Owner Pose
Jonathan Sims     Field Commander Sims can be a hard man to find when he puts his mind to it.

    By the time Cael goes looking for him, the best anyone can offer is that he was going for a smoke. Which means he's somewhere down underneath the station itself, down in the tunnels, where the smoke won't bother anyone. The first time he tried to go for a smoke /outside/ he got such startled looks that he stopped trying.

    Besides, right now, to his eyes, the sky is ablaze with light. Four billion angels waiting in the astral plane is... a lot.

    The trouble, of course, is that there's 44 platforms at Grand Central, and who knows which one he might be at. He walks while he smokes, a lot of the time, and sems to be on some kind of personal mission to visit every one of the platforms before how stops spending so much time here. So it'll take a little while.

    Eventually, though, there are two keys that will help Cael find him. The first, of course, is the smell of smoke, predictably enough. But the second is that by the time she gets all the way down there... Jon's singing. And not the soft singing he's done for her before--he thinks there's nobody around, so he's testing the acoustics of the concrete tunnel, sending that baritone ringing off the walls like he's trying to reach the back seats of Carnegie Hall instead of just sending his voice down abandoned railway tracks.

Well, maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah...

    There's an aching quality to the way he sings, and his voice cracks on 'broken Hallelujah,' like he's pouring all his pain and fear and desperation into the words. Like it's a prayer that might, if he just infuses it with enough emotion, reach the Presence and get Them to stop this madness.
Cael Becker     It was a while before Cael went to look for Jon - long enough to cry herself out in private, and then piece back together the shattered walls she puts between her emotions, and the world. Other than a puffiness added to the bags under her eyes, though - she looks herself now, at least.
    "We're gonna have to teach you to track scents," Cael mutters to the pup following on her heels at one point in her search for Jon - prompting Bear to look up at her with puzzled, cocked ears.
    Then she starts hearing the singing.
    She slows her steps, and leans up against the wall near her - simply listening to Jon's singing for a while, her eyes closed and her breathing slow. That ache in her voice - that pain - it hurts to hear. But at the same time - it's also beautiful, and captivating.
    Eventually, though, she pushes herself off from the wall to finish padding her way into the tunnel, heading for Jon with the intent of wrapping him into a wordless hug.
Jonathan Sims     The final word of the song repeats eight more times, and he /belts/ them out, voice going higher in pitch on each repetition until the very end of the last 'Hallelujah,' which softens down into something quiet and somber.

    Then he just stands there, listening to the echoes ringing back to him, a quiet not-quite cacophony of sound.

    He's gone and found his favorite cardigan and wrapped himself in it, and stands now slightly hunched, arms wrapped around himself, five or six cigarette butts in a pile on the ground nearby, waiting to be swept up and taken back and disposed of properly. He's been crying, and recently; he might've been crying while he sang.

    Before he can go for another cigarette, Cael's there wrapping her arms around him. He blinks rapidly; he'd been so focused on singing that he hadn't even noticed her coming up the tunnel. "Hey," he says softly, voice a little raspy. Maybe he belted too hard there. "Feeling better?"
Cael Becker     "I'm fine now," Cael says automatically as she hugs the man to her - a wry smile quirking her lips as soon as she realizes what she's said. "I mean- you know what I mean," she lets out with a sigh.
    "I'm sorry that I- I know you only want to help. I didn't mean to react like that. I didn't mean to drive you away," she says contritely, without letting go - while Bear sits on his haunches beside them, looking up at the pair.
Jonathan Sims     "Not just you," Jon says softly, shifting his arms so that he can wrap them around Cael and pull her closer. "Not just you. Martin's scared, even if he won't admit it. And I... when he... offered to come down into the underworld after me, I..."

    He closes his eyes. "Why does everyone I love always want to /die/ so badly? Risk their lives, sacrifice themselves? And for /my/ sake? I don't want anyone else to die for my sake, gods." He shudders, and shakes his head.

