7608/Music and conversation

Music and conversation
Date of Scene:	30 August 2021
Location:	Clarice Ferguson's Quarters
Synopsis:	Cynthia plays piano for Lydia, Rahne sleeps, and Clarice listens. Of course there is a deep conversation and a sister fight after.
Cast of Characters:	Raven Darkholme, Rahne Sinclair, Lydia Dietrich, Clarice Ferguson

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Raven Darkholme has posed:
Cynthia had been out exploring the asteroid, at least the areas she's allowed to go in, and trying very hard not to go into those areas she's not supposed to. Curiosity was killing her about a few of them, but thus far common sense had won. While out, she came across Lydia and invited her back to her room to hear her play the piano, since Clarice had talked about her being able to a number of times, and Lydia has never heard her play.

Now in her room, she was perhaps a little overly excited to play for her new 'big sister', and failed to notice Rahne asleep on the couch. She skipped right over to the piano and opened it, then asked Lydia, "What would you like to hear? Name anything, I'll bet I know it and can play it."

Rahne Sinclair has posed:
Rahne's there? Oh yes, Rahne is there. She's sprawled over an arm of the couch, drooling a little in her sleep, and the way she's managed to get herself is awkward at best. Her head is canted over to the left and looks like it wasn't meant to ever be at that angle, and she has both of her arms semi-dangling.

Apparently pants were also optional, but she's got on some black shorts that look vaguely workout-ey. Looks like acrobatics wore her out.

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
"Oh gosh," Lydia says, when confronted with the responsibility with choosing a song. "Um. If you know 'Us' by Regina Spektor, I could sing along?" She's still getting used to being the 'big sister' to both Clarice and Cynthia, but as time goes by the more 'right' it feels to have that label. "Or anything by Tori Amos," she concludes, realizing that Tori and Regina may be a little bit /out there/ for a 16 year old Genoshian to know.

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    Clarice had - until recently - been in the shower. The hot water had felt wonderful on sore muscles after a long workout, and her hair still hangs in wet clumps around her shoulders as she pulls on a large 'You Octopi My Dreams' night shirt, of course with an image of a happy smiling octopus on it.
    She slips out to the living room shortly after Cynthia begins to play - flashing both of her, well, sisters a warm smile before she sits with amusement on the couch, beside the dozing Rahne. Should she wake her and tell her it's her turn? She hardly looks comfortable - slumped like that...

Raven Darkholme has posed:
For one moment Cynthia closes her eyes and thinks, there is even a bit of a flitter of her eyes behind the lids.

"I don't recall Regina Spektor," she offers, as she opens her eyes and offers Lydia a smile. "But I do know Tear in Your Hand by Tori Amos, is that alright?"

She doesn't really wait for an answer, instead she turns back to the piano and without music, or apparently the need for it, she begins to play and after a moment, starts singing along.
( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QRwNaMhCuw&ab_channel=ashleythomas )

Rahne Sinclair has posed:
Rahne winces as someone starts singing in the room with her. She frowns, she groans, and she pulls her arms up to cover her head like she's shielding herself from a hangover.

"Mmmnnnnrgffffsh," she says, her bottom now firmly exposed.

Cover up one end, the other becomes a target.

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia grins when she recognizes the tune that's being played on the piano, and she walks up to stand beside it, and lifts herself into a proper singing posture.

And, gently, she begins to sing,

"All the world just stopped now
    So you say you don't wanna stay together anymore
Let me take a deep breath, babe

If you need me, me and Neil'll be
    Hanging out with the Dream King
Neil said "Hi", by the way

I don't believe you're leaving cause me and Charles
    Manson like the same ice cream
I think it's that girl"

Lydia's voice is soft and sweet, but clear and steady, lacking that lilt that Tori is well known for. Still. Music wouldn't be music if you just copied the original artist, and Lydia makes this song her own as she sings.

Something odd starts to happen with her ectoplasm. It begins to bob and shift to the time of the rhythm, and ebb and flow to the sound of Lydia's voice, giving the room something of an inadvertent lightshow in the process.

