7205/Just something casual.

Just something casual.
Date of Scene:	03 August 2021
Location:	Asteroid M Cafeteria
Synopsis:	Lydia and Clarice have a nice little chat.
Cast of Characters:	Lydia Dietrich, Clarice Ferguson

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Lydia Dietrich has posed:
There's a bit of downtime before the summit between the Shi'ar and earth. Lydia really doesn't have much to do while people get prepared so she's made her way to the galley to get herself something to drink and to work on her novel some. She's dragged a table to sit right underneath one of the windows that look out onto the earth itself, and has her laptop set up and several notebooks stacked beside her.

She's leaned back in her chair, flipping through one of these notebooks, rereading her notes that she took from her interview with Blake, an honest to goodness vampire. In her field of ectoplasm a pen is lazily rotating, just within reach should she need to make more notes.

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    Clarice enters the Cafeteria - carrying a large package in each arm. She approaches a refridgerated case - set to its coldest setting - and starts unpacking milkshake after milkshake, each labeled with a sticker with its flavor written on it. As she does, an announcement goes out to the Asteroid that Mootant Milkshakes were available in the cafeteria because, well, when the fate of the world is at stake? Everyone needs a milkshake, right?
    Once Clarice gets them packed away, she moves out of the way so as not to hinder access to the case, and moves towards Lydia - setting down one of the shakes in front of her, before settling into a chair with the dregs of her own almost-finished drink. "Hey," she greets the woman casually.

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia is broken out of her reverie when she hears Clarice's voice. She was totally oblivious to her friend until that milkshake gets plunked down right next to her, that's how focused she was. "Hey," she says with a smile. "How're you doing? How's Rahne?"

Her eyes wonder to the milkshake and widen in surprise, "Chocolate cherry chunk! My favorite!" She flips her notebook closed, plucks the pen out of the field and sets them down on the table next to her laptop. She picks up the milkshake and gets a spoonful into her, closing her eyes and making audible yummy sounds. "Made a run to Mootant Town Milkshakes?"

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "Well, I had to meet with the Watch. And since I was there anyways... I got Robert and Remy both to agree to help with patrols too. I mean, it's only two more people, but every person helps right now," Clarice says in a solemn voice. Despite the seriousness of her tone, though, she seems more relaxed - lighter - than she has in the last several days, with a faint smile at the corners of her lips, "And - well. She's still sleeping most of the time. Hank's in with her now - but since she knows who she is, and who I am, and understands where she is and what happened... I mean, it seems she's still completely herself, so... that's good. She really will be alright."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia reaches out to give Clarice's hand a reassuring squeeze. "We all knew she'd pull through," she says, dropping it. "You seem to be doing better too. I bet that's a weight off your shoulders." She looks pensively out the window. "It's good that they've joined the watch. The golem seems to be doing well, too, so that's a load off /my/ mind, too. People have really warmed up to it."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "More than I even realized, I think," Clarice answers, squeezing Lydia's hand back. She takes another sip of her shake - but it ellicits that slurping sound that tells her she's at the bottom of her cup. "I'm glad we have the Golem - especially now, with the Watch down to its bare bones. Thank you - for making that. You're a wonder," she says gratefully, setting her cup aside.
    "...you're welcome to tell me you don't feel comfortable answering this, or that you don't know, but- do you think Mystique was right? That I wasn't ready for active duty?"

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia spoons some milkshake into her mouth as she considers how to answer Clarice. "She was right," she finally says, "but I wouldn't have approached it quite that way." She shakes her head. "It was obvious that she was always foremost in your mind, even though you denied it. Probably even to yourself." She gives Clarice a soft grin, "You were sitting here, telling us your head was in the game, while glancing over to where the med bay was at every ten seconds."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much, though," she says. "These are new feelings for you, and this is a new situation, and it's not like you've been around very many people who have been involved romantically to give you an idea of what to do." She takes another scoop, "I don't want you to beat yourself up about it, okay?"