    "Sorry," he murmurs. "That's... probably not a good subject, hmm?"
Cael Becker     "Not the best, no," Cael answers quietly - without shifting an inch from where she's standing. "But that's okay." Her arms pull him tighter for a moment, an ache of pain in her chest, but for the moment it's manageable.
    "If it was me - would you come after me? Would you risk yourself? Would you try to take my place?" she offers in response. "How do you really expect me to react to this? I //love// you, Jon. ...I don't want to be left behind."
    She squeezes her eyes shut, fighting back the tears that threaten to leak out - for the moment. Who knows how long it'll last, though?
Jonathan Sims     "Try to take your place?" Jon pauses. "No. No, I wouldn't. Not... not if it was like /this/. Not if it was because you'd /already/ stepped forward to protect people. Not if you were /already/ dying to save the universe. It would... cheapen your sacrifice, your decision. Come after you? Risk myself? Offer my life for yours? Yes. Try to help you escape a fate you didn't want to bear? Yes. But... undo a decision you made, try to undo a sacrifice you /already made/? No. I would respect the choice you made, however much I hated it."

    And... there it is, out in the open, in words he doesn't even realize mean the /problem/ until they're out. All the people bemoaning his fate, telling him he's being prideful, that he /can't/ be the 'chosen' one, that this /can't/ rest on him--or ignoring the whole thing altogether, or lecturing him on how to do it 'right', or leaving him to deal with it by himself--just makes him feel like no one has any respect for him. Not a /new/ feeling, but a frustrating one all the same.

    He sighs. "Again... not just you. Not just you by half."
Cael Becker     "I //want// to take you place. I wish I could. I know I can't." The pain in her voice is palpable as she remains there in his arms, still holding him fiercely as if she expects him to vanish from her grip. "Michael won't let me take your place - when the time comes." She feels certain of that.
    "And I don't know why you have to die. I don't understand it, and I hate it - but if it's part of saving everything? How can I risk that? How can I mess with something I don't understand - and put //everything// at risk?"
    Her control over her tears hadn't lasted long - she should have known it wouldn't. "I want to take your place, I really do - but I can't. And I hate it. I want to go where you go, Jon. I don't want to be left behind again."
Jonathan Sims     "I have to die because the way to fix the universe is down in the underworld. Because what's /wrong/ with the universe is, I'm certain, something to do with the mechanisms of death. Or at least... that's what /Gaea/ wants of me. I don't know why Uriel wants me to die, and to be honest I don't bloody well /care/ anymore."

    Jon sighs. "Don't you... see? You dying doesn't /do/ anything. It doesn't... /fix/ anything. It just means you're dead, and I'm devastated, and Sara's devastated, and that's /all/. At least when I die I can get in there and... and fix what's broken. At least I know how to come /back/, because my religion, my people, have all /sorts/ of ways to come back from the dead. I'm not doing it just because I feel like being a martyr."

    He frowns. "Cael... look, I understand that you want to take my place. I know you don't want to be left behind. And there /are/ ways to... deal with that. For people to come with me. And I'm coming back. But... but please, just... /try/ to understand my side of it? Please?"
Cael Becker     Cael lapses into silence, and she listens, forcing herself to breath slowly and evenly as she does. It doesn't stop the tears from falling - but she listens.
    She remains silent as he finishes speaking, trying to make sense of it all. Trying - genuinely trying - to accept the cruel fate that had been laid out for them.
    "I understand," she finally offers softly. In a way - it helped to finally have things explained. To finally understand the reason why such a horrible thing is necessary. "I understand," she repeats. "I don't think there are words that'll stop me from wishing I could take your place, and do this for you, but I understand."
    She takes a deep, shuddering breath before she adds, "I wish I knew how to help. I wish I knew how to help you. I- I wish I knew what to do, instead of feeling so... helpless in the face of all this."
Jonathan Sims     Jon sighs and leans down to bury his face in her hair for a moment, closing his eyes and just... breathing. "I don't want anyone else to die for me," he whispers. "I want you to /live/ for me. Everything dies. Dying's... terribly, painfully easy. /Living/ is what's hard."

    After a moment, he pulls back and says, "Being here with me... it helps. I know that's not... enough, to do, but it's a start." He sighs. "I... will admit I wish you were out there fighting alongside me, but it's... I know you can't, right now. And that's okay. If... if we can figure out a way down into Duat to join me, help me... I'd want you to come. I only tell Martin no because I... think if he went, he wouldn't come back."
Cael Becker     Cael lets out a quiet laugh that's almost a sob - and holds no real humor. "Believe me, I know how hard it is." Her grip on Jon becomes almost painful as she admits softly, "Sometimes... I think how much eaiser it would be to take Michael's offer. Enjoy the time we have left, instead of suffering like this. Instead of fighting.
    "...but how can I be so selfish, and doom the universe? So I always get back up." But the offer remains tempting.
    After another deep breath in, and out again she adds, "I won't turn from you again. I want to find the strength to be out there, fighting with you. I hate feeling weak like this."
Jonathan Sims     "I've had my moments," Jon admits wryly. "But... the Great Mother needs me. /Me/, of all people." He laughs, and shakes his head. "I still don't understand why She chose me, but... I have to try, to get this right."

