19646/Never Go To Gotham

Never Go To Gotham
Date of Scene:	10 December 2024
Location:	Cathedral Square - Founders Island
Synopsis:	Deadpool sells some merchandise and gets an innocent terrorist killed.
Cast of Characters:	The Joker, Wade Wilson

---

The Joker has posed:
"Wade." Skullgor says, looking nervously into his Long Island Iced Tea. "You know me. I'm a proud man."

Skullgor is one of Deadpool's mercenary friends. At six four, three hundred pounds, and enough body hair to make Wolverine blush, he is a proud and profoundly dangerous man. Specializing in discreet arms deals with art criminals, Skullgor's business has been booming lately, with the chaos going on in Gotham between a street war between ninja clans and rumors of the Injustice Society getting serious about a world takeover attempt. Skullgor has never looked this nervous.

"I don't like asking for help. The last man I asked for help tried to kill me. I wear his skull." He has no skull visible on his person. "But this trip to Gotham, to deliver the rocket warheads. Wade."

"Someone knows." Skullgor lays out photos; photos of him setting up the devices, talking to a large man in a two toned suit, mapping out his route into and out of Gotham. Each photo has a crude drawing of a little smile on it. "Someone's interested in me. And they say the Joker drowned, right?"

"But I was thinking, Wade, that is always what they say, right before he does something really bad." Skullgor looks up. "Help me sell my rocket propelled grenade warheads to terrorists, Wade. Please."

Wade Wilson has posed:
The Poolfather is listening to everything that's coming out of Skullgor's mouth. The easiest way to tell that this is The Poolfather is that he's got a suit jacket and a tie on over his normal costume that he never seems to not be wearing. He's still decked out to the nines with weapons and pouches with whatever the hell inside of them. But on top of that is a tailored suit and even a fedora. He's going full Untouchables Mobster with this. Including Tommy Gun.

"Youse comes here, Skullator and youse askin' me for a favor, hah? A favor from The Poolfather. Iz dat what youse askin'?" Even Deadpool doesn't know what accent he's ruining right now. Maybe it's Billy Crystal pretending to be a mobster in Analyze This or maybe it's Steve Martin's even more horrible, but amusing, rendition in My Blue Heaven. Either way, he's into it.

"The Poolfather don't know nothin' 'bout no Joker. But I do know dat money, it don't grow on trees. Not in my city. Not in Gotham City. Not in Albuquerque." The Poolfather reaches out to grab Skullgor around the back of his neck. "So dis what I'm gonna' do's for you, kid. I's gonna' help you sell ya' product. Den I'm gonna' take eighty percent off the take for my time an' effort, capiche? Dis Joker clown shows up? A li'l badabing. A lotta' badaboom! And he's outta' here, fugghedaboutit!"

Sounds like The Poolfather's in.

The Joker has posed:
"Have you been taking your medication, Wade?" Skullgor asks, gently.

MEANWHILE IN GOTHAM.

Skullgor has stuffed himself into a suit. This isn't New York, there's a dress code, which is set by insane people. He just hopes the Mad Hatter isn't around. Creepy fuck. "We are meeting the guy at this club." Skullgor explains, "Double Factorial. It's some disco dance place."

It's not. Double Factorial is in fact a 'mathhouse' club, which is some bleeding edge sort of, well house. Everyone's wearing fraction necklaces. There are a pair of men at the front in proper suits, instead of, well, clubwear. Two toned: black and white. The men in question are twins, red haired, and looking as exhausted as someone who wears a suit on a weekday night would be in front of a house club.

"The Two Ton Twins." Skullgor says, "We've just got to arrange with them, hand out the warheads, and get out of this town before one of us ends up dressed like a fish man or something."

Wade Wilson has posed:
"Do you not know how expensive my prescription plan is? Let me give you a hint: United Healthcare."

ANYWAY...

"Disco? You met me come all the way here in my Mobster Suit and we're going to Saturday Night Fever? I'm never going to forgive you for this. Ever." Deadpool glares in Skullgor's direction until there's a follow up 'hmph' to punctuate his displeasure with this particular chain of clothing events.

Skullgor explains and Wade questions, "Do we get to pick the type of fish?" Before he waves a hand dismissively and wanders right up to the Twins at the door.

"Hola Fat and Fatter!" Wade's just going along with the Two Ton theme that he's heard from Skullgor. "We're here to collect a sexy briefcase full of unmarked spendable bills in exchange for some very stylish explodey things. Let's get this show on the road before Kendrick Lamar drops another album and I'm late to the listening party." Deadpool claps his hands at The Two Ton Twins so they can hurry this process along.

The Joker has posed:
Both Two-Tons cheerfully aim automatic rifles at Deadpool and Skullgor. This is Gotham, so someone snaps a picture on their phone and another shouts, "Do it!"

Seriously what a goddamn town.

"We're taking you to the back." One Ton says, pointing his gun. "Too many eyes here."

"That wasn't the deal." Skullgor says.

"Deal's different." Two Ton says, already moving. "Now. We gotta get him to dinner by two."

Skullgor shrugs at Wade, knowing the unkillable Cuisinart gives him a hell of a trump card, and heads back. The decor gets a little more civilized as the two are led into a booking room where a man is counting bills. Half of him is handsome.

He shows you both the other half. "The salesmen." Two-Face snarls. "Sit down. We need to figure out if I'm buying your bombs."

Pausing his counting, the former district attourney takes out a thin silver dollar, flips it, and looks at the metal as if it could talk to him. "Get them drinks, boys. On the house."

Wade Wilson has posed:
"Whoa!" Deadpool sounds somewhat shocked but also amused at the sight in front of him. "You look half as bad as I do! Nice, man!" Deadpool's unworried about guns and whatnot. Could have something to do with the whole immortality thing. Whatever. He's rarely worried and almost never shows it. It's part of his charm.