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "I can't let myself be taken out of play, though. We can't afford it. Not with a threat like this," Clarice answers - some frustration coloring her voice. She lets out a sigh. "This life we live - people get hurt. People get killed - people we care about. We won't always have the time to... to recover from it. We need to be ready to keep fighting. I can't let things like this affect me so badly that I'm useless to the Cause, to the Brotherhood..."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
"Hey," Lydia says, turning to face Clarice full on. "I told you not to beat yourself up about it," she says seriously. "Now you know what it feels like. Now you know what happens, and next time it /does/ happen, you'll be better prepared to handle it. We all have to start /somewhere/ and develop coping skills from those experiences."

"Look, I'm new to this love thing too," she admits. "The fact that my girlfriend is going to be facing off a friggin' /alien army/ scares the shit out of me. I know she's competent and that there are few better to be there, but I keep playing games of 'what if' in my head." She shakes her head. "The only reason why it looks like I'm handling it is because I'm procrastinating and putting off dealing with it by distracting myself with my new novel, and when the time comes when I /have/ to deal with it, I don't know how useful I'm going to be."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    Clarice presses her lips together, then nods to Lydia, letting out a sigh of frustration. Maybe Lydia is right - an she is 'beating herself up.' But she //can't// let this sort of thing take her out. "She's been at this a long time. Longer than anyone here, other than Mister Creed. This won't be the fight that takes her out. And I wouldn't allow that, besides," she asserts firmly. "But I guess we're both just figuring this out. I mean - I still don't even know- I mean, I think everyone just assumes, and Rahne and I never... figured out..." She shakes her head, letting out a quiet sigh. "It'll sort itself out, eventually, I suppose."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia reaches out and takes Clarice's hand again, this time taking it with both of hers. "Listen," she says. "It'll work itself out. Just be honest with yourself and with Rahne, and don't worry about labels." She chuckles, "Don't even mind us. We think that what you have together, whatever it may be, is sweet and we want to see it work out."

"But it's good to see you're back in the game," Lydia says with a smile. "That's a load off of Raven's plate. She thinks the world of you."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "...I think the world of her," Clarice admits, giving Lydia's hand another squeeze. "Even if I still don't quite know what to make of- I mean, I've only ever had Mister Creed. And now I have Dyani. And it threw me for enough of a loop when Mystique said she thought of me as a best friend, but- She wouldn't have hinted at the word 'daughter' if that weren't exactly the word she meant. I've never thought of her as a mother, or even as family, and I don't want to say anything that would hurt her, but- I don't know what to think, and I don't really know how I feel, other than I know I- I feel..." She struggles to find the words, and it shows on her features. "Seen. Special." There's another brief pause before she offered cautiously, "Loved.
    "And as for Rahne - I hope it works out too. I don't know what it is - but I know it's important to me."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia gets a soft smile. "That's how mothers are supposed to make you feel," she says. She works hard at keeping the bitterness out of her voice. Her mother never really made her feel that way. Inadequate and broken, sure, but never seen. "Like I said. Don't worry too much about the labels. You know how your heart feels and that's all that matters."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "Yes, well, I feel like such a declaration deserves a response, doesn't? Or won't she always wonder why I haven't...?
    "But my //mother,// though?" And with Mister Creed already freely professed as her 'father'? Didn't that make things... weird? Like that one night when Mystique got drunk with Lorna? Ugh. "Anyways. I'm not good at figuring out my emotions. I suppose I'll get there eventually. But I suppose, in the meantime, if it ever came up somehow... it does mean the world to me. That I do know." Her smile broadens as she adds, "As does your friendship, Lydia. I- when I upset you, I-" The smile slowly fades for her features and she shakes her head. "It was hard. I'm sorry things went... that way. You know I never meant them to."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia shrugs, "It doesn't necessarily deserve a response. Maybe a hug, maybe a thank you, if you mean it. It doesn't have to be grandiose."

She considers her friend for a while. "When I'm having trouble with my emotions, I found that trying to put them into words helped me. I start with the physical feeling, and then kind of explore what emotion that's tied to and why. It helps me pick things apart into more manageable bits."

