2135/I Am Not a SPIDER!

I Am Not a SPIDER!
Date of Scene:	16 June 2020
Location:	The Bug circling the Kord Co building on a sunny morning.
Synopsis:	The Blue Beetle meets Starfire! Booster Gold helps! Many conclusions are jumped to.
Cast of Characters:	Ted Kord, Koriand'r, Booster Gold

---

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord reflects at the controls of the fabulous Bug. His shoulder still pains him. The knife wound is healing. His hand on the controls is steady. Not being stabbed is nice. He pops an aspirin or three and settles into his acceleration couch. It is a beautiful day to be flying. He keeps one eye on the starboard air intake monitor. He'd rebuilt that after a lightning strike and it still hadn't been broken in. He grabs a pen from his pocket and scribbles a couple notes on the pad strapped to his knee.

Koriand'r has posed:
    Tamaran never had good relations with the Spider Guild. No humanoid race did. Her father told her that the differences between the species were just too insurmountable, that the spiders felt an instinctive, atavistic revulsion for how plain and unfinished humanoids look in their (compound) eyes they couldn't help feeling hate and disgust for them, much like how humanoids generally couldn't resist a shiver of primal fear at a spider's chthonic physiology. Hence, said Starfire's father, the Spider Guild's pitiless willingness to survive and flourish by raiding humanoid planets. "Pity them, Koriand'r," he warned, "but never tolerate them."
    Starfire had never had an occasion to take that advice, but she'd never forgotten it, either. Soaring over New York, when she spots the Bug, it gives her a nasty start. She arrests her flight out of shock and falls nearly eight feet before catching herself and coming back up to skyline level, eyes and hair igniting a little brighter than usual. Round body, segmented head, multiple legs that might be useful as landing struts but mostly seem to be just there as homage to the people who built the ship? That definitely looks like a Spider Guild craft, smaller than useful for space travel but enough room to hold a raiding party of four or five.
    Never tolerate them, her father said.
    Starfire's eyes and fists blaze with green plasma. This is for you, Daddy.
    With a battle cry, Starfire streaks toward the Bug like an orange and green comet, ready to test her strength against its hull with a single might, charging punch to its starboard side.

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord there is a momentary flicker of a proximity sensor. Something small and fast. The defense shield holds barely as the Bug tilts and its thrusters are thrown out of line. Ted grabs the controls and turns a tumble into a veer to the side as he triggers the main engines and is pushed back in his seat by the acceleration. He does a threat analysis even as he tries to get some distance, turn to fight. He's charging the thermal beams as he swings around. "Okay, ugly... you made a big mistake!" he shouts over a PA. He finally gets eyes on the hostile.

Not. Ugly. "... Maxima?" The stature and flaming hair throws him off. "What the heck do you think you're doing?" he yells. Banter, get the bad guy or girl in this case talking/gloating/monologuing.

Koriand'r has posed:
    Starfire, stung more by the insult than she probably should be, shouts back defiantly, "The mistake is in your possession, Spider Guild!" She is distantly impressed at the quality of the translator they've installed in their ship; it really does sound human. More immediately useful is that they're bothering to communicate with humans at all. Some kind of hostage situation, then? She darts around the ship as fast as she can, circling it and flinging the occasional starbolt at it to try to conceal her true intent: looking for a hatch or ramp of some kind. The starbolts are just for show and probably don't inflict any real damage.

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord is rocked somewhat by the starbolts. "Spider-Gil? Who's he?" he mutters. She is moving too fast for the thermal beams and yikes... people below! What was he thinking? He throws a switch and the Bug's 'landing struts' reveal themselves as fully articulated legs, hoping to throw her off. "Hey, we're over people. Let's continue this over the water! Or I'll have to take sterner measures... you crazy dame!"

What are those sterner measures? A speed-dial to Booster! "Booster, get your a... damn answering machine!" It stings Ted that it was a Kord Co answering machine.

Koriand'r has posed:
    Starfire shrieks in surprise before whanging headfirst into one of the suddenly lowered legs and caromes off it in a downward arc like a bunted baseball if the baseball with a glowing alien glamazon. Her burning descent toward the people below, watching them rise to meet her vision and a crash that she'd survive but anyone she hit probably wouldn't, cools her hot temper as she considers, guiltily, the possible collateral damage involved in punching a spaceship to death a few hundred feet above a populated area.
    She shakes her head to clear the concussive fuzz from her mind and arrests her flight. Still turned face-down, her flaming hair falls around her face in an undignified shroud she has to take three precious seconds clearing out of her face as she pivots back to an upright stance. Her vision is still adjusting from running face-first into a steel girder, but she can spot the Bug heading out toward the waterfront. Gritting her teeth, she sets into pursuit.