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    The music makes Clarice smile - as does the protesting groan from Rahne. With a smirk of amusement, she tries to coax Rahne up off the arm of the couch, and over onto her shoulder instead, one arm going around her torso gently. "If you were properly awake you'd appreciate her music more," she murmurs in a fond tone, resting her head against Rahne's. She watches the pair performing together, leaning back into the couch and making no attempt to hum or sing along as she takes in the unusual light show.

Raven Darkholme has posed:
At first she is busy playing, so Cynthia doesn't notice the light show happening, but as the song continues she looks over to Lydia, singing along with her, harmonizing so easily that is seems second nature. That's when she notices the light show and it makes her blinks a few times, cause that was way fricken cool! She doesn't mean to stare, honest she doesn't, but the show is meant to be looked at, right?

As the song comes to a conclusion, she turns slightly to look at Lydia, "That was so awesome!"

Rahne Sinclair has posed:
Eyes cracking open would argue that point, though Rahne pushes herself toward wakefulness and a more cheery mood. She looks away from the spookshow to Clarice's face, and that helps. It helps a great deal.

"T's beautiful," she says groggily. But then she's distracted by her neck spasming, and the look on her face is one of abject wincing. "Oog. Some'at shoot me en th' head."

She raises a hand to rub at her neck, cuddling against Clarice like an otter.

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
As the song winds down, so does Lydia's lightshow, slowly fading back to the same steady glow that always surrounds her. She looks down to Cyntha, beaming. "It's been a long time since I sung like that," she admits. "Two years of Chorus in high school never cured me of my stage fright, though, so I never really pursued it."

She shrugs, and leans against the upright. "Really the only times I sing now is during Rosh Hashana or Yom Kippur, or when I'm just kind of working some manual labor to myself, like washing the dishes and such."

She turns her smile towards Rahne. "Welcome to the world, Rahne. I hope the song was pleasant enough to wake up to."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "But your singing was lovely," Clarice protests, even as she rubs her cheek against Rahne's, looking perfectly content and comfortable on the couch. Rahne's discomfort does go unnoticed, though. "The shower's ready whenever you want it," she murmurs with sympathy. "And there's some Motrin behind the mirror."
    Grinning towards Cynthia and Lydia she adds, "Though - if you go shower now, you might miss the rest of the concert..." she teases.
    "Oh, Rahne, I didn't tell you yet. Lydia's my sister now - Cynthia decided."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Starting to play something random, Cynthia listens to the conversations. Mostly she's exercising her hands and her mind, and let's be honest she plays every chance she gets now that she has a piano.
( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9WsHVdi-g4&ab_channel=LukeFaulkner-Topic )

"Yep, Lydia is my biggest sister," she says with a smile. "I think Rhane is almost in the sister-in-law category, I mean not quite, but still a sister. Hope that's okay."

Rahne Sinclair has posed:
Rahne doesn't answer. She closed her eyes when Clarice pressed her cheek there, and has them closed still. Even with the music, the protestations of family, and the gifts of love, she doesn't move. Her breathing is slow, deep, and she's leaning a little too heavily against Clarice.

Aw, Cynthia must've been playing a lullaby. Either that or Rahne is an incredible actress. She appears to be a complete failure as an audience though.

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia blushes at the compliment, her cheeks flushing with pink. "Thank you, Clarice. I'm okay, I guess. Maybe better than most."

She chuckles at Cynthia's attempt at making everybody family. "I think it would be weird to have sisters dating," she admits. "So I think sister-in-law would be a better thing."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "Yeah, Rahne's definitely not my sister," Clarice agrees wryly. Holding Rahne to her - and looking at Cynthia and Lydia - it occurs to Clarice that this just might be as good a moment as any, and she takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
    "Hey... Thia?" she begins a bit uncertainly. How do you really say something like this? "I- Umm, Lydia, could you pull the folder out of the top drawer of my desk?" she asks with a nod, as she's trapped on the couch by the seemingly slumbering Rahne.
    "This seems like as good a time to say something like this, so that everyone hears it together. And, well, not that I ever plan on letting anything happen to me, but you know I don't always live the safest life..." She takes another breath, letting it out slowly. "I had Raven help me draw together a simple will, and I want you to keep it in your pocket so it's safe. It just says that if anything ever happens to me, everything goes to you. And I- I don't want you to ever feel like you're alone again, but I know Raven, and Lydia, and Rahne would never let that happen to you - or to Pete.
    "But I also- I asked Lorna, and she agreed, that if anything ever happened to me... That she'd be your legal guardian. I mean, I don't expect it to be necessary. But I just- it felt irresponsible to not make some sort of plan. Just in case."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
When Clarice called her, she stopped playing and walked over to the couch. With Rahne sprawled out, and now asleep again, she sits down on the arm of the couch. Clarice sounded serious, so when she asked Lydia to get something for her, Cynthia's back stiffened a little.

