16252/You Deserve Better Than This

You Deserve Better Than This
Date of Scene:	03 November 2023
Location:	A bagel shop in Brooklyn
Synopsis:	Lydia calls Raven over to try to patch things up with her. Things do, in fact, get patched up.
Cast of Characters:	Lydia Dietrich, Raven Darkholme

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Lydia Dietrich has posed:
    The text from Lydia was a simple one. 'Meet me at Russ & Daughters at 10, if you please. I need to apologize.' Upon looking up the venue, it turns out that it's a bagel shop out in Brooklyn, and the time is well after it's hours of operation. The intent is clear. This is neutral ground for her and Raven to talk.

    Upon arriving, Raven will find that the door is locked, but the lights within the deli are on. Through the glass door, she can see Lydia sitting at one of the tables, worrying a napkin to shreds, as she waits for her to arrive.

    After a knock, a young woman wearing an apron comes to unlock the door. She can't be older than 25, and it's easy to surmise that she's one of the daughters the name of the establishment.

    "Ah," the woman says hesitantly, able to feel the already mounting tension. "You must be Raven. Come in. Lydia's waiting over there. I'll be in the back to give you two some privacy." And sure enough she disappears into the back of the deli, turning on some music to give the two women privacy.

Raven Darkholme has posed:
The message was not received well. Raven has stared at it for at least an hour, all the while pacing her office. First she got angry at being summoned, then she moved past it into an emotionless void of 'just get it done'.

Arriving a block away via a white misty portal, she stood there looking down the block to get her game face on, then finally walked down to the shop. She paused only long enough to look through the windows at Lydia, then focused her attention on the woman who opened the door.

Stepping inside, she offers a polite, 'thank you' to the daughter, but Raven has already slipped into one of her many personas to avoid showing anything real. Even after the woman headed away, the mask remained in place as she walked over to the table Lydia sat at, and merely sat herself down.

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
    Lydia watches Raven come in and sit down and, unlike Raven, she wears her emotions on her sleeve. Anguish is the primary one, with a hefty amount of guilt thrown in. Already Raven can see blood well up in Lydia's eyes.

    "I--" Lydia starts, choking on her words. "I just--" She tries again. "I'm so sorry," she manages to croak. "I'm so, so sorry." The tears finally start dropping, leaving red lines down her cheeks. "You deserved better. Better than me. Better than this."

    "I'm not asking you to forgive me... what I did was unforgivable." It's clear by the tone of her voice that she hasn't forgiven herself for what she'd done. "But you deserve an apology, an explanation."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
It's difficult to keep the emotionless mask in place when someone you once cared for so much is in pain, but Raven does her damndest to do just that. She had never been one to show her emotions to other, to open up, to be vulnerable and she had done those things with Lydia... and been stabbed hard enough, that the blue mutant almost gave up on existing at all.

"You don't owe me anything, Lydia," she says calmly, smoothly, the obvious act that Lydia knew too well. "If you want to explain it, then feel free, but you don't owe it to me or anyone else, except perhaps yourself, to justify what happened."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
    Lydia shakes her head. "No, I-- You--" She takes a breath and nods. "You're right. I guess this is more for my benefit than yours. You're free to walk out if you like. You're free to slap me or... or punch me, or... whatever you like. God, I deserve to be punched for my folly."

    "I'm such a coward, Raven." Rolling her eyes heavenward she breathes, "God, I'm such a coward. It's why I haven't reached out to you for so long. It's why I got to the point tot where I did what I did. I... if you want to know I'll keep going."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Leaning back in the chair, Raven crosses her legs and folds her hands in her lap. She could throw the woman a bone, the olive branch had taken a lot of courage.

"You could have just kept going on with your existence without looking back," she says quietly, taking a deep breath. "But you didn't, so the least I can do is listen. It's not like I hate you, or wish you re-dead. So..."

Letting out her breath in a sigh, she steels her spine and says, "Go a head. Tell me what happened, or why it happened, or whatever it is you want to day. I'll listen."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
    "I... okay." Lydia says hesitatingly. She takes one of the napkins she hasn't picked apart and dabs it on her cheeks, trying to clean up the mess. "It was that damned Velvet Room," she starts. "It had trials for us, the JLD. I still don't know what the trials were //for//, but we threw ourselves into the challenge because..." she shrugs helplessly. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

    "One of the challenges was..." she shakes her head. "I guess it was to take your greatest fear and throw it in your face. Convince you it was true." She waves a hand dismissively, "It was all magic bullshit. It showed me..." her eyes lower so she doesn't have to look at Raven, "It showed me you leaving me. It //convinced// me that you did. So instead of just dealing with it, I gave myself a psychic lobotomy and let the Predator take over, because the Predator didn't give a shit."

    "It wasn't like it wasn't me. It was." She explains. "It was just all the bad parts of me had had the filter removed so they all bubbled up to the surface without restraint." She raises her eyes, her jaw clenching as she tries to explain the next part. "I resented you. On some level I did and the longer the Predator was in control the longer that part of me surfaced."

    "It was, like, I had been taken care of all my life. I never really been on my own. My parents had taken care of me all throughout college, and even afterwards I had the trust fund to make sure I could keep a roof over my head while I was looking for a job." She sighs and gives a helpless shrug. "Then I met you, and you gave me everything. The Predator wanted to be self-sufficient. It resented that. So... I left."

    "Then Viscera happened and that--" she stops herself short. "You don't need to hear about that. Just... I hurt a lot of people. Killed a lot of people. In the end an angel saved me, but by then it was too late."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Just as calmly as she had entered, Raven sat there listening to Lydia's words. She never fully understood the magical things, that was always Lydia's lane, so the explanation of events only made sense in part. The one thing she did know and understand about was the beast that dwelled inside the woman. It had been explained in detail to her by Hatshepsut.