She reaches out and picks up one of her journals, "I do this by writing about it. I find that going back and looking at what I've wrote later helps me work on my novels, but you don't have to write. You can just talk it out, maybe to yourself or to someone you trust."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    It still feels like it does need a response to her - Clarice is just unsure what sort. "I trust you," she offers quietly, her smile wry. "Because writing it out would be... quite a challenge right now. Maybe not in the future, but - umm... Yeah." Momentarily forgetting hr shake is empty, she slurps at it again, then gives it a look that's half-amused, half-annoyed, before pushing it further away. There seems to be a steady trickle of people approaching the case, meanwhile, to claim milkshakes for themselves.
    "You called yourself my tutor the other night," Clarice remarks. "I don't usually admit to many people what a struggle things are for me. How little education," that is to say - none at all, "I received. You don't think I should hide it? I worry people won't respect me. People in the Watch, for example. If I'm to lead them - but they learn I can't even read..."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
"You can read," Lydia insists. "It may not be at the same level as everybody else, but you /can/ read. Literacy doesn't not equal competence." She looks thoughtful over Clarice's concerns. "Though not everybody sees it that way, you're right. I don't think it's something you should hide, to be honest. But..." she says, downing another spoonful of shake, "I don't think it's something you should advertise as well. If you want me to keep it secret, I'll abide by your wishes."

"Also. If anybody ever gives you crap about needing adult education, you come and tell me and I will give them a /stern/ talking to." And then maybe Mystique will follow that up with a punch to the head. You never know.

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "Yes, well, secret...ish would be my preference, I think," Clarice answers wryly. "And I do appreciate your help. I'll need much better fluency if I'm going to have any chance of..." she gestures around them, "Maintaining this someday. Though odds are I'll only ever be Mystique's second. I expect Mystique and Mister Creed both to outlive me. By centuries." She's silent a moment before asking uncertainly, "You do know a little of- well, who Mister Creed is, right? I mean - not to me. To the rest of the world."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia nods, and leans back in her chair. "Then I will keep it secret-ish for you," she promises. She sighs, "I hope that they'll be around long after we will. It's something that I've thought about some. If we... if Raven and I get really serious about our relationship how will she feel when I'm old and gray?" She shakes her head. "I honestly don't think it'll ever get to that point. Either I'll want to move on or she will before that ever happens." She gives a wry chuckle, "Despite what I write in my books, relationships rarely last forever."

At Clarice's question, Lydia shakes her head. "No, he didn't look familiar to me when I saw him, and I hadn't heard his name until you started talking about him."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "How will she and Mister Creed feel when I am?" Clarice agrees. "It's something I've thought of, as well. But I try not to think of it too often." As Lydia professes ignorance about Creed - a small, wry smile crosses her lips. "Well. That might have been a clue to you - if you'd recognized the name. Victor Creed, Sabretooth, has quite a reputation. Most people who know his name think of him as a senseless, almost indiscriminate killer. A psychopath, a monster. They don't know him as I do. He's- He and I-" How do you even explain something like this?
    "When I was freed from the Magistrates, all I knew was killing. Killing and fighting was all I had been taught. I'd been drugged, and collared, for almost all of my life. I was a weapon, and I didn't know how to be a person, and he- we could understand one another. He took me under his wing, so to speak. I spent that first year - just with him. Learning how to hunt, learning how to survive in the woods. Learning how to express myself - to him. And then slowly to other members of the Brotherhood, before I finally joined the Genoshan Royal Guard, and met Lorna. I was a very different person then. I've changed so much in the last five years... And that's thanks mostly to Mister Creed, and to Lorna."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia recognizes the name Sabretooth, and the reputation attached to it, and to be honest? She's not really surprised. Not anymore. It kind of bothers her about how much it's not really bothering her, but then again, over the past couple of months she's been spending most of her time with these people, getting to know them behind their reputation. And you know what she found? That they're people too, just as complex and messy as anybody else.

