3253/How Could I Ever Know

How Could I Ever Know
Date of Scene:	06 September 2020
Location:	An Undisclosed Dayton Property
Synopsis:	Garfield receives a message from Terry, seemingly from beyond the grave.
Cast of Characters:	Gar Logan, Terry O'Neil

---

Gar Logan has posed:
Flight.

It's what Gar Logan has done in the past when things got really, really bad.

Run away from your problems. Hide from them.

The trouble is, that doesn't make them go away. They didn't go away after Doomsday, and they won't go away after War World.

It doesn't change the fact Gar could not stand to be around anyone in the immediate aftermath, so he did what Raven accused him of doing best at one time: running away.

He didn't have a place in mind until he remembered Steve Dayton had numerous safehouses. He didn't even need a key, as access was electronically coded to a select few people. Once inside, he found the deepest, darkest corner of the place and curled up into a human ball, arms around his legs, knees drawn in close, thousand yard stare.

He was gone. Terry. Vorpal. Just days after the ball, days after the tabloid story, days after the public statement that garnered so much positivity and support. Gone, in an instant, in a literal flash.

Sleep was attempted, but impossible to obtain. By the time dawn was arriving, the sun coming up on the outside world as it always does, Gar had not moved from his spot. He was still in his partially torn costume. Waking nightmares refused to leave him alone. His cheeks showed dried, slightly salty residue from the tears that had rolled down.

Terry O'Neil has posed:
And it is at that moment that Gar's phone *dings* with the news that an urgent email has arrived. The message comes from an e-mail address Gar knows all too well:
From: Vorpal <vorpalcat@starkmail.com>

Subject: *Urgent Update*


The sending time indicates that it had been sent just a minute or two ago.

Gar Logan has posed:
The phone both dings and buzzes to signify the level of importance of the e-mail that arrives. Gar doesn't react at first. Going through his mind is the dragon fight with the behemoth. Any other time and he'd be thinking how it was cool as, well, cool gets.

This is not any other time.

As if on autopilot, he gingerly unfolds himself enough to dig out his phone, the device wobbly in a shaky hand as he tries and fails four times to get it to unlock with his thumbprint, locking him out of it for thirty seconds before he can try again. "Come on, come on.." he says, voice dry and raspy.

Once he gets into it and pulls up the e-mail account, an immediate gasp escapes his mouth. It's from Vorpal!

Sitting more upright, he immediately taps the screen to read. "Please say you're okay, that you just..had one of your rabbit holes go all crazy and you're stuck somewhere...I'd even forgive you if this was just a bad joke."

Terry O'Neil has posed:
==========================

The email contains a link to a Starkdrive folder. In it, there is only one video in that folder. After a few seconds,



| |> |"Hey."

Terry O'Neil waves at the camera. The video seems to have been taken in his apartment, the camera apparently propped up on something- like a series of books.

"It's Terry." The redhead is sitting at the table where the camera (likely his phone) is prepped. He's wearing one of his standard nondescript grey T-shirts. He looks a little uncomfortable, but he tries to smile. "But you already knew that. Hey."

There's silence for a second or two and he bites his lower lip before finally speaking again.

"If you're watching this... it means something happened..." he trails off, and takes a deep breath. "I got something that would send this message out if I didn't--- Please don't stop the video..."

From the bandage on his forehead, the video seems to have been taken not too long after the Brainiac invasion- a light injury he had acquired in his human form during one of the encounters, shortly before he switched to his feline form.

Gar Logan has posed:
Gar's face lights up when he sees Terry on the screen. A video? Those visual chats are all the rage, it's true.

The bandage, however, immediately tells him that this is not something that has just been recorded. It's certainly not live. "Terry.." he says quietly, a sense of dread grabbing him, refusing to let go.

His thumb lingers near the screen, millimeters away from closing it. He doesn't go through with it, but a lump begins to form in his throat. He doesn't realize he's sitting up much straighter.

Terry O'Neil has posed:
The redhead sighs and looks off-screen for a second. "Just a few days ago, we saved the world. It feels crazy when you say it, doesn't it? But nevertheless, there we were. I don't know." He shrugs, "Feels kind of surreal. But it got me thinking... that sometimes we take thingss for granted. People."

