2633/Blue and Gold in: Cruise Control (but it's not Speed 2)

Blue and Gold in: Cruise Control (but it's not Speed 2)
Date of Scene:	26 July 2020
Location:	Penthouse - Kord Co
Synopsis:	Blue Beetle and Booster Gold somehow manage to actually save a cruise ship full of reality show contestants ... but it's from the clutches of Captain Stingaree and the Shocker, so is it THAT impressive a feat?
Cast of Characters:	Ted Kord, Booster Gold

---

Ted Kord has posed:
As a new day is settling in and looking gorgeous (much like the lady who sunbathes on the roof a few building down from Kord C) the Bug is flying over the Atlantic. Blue 'Ted Kord' Beetle is at the controls while a small monitor plays the classic (Ted's choice of adjectives) /Them/. James Arness, Joan Weldon, James Whitmore and real giant ant puppets! What's not to like?

Anyway, nice day for a flight to check out some repairs and systems upgrades. Ted leans back from the controls, after turning the autopilot on and turns to his companion. "You think you want to learn to fly this thing? I mean I might get clonked on the head or something. I'd trust Skeets but no hands."

Booster Gold has posed:
In the passenger seat, Booster swivels to stare at Ted. "Oh, yeah, totally, amigo. I mean, I definitely, positively, absolutely haven't logged any late-night hours test-driving this confusing archaic contraption!"

He intertwines his fingers and stretches his arms, cracking his knuckles. "So, what kind of fourteen-part tutorial do I have to go through before you'll let me touch the controls? Also," he adds, gesturing to Skeets, "make sure to order some appropriate driving gloves for when we inevitably break out the 'convertible' mode on this bad boy."

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord turns around and narrows his eyes. "Listen you want to diss me, fine. But you do not disrespect the BUG!! And what do you mean 'archaic'? Half the systems in it were based on your... errr Yorkshire technology. Very advanced Yorkshire technology... and those little dogs are adorable. I'll teach you when you're more receptive to the idea. You look like I wanted you to ride a dinosaur or something."

He stops ranting as a sensor beeps and he turns his attention to it. "What have we here?"

Booster Gold has posed:
"Look, I respect the Bug and all its blemishes. I know they're not her fault--or even yours," Booster replies with a toothy grin. "You're a product of your /time/, pal, and that's okay. I mean, it's not like anyone could ever successfully 'ghost ride the Bug' without scraping a little paint off the undercarriage anyway."

He pauses as Ted spots a sensor and then coughs. "Do ... do you /have/ an undercarriage paint alarm?" A bead of sweat trickles down from under his cowl.

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord adjusts the scanner as he answers, "I... the Bug has six fully functional legs, making it capable of landing nearly anywhere safely. And you could probably solo fly it after an hour or two. Seeing as you are so advanced. I know what this is about... the toilet had instructions right on the door! How poor Skeets nearly got flushed, I don't want to know. The bug's controls are so simple a child cou... hang on we're getting a radio transmission off a satellite phone. Helllllo, this is the Blue Beetle, dashing flying hero... "

From inside a lifeboat a well if scantily clad young woma n babbles into her satellite phone, "Whatever! This is Bordeaux Porterhouse, I'm on the Enchanted Evening cruise ship and we were hijacked... okay boarded by these pirates! Yuh huh, I said pirates! Wirth really bad clothing. One guy is wearing a mattress and has these wristshooters like that bad guy Deadbolt deadzone whatever! The other is a crazy bald guy swinging a sword around and they got these... server guys stripping people... not their clothes dummy, their bling... is there an adult superhero I could talk to? What? Let me speak to your manager right now!" Bordeaux's voice rises in volume as a pair of hands grab Bordeaux. "Let me go you zed! Unhand me this instant or I'll have the law on you! Do you know how many followers I have on Tweeter! As if!!" The call is terminated.

Booster Gold has posed:
"Bordeaux Porterhouse?!" Booster exclaims, leaping to his feet. "Ted, do you know who that /is/? Oh, the influencer impact that could have on my subscription numbers..."

