Owner Pose
Cael Becker     Cael is sitting on the floor of the food concourse - a massive white dog in her lap, and Jon at her side as one by one, the stragglers from the meeting file off. "Yeah, well, at least you haven't fallen to pieces already. I seem to have that covered," she murmurs to the man beside her in a dry tone - as she watches her roommate making her way towards the door. "Sara?" she asks.
    Even with her eyes still gleaming wetly - and faintly rimmed in red - she watches the other woman with concern. "Hey, thanks for coming out. You didn't need to do that," she offers - flashing a small, tight smile.
Sara Pezzini Just about to the door, Sara pauses when she hears her name and turns to look back. Noting Bear in his place on Cael, she offers a very small smile and a slight shrug.

"Of course I'd come," she offers quietly, not even sure she could be heard so she moves a little closer before repeating herself. "Shit didn't stop happening, my head just stopped working." She eyes Jon for a moment, but not too long, then they go back to Cael. If she looked at Jon too long, she'd start screaming at him, and right now that's a bad idea.
Jonathan Sims     Jon furrows his brow a little as he peers at Sara. He's leaning his head against Cael's, or he was, but he straightens up as Sara turns back. "Are you..." He hesitates. He doesn't want to say this the wrong way. "Do you need some more time?" he manages. "To rest, to... figure things out? That's some heavy, heavy stuff you're dealing with, Sara. It's okay to..."

    He sighs, struggling to find the right words. "You're not abandoning the fight, if you need to... to be involved in some other way. I don't want you to think you /have/ to be out in the field. There's plenty of people who aren't here, after all." A pause. "But if you /want/ to get back out there, if you think you're ready..." He'd ask if she has a therapist, but would Sara actually talk to one?
Cael Becker     "I mean - it took me a little bit to actually get back out there," Cael agrees quietly. Not as long as she //should// have taken, honestly. Not nearly enough. "...it's definitely okay to take the time."
    She smirks for a moment as she adds, "Feel free to 'pull up' a bit of floor and make yourself at home. It's perfectly comfortable." As she talks - her fingers run through Bear's fur gently, as she still works at grounding herself after her screaming match with Lydia.
    God. She just hopes no one got it on their cellphone.
Sara Pezzini There is a glance toward the exit before Sara looks back to Jon and Cael, seriously considering if she will stay or not. The screaming match had ripped open a few inner wounds that were still bleeding, but it wouldn't do any harm to sit a bit. Deciding that, she moves over to grab another cup of coffee, then closer to where Cael and Jon are sitting and plops down. Adjusting the sleeve of her jacket over the silver bracelet, she adds the two sugars and one cream to her coffee and stirs.

"I talked to Peggy," she just suddenly says, not blurting it out or anything, merely sharing. "I've talked to a number of people. The only part left for me to deal with is figuring out how to believe the blood isn't on my hands, the rest... well it happened. I can't go back and change it, but I can be far more diligent and careful going forward."

She glances around a moment to ensure who might over hear before she looks back and says bluntly, "Peggy agrees that von Strucker dies."
Jonathan Sims     Jon nods firmly. "I'm not surprised. Peggy understands how the world works, and even if she doesn't have magic she's faced it down before. She's dealt with worse than the likes of von Strucker." He smiles, faintly. "I don't get my distaste for killing from Peggy's example. If anything, I suspect she'd say I should be more ruthless than I am." After all, this is the woman who's trying to use her pregnancy against the angels. If she can't be harmed? That just means she wades in with a /flamethrower/.

    He looks over at Sara. "If you think you're ready... will you be using Witchblade out in the field?" He glances to where she's hidden the bracelet.

    The last explosion... he doesn't address. Yet. Does it /need/ addressing? Not clear yet.
Cael Becker     "She does?" Cael asks - relief in her voice. "Good. I- wow. You talked to her already? That's good. Look - when you're ready to go after her, if I can help..." she offers in a determined voice. "You know I'll coming. You know I'll do everything and anything I can to make sure the bitch responsible for so much death and suffering... tastes a bit of it herself."
    With Cael calmer, Bear is not leaning so heavily against her - and now he turns some of his attention towards Jon, licking him as he searches for more attention and affection.
Sara Pezzini Sara takes a sip of the coffee before she folds her legs up. Jon just went straight for the throat, though he likely didn't mean it to be like that.