    He sighs. "Besides... I /wouldn't/ enjoy that time, knowing what's coming. It wouldn't be pleasant, nor peaceful, not unless Michael wiped our memories of all of this... and that would be a lie. And I can't..." He frowns. "I /can't/... do that. Accept a lie. The truth may hurt in the immediate, but in the long run it will hurt less than lies that finally come home to roost."

    He stares off down the tunnel, thoughtfully. "What would help? You've been doing better, watching the replays of the battles.I wouldn't say you're ready to face them, but... what would help you feel strong?"
Cael Becker     Cael nods in wordless agreement - freeing one of her hands to wipes at her face, before she simply wraps it around him again. As painful as this moment was - she wouldn't trade it for anything, and she'd stand here with Jon for every moment that they could..
    "I don't know," she admits. "I wish I did. If I did.... I could be out there with you. Someway to guarantee I won't freeze up. I won't break down and put you, and others in danger by failing. ...I wish I could have Raphael's gift back, but I don't think it works that way."
Jonathan Sims     "You could always call on him again," Jon muses. "Maybe he can't do /that/ again, but maybe there's... something? I don't... know. I mean... you wanted to yell at him, at least, right?" He smirks down at her. "I mean... who does he think he is, just up and disappearing in a poof of rose petals like that? Who /does/ that?" Archangels, evidently.

    He grips her tighter. "I just... you want to help me. You want to be there with me. You want to... come storm the gates of the underworld to demand they give your boyfriend back. So /do/ that. Light that fire inside you and bend the world to your will. That's what this is /about/. Taking the chance we've been given, to fix this /ourselves/, instead of taking what higher powers deign to grant us."
Cael Becker     "I want to," Cael agrees. "I want to, Jon - but if I'm not ready, if I'm not strong enough yet, and I freeze... Then I leave everyone with the choice of risking themselves to protect me, or leaving me to my fate. I won't let that happen - I won't put any of you in that position," she answers fiercely. "...so how do I ever know if I'm ready, without putting people at risk?" she asks. Run out there and take on a patrol alone? That's just suicide.
    She lets out a sigh as she adds, "I never called on him in the first place - he just came. How do you call an archangel? Why would he listen? What good would it do?" Bitterness creeps into her voice as she adds, "He's working for Michael now, after all."
Jonathan Sims     "They /all/ are, Cael. Even ones I know for /certain/ don't /want/ to do what they're doing. I... don't know if they're /capable/ of refusing a direct command from Michael." Jon frowns. "They are creatures of rules, of order. Do not judge them too harshly for keeping to their Purpose."

    He frowns, then says, "You could just... pray. That's how..." He hesitates, then says, "It works for me, at least. aI think it would work for you. He came to you first, I doubt he'd just /ignore/ you."

    He sighs. "As for being ready? Cael, I can't be killed right now. I can barely be /hurt/ right now. When you're ready, you come out with me, on a scouting mission or a patrol, and we see how you react. If it's badly? If you freeze? Then I wrap you up in a magic bubble and grab a portal back here."
Cael Becker     "Pray," Cael repeats. There's a distinctly dubious tone to her voice. "Isn't prayer about... worship? Love? Faith? I feel none of those things. How do you //pray// to something when you're filled with rage and frustration and indignation?" she asks.
    Pulling away from Jon, she directs her gaze towards the ceiling above them - and the sky filled with angels beyond that. "HEY SHITHEAD!" she suddenly Bellows out. "Get down here and talk to me!" She pauses for a moment.... then gives Jon a 'see?' look.
    After a deep breath in, and out, she adds, "If that's all it takes... Let's go right now. I'd love to blow off some steam by exploding a few angels."
Jonathan Sims     Jon sighs. "Prayer is... a conversation. A supplication. Something more like 'Archangel Raphael, please come help me, the job's not finished.'" A pause, and then, with a grin, "'Shithead.'"