Listening intently to everything Clarice says about if something happens to her, and legal paper work and then she says who the legal guardian is and the dark teenager blinks.

"Wait, what?" She says first, staring at her sister. "You asked the Queen of Genosha to be my legal guardian?" That seems to strike her right in the chest, because she just stares, no blinking. "Why?"

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia folds her arms to her chest as she watches the two sisters. "It seems like the responsible thing to do. I don't know if I or Mystique would be suited to be your legal guardian if it came down to it," she admits. "We both are pretty prone to danger ourselves."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    Clarice nods in agreement with Lydia, taking the folder that she retrieved via ectoplasmic manipulation of the desk, before returning her attention to Cynthia. "Because she's my friend. Because she's responsible, and I trust her. Because... because Mister Creed and Raven are both going to be a mess, if anything happens to me. And I don't think they're the right choice, besides. Because I've only know Lydia a few months - but I've known Lorna for years. I asked her because she's the right choice.
    "I asked my friend - who //happens// to be the Queen of Genosha. Her title and position weren't part of it."
    She holds out a hand towards Cynthia - as she still sits pinned against a sleeping Rahne. "They'll still be a part of your life - I know they will be. I want them to be. I don't want you to ever feel alone - you have a family now, that's larger than just me - or just me and Pete. And I don't plan on going anywhere, not for another eighty years or so. I just wanted to make sure that there's a plan. Because... I don't imagine any of you would be rational, you know? At a time like that."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Cynthia blinks a few more times before she sighs, "Sure, okay, friend who happens to be the Queen. You get to choose I guess, who ever you think is right, but we don't need to talk any more about it because nothing is going to happen to you."

She looks down at her hands, more like staring at them. Her parents had a plan, but that was sort of blown all to hell when all of Genosha was blown all to hell.

"Besides, I'll be eighteen in a year and two months, you'll still be alive by then, so really, it's for your comfort."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia watches the interplay between the two siblings. She has to agree with Cynthia in that this is more about Clarice's peace of mind than it is about doing the responsible thing. Well. It's both, really. Two birds with one stone and all that.

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    Clarice lets out a quiet sigh. "I just want to be sure. You're too important to me to leave anything to chance. Yeah?" She holds out the folder as she adds, "So I want you to hold onto that. Raven has a copy, too."
    And once Cynthia has accepted the file, she holds that arm out again, to try to beckon her in for a tight hug. "I never want you to be alone again, no matter what. I'll make sure of that. Lydia, and Raven, and Rahne, and Lorna will make sure of that. And you'll make sure they include Pete. Yeah?" She squeezes Cynthia tightly as she adds, "I love you. I always will."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Touching the folder it just disappears in a small purple puff, then Cynthia leans in to accept the hug, wrapping her arms around her sister.

"I love you too Clarice," she offers, hugging tight. "You worry about me way too much. I'm sure people would have taken care of me, and not just thrown me to the curb, but this way it's all legal and I can embarrass the shit out of myself to your friend who happens to be the Queen."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia gets a kind of derpy 'd'awwww' look on her face as she watches the two sisters hug. There's no way in hell she's going to interrupt this.

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "They would've," Clarice agrees. "Or I'd be forced to haunt the shit outta 'em. But it's not going to happen. I don't care who I have to go through or what I have to do - I'm always coming home." She hopes. She really, really hopes."
    She starts loosening the hug as she adds, "You'll get to know Lorna - the nerves go away. I swear they do." Then with a nudge she adds, "Did you want to tell Lydia about Happy Harbor?"

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Cynthia breaks the hug, so very tempted to poke the sleeping Rahne, but she has no idea how well that would go over, so she just scoots again.