"If I have to use him, I will," she says, not sounding entirely convinced so she adds, "but I'd prefer not to unless it's really necessary. I realize that likely makes me pretty damn useless over all, getting used to that state of mind."

Setting the coffee down on the floor she starts turning the bracelet again. "I know I can rely on him, but I'd like to see if I have to, if I don't I'd like to try and do it on my own, if that makes sense? Obviously, if I'm in danger I can't stop him from protecting me, and thus I will use what is offered, so... I'm talking in a circle."

Rubbing her forehead she sighs. "Yes, I'll use him if I need to." There, enough said on that. "When the time comes to go after von Strucker, I won't be leaving out anyone who wants a piece of her... I know of a few of the Thule Society hide outs, thanks to the impostor, but catching her will not be easy."
Jonathan Sims     Jon frowns at Sara for a moment. "There's plenty that can be done with a gun and good aim. Maybe not against the archangels, but..." He chews on his lip, worry settling in his gut.

    "Maybe," he says slowly, "what you need is to just... get out there. See how you do in a crisis. Maybe, when you're out there in battle, things will... click again." He tries his best to sound... hopeful. Supportive. The last thing Sara needs now is more self-doubt.
Cael Becker     "Sara, that doesn't make you any more fucking useless than I've been all this time," Cael answers bluntly. She takes a deep breath in - and lets it out in a huff before she adds, "Which - hell. I've felt pretty fucking useless at times, but everyone kept insisting that wasn't the case. If you don't want to use Witchblade anymore - than don't. You're still you, and that means you're still capable, intelligent, and pretty fucking stubborn. You know?"
Sara Pezzini Looking between the two of them Sara suddenly feels like she just turned the two of them into some kind of cheerleaders, and she's not sorry. A smirk slides into place on her face, that stubborn streak Cael just talked about breaking through.

"I won't be completely useless, just not real helpful against the bigger angels," she corrects then snorts. "And yes, I'm a good shot, and even without Witchblade I'm skilled in hand to hand, not that you will see me going toe to toe with angels /without/ him."

Picking up the coffee she takes another sip. "I think what I need /is/ to just get out there and see what happens next. The shit in my head is going to be there for a while, but I've gotten it around to where it's not the first thing I think about when I wake up, which means I'm ready to start shooting shit again. It might not work..." she admits that plainly, no shame. "I might /have/ to rely on Witchblade, and if that's how it has to be, then at least I'll know that instead of just assuming my only use it with him." She suddenly sort of laughs, a hint of bitter. "And who knows, maybe I'll get out there and I'll just go 'fuck it' and use Witchblade again like I always have... what I do know for certain is that there are no more answers sitting around thinking about it."
Jonathan Sims     "You're not useless, Becker," Jon grumbles at her, reaching up to ruffle her hair. Because it annoys her.

    He glances to Sara and nods. "Sounds like a plan. So... what is it you're angry about, th--"

    Which is when Bear finally manages to squirm his way into Jon's lap and start licking him. "Y-st-wh--you /foul/ creature, cut that out!" But he's half-laughing, and reaches up to go ahead and pet the dog's ears.
Cael Becker     "Oh, for fuck's sake, Jon!" Cael protests, swatting his hand away, and straightening her hair again - but there's an amused quirk to her lips. Then with a loud, "HA!" she adds, "Bear get my revenge for me. GOOD boy Bear. Who's a good boy? That's you." She scratches at the dog's shoulder, while watching Sara speculatively.
    "Maybe we see if Sarah'll give Sara the spear?" she muses. "Because honestly - fuck that bitch anyways. How're you with a spear, Sara? I can give you points. ...strangely enough." She's still not quite used to her amulet, but that's probably for the best.
    "I'll have your back - when you go out there," she offers as well, giving Sara a determined look, befoe turning a questioning look towards Jon. That meant she wouldn't have //his// nearly as effectively - if at all.
Sara Pezzini Sara starts chuckling as Bear 'mauls' Jon, cutting him off from whatever it was he was trying to ask, and Sara's just fine with that. It probably had something to do with why she was angry, or what she was angry about, and she really did not want to talk about it.