He blinks. "Oh, and we need to save all those poor people, too."

<<If I may,>> Skeets pipes up, <<I believe that Ms. Porterhouse identified Deadshot as one potential perpetrator.>>

"No, she clearly said Deadbolt," Booster replies.

<<But there was a mention of wrist-mounted weap-->>

"Skeets, sometimes your programming just ... I don't know, man," Booster sighs. "Why would Deadshot be after this cruise?"

<<Perhaps, sir, he's baiting you into appearing.>>

Booster glances at Ted from the corner of his eye. "That's probably not it, right?" he mutters.

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord fiddles with a display. "What you worried about? You're the one who's bulletproof. Bordeaux Porterhouse sounds like an entree at a steakhouse. Let me... ahh! Not just tracking her phone, I turned it back on! Oh my... she's quite the little potty mouth isn't she? Whooooo boy, my dad used that word when he dropped a Faberge egg. I never had the guts to say it. You want to fly ahead? I'll submerge the Bug and get to the ship underwater. Should we maybe... call someone? Aquaman... Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent?"

Booster Gold has posed:
"Good idea, honestly," Booster muses, walking toward the Bug's access port. "The last thing I want is for someone to claim I'm only effective on land! They'll say I'm some sort of 'chicken of the sea' or the like."

He dives out the port and soars toward the cruise ship. "Alright, Ted, steer me toward the hotties. And the baddies, too, I suppose. Skeets, you're filming?"

<<As always,>> Skeets replies, flying slightly behind the self-proclaimed man of tomorrow. <<The 'Gold Plan' viewers are already tuning in.>>

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord mutters over the link, "I'm giving Skeets the ship's position. Follow his lead. We'll meet up there." As Booster flies off, Beetle takes the Bug down and into the water, running just below the waterline. Antennae sticking above the waves.

At the ship... A huge banner hanging over the side proclaims a Huzzah Network Cruise. Smoke is rising from a few spots on deck. Beside the ship a dated submarine is surfaced. Ladders allow its crew to board the luxury liner. A number of the passengers are sitting on the deck while a bald man in a pirate's costume swaggers about, giving orders and swinging a sword. "And get me a drink!!! Rum? That's awful stereotypical laddie. Gimme a mimosa! Izzat the last o' these so called Huxzah-lebrities, Smee?"

"Uh yeah boss... except them Surreal House Spouses. They kept slapping people so we locked them up," a bespectacled pirate answers, checking a list. "So we holding them for ransom, or looking to get paid for sinking this ship?"

Booster Gold has posed:
Booster's vector of approach adjusts as Skeets feeds an AR overlay through his visor, and the hero speeds up to land between the pirate and the cruise patrons, making a three-point 'hero landing' accompanied by Skeets blasting the beginning of 2 Unlimited's "Get Ready For This."

"Hey!" Booster shouts, pointing at the pirate with the glasses. "Stay away from these hotwives! If it's treasure you're looking for--it's /Gold/ you're gonna get! Now, as they say in pirate times, 'Cut the jive, turkey!'"

He lunges at the man with the glasses, trying to knock him down with a right hook.

Ted Kord has posed:
Was Smee wearing shoes or knocked out of them by the golden gladiator? No matter. The pudgy pirate goes flying. Captain Stingaree scowls and waves his cutlass about. "Most a' the gold we find we melt down laddie, and ye should watch yer aft." As he says this the Shocker steps into view and levels a wrist blaster at Booster's back.

Bordeaux Porterhouse screams a matinee movie actress scream, "Watch out Green Lantern! the Deadbolt guy is gonna shoot you or whatever! I gotta tweet this, gimme my phone you ****ing mother****ing piece of **** ******* *****

"

Below the waves Ted listens on the open phone. "I never heard such ****ing language in my life. And I took a lot of shop classes."

Booster Gold has posed:
"What does that even mean--" Booster begins, but the Shocker's vibrational blast sends him flying, smashing into and over the side rail.