"No, the nerves won't go away Clarice," she says plainly. "I don't care how 'I'm just a person' Lorna wants to be, she's the Queen first, and a person second."

Moving to sit on the floor in front of the couch she looks over to Lydia, "Happy Harbor, the stupidest name on the planet, is a high school for humans, mutants and inhumans, I think there's even some aliens there. They're very out about the students they're willing to teach, no hiding behind false pretenses or anything like that. I really like the idea of out there and open."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia grins, "I've heard of Happy Harbor, and it's no more a stupid name than Hoboken and we've got one of those, too." She gives a shrug, "I had thought about applying for a job there, but it was a bit too far out of my range. I guess I could have flown there, but I just don't know about that kind of commute." She looks over at Clarice and lets out a soft giggle, "Of course /now/ I've got somebody who could just send me wherever I wanted."

"Still," she says, bending down to give Cynthia a hug of her own, "I'm glad that you found a school that you like, and that allows you to be who you are. I would have given a lot growing up to have had that opportunity."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "Spend enough time around someone - Queen, King... rock star, doesn't matter who they are. Eventually, the nervousness fades," Clarice says in amusement, giving her sister a nudge with  her foot.
    "We're still going to check out Amador Valley, I think. And then figure things out, probably." She grins with amusement as she adds, "I'm with Cynthia, though. It's a //really// stupid name. Nothing we can do about that, though."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Cynthia hugs Lydia back, grinning ear to ear as she does. Biggest sister, it's so dang cool!

"Wait, you went to a human school?" she asks Lydia, seeming to be really surprised by that. "I don't want to be rude... but how?" She grimaces a little, trying to imagine for a moment going to a human school with obvious mutations... she'd get kicked out for beating the snot out of some loud mouth, she knows it.

"I don't think you fully understand Clare," she then says looking to her sister. "It's not nervousness, I mean in a way it is, but it's always respect and awe. Those don't go away."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
"I did!" Lydia says, deciding to sit down with Cynthia on the floor, since the couch is taken up with Clarice and a still very sleepy Rahne. "It was a girls only boarding school. My parents had enough money to make sure that the staff was /very/ kind to me, even if the kids were not."

"Well, not at first," she explains. "They all expected me to be ashamed of my mutation, so they thought teasing me about it would bring me to tears, but it never did." She puffs out her chest, "There's only so many times you can proudly say, 'yes I am!' to being called a mutie before people just stopped caring and went after easier bait." She shrugs, "Then after that, things became somewhat normal, though I was always going to be the weird kid, so as normal as far as weird kids go."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    Respect Clarice gets. But she knows Lorna too well to be in 'awe' of her. She gives a shrug of her shoulders, before adding a noncommital, "Maybe." Honestly, she doubts that level of awe and nervousness can survive really getting to know someone.
    She nuzzles her head against Rahne before asking her two sisters, "What is school really like, anyways? I mean... I never really got to go," she admits. At all. "So I've always kind of wondered, really."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Cynthia hmms. "Mutie is an insult." She ponders out loud. "I mean, in Genosha we call each other muties all the time, I guess that's a difference in culture, right?" She looks to Lydia for that answer, because Clarice likely doesn't know.

"School is, for most people, really boring," she then says to Clarice. "You go to a building full of rooms and other kids around your age, depending on the grade. High school is fourteen through eighteen, Freshmen through Senior. So while you're at school, you're supposed to be focused on learning from the classes, but it turns into this sort of soap opera of 'Kenny likes Susan, but Susan like Greg!' or 'Carol slept with the entire football team, including that one guy with four arms!'. It's supposed to be like a right of passage, where everything about the people around you is sooooo important, but for me... well," she pauses there with a shrug. "I was about gymnastics, shop and learning."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
"It's kind of fun, a bit weird, mixed in with a lot of drudgery," Lydia says. "Imagine the amount of homework you have to do but multiply that over four or five different subjects depending on which classes you're taking. Then you roll all that up with awkward teenaged hormones then that's pretty much school," she concludes.