"Any melee weapon," she states to Cael. "Including a spear. Used one against Michael briefly, before being imbedded in a building, but if someone else needs it, it's better they have it. I always have a back up, even if I don't want to use it."

She takes another sip of her coffee, it wasn't really the good stuff but it was good enough. As a cop, you don't get to be picky regarding coffee. "Who was the spear meant for?" She then asks, looking between them.
Jonathan Sims     Jon frowns at Cael, but then shrugs. He's going to be okay, at least for a couple of weeks yet, so Cael having Sara's back isn't a bad idea.

    "It was Atrun-Rai's but he got... 'recalled' from the fight, whatever that means." Jon shrugs. "He left it with us, and it's proved useful. I can't touch it, or at least... I don't want to risk it. I swore off using Void energy, and it doesn't use that, but..." He shakes his head. "Better not to risk it at all. But honestly, yes, I'm... worried about Rainmaker. I'll ask her to give one of you the spear."

    He looks back at Sara and repeats, "You're angry. Why?" He gestures toward where they'd been sitting earlier. "Johnny's right, it's best we get things out here and now. Lydia's been holding that outburst in for /weeks/. Cael needed to express what she needs to be able to handle things. It's better not to avoid things. Get it out there, so it's not hanging over us."
Cael Becker     Cael nods in response to the shrug - and leans in to give Jon a brief kiss on his brow, before she'll reply to his words. "Worried about her? Fuck her," Cael mutters under her breath - before adding a heavy sigh. "Look - she's got like... weather shit. Lightning, ice, wind... whatever. She can manage on her own, if you can use the spear. So use it."
    She rests against Jon's shoulder once more, while Bear repositions himself to lay across Jon and Cael's legs happily, looking at Sara with his tongue lolling out.
    "You're mad?" she asks with concern. About von Strucker would be her guess, but...
Sara Pezzini Looking into the now half empty cup, Sara debates inside her head whether she is actually angry, or hurt, or both. Cael had very specifically told her to fuck off and stop asking about it, because she didn't know if Jon wanted people to know, and it made sense now why Cael had said that... but to find out at some meeting?

"It's not hanging over anyone but me Jon," she finally says as she looks up. "It doesn't effect anything related to the missions that are coming up, or saving the world." Even as she says this the anger is still boiling beneath the surface. She really doesn't want to get in to it, but it's going to happen.

"However... if you really want to know," she takes a deep breath. "Fuck you, just... fuck you for letting me find out you're destined to die at a meeting in the middle of all those people. If I didn't know you were going to Du'at, my anger would tell you to go to hell. Callous, heartless... and yet I get it, you had to deal with it yourself... except EVERYONE else knew." There is no anger in her tone, no yelling, no venom, just words that needed to be said or Jon would keep nagging and nagging about it.

"Now let it go," she finally states. "It is what it is, and I'm getting used to accepting that it is what it is. It won't change a damn thing come the fight. I can't help it from not happening, I can't stop it from happening, and I don't get to help get you back... so I'll sit on my ass and pray to whatever god or goddess that might listen."
Jonathan Sims     Jon regards Sara quietly for a moment. Then he says, "Do you know how I found out? Lady Death told me. Laughed at me. Scolded me for leaving my daughter alone. Nearly left me in /Hell/. Then I went to ask Nettie Crowe to double-checked, and she pulled /two/ Death cards out of her Tarot deck. Gaea and Uriel confirmed it. Uriel even... Gaea's Champion was /always/ meant to die. Evidently it's absolutely key, because Uriel and Gaea /created/ me, and they wouldn't let me die unless they had to."

    He swallows. "Do you know what the response has been? Anger. Fear. Bitterness. People I thought were my friends have turned away from me. I stopped telling people, because it fucking /hurts/. My /husband/ isn't at my side in this conflict because he's clinging to his damn religion, so he won't be there when I die. Some people are focused on helping my daughter not become Archivist. Several people have soundly declared they'll storm Duat for me."