Ted Kord has posed:
The Bug does not want to be found. Beetle take it below the skyline level as he reaches the water and when Starfire reaches the East River... the Bug has vanished. How could something that big move that fast? Two metallic antennae sticking out of the water may provide an answer. In semidarkness below the gentle waves Blue Beetle says, "I don't think that was Maxima at all." As he waits for the alien amazon, his hand hovers over a control. "Come on you beautiful weapon of mass distraction."

Koriand'r has posed:
    The wind in her face helps clear Starfire's mind. It usually does. She can't help smiling as the raw air chafes her skin, waking her back up slightly, even though the pleasure distracts her long enough for the Bug to vanish. She does her best to guess its trajectory, but in this beehive of a city, it could be hiding behind any number of buildings, assuming it hadn't jumped back to space already. Floating over the East River, Starfire folds her arms grumpily and tries to think. If I was a Spider who probably has hostages for ransom but also is worried about collateral damage for some reason, where would I hide...

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord mutters down below. "Obviously enhanced senses are not in her repertoir. Hey, down here, I got the flaming antennae sticking out of the water! Hello scary space lady? Hmmph! Well let me run her profile through the JLA database." Above the water the Bug's antennae twitch. "Hmm, Rampage.. No she don't fly and wears more. Hmmm." Lights flicker across his face as Ted pulls off his mask to peer at the women. "This is usually more fun..."

Koriand'r has posed:
    Starfire scans around and finally notices the flaming anennae sticking out of the water. She frowns at them. Do spiders have antennae? They don't, right? they have two four tiny arms over their mouths, but not antennae. What's going on down there?
    The only way to find out is to investigate, a fact Starfire considers with obvious loathing. Her outfits are made of latex to help keep her glowing skin decent, and have you ever been wet while wearing rubber? It feels gross. Plus isn't the East River supposed to be famously polluted?
    Starfire groans audibly. There's no point putting it off. She takes a deep breath, tenses to brace herself against all the nastiness she's about to feel, and flies down into the water, eyes squinted, to try to peer through the Bug's eyes and see what's going on down there. It will alert the Spiders to her tactics, but stealth was never her strong point anyway.

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord finally spots his quarry's query using keywords like flying alien woman, bodacious and tall, not Power Girl! Energy blasts! Got it. She's Starfire... a Titan. Unmasked Ted looks up to see a miffed alien woman looking at him through the porthole. "... get out of the water! Are you nuts? This is like drinking aquarium water eewww!" He hits a button and the Bug surfaces. "Hey come aboard! This water is poison... you'll get sick." Damn Nightwing runs the titans and... he knows Batman... shudder.

Koriand'r has posed:
    Starfire unsmooshes her face from the Bug's windshield and looks mistrustfully through the rounded yellow glass before deciding hey, even if this is a trap, probably better to be inside for punching Spiders. She gasps gratefully when her head surfaces, a noise that turns into a groan of disgust at all the things clinging to her after breaching the water. There isn't enough soap on Earth and possibly not in the neigboring two star systems either. She picks wet, slimy, floppy things off herself with thumb and forefinger, one at a time, her lips nearly invisible with how tightly shut her mouth is to make sure none of this "water" gets inside.
    So yeah, she's not in a great mood by the time she makes it up the hatch.

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord meets her at the hatch with his arms full of towels, an odd assortment of clothes and a big bottle of sanitizer. A hatch beside him is open and leads to a washroom. "I had no idea who you were. Why'd you shoot at me? Nevermind. Get in there and clean yourself up, it's a working decontamination shower. You poor thing. Oh here's a toothbrush. Uhmmm would you like coffee, tea? cocoa? Oh. I have sweats for you too because... that outfit is not for swimming. We've all been there. Again terribly sorry." Assuming she doesn't deck him, Ted tries to hustle her into the fresher... and hold his breath.