Then she suddenly realizes something and her eyes go wide. "Oh, goodness! You never /got/ to be an awkward teenager! Those bastards had drugged you right through those years."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "Yeah," Clarice agrees quietly, after listening to the pair describe school. There's a quality to her voice that implies she's still mulling over it in her mind. "They did. I guess- I mean. That's probably why things with Rahne and I were so awkward, at first. I just- I really didn't have any context for..." She tilts her head so her nose is buried in Rahne's hair. "I'm still figuring some things out," she admits.
    "I guess I'll probably never really understand what school's like - but it really doesn't sound that great."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Cynthia stares at Lydia for a moment, then looks at Clarice.

"You /are/ an awkward teenager Clare," she states matter-a-factly. "Everything about you screams it, I mean... I'm not awkward really, I think I blew past that after nearly blowing up." She then suddenly sits up straighter. "Oh! Can I tell Lydia what I found in my pocket?"

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia scoot back a little to give Cynthia some room to show off whatever it was that was in her pocket. "You have me curious, now. What's in you're pocket."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "Hey! I'm the //big// sister here!" Clarice protests - but there's amusement in her voice. She's self-aware enough to know she hasn't had the healthiest emotional and social development in her life.
    She really is trying to work on it, though.
    "What you found in your- oh. Ohhh, yeah. You can tell her if you like, Lydia. There isn't any harm, I don't think."
    

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Cynthia giggles, patting Clarice on the foot, "Yes you are the big sister, and Lydia is the bigger sister."

Noting that Lydia moves, Cynthia ops to offer up a stack of Play Boy Magazines, even as she says, "That's not the real thing though... there are lots of things in the pocket that I don't always remember, so sometimes I have to take stock. I did that about a month ago, and I found the finger of a Sentinel, like from the second knuckle to the tip of the finger."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia's eyes go wide in surprise. Of all the things she was expecting Cynthia to produce a stack of Playboys was not one of them. She tentatively picks the first one off the stack and starts flipping through the pages, a blush beginning to form on her cheeks. "Where... where did you get these?"

She becomes even /more/ surprised to learn of the Sentinel's finger. "How did you... Did you take that /off/ a Sentinel or did you find it laying around on the ground?"

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    Reaching down, Clarice picks up one of the magazines herself - and starts casually flipping through a few of the pages, her gaze lingering for a few, embarrassed minutes, before she tosses it back onto the stack. Nope, if she was going to thumb through any of those - it would be in private.
    Honestly unsure how //precisely// Cynthia ended up with the finger in her pocket, she remains silent as she allows Cynthia to share that information.

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Moving the magazines one by one until she gets to the specific one she was looking for, Cynthia offers it to Clarice. "This one, you need to look at this one."

She looks back to Lydia as she says, "I've been collecting them forever, obviously not legally, some of the ones on the bottom were my dad's. As for the finger, it's..." she pauses a moment then shrugs and says as casually as one might say 'it's hot outside'. "Its the one that squished me, connected to the hand that killed my parents."

Moving a couple more magazines she ohs, "Oh this one is hawt! She's got the longest black hair and they use it in the photos in such cunning ways."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia is kind of shocked at how blase Cynthia is about the Sentinel and it's impact it had on her and her parents life. (so to speak) Clearly Cynthia isn't coping with it well? Or has closed off her feelings about it? It's just not /normal/ to Lydia.

"Oh! I'm.. I'm sorry. I'm glad you made it out okay but I'm sorry about your parents. I never knew how they had died, just that they had."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    Neither had Clarice. She accepted the magazing from Cynthia - but the younger girl's words had caused her to go still, her expression abruptly changing into a neutral mask. She just wasn't sure how to process that information.
    Her parents were crushed. Cynthia was narrowly saved by her powers.
    "...our parents," Clarice offers in a quiet voice. For the moment, though, she seems unsure what else to say.

Raven Darkholme has posed:
The blase is a cover, Lydia was right about that. It was something Cynthia rarely talked about, and didn't like to talk about, so she pretended to okay with it. Looking now at the magazine with the long haired woman she spoke of, she didn't really see it, the tears forming in her eyes made it impossible.

"They were stomping around," she says quietly. "People were running in chaos and panic, in every direction, but there wasn't anywhere to go. I thought we were going to make it then one of them spun around and just..." she looks up from the magazine. "Sometimes I think if I'd of just run when they told me to the first time, it wouldn't have happened, but I know the truth... it would have happened, just at a different time."