Groaning, Booster hangs on to the rail with one hand. "Gotta ... hang ... on ... do it for ... all my Lantern fans ..." He shakes his head and winces. "What am I saying? I can fly."

Demonstrating as much, Booster zips back into the air, dodging blasts of powerful air sent his way by the Shocker. "Hey!" he shouts. "You're not Deadshot! And I'm /not/ Green Lantern!"

Emboldened by the realization that he's being filmed by someone other than Skeets, Booster dive-bombs Shocker, imprinting his Legion ring's symbol into Schultz's left cheekbone.

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord is cursing his choice of transportation modes. He does seeBooster go flying and his amazing comeback. What to do to help? Ah, diversion. He hits the button muting his mic, cranks up the volume Bordeaux's phone and announces, "Self destruct initiated. I am a ten second bomb... nine... eight..." The pirate holding the phone lets out a yelp and releases Bordeaux who grabs her phone on the fly. "Hello? This is Bordeaux... stop counting down, you're con-fus-ing ME! Hello! I mean good-bye. Uh oh!" Brawny hands reach for Bordeaux again. This time she gets thrown over the side with a A+ Wilhelm scream. Or Wilhemina. What-ever.

Ted isn't done. Down in the water he pulls up a schematic of the Enchanted Evening and starts hacking. "Bridge controls, locked. Armory, open. Brig, open! PA on in the brig. "Hey Captain, seamen, sailors. The door is open and the armory. Have fun and help is on the way! Hmmm, what's this unlock... Bwahahahahaha!"

Booster Gold has posed:
"NO!" Booster shouts, eyes wide, spying Bordeaux careen over the side of the ship. "My potential followers!"

He springs off of Shocker's chest, launching himself over the rail to try and catch the woman before either of them hits the water. The costumed criminal makes a sound like a dying whale as the movement expels all the air from his lungs.

"I'm coming!" Booster calls to the shrieking Bordeaux. "Don't worry--I won't get you wet!"

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord launches the Bug out of the water. The element of surprise is plainly lost. His pal needs help. In seconds he is alongside the liner and over the sub. He dives out the ventral hatch on his swing line and comes face to face with a shaken Bordeaux Porterhouse, hanging onto Skeets for her life. "Oh well bless your CPU Skeets. Let me give you a hand little buddy. He grabs onto Bordeaux who clings for dear life to him. then he sees Booster flying at them. Skeets make a white noise sound and ducks. "Oh... no..."

Skeets streaks out of the way making a white noise squeal. Ted has a split second to wonder whatever happened to the First Law?

Booster Gold has posed:
As the Bug surfaces, Booster manages to momentarily relax, growing more confident in his heroic save-to-come.

Then Skeets catches Bordeaux. Booster's relaxation is replaced entirely by embarrassment.

Then he realizes the Bug is directly in his line of descent. Booster's embarrassment explodes into tension. "Aaaaahhhhhh!" he screams, his personal force field protecting him enough when he slams into, and then bounces off of, the Bug's hull and splashes into the water nearby.

For a long moment, Booster lets himself sink, his pride wounded. He mouths something that only surfaces as "Blb glurble blubb." To any hidden Atlanteans nearby, though, it means: "I hate you."

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord meanwhile has his hands full of a panicked and struggling woman, trying to climb onto his shoulders or something panicky. "Take it easy I got you, I go... do you mind! I've done this sort of thing before! You are in no danger! And another thing... stop steaming up my goggles. Bug... take us down to the ship! Fast!"

Meanwhile the crew makes a well timed entrances guns at the ready, and get shoved aside mostly by the Surreal House Spouses of Gotham! "Get 'em girls! They busted up the buffet, they ripped my dress. Imma stick my ****ing foot up their ***** ***es! Swinging table legs, shuffleboard cues and purse that could fell a grown man. Stingaree yells for a retreat. The Shocker starts bowling over the new attackers with sound pulses.