Koriand'r has posed:
    Starfire doesn't get out more than a single syllable of a word (and often less than a single letter) as she stammers her wide-eyed way to the shower, propelled from behind by Blue Beetle's two-armed push. He slams the door behind her and Starfire has time to wonder if she's been tricked into a prison; time, but not wherewithal. She blinks owlishly at the dinner plate-sized showerhead and decides she can worry about whether she's imprisoned when there are fewer used condoms stuck in her hair.
    Twenty minutes later, Starfire emerges from the shower, wet and plastered and smelling eye-wateringly of alcoholic hand sanitizer because she used it for both soap and shampoo. Her glow mostly doesn't penetrate Ted's sweats but does make her look like the world's most bizarre nightlight.

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord has coffee, tea and cocoa on a small table. He holds out a bag and says, "Here dump your clothes in here. I'll get them cleaned and sent round to you. I insist! Here, sit, have a beverage. Again, very sorry for making you swim in /that/ hunh... I had body wash in there. Don't go nar open flames for a while. I'm the Blue Beetle by the way. Call me Ted, please. I'm sorry, I'll try to shut up and let you talk." He rubs his short cropped hair and momentarily reveals a six inch scar on his scalp. He sits down and shuts up, feeling sort of short. The sweats never looked better. He imagines he can hear them sighing happily.

Koriand'r has posed:
    Starfire can't argue with the wisdom of bagging her clothes, but she keeps the bag close with a shocked expression on her face. "Oh, no, no! Silkie will make my clothes clean. Or perhaps consume them. Either way, Silkie will have enjoyment of the nourishment. I give you thanks for your offer of generosity, however." She sits in the proffered chair and regards the drinks before her, choosing the least brown fluid (she doesn't like brown, it's a weird color) and sipping it. "I am Starfire," she greets. "Hello to you, Blue Beetle Ted. Why are you in a Spider Guild transport?"

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord boggles a bit at the question. "Spider... this isn't a spider anything. This is designed to resemble an insect... It has six legs! Spiders have eight. I never heard of this Spider Guild. Are they aliens? I've only been to... Apokolips. I didn't like it. Anyway, this is all beetle themed, thank you... would you prefer a bottle of water... fresh water? I also have some ice cream bars if you'd like. So you thought I was one of the bad guys."

Koriand'r has posed:
    Starfire blinks blankly at Ted's discussion of insects versus spiders, but lets it go. "I see," she lies politely, her natural luminescence dimming perceptibly before she changes the subject. "Yes, I had misconceived you were the bad guy," she confirms, a little embarrassed. "I give you apologies for my error. I can see now you are not a spi--"
    She notices Ted's scar, and her eyes narrow suspiciously. What if this is just a Spider inside a Ted suit, and that scar is the zipper?
    ...Nah.
    "--der," she concludes.

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord starts checking himself for spider like features. He again rubs his head. "Is something wrong... oh, yeah this scar is pretty awful. Here..." He works a tiny control on his glove and his hood extends over his head again. "Uhmmmm not the scar? What'd I do?" He backs away from the table. "Those are hot drinks... please don't throw them at me. I apologize if I gave you any insult." He gets ready to duck.

Koriand'r has posed:
    "Why would I throw a drink at you?" Starfire asks, head cocked in confusion. She hadn't really noticed the drink was hot, but at her body temperature, that's a relative thing anyway. She clears her throat and changes the subject. "In what sequence of events did you come to possess your scar?"

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord sits back down. "A surprising number of women have felt the need to show their outrage with me by throwing drinks at me. Oh my scar," he says. He looks a little relieved. He sits down and says, "I got it trying to help Superman fight a monster called Doomsday? I wasn't much help. I slowed the creature down a second or two. He fractured my skull... I spent a year and a half comatose. The usual." He looks a little embarrassed by the story. "I don't know what I was trying to prove."

Koriand'r has posed:
    Starfire stands up suddenly, eyes blazing (hair too, but the wetness kind of ruins the effect). "You were proving that evil cannot go unchallenged," she declares fiercely. She raises a clenched fist to chin level. "You were proving that no matter how hopeless, the war must be fought! You were proving that, victorious or defeated, there is glory and honor in doing what is right!" she cries out, both fists thrust above her head, feet wide apart, her body a glowy yellow X underneath the grey NYU sweats.

Booster Gold has posed:
A notification appears on one of the Bug's monitors. It's a video call incoming from Booster Gold. "TED THIS IS AN EMERGENCY PICK UP!" he shouts as part of the call request.

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord turns to look at the video. "Excuse me a minute... and please don't shout. I'm standing right here. Booster... do not attack! Repeat do not attack! We had a misunderstanding, traded some energy bolts. Come in. I made coffee." He gets up quickly to stand between Starfire and the door. The Beetle looks over his shoulder and says, "Can you please land? You're tall as it is and I'm trying to do that shield thing bodyguards do in case he comes in all excited. Please?" He tries to put his hands on her shoulder and push down. Then alternates between that and looking out the hatch. "Oh the hell with it. He'd never shoot a beautiful woman."