"I know it was quick," she looks over at Clarice. "They didn't suffer at all. I wouldn't have either if it wasn't for the pocket, but I lived because the full weight never got on me."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia's hand has gone to her mouth to cover the gasps of horror she lets out as Cynthia tells her tale. "I'm sorry, Cynthia," she says. "I'm so, so sorry. Nobody should ever have to go through something like that." She wants to reach out and hug the girl, but the person who needs to do that most is Clarice. Her eyes flick between Clarice and her sister mentally willing them together.

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "Almost no one escaped," Clarice murmurs quietly. "It still would have happened." She clings tighter to Rahne - though she wishes her sister was on the couch with her as well. "I was ordered to help people escape. I did - I tried to. I didn't save enough." Her voice is flat and even - the trauma of that day still felt raw, and it had acquired a new, sharper edge when she learned the truth of her family. "I keep thinking- if I'd known. If I'd sought them out, if I learned the truth... I could have gotten you all out. I //would// have gotten you all out." They could all be together. Cynthia never would have been in that orphanage. Everything would be different.
    If she'd just had the courage to face her parents. To learn the truth of her past. She can't keep the thoughts from plaguing her, as she keeps her face turned towards Rahne - her eyes closed against the pain.

Rahne Sinclair has posed:
Rahne makes the oddest little squeaking noise, almost like a plastic duck you'd find in the bathtub. She opens her eyes, then bumps her head gently against Clarice as she tries to gain airspace for her lungs to work.

"Hey," she whispers, giving Clary a grin. "Not that a'm complainin about th' hugs." She does pause, then turn to cover her mouth and cough into her fist. Something inher throat.

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Cynthia watches Clarice for a moment, listens to her, then just sort of explodes.

"How the hell can you even think about blaming yourself?! You were helping people! What is wrong with you?!" She shoves the stack of Play Boy away so she can stand up and head for her room. Sure, everyone had their pain from that day, but to be sorry you didn't save people when that's what you were doing? That's just messed up beyond words.

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia reaches out as if to stop Cynthia from storming off, but hesitates, missing her chance. "Cynthia... don't go," she says instead. She's flailing here. She doesn't feel like she's being a good big sister to the two of them because she doesn't know what to do. What does she know of trauma? She's just a spoiled rich kid from the affluent side of Brooklyn.

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    It isn't until Cynthia explodes that Clarice releases Rahne - quite abruptly as she sinks back into the back of the couch, surprise, confusion, and alarm momentarily warring on her features. Cynthia was furious, and she didn't entirely understand it, let alone begin to know how to fix it. It was emotional whiplash, and she looks to Rahne first, and then Lydia, seeking some sort of help. "Cyn..." she breathes quietly, before curling in on herself, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. Shit, shit, shit. How does she fix this? What did she do wrong?

Rahne Sinclair has posed:
Rahne, in her complete confusion state and slightly muggy self, looks around, and for once has a vague idea what's going on. So, she looks at Clarice, and says, "She be right, hon."

She offers her hands, to hold Clarice's in, and HOW COULD SHE POSSIBLY KNOW? Yet there's so much pain in her eyes. She's there, right now.

"When I be told tae help, ah dinnae worry about doin' th' whole job. Not anymore, ah'm only one person. Jus' like you be only one person. Ye ne'er had a chance o' savin everybody."

She pauses, she breathes as if she's telling herself this for the millionth time, and she lets out that breath. THen she says, "IF y' saved all that y' could, an' ye tried, y' can't blame yourself for bein' jus' one person. Believe me, ah tried. It be no way tae live."

Then she lowers her eyes, and pauses. "Ah do hae one question, though. Jus' one."

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Cynthia pauses for a moment at Lydia's request, then instead of going into her room turns around with her arms folded hard and tight against her chest. She'd always learned when angry to walk away, so you didn't say something you'd regret, but both big sister and bigger sister seemed to want her to stay.

"What?" She looks between Lydia and Clarice, then to Rhane who seemed to get it at least. "What do you want me to say? The truth? You can't handle the truth, and you shouldn't have to because NONE OF IT was your fault!"