"Dude. You should see what I look like under here." Deadpool points at his mask. "It's like that--" Deadpool motions towards the bad half of Two-Face's face. "But like twenty times worse. And all over." He motions to his entire body. "Oh hey, if you want, maybe I can get you a mask like mine! Er, half of one? Maybe orange and blue? I kinda' got the market cornered on the whole red and black combo."

Wade cops a seat but also gets to waving his hands around. "Wait wait. We're not here for the all night kegger. Let's just double time this deal. I gotta' get home in time for Golden Girls." Wade gets to snapping his gloved fingers. "Our bombs go boom. Your money goes spend. I feel like this is Dr. Seuss easy..."

The Joker has posed:
Two-Face raises one ruined eyebrow at Deadpool. Skullgor has the courtesy to look a little embarrassed, but he'd also like to make this sale before something Gotham happens.

"You don't matter." Two-Face says, after a minute. "The Golden Girls don't matter. I don't matter. What matters is that with those weapons I am going to do something terrible. The odds have it that I can't hold out on using them forever. So just the purchase is a layered moral question that has to be carefully addressed. First, do I shoot my man for making a promise before letting me check? Then, do I pay you two monsters for weapons, or just steal them? Finally, do I let you both leave?"

"This." Two-Face holds up the coin. "Is the only thing that matters. The only sanity in this broken world. So we're going to listen."

Flip.

Two-Face's pistol is pointed at One-Ton, but there's no sense of anger, no viciousness. It's like a man working a simple machine, detached, cold, interested in a distant, technical sort of way, like building a bicycle. Two-Face catches the coin.

"And again." Two-Face puts his gun down, and again flicks the coin into the air. There's a sense of prayer here, but at the end of the day the dual gangster seems utterly unconcerned; he catches his coin, scarred side down.

"Pay the man." Two-Face tells Two-Ton. An exchange is made; Skullgor seems happy enough about this, maybe not taking the last one seriously.

He should, as the coin flips in the air for a third time...

Wade Wilson has posed:
The Disrespectful Deadpool is sitting in the chair and looking as bored as he can with all of this. It's hard to look bored when he's wearing a mask all of the time but the body language is definitely right there. He's sprawled out in his seat, arms splayed and somewhere during the middle of one of those coin flips he started fake snoring with way too much loudness.

"ZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzZZzzzzzzzzz!"

Somewhere around 'pay the man' is when Wade wakes up and he mock-startles to awakedom. "Monologue over, already? Nice! Sooooo..." Deadpool hops up and out of his chair. The chair seems a little more leaned back than it was prior but whatever. Maybe it's the lightning or the angle. Weird. "Great doing business with you, Half-and-Half." He has no idea if that his criminal moniker or not. "You go ahead and live long enough to see yourself become the villain. Skeletor and I'll just hit the road, jack. And we won't be comin' back no more, no more, no more, no more."

Deadpool turns to Skullgor to give him the signal to get the heck to the out of here. Dangling from thumb signal are a pair of grenade pins. Looks like Wade wasn't actually sleeping at all.

That hand goes behind his back as Deadpool turns back towards Two-Face to offer a bow of gratitude. "You've been a peach, Phantom of the Back Alley. May your bombs be explosive and violent. Like a Taco Tuesday."

The Joker has posed:
The Two-Ton Twins didn't live this long in Gotham without having itchy trigger fingers; both assault rifles are aimed, one at Deadpool's forehead and the other at his crotch. Deadpool's rep as a healer means both gunmen are aiming to maim, to slow Wade down and do enough damage that he has to crawl away to heal.

Skullgor didn't live this long by thinking twice when Wade pulls the grenades out. He BAILS; only fear of Two-Face and, perhaps, Deadpool keeps him from being shot. But a win's a win.

Only Two-Face remains serene. Things are finally out of his hands. And just like that, with a flash of silver, they're in his hands again.

Scarred side down. Two-Face takes a look at Deadpool. "Let them go."

"Boss."

"Let them go." Two-Face says in a tone of voice drawn directly from hell. The guns lower. "Don't let the door hit you on your way out, Deadpool."

Wade Wilson has posed:
"You've been a great host, Man-E-Faces! Next time I'm in Gotham, I'm look you up! Maybe we can take some Before and During Selfies together!"

Deadpool offers an unseeable grin as he wanders past The Two Ton Twins. He tosses the grenade pins towards whichever one isn't actually good at catching. He's sure that's got to be one of them. "Slim? Fast? Catch you two later. Next time I run into Body By Jake, I'll make sure he comes down to see you fellas."

Deadpool makes with the exiting and soon enough he's running after Skullgor! "Get back here with my cut, you wascally wabbit!" And there's some gunshots that echo!

The Joker has posed:
You make it out, Deadpool. No one's there to dodge the bullets.

Skullgor made it out to the alley way, and there he lay, in a twisted heap in the ground.

His face twisted into an awful half-grin, his lungs still seizing as what is very clearly a dead body struggles to finish the last, fatal laugh.

The money's gone, and in it's place is a playing card on Skullgor's chest.

A joker.

Wade Wilson has posed:
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Deadpool is doing his greatest Scott Summers impression right now. On his knees next to the body of Skullgor.

His gun toting fist smacks the body, the joker playing card sticks to the bottom of his hand and gun but Deadpool's too focused on his phone. "Ugh! I forgot my Uber password." As Deadpool rises up to his feet, the joker card ends up sliding into the holster with his gun as he steps over Skullgor's body. His thumbs get to typing on the phone and the muttering comes with him as he starts to wander towards the nearest Gotham main street.

"... fuckin' forgot password... no I don't want to use a special character... I'M NOT A FUCKING ROBOT!..."