Koriand'r has posed:
    Starfire looks startled but allows herself to be seated, plopping heavily into the chair. Fortunately, Tamaranean butts are much stronger than primitive Earth chairs, so she is uninjured by the process. She brings her ankles together, tamps down her glow to less bedside lamp levels of lumens, and sips the not-so-brown stuff in the cup while she waits to see how this unfolds, doing her best to be quiet. She keeps forgetting how emotionally muted humans are.

Booster Gold has posed:
"Ted!" Booster exclaims, laughing. "What are you even /talking/ about? I'm in the 'lab' working on some prototypes for that 'active wear' you wanted me to market. Skeets, show off the goods!"

He spins around, the camera panning down to show the waistband of some underwear, but then the video feed is suddenly pixelated. <<Forgive me, sir,>> Skeets' synthesized voice can be heard saying, <<but I simply cannot allow myself to subject anyone else to this visual atrocity.>>

Booster groans and slips his costume's pants on. "Fine. Fine!" he says in a huff. "Then I'll just have to test them out /in the field/. Ted, I'm telling you, if you're ever in a fight and your shorts get all shredded, these babies are going to make the day a memorable one!"

After a quick beat, Booster adds: "Where are you, anyway? And why did you blow up my phone with so many messages? You know that I only pick up party invites after the sun sets!" He squints toward the camera. "Wait a minute. Is Skeets transmitting this right? Do you have a /girl/ over there, you sly dog? Wait a minute--are you in the Bug? Are you on a team-up?! Without /me/?!"

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord shakes his head. "No I'm afraid we had a 'Nice ta meetya/beatya fight'. Poor thing would up in the East River and I was helping her get sorted out. The East River could dissolve Darkseid. Okay talk to ya later bye! Batman needs me! Later!" He cuts off the video feed. Phew... "He's a nice guy and all but a little impulsive. You'd like him, he's very driven. And tall like you... He will get those underpants done right." He belatedly takes his hands away. "Uhm... you are a very persuasive speaker... and very tall. Thank you for making me... a hero. everyone seems to forget who I am or think I'm Blue Spider-Man these days."

Koriand'r has posed:
    Starfire coughs to cover for the fact that technically she also kinda thought Beetle was Blue Spider-Man for a violently long time, and sputters, "Oh, it is of nothing, Friend Ted. Your actions speak without your voice." Sip. Sip sip. I'm not regaining my composure, what?

Booster Gold has posed:
Another video call request notification appears on the Bug's monitors. "TEDWARD DUMBLEDORE KORD! You call you more attractive, more sophisticated friend Booster Gold back this instant!" Booster scolds.

A moment later, there's another notification. "Whoever's in there with Ted, tweet me @goldstar if he's keeping you captive! I will save your day!"

A third notification comes almost immediately afterwards. "I've got Skeets scouring the city for your location! Either you give me the hot deets or I start transmitting uncensored footage of these plum smugglers in action! HR gave me a written warning just for circulating it internally to the PR team!"

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord shakes his head. "I'll give him more attractive, that's obvious, but more sophisticated? The man thought a bidet was a wishing well." He turns back to Starfire. "So can I fly you back to Titan's Tower?" He starts closing video chat request pop ups.

Koriand'r has posed:
    "I can fly myself," Starfire begins to object, then cuts herself off with a frown, looking down at her outfit. She hooks her thumbs experimentally into the waistline of her pants and tugs them; they give alarmingly. She pauses to consider everything that could go wrong flying into the wind with such elastic garments.
    "...But I will accept of your offer, for showing you the gratitude I feel," she concludes.

Booster Gold has posed:
More notifications pop up, each cut off almost instantaneously by the Bug's computers.

"TED"
"YOU"
"SON"
"OF"
"A"

There's a pause before the next notification.

"Heyyyy, buddy, I'm just gonna let you go. I realized that you need this. I hope you make that 'hail mary' play and end what's got to be a, like, eight year dry streak, right? You hit me up in the morning and we'll catch up."

Another pause before one final notification.

"And if you don't, Skeets is going to stream that footage I mentioned to every system you own until you do. BOOSTER OUT!"

Then, finally, Booster Gold's assault on the video call system ends.