    A beat. "I cannot remember a single person that hasn't responded with how hard this is for /them/, except Red Robin and Nettie. None of you--not even Cael--seems to be thinking about how fucking terrified /I/ am. How hard this is, to walk around knowing I have a ticking clock. How hard it is to tell the people I /love/ that I'm going to die and there's nothing they can do about it."

    He glowers at Sara. "You can't come help? My /husband/ can't come help. He's known me far longer than /any/ of you, and he has to sit at home with our daughter and the dog, and pray. My husband cannot be there when I die. He can't stop it. He can't change it. He can't come help me. I... I can't look at his face one last time when I /die/. We /promised/, we... and you're whining about--"

    He shakes his head, and starts to push Bear off of him. To get to his feet. Like he has to... escape.
Cael Becker     Cael looks absolutely stricken as Sara speaks - and it only grows worse when Jon begins to speak as well, a look akin to panic growing in her eyes. "Sara, that's on me," she says hastily and apologetically. "I- he'd barely told anyone yet, and then by the time he started to tell more - things were getting so hectic, and I didn't realize- I just- that's on me," she insists, as she also shoves Bear off, climbing to her feet, beside Jon.
    She tries to capture him in her arms, to meet his eyes with her concerned gaze, searching his features for //something// - she's not even sure what herself.
    "Jon..." she murmurs quietly. "Believe me, I think about that. How hard this must be. I've- I've tried to stop- I hold myself myself together - as much as I can - for you, because how doI- what right do I have, when you're- when it's you who... Please, Jon, I do- I do think about..."
    Tears leak from her eyes again, as she tries to wrap him into a hug again - half expecting he'll simply shove her away and flee, instead.
Sara Pezzini Sara scoots across the distance between them and gets to her feet.

"Now you see why I didn't want to say anything, why I was prepared to just let it go," she says, trying to stop him from leaving. "What I feel, what I think, what I want... none of that matters Jon, but you asked. You asked why I was angry, and I told you. That doesn't change a damn thing, that my concern in all this is /you/. What you are feeling, what you need, what I can do to help /you/ get through this from one moment to the next. That's why it hurts, because no matter what I might want to do or feel, I thought by now you would realize that what /YOU/ feel is more important to me."

Unless he stops her, she will try to hug him. "I can't make it better, I know that. I know I can't take your place or any of things that you've probably heard from everyone else. The constant bombardment of what they want to do, not what /can/ they do."

"The one thing I can do is be there for /you/, to help you, to be your friend to the last possible minute and offer whatever it is /you/ need. That's the kind of friend I am Jon, the kind that will put you before myself... if all you need is someone to hold your hand until you have to walk away, then damn it let me hold your hand until you walk away because what I feel, what I want, is so far down on the totem pole of important that ants are trying to get it out of the underground part of their nest."

She pauses there and finally adds, "But you asked, so I told you... and I'm sorry, but I'm also allowed to feel what I feel, then shove it down to be what you need me to be or do for you what you need done."
Jonathan Sims     Jon shakes his head, putting up his hands to ward off both Cael and Sara's attempts at a hug. "Don't. Don't... just don't. I'm sorry, Cael, I... I can't." He looks to Sara. "Don't... stop /lying/ to yourself, Sara. If your concern was truly and only what I need you wouldn't be /angry/. You're right, you're allowed to feel what you feel--but to... to turn around and say..."

    He takes a step back. "You didn't say 'I'm upset that you're dying and I wish I'd known sooner.' You didn't say 'It hurts that I was the last to know.' You said 'Fuck you.' You said I'm being callous and heartless. You didn't take any time to think through your words, and fine, you're angry. So own up to that, don't /lie/ to yourself and try to turn around and pretend things are okay when they're not."

    "And if you're allowed to be mad? I'm allowed to be hurt too. I'm allowed to say 'fuck you.' You are /not/ allowed to just try to smooth it over and claim what I feel is more important. Because you didn't fucking ask. You didn't come over and go 'hey wow that's rough, Jon.' You sat there and stewed in your anger and then tried to walk off. That's not what someone who's focused on the feelings of others does."