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
"No, it's not that," Lydia says. "I just don't want to see you storm off angry so you can simmer in it in your room." Her eyes drift to Clarice, "This is an old wound for Clarice. Something she's struggled with for ages now, and she'll need your help getting over it."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    With her hands pressed into her eyes, she can't see the offer of comfort from Rahne - and so Clarice remains balled up, trying desperately to bottle her confused emotions back up. Cynthia needed her. Didn't she? And she could hardly do any good if she was a mess, herself. She struggles to turn shakey breaths into slowly, steady ones as their words wash over her.
    They didn't understand. Not completely.
    "You can't save everyone," she agrees in a quiet voice. "But I could've saved them. I could've. I had five years to find them - and I didn't. They never even learn I was alive. We could have been together. I could've saved them. How is that not my fault?" Her voice remains quiet as she speaks, but surprisingly steady.

Rahne Sinclair has posed:
Rahne places her hands on Clarice's shoulders, since the girl can't see her offering of comfort. Just that. She leaves her question unasked for now, but it's going to come out sooner or later. She glances up at Lydia and Cynthia, having not understood that this was about a very specific set of people. That Clarice is blaming herself about someone specific.

Asking why Clary is holding porn that looks like her will wait.

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Cynthia keeps her arms tightly across her chest as she stares at Lydia. Sure, if she thought she could help Clarice, she would, but honestly isn't she supposed to be the older sister? Is it fair to ask a teenager whose been through hell to help? She gets it, deep in her soul she understands that Lydia is saying and she's right, but right now she is just so pissed off.

Turning her bright green eyes back to Clarice she says, "You were an abused, beat up, manipulated kid Clare, you'd been told your whole life that you weren't wanted. They did that to all the Pen mutants, so right, you blame yourself for believing what you were told your whole life, that makes total sense, sure you'd go save the people who tossed you out, because that's what moody teenagers do, they instantly forgive shit like that."

She starts to pace the room, arms still folded tight against her chest. "I don't know how I'm supposed to help you, I can't even fathom why you blame yourself. You didn't do anything. You got the raw deal. You did things without being in control of yourself and you blame yourself for it. You were told your parents didn't want you, and you blame yourself for their death. You couldn't have changed a damn thing, and through all this... ALL THIS... I lost the parents I knew, that raised me, and I'm not allowed to be upset or angry about that, no... I have to act like that's fine because you can't handle that you weren't involved, for very good reasons, in any way."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
"You don't have to act like it's fine," Lydia says softly. "It's /not/ fine and... and you have to give yourself space to grieve. Neither of you have to be the strong one," she stares at the floor. "I guess since I'm the biggest sister now that duty belongs to me."

She stands up and walks over to where Cynthia is, and if she permits her, wraps her arms around the teenager into a hug. "It's going to be all right," she says reassuringly. "It's going to be hard, but it /will/ be all right."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    She can't do this right now. She can't. Clarice leans towards towards Rahne's touch as she takes a few more deep, calming breaths before she finally forces her hands down from her eyes. She doesn't notice that the magazine she'd been holding had fallen open to a particularly compromising full two-page-spread of the Rahne look-alike. That's probably for the best. Her gaze has gone to Cynthia instead.
    "I don't want you want... or expect me to say, Cynthia. Of course you can be angry - of course you can be sad. Everything about this sucks. I want to help you... I don't know how." Her fingers lock tightly onto Rahne's as she speaks - but her expression is almost flat, as she forces herself to deal with the situation - rather than wallowing in her own misery.
    Thank goodness Lydia was there to be actually comforting.

Rahne Sinclair has posed:
Rahne, given tacit permission to do so, leans in close and puts a kiss on Clarice's cheek. She says nothing, having very little to say that she hasn't already said, and thinks a moment.

She puts arms around Clarice, then looks up at Cynthia/Lydia and inaudibly sighs. Then, without warning, "Oh for GOD's sakes."

Oh. What could she be on about now? I F***ling WONDER?

Raven Darkholme has posed:
The comfort is not turned away. When Lydia came over to hug Cynthia, she hugged right back and started crying.