"I've heard of Sabretooth," she says. "I think... I think I would be more taken aback if I hadn't heard you talk so fondly about him." She shakes her head and sighs, "There have been plenty of times where I wonder exactly what it is that I've gotten myself into, but... things are different than their reputation here. Once you get to know them, really."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "Nothing is simple as people would have you believe," Clarice agrees. "But he is almost two hundred years old. And, I assure, one of the most capable and prolific killers this world has ever known. And I would do //anything// for him. Anything. There's no one I love more. I owe him so much." She smiles as she adds, "But you're important to me - and to Mystique. And you're a member of the Brotherhood. So he'd protect you, or fight by your side, just like I would, or Mystique."
    She shrugs her shoulders as she adds, "Anyways. He needs to kill, as much or as more than I do. So... so I make sure I find us the right targets. Rather than waiting until he can't contain it anymore. If he hasn't had a kill in a while, he doesn't- always have the best judgement, in picking his targets. He gets... increasingly difficult to be around. It's hard to explain it - hard to explain why. I don't think it's quite the same for me? But it's similar. When things are- When it feels like the world's just too much? I feel like everything's out of my control, I get so tense, and angry, and unhappy, and I just- I don't know how to explain it to someone else."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia just shakes her head. "I can't pretend to understand," she says. "I just... I don't think I could bring myself to kill anybody unless I really had to. That's just a line I don't want to cross." She sighs, and pokes at her milkshake. "Sometimes I wonder if that makes me look weak to you all. You all are so willing... sometimes /eager/ to take a person's life, and I just don't get it."

She looks up at Clarice, "I accept that's just how people are around here, and I know that there are times when killing needs to happen, but I just don't understand it." She takes a deep breath and lets it out as a sigh. "I hope that my presence here can help balance that some."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "I don't think your weak. Not at all," Clarice answers without any hesitation, her words simple and matter-of-fact. "And I don't know how to help you understand it, or even if I //should//. It's-" She's silent for a moment, obviously in thought, obviously trying to sort out her feelings, and find the right words. "When everything is going wrong. When it feels like the world is just... kicking my ass, and I have no control. It's- I don't know. It's a way to take control back." She stares down at her hands as she talks. "It's power. It's release. It's catharsis. And when we're done... I'm myself again."
    She looks up at Lydia again before offering quietly. "Honestly, I don't want //you// to think of //me// as weak," she admits. "Because in a way it's- I don't know if it's losing control, or regaining control or- I don't know."
    She takes a deep breath, and lets it out in a huff before adding, "And believe me, not everyone in the Brotherhood is like this."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia doesn't look at all convinced that she's not weak, and her lips pull into a frown. "I'm also afraid that people around here see me as... I don't know.. some kind of trophy girlfriend. Someone who doesn't have any value besides looking pretty hanging off on Raven's shoulder." She lets out another sigh, "I know /she/ doesn't see me that way. But...." she shakes her head. "I don't know about the others."

She listens and nods as Clarice tries to explain. "I think I get it. I... don't think it's /healthy/ but at least you're directing it to where it'll do the most good. That says something, at least."

She nods at that last. "I wouldn't have joined the Brotherhood if I thought you all were bloodthirsty killers. I see an organization that had lost its way and is trying to come back and do something constructive, trying to redeem itself in the eyes of the world, and I wanted to help them do that."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "That's not what you are!" Clarice scoffs. "I doubt very many would see things that way. And it'd be foolish of them to have such a low opinion of //Mystique,//" she points out. "And for them to underestimate your protential, your value, and your capabilities. We're trying to build a future. We need people like you to do it."
    She smiles wryly as she adds, "I never said it was healthy. And I'm sure most people would think I'm a dangerous monster if they heard everything I just said. But we do need to redeem ourselves - and I hope, if we can have any sort of visible role in this fight - maybe that will help with it all."
    "Anyways," she adds. "With everything I just said - with everything you knew before - you know what's probably my deepest secret. I can't imagine what else I'd want to keep from you. I- if there's anything you ever want to know, you can just go ahead and ask it. There's a chance- I mean, if I'm upset about something, I might not be //able// to talk about it. But I doubt it'd be because I'm not willing to tell you."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia gives Clarice a grateful smile "Thank you for being willing to share everything with me," she says. "It means a lot that you trust me so completely. Likewise you can ask me anything, not that I have any deep dark secrets. Mystique already /has/ access to my AO3 account. That's about as deep and dark as you're going to get with me," she jokes, picking up what's left of her milkshake and downing it. "God. I'm going to rue the day when you decide you're good enough to read my fanfiction."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "...what's an AO3 account?" Clarice asks with bafflement. "And... what's fanfiction?" She shifts in her seat before adding quietly, "Everything I just told you - it honestly doesn't change your opinion of me?" she asks. There's a moment of almost childish volunerability there - perhaps, for just a moment, showing a glimpse of how frightening it may have been for Clarice when she'd thought she'd lost Lydia's friendship.