    He raises his brows, and then adds, "Also, he might not come if I'm... here. Might be a personal thing, you know?"

    He sighs. "It's late, and I really do need to look in on Sara tomorrow. And then I put your /least/ favorite person on a scouting mission out to East Harlem, so I know you won't want to come for /that/."

    He eyes her. "Unless... you really do think you could handle it? Right now?" It's probably foolish, to just... run out there and find angels to see if Cael can handle it, but...
Cael Becker     At the //mention// of her 'least favorite person' she lets out a groan, but offers not further comment. They both know how she feels about him, and she sees no need to expound on the subject.
    His question, though, earns an uncertain look in response. "I don't know," she admits. "I hope I can. I hate the uncertainty. The uselessness. I hate feeling like a liability. I want to get back out in the fight."
Jonathan Sims     Jon presses his lips together, pulling back to peer down at Cael. "Can you wait until I get the East Harlem seal done?" he asks softly. "Give me a chance to find somewhere to take you that won't be too much of a risk?"

    He smiles, and adds, "If it can't wait, then we can go now. Really. If... you think you won't be able to help Sara when she wakes, or... look, if it needs to be /now/, it can be now. But Bear can't come with us."
Cael Becker     "I wouldn't risk Bear," Cael says immediately - without looking down at the dog that's been a silent presence for the entire conversation - sitting beside them, sometimes leaning into Cael's leg with his weight. She lets out a sigh then adds, "I want it to be now. I want to know - but does it //need// to be now? I've waited all this time. I can wait longer."
Jonathan Sims     "I'll set something up," Jon promises, and then leans down to kiss the top of Cael's head. "I promise. I... I /need/ you out there. Martin can't fight them, and I..." He pulls back a little, brow furrowing slightly. "I'd rather it was the both of you. But... I need you at my back. That's the deal, right?" He smiles.
Cael Becker     "That's the deal," Cael agrees - and with that promise, something eases in her, accompanied by a sense of relief that she might not be trapped on the sidelines anymore. If she's ready. If she's strong enough. "Thank you, Jon." She goes in for a proper kiss - lingering, though the kiss itself is gentle. "You get back up there if you're ready. I think I'll stay down here for a bit, myself, though."
    She hesitates for a moment before finally asking, "Why don't you think Martin would come back from Duat?"
Jonathan Sims     Jon accepts the kiss, letting it unwind his own tension. Even if she's not there /yet/, she's /going/ to be. He believes in her, even if she doesn't believe in herself all the time.

    But then she asks the hard question, and he sighs.

    "Because he died and was resurrected once already," he replies, quietly. "That's why I gave Agnes over to Annabelle. That was the deal. I... didn't want to admit it, but... Martin was dead. And I... I couldn't... "

    He sighs again, and shakes his head. "I... don't think he gets a /third/ chance. I don't want to risk it. And someone will need to be here with Agnes and Lady Grey anyway. It's... it's better this way."
Cael Becker     Cael lets out a quiet, 'oh.' "When you hid it from him. You made the deal for him to forget," she recalls, giving a nod of understanding.
    Her smiles a bit wry as she adds, "Well, I promise you I've yet to die. Hopefully things stay that way, yeah?" she remarks with a small, wry smile.
    "I'm glad you let Martin have the dog by the way. I think //he// needs it. And I don't think it'll be bad for you, either."
Jonathan Sims     Jon sighs. "Yes, yes," he murmurs. "Well, she's adorable, anyway, but do you know how big those dogs /get/?" He smiles. "We'll figure it out."

    He unwinds his arms from around her and steps back. "I'd better go find him. He's probably brooding somewhere. If I'm lucky he'll have some halfway decent poem to show me." He says that like a 'halfway decent' poem from Martin is the best thing he could hope to find.

    "I'll see you tomorrow?"
Cael Becker     "You will," Cael confirms quietly. "And when all of this is over, we'll- you'll, you and Martin, and Agnes - and the damned dog too, you'll get away somewhere nice together. As a family." She captures his hand for a moment, giving it a squeeze and then releasing it. "Something to look forward on the other side of all this... bullshit."
Jonathan Sims     Jon raises his brows at Cael. "Don't think you're getting out of a vacation that easily. Family is what we make of it, love." He grins at her and then, before she can retort, walks off. /Whistling/. Well, at least he's in a better mood.