael Becker	It should be an easy question - but Cael doesnt answer immediately. She's still plagued heavily with images of staring into Elias' eyes as he dies. Of //eating// a part of him. The fact that she'd harmed Bear, and gone after Agnes... "I need you to wake up, Jon," she murmurs quietly, before looking back to Lydia with a worried, almost lost expression on her features. "I hope you're right."
Lydia Dietrich	"I /am/ right," Lydia says with authority. "I /know/ you, Cael. It's going to take a little more than being a werejackal to turn you into a monster. You'll see." She gives the woman opposite her a reassuring smile before turning back in her seat for the journey home.