He takes another pause. "Gar. I don't know what happened... I wish I did, so I could say all of the right things. So that I could say..."

He shakes his head, "That's the wrong way of putting it. I made this video for several reasons. First and foremost reason, though... is that I'm worried about you."

Gar Logan has posed:
"Last night," Gar murmurs in response to when they saved the world. But what good is saving the world if Terry, if Vorpal isn't there to share it with him?

He stares at the screen, clutching the phone in both hands, both anticipating and dreading what might be said next.

Eyes dip away at the mention of worry.

Terry O'Neil has posed:
"I am worried about what you're going through right now. About what you /must/ be going through right now." Terry looks down at his hands, "I hate to think about it. I hate to think about that in part it's because of me."

He looks up again. "I know that you probably want to run away. I know that you probably want to hide. Lick your wounds. Never see anyone again." His lip twitches a little, "I hope I'm wrong. But I can't blame you for wanting to run away. What I've never told you is that you and I are... alike in that. We don't want to be seen when we're hurting. There were times when I felt... when I thought you didn't like me, or wouldn't like me in /that/ way, that I wanted to curl up and hide. You never saw it. Or most of it. Because... I did the hiding thing. Heck, I hid my /other/ side from you. What I'm saying is... I get it..."

Gar Logan has posed:
Many animals hide when things are wrong. It's a way to keep protected, to avoid showing weakness, to survive.

In that, Gar is as much like the animals he takes the forms and qualities of as ever. While he may be loyal, may be optimistic, there have been enough tragic events over the years that some part of him could be irreparable.

Terry was supposed to be the solution to that, the good thing that made all the rest better.

Now? Gar is already getting the sense he's watching a ghost. How well Terry has pegged him, with the urge to flee. He returns to staring at the screen.

Terry O'Neil has posed:
"But what I want to say is... you can't do this to yourself. You can't go back to that place. Where you were when we met." Terry's brow furrows a little. "Gar, I can't tell you not to be sad, or heartbroken. I couldn't possibly say that. I can't possibly understand the weight. The loss."

His voice grows quiet. "All I can tell you is what I understand and what I know. I know a green boy whose smile brightens the whole world. Who makes everybody who counts want to love him. Who has a heart as big as his head. Or bigger. Who wants to make things right."

Terry blinks a couple of times. "That is Garfield Logan. And when he's hurt... when I saw him hurt, I wanted to wrap my arms around him and protect him."

"I... must have screwed something up, because I can't be there to protect you right now. I can only do the next best thing..."

Gar Logan has posed:
The tears begin to well up again around the point of hearing Terry talking about the size of Gar's heart and making things right.

He's already in danger of going back to that place by way of him coming to the safehouse at all. Terry becomes blurry on the screen, the wetness blinked at before fresh tears roll down his cheeks, and for now he only hears Terry instead of seeing him. The phone is held loosely in a hand, draped over a knee, facing downward as he lets his head thud lightly against the wall behind him.

What could the next best thing possibly be?

Terry O'Neil has posed:
"I know you love me. I know it even when you find it hard to say..." it /has/ been a bit since this recording, "Because of that love, I beg you to consider how I would feel, knowing you've shut yourself away again and thrown the key. Please look for help, look for someone to talk to. Talk to Diana. Talk to Raven. Fuck, talk to Harley, or April ... don't, please don't go into the shadows."

Terry blinks again, and rubs at an eye. His eyes look slightly moist, clearly the thoughts he's entertaining are affecting him a little. "I hate thinking I might not be there..." and here, he smiles a little, "Maybe this video is unnecessary and you'll unearth it twenty years from now when we're both close to forty and living it up in our Malibu house. I hope so. But you never know what might happen. Gar, there's a new generation of Titans. Unless something /really/ bad has happened and there's nobody left, in which case even you wouldn't be here... there's always going to be Titans..."

Gar Logan has posed:
Gar Logan leaves the phone cradled the way it is, his eyes lifting toward the ceiling. Light filters through the windows, blinds drawn shut over them as the outside begins to brighten the interior. It doesn't extend all the way, however, not when the darkness surrounding Gar is so thick and heavy.