    He takes a deep breath. "You're allowed to be selfish. You're allowed to be angry. Be selfish! Be angry! But don't pretend you're not, don't... don't /do/ that. Everything you just said there is about /you/. About what kind of friend /you/ are. About how /you/ want to help me. And what /you/ can or can't do. Okay, you want to help with whatever I need... has it occured to you that maybe you can't provide that? That you might have to be okay with that? Fuck!"

    He turns away and runs his hands into his hair.
Cael Becker     As Jon fends her off, Cael lowers her hands slowly and uncertainly. She lets him say his piece - then reaches out, trying to at least capture one of his hands in both of hers, to hold and squeeze tightly. "We're all allowed to be fucking pissed," Cael agrees. "This fucking sucks, and none of us can fix any of it." She's tried. God, she's tried.
    "But I love you, Jon, and I'm here, and... I care. I care about how hard this is for you, and I know you care about how hard this is for me. If I haven't- if somehow I haven't let you seen how much that matters to me, then I'm sorry."
    Tears are streaming down her cheeks as she looks back to Sara and adds, "I should have told you. I should have realized - remembered - that I hadn't. Things have been so hectic it- I let it fall through through the cracks. You should be pissed at me, not Jon. I fucked it up.," she says flatly, while poor Bear once again tries to get everyone sitting down, leaning against Cael's leg with that insistent whine of his.
    "I know, Bear. I know. I'm okay."
Sara Pezzini Jon had every right to be angry, and hurt, he'd asked and Sara had fucked up by answering. Yes, in that moment she had answered with just the feelings of why she was angry. He'd given no time for her to think about what she was really feeling or how to express it, he'd pressed her for an answer, and in that in that moment she'd answered with emotion. She should have taken more time to think it out, that was on her, she knew that, and that is why he had every right to be angry and hurt.

Then when she tried to move past that anger, realizing it was misplaced and wrong to express in the way she did, to try and show him that she was worried about him, for him and wanted to help with what he needed, he'd thrown it back in her face.

To Sara, it seemed that that is what he did, he struck out when he was hurt or afraid, and he seemed to be both. He'd attacked her in front of everyone out of what he didn't know about Witchblade, out of anger. He'd thrown her attempt to get past the anger and be there for him, back at her out of pain and suffering.

He had every right to be angry, but it didn't change that it hurt like hell. She takes a step back from him and Cael, then another, not one to cry in public she just offers a nod, picks up her coffee cup and turns to leave. She couldn't help him, there was nothing he needed from her, so she'd keep the pain to herself and just go because that was apparently what he needed right now.

"Don't worry about it Cael," she offers as she tosses the coffee cup. "It's not your fault, or anyone elses, it is what it is. I'm not really angry, I'm hurt... but have no right to be... so just let it go." Adjusting her jacket she adds quickly, because if she stays much longer she will start crying. "For what it's worth Jon, I wasn't lying, and I am sorry."
Jonathan Sims     Jon lets Cael take his hand, though he's not looking at her, and not looking at Sara. "You're allowed to be hurt," he says. "You're... you're allowed to react badly. You're... going through something horrible, and I shouldn't..."

    He shakes his head and pulls off his glasses, presses his free hand to his eyes. "I'm sorry. I... it's not your fault that so many people have been so... /gods/. I hate this. Cael... go... go with her? Don't... don't let her... she shouldn't be alone. I'll..." He won't be fine. He'd be lying if he said he was fine. "I'll manage," he says finally.

    "I know you care, Cael. I know everyone cares. I know that's why everyone's reacting the way they are. Well... the people who didn't turn away. But it's still just..." He shakes his head. "I'll manage. Go with Sara. Help her. Please."
Cael Becker     Cael looks torn, looking between Jon, and Sara, and liking absolutely none of this. "Jon..." she murmurs quietly, loathe to leave him as the tightness of her grip attests. "...keep Bear with you?" she suggests quietly. "I'll... I won't be too long," she promises. "And call Martin? Promise me?" She leans in for another attempt at a hug, and then turns to leave, reluctantly.
    "Bear - stay." //None// of them should be alone right now. Not completely.