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia sits up properly as she explains. "AO3 is short for 'Archive of Our Own'. It's a place where people can write and post fanfiction online. Fanfiction is where instead of making up your own setting for your stories, you use ones that have already been made in popular media. So people will write Star Trek stories, and Disney Princess stories, and stuff like that. I wrote a bunch of Supernatural stories, which is another show, and stuff from Anne Rice books. That kind of thing." She shrugs, "Eventually I got bored with other people's settings and started making my own, and then somehow I got published and it went downhill from there.

Lydia scowls, and she reaches out to capture Clarice in a hug. "No," she says. "It doesn't change my opinion of you. It just makes me understand you better."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "Oh," Clarice replies as Lydia explains it to her - and then as she's hugged, there's the moment of stiffening - as there almost always is with Clarice. That brief instinct to resist such intimate contact, before she relaxes into Lydia's arms in relief. "Okay," she answers quietly. "Good. Because I hope you know- I hope you understand, I never really meant to hurt your, or decieve you. I just- I've honestly never put these things in words before. I've never even discussed it with Mystique, or Mister Creed. Or Lorna." God, she would hate to tell Lorna. Nothing could be worse than seeing disgust, or horror, disappointment in her friend's - her //Queen's// eyes.

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia releases Clarice from the hug. "I know," she says. "If I had suspected that it had been done out of any kind of malice I would have..." she shakes her head. What would she have done, really? "I would have just walked out. Washed my hands clean. But I /knew/ there wasn't any malice behind it which is why I knew that we had to talk about it."

She shakes her head. "I left because... I wanted to make sure I knew how I felt. I didn't want to say something that I would come to regret later, either, and if I had stayed I probably would have." She leans over and picks up another one of her journals, "I went home so I could write it down, get my thoughts in order." She flips to a page where there is a myriad of angry scrawls. "Right here, see?" She'll let Clarice look if she wants to, otherwise she'll close the book and set it back on the table.

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    Clarice does look - curiosity and puzzlement on her features as she tries to make sense of the words. Typed words are hard enough. Hand written words in an angry scrawl? The struggle is real.
    She picks out only a fraction of it. "Well... I am sorry. And I'll try never to do it again - but I can't promise I won't make more mistakes. That won't accidentally anger you again. I don't have much experience with friendships."
    She's silent for a moment before adding, "I do appreciate, though, that- well, that you believe and accept what I've said. Hank- he said he didn't believe for a moment I could enjoy killing. I told him he was wrong. And basically - he denied it. Repeated that he didn't think I'd get enjoyment out of it. And it's- I mean..." She lets out a sigh. "I'm glad I didn't end that night thinking I'd lost two friends. But- it hurt in a different way for him to just- to dismiss what I said like that."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia waves a hand, "Don't worry about it. We all get upset at our friends from time to time. The real trick is to talk about it to get past it and to be open to forgiveness." She shakes her head and clarifies, "To be open to be able to forgive. To expect otherwise is naive."

She shakes her head. "I don't know about Hank," she says. "I've never met him so I'm hesitant to pass any judgement. It's just that everything that I've heard about the X-Men makes me dislike them as a whole." She sighs, "Don't get me wrong. I bet they're all wonderful people but... I just think they've got their head in the clouds, and could use to be more grounded."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "Don't talk ill of my Queen," Clarice replies - but there's a smile that shows she's joking when she says it. She knows Lydia doesn't mean to cause any offense. "The X-Men are... well. They are good people. I trust them more than they trust me, I'm sure. On the whole. But they- yeah. They don't always have the most realistic view of what's necessary." Clarice hesitates a moment before adding, "And that can invite a lot of trouble. And not just to their door..."
    Nope. As it turns out, it can endanger the whole planet.