Booster Gold has posed:
Putting his game face back on, Booster Gold is engulfed in a cloud of bubbles as he soars back upwards, bursting through the ocean's surface to rocket upward. He makes a nearly ninety-degree turn over the ship, launching himself feet-first at the back of the Shocker's head.

"This program's been /canceled/!" he boasts, landing lightly even as Shocker drops face-first to the deck.

"Skeets, /tell/ me you got that," Booster adds, looking around for his trusty sidekick. When Skeets is not immediately spotted, he grimaces. "Damn it--I mean, /damn/ good show, all!" Booster cries in faux confidence, pointing to all the reality contestants. "You're the real heroes. All a proud part of 'Booster's millions'!"

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord drops down the last few feet to the deck. He spots Stingaree, using the confusion to run at Booster from behind. Super villain reps over strategy. He has Bordeaux, his arm under her thighs and around her legs, her arms clenched around his neck and finally lifts her up, pulling his head out of her arms and drops her on her behind unceremoniously. "Stay there and stay out of my way you spoiled little brat, or so help me I'll give you a swat on the rear worthy of John Wayne!" He trains his BB gun b the (technically) supervillain and fires, knocking him sprawling. Several House Spouses fall on the pirate.

Beetle winces, "Oh that was brutal... oh don't... do you know how long it takes to grow a beard... oh my. Don't flip that table on... ah screw him."

"Uhm, Mr. Blue Battler... I'm terribly sorry I was screaming and being a silly big baby," Bordeaux says, now standing beside him, swimsuit in strategic disarray. "Really, you were wonderful... and so strong and... handosme? What I can see anyway." Beetle grunts acknowledgement as he continues blasting pirates. "S'okay."

Booster Gold has posed:
Booster Gold turns around, taking in the sights of the unexpected competency of the Blue & Gold team.

"What is even /happening/ here?" he asks in an exasperated tone. "How is the /Blue Beetle/ coming through in the clutch? Skeets!" Booster shouts.

<<Pose for your adoring public, sir,>> Skeets replies flatly.

"I ... oh, you," Booster chuckles angrily. "You--you--you /wonderful fans/, you!" he laughs lightheartedly in the least convincing manner ever. "I'm so glad you're all here to see how incredible my main man Blue Beetle is when danger threatens everyday citizens!"

He turns, waving at the falling pirates. "You think just /anyone/ can wield an bb-gun like that? Heck, no! They'd want lethal firearms or lasers or something! But the Beetle's got a /code/! He doesn't do it for the fame or reward--just like me, Booster Gold! (Check out more at www.boostergoldrulz.hero.)"

Ted Kord has posed:
Ted Kord sees the crew and the House Spouses have subdued the rest of the pirates and are further restraining then feels a gentle touch on his forearm. He hauls off for a punch before he looks into a pair of big blue eyes. "Oh, listen you, it's Blue Beetle-not Blue Battler! Maybe I need a hyphen. I... mmph!" Beetle suddeny has a reality show star on his face. "I'm so sorry I steamed up your glasses Blue..." Some lacey and frilly bit worn over a tiny swimsuit is rubbed on his goggles before he grabs her hand. "Listen Ms. Portereaux... Borderhouse... that's very sweet but... you aren't my type!"

He quickly goes over to Booster smacking him on the shoulder. "Hey, General Glory, are we all good?"

Booster Gold has posed:
Booster takes several long beats to stare silently at Beetle as he's molested and afterwards. His mouth opens, hanging loosely, as it's clear the few brain cells he has are rubbing together.

Finally, all Booster can muster is: "I preferred it when I was called Green Lantern."

Ted Kord has posed:
Bordeaux Porterhouse chases after the heroes and says excitedly, "Oh, I had no idea about you two. You make such a cute team! I'm sorry for my misunderstanding. Imma invite you guys to the next party I stream!" She embraces the two and strolls off. "Where *** is my ****ing phone."

Ted looks after her and says softly, "Oh nononono, not again. "I'm sorry Booster. Uhm could you please tell Ms. Porterhouse here... something?"