He understands what Terry is trying to get him to do, to get him to socialize, to do things with others, to avoid being mired with only his own thoughts to take him down, nobody there for support.

Diana? What could they have to talk about?

Raven? Gar's not even sure she likes seeing him around.

Harley? Could be dangerous, still.

April? Might not be a bad idea.

"But the shadows accept me, and the Titans aren't the same without you there. We didn't get back together just because of me," he says, and there is a shaky emptiness threatening to take hold of his words. Not even a smile at the thought of a home they could share on the other side of the country.

"Everything good gets ruined."

Terry O'Neil has posed:
"That's something I'm convinced of. Remember what Colette said once? And what Dawn said about forces moving? I think the Titans are important. I don't know how... but they are. And they need you just like you need them. And everythig I did to help get the Titans back together... Gar, I did it for you. Because /you're/ part of the good that's worth fighting for."

He crosses his arms. Or maybe he's hugging himself a little. "Sometimes people leave against their will. But no matter what... Gar, there's always going to be a part of me that will remain. And that part is always going to love you. I don't know how, or when, but some day we'll be together again. "

He looks at the camera, a sad expression on his face, "That's something I believe, as well."

Gar Logan has posed:
Gar Logan returns to silence, though there is a part of his thoughts that warm to accepting the cold fate of inevitability. It's worked /so/ well for Raven, after all.

Or has it?

By the time Terry is telling him that their being together again is something he believes, the phone has been angled upward enough again to see the expression there. The lump returns, Gar's mouth working itself around as he chews at his lower lip, sucking on his tongue, the fang sticking out as it always does.

What if the one worth fighting for loses the will to fight, the will to care?

Terry O'Neil has posed:
"So- this is what I'm going to do, Garfield Mark Logan." Terry uncrosses his arms and leans closer to the camera, looking at the viewer in the eye. "Gar, I love you. This, you know. And I believe you love me- because god, if you don't I have NO idea how you've managed to put up with me. And I have to do what you no doubt would have done for me, if our roles were reversed. I am putting a geas on you, Garfield Mark Logan. If what we have means anything to you, I implore you- no, I charge you with this request: Don't. Go. There. Don't go back there. Don't give up."

A compassionate expression crosses Terry's face, "... I know that what I'm asking is not easy. But nothing worth doing is ever easy. Gar... you've always been my hero. I know you're tired. I know you feel beaten. I know you feel broken. But... It's very important that you get up and go on. For me. For /you/."

He sighs softly and rubs his temple again. "I love you, Gar. And I am glad that I had the privilege of loving you. Don't throw all of that away by throwing yourself away. Don't be so cruel to yourself because... you're being cruel to the guy I love."

He stares at the screen for a second and touches his figers to his lips, and then brings them up to the screen. "I'll always be with you."

And the video stops.

Gar Logan has posed:
Gar Logan squints at the screen as Terry's face becomes larger. Their love, which was truly confirmed to the world just days ago, is spoken of here, and his lower lip begins to quiver.

He stops the video, only long enough to look up the word 'geas' so he can understand what Terry is talking about. "Oh.."

Unpausing it, he hears himself being practically begged not to go where his mind is threatening to take him. If he does, there might be no coming back this time, no chance to recover. He is more tired than Terry might have guessed when making the video, given the lack of sleep, the soreness, the mental and physical fatigue, the adrenaline of having helped save the world replaced by a hole in his heart that rivals what he felt when his parents died.

He did recover from that. He could recover from this, too.

Mouthing the words back after love is spoken of, he remains in place as the final words and visuals come across, ending where it does.

And when it does, Gar shuts the phone off, lets it fall to his feet, then tucks his head in against his knees again as his body shudders amid the deep, heaving crying that comes out.

Shortly afterward, his subconscious mind activates. The green man is replaced by a green housecat, the easier to curl up tightly as.

And, yes, this cat can cry as well, can cry for as long as it needs to, interrupted by the saddest yowling anyone could hear, if only the place wasn't completely deserted.