"You are a vampire because of me," she says plainly, too bluntly perhaps. "It makes perfect sense that you would resent me, and that the Predator inside of you would use that against you. You claimed it was acceptable, the choice I made, but I have always known that was a lie. I destroyed everything that you were for selfish reasons."

Reaching up slowly, she ran her fingers through her loose red hair before returning her hand to her lap. "None of that matters now however, it's the past and will remain the past, and this should be the last time we talk about it. The question is, what do you seek going forward?"

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
    Lydia huffs in frustration. "You kept me //alive//, Raven. Well, sort of alive. I don't resent you for that. You didn't destroy anything, you just changed it. I put that behind me years ago."

    "What do I seek? I don't know, to be honest," she says. "I want to be able to move on from this. I want //you// to be able to move on from this, if you haven't already. I want you to be happy, and find somebody who treated you better than I." She looks back down at the napkins she's shredded and starts to pick another one apart. "I want you to punish me," she says quietly. "I want //someone// to punish me, but nobody will, so I have to do it myself."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Raven pulls a slow breath in, and let's it out just as slowly. "Did you ever stop to think that no one will punish you because you are punishing yourself? There is nothing I or anyone else could do to you that you haven't already done to yourself repeatedly?"

Glancing around, she stands up to go over and collected herself a glass of water, then walks over and sits back down. "Do you know how many people I have killed? And not one of them was because of some possession or magical influence, I did it myself because I wanted to." She takes a sip of water and sets it on the table. "/YOU/ changed that in me, so no, I won't punish you and if you'll let me, I'll help you realize that moving on from guilt, shame, self loathing, isn't about punishment... it's about letting go when you realize the mistake, and always striving to do better."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
    Lydia's lip trembles as she watches Raven get up and listens to her speak, fresh tears spilling from her eyes. "I--" she closes her eyes and nods, "Yes. I suppose you're right. That's what the angel told me, too. It's been..." She lets out a little breath, "God. It's been a year hasn't it? That's enough punishment, isn't it? It doesn't feel like enough but..." She shakes her head. "I don't think it ever will."

    She huffs out a breath of frustration as she grabs another napkin to dab at her cheeks. "God. It's been two years and I still hate crying," she mumbles.

    "I'm sorry for bringing you here to rehash an old wound. It was selfish of me."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Picking up a napkin Lydia hasn't shredded, Raven offers it over to the woman. "There's nothing wrong with tears, even blood tears," she says softly. "Emotions require assistance and tears offer that. Yes, it's been almost two years."

Taking her hand back to refold with the other in her lap she continues, "We aren't rehashing an old wound Lydia, the wound has been fresh and constant for both of us, so no, it's not selfish. You needed closure, I needed closure, we have that... which is why I asked what we do now."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
    "It's just so //messy//," Lydia complains, but then shakes her head. "That's neither here nor there." She takes a nice deep breath before looking up at the woman across the table. "You asked me what I wanted going forward, but I think I should ask you the same thing. What do //you// want going forward? Maybe we can come to some kind of ... I don't know. Understanding?"

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Raven lifts a brow slightly, "What kind of understanding are you thinking? Obviously there is no going back, I've moved on. I'm with Roberto Da Costa, and I..." she pauses there, the first hint of real emotion showing through in her eyes.

"I won't lie. You leaving devastated me. I went to Azazel's island and had no intentions of ever returning... if not for my children, I would have stayed there until either the island sank from global warming and I was forced to swim somewhere else, or I died... not that I believe I ever will."

She takes another drink of the water before continuing, "But that is also the past, and now when I look at my life, at you, I would like to at least be a friend. I would like to be able to work with you from time to time, to call you when there is something magical that might need unravelling... is that the sort of understanding you are talking about?"

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
    For the first time in their encounter with each other, Lydia smiles. "Roberto? That's good! He's a good guy. I'm glad you were able to find somebody like him. You deserve to be happy."

    "That's exactly the kind of understanding I was thinking about," Lydia says with a nod. "I want to help with Bushwick more. I've been avoiding it since I've been afraid of confronting you, but if we can... yeah, be friends, then I can help out more. The magic stuff may have eaten up my life, but first and foremost, I am a mutant."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Raven nods, offering a sliver of a smile to her lips. It wasn't easy to be sitting with Lydia, to see the woman's pain and not be able to do anything more about it then offer an ear and advice. The feelings were still there, albeit shoved to far down as to be boxed up along side the emotions linked to Irene.

"I see no reason we can't be friends," she finally says, having taken a moment to just enjoy the smile that finally appeared on Lydia's face. "Ever since Queen Lorna announced that all mutants were considered citizens of Genosha, things in Bushwick have been crazy. Many want out, and we've been doing what we could to help them get out."

Taking another drink of the water, she sets the glass down. "You should never have avoided Bushwick, your golem is still there and you are a part of our community. How much or how little you want to be involved is entirely up to you, but I assure you, there is more than enough for everyone who wants to help out."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
    "I haven't //completely// avoided Bushwick." Lydia says. "I teach night classes at Hope House and I still do maintenance on Baruch. It's just... more than that..." she shrugs helplessly. "I'm glad that we're okay enough to work together again, if we need to."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Raven finally reaches across the table to give Lydia's hand a light pat on the back, that it, no more contact then that. "I'm okay enough to work together whenever Lydia, so if you need my help, or the Brotherhood's, just ask. The past is the past."