"How can it get better if even talking about it sends Clare into self-pity mode?" She asks quietly, most likely to Lydia and not Clarice. "She wasn't even involved... it has nothing to do with her. I locked it all up, I.. I can lock it back up and shove it back in a pocket, just don't ask about it, it'll go away, just like it did before."

She suddenly looks over at the couch as Rahne, blurts out without warning, "What?"

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
"It takes time," Lydia says comfortingly. "We just have to keep reminding Clarice that it's not her fault. Sooner or later it'll sink in." She hopes, but what does she know? She's not a therapist.

"Don't lock it up, please," she begs. "If you need to talk to somebody about it you can always come to me."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    Clarice leans into Rahne for a moment, before pulling away to climb to her feet. She moves towards Lydia and Cynthia, wrapping them both in her arms, and resting her cheek against Cynthia's.
    She'd spent years being numb - being a non-entity. Sliding her own emotions out of the way? There was something very familiar about that, and if it was what as needed, then she could do it.
    "I want you to be able to tell me anything, Thia. Please. I'm sorry if I muck things up sometimes. Things'll get better - we'll find our way through this."

Rahne Sinclair has posed:
Rahne bends over, then picks up the magazine. She folds it adroitly, closing the article that's so clearly there for the writing quality, then puts it underneath her left arm.

She looks slightly redder than normal, rather for obvious reasons, but she doesn't have another outburst. Not yet. Not when they're actually starting to communicate.

Tempting though. Veerrrry tempting.

Raven Darkholme has posed:
In any other moment, Cynthia would worry about the location of her Play Boy, but right now she's a little too busy to notice.

"I want you to be able to tell me anything," she finally says to Clarice, wrapping her arm around Clarice as well. "I just don't understand... but that's not your fault, that's mine."

She wipes her eyes on her sleeve, she doesn't like crying, for any reason. "Mom always said that quitters locked up emotions," she then says, fidgeting a little. "So... we can't do that, but maybe... we need the bigger sister for now?"

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia adjusts her hug to encompass Clarice now, too. "It's neither of your faults," she tells them. "It's the sentinel's fault. It's the people who set the sentinels on Genosha. It's... so many other people's fault but not your own." She squeezes tighter, "You were just victims of hate and violence who somehow managed to survive against the odds."

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    "Maybe we do," Clarice agrees quietly, still hugging Cynthia to her. "All I know is I love you, and I want to help you, and I don't know if I know how. But please don't think you can't tell me things. Please." She rests her cheek against Cynthia's, but no tears streak her own cheeks. "I would do anything for you."

Rahne Sinclair has posed:
Rahne, a little bit detached from all of this, looks at it as it's happening and decides that this is probably reaching the point where someone's going to make themselves sick. She knows, she's done it. SO she does something awful. Rude, and awful, and evil. She sits down.

She sits where the hugging team can see her, crosses her legs, and opens her new magazine. "I like tae play soccer," she reads, perusing the pictures as she goes. "Ah also want tae tell th' world, ye can do anythin' ye want. This be interestin' stuff, I am so glad ye be intae th' literature." Oh yes. So glad.

Raven Darkholme has posed:
Cynthia hugs the sisters tighter for a moment, and looks like she's about to say something when Rahne starts reading about Missy Thompson, Miss Playboy October 2000. She knew the woman well, at least the article in the Playboy, so she busts up laughing out of now here.

"Oh Missy," she says through the laughter. "Such a lovely woman, we should all play soccer the way she does... in just socks."

Lydia Dietrich has posed:
Lydia disengages from the hug and moves over to the pile of Playboys. "You know," she says casually, picking up December, 2011. "I've never really looked through a Playboy before." She starts flipping through the pages, "I heard that they had really good articles. Oh look! Something about Hunter S. Thompson and Ayn Rand!"

Clarice Ferguson has posed:
    It takes Clarice a moment to change gears, and she's left standing near Cynthia's room for a moment, watching the others reconvene over the pile of Playboys. You might expect her to turn a deeper shade of magenta - but she doesn't, as she instead approaches Rahne to take her by the hand. "You were going to shower - and there's Motrin behind the mirror, she encourages Rahne, taking her by the hand, to try to lead her away from the magazines.
    She can deal with the Playboy issue later. Maybe when she's actually feeling things, instead of tucking them neatly away.