14148/Potatos have Eyes

Potatos have Eyes
Date of Scene:	15 February 2023
Location:	=New Jersey, North of Gotham City
Synopsis:	Phoebe contacts Hellboy for a broke-down tractor. The two re-establish their friendship and get to talking again, post-fire-goo-worm
Cast of Characters:	Phoebe Beacon, Hellboy

---

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    It was a weird one, and not one that Phoebe Beacon, part-time investigator of the supernatural really wanted to involve either her Bat Fam or the group she's jokingly called the scoobies.

    No, instead Red would get a text of:

    >Hey. You busy this afternoon? Might need a hand.
    >WHICH WAS NOT AN INTENDED PUN.

    Followed by coordinates way out in the middle of some farm land in rural New Jersey. Yes, it exists, and it's boring.

    Feed corn hasn't been planted, but there's Phoebe, piece of long grass in her mouth (as appropriate for hanging out on a farm), sitting on a massive tractor that had been mid-way though. She was in jeans and her normal knee-high bicycle boots, and wearing a denim jacket over her normal hoodie, and a pair of blue-rimmed sunglasses.

    Below her there is a dog that is sniffing about, white and red with a tail curled over his back like a basenji, and he's thoroughly investigating some of the turned-up dirt.

    She's within eyesight of the road, watching for any signs of accompanyment as she fiddles with something on her phone.

Hellboy has posed:
    The text in response was just a thumbs up emoticon. It's a little while before he manages to find the place. Now, he's hoofing it over fallow earth. He gets to the tractor and looks Phoebe over. He doesn't pay much attention to the dog just yet. "You goin' native on me, kid?" he asks.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    "Thought I would look the part while I'm waiting on you." Phoebe states as she hops down off the tractor.

    The closer that Red gets to the tractor, the more the dog is paying attention to *him*. And as Phoebe hits the dirt, he moves to stand in front of her, bristling slightly until Phoebe puts her hand on his head.

    "Hellboy, Idu. Idu's a desher-iwiw, something like a demon-hunting hound. He's still something of an in-training thing..." Phoebe rolls her hand in the air "... for the both of us." she finishes, and gives a half-hearted smile to Red.

    "He understands English just fine, he's about as smart as a fifth-grader."

Hellboy has posed:
    Hellboy looks at the rather specific breed. "Smarter than me, then," Red says. He opts not to pet the demon-hunting dog. Chewing on a cigar, he looks around the field before looking back at Phoebe. "You didn't bring me out here to do demon-hunting training, did you? I'm not really into being a chew toy."

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    "Whoa, we do one shared pizza with Abe and chase a fire zombie and suddenly I'm cold shouldered?" Phoebe asks to Red, and she rolls her shoulder. "Or you just roll outta the wrong side of the bed this morning?" she pauses a moment, and then does an upnod "How's the new cat, by the way?"

    Phoebe turns, and begins to walk deeper into the field.

    "Monday afternoon Farmer MacAvoy was tilling and preparing to try and get an early cover-crop sown to try and make up for some fertilization needs in the soil. Heard a bump and a squeal midway through, and then rounding the corner here, his tractor cut. I took a look at it; the electronics are fried. It was something like an EMP, and it was strong, but extremely localized." she explains. "He told his business partner, who told my friend, who texted me about the weird happenings." she states, and she steps out over a little hill, and crosses her arms. "Not enough happenings to get attention, but, uh..." she trails off a moment.

    Over the hill there is large hole in the ground, fifteen feet across, and goes *down*. It's unusually warm.

    "Figured this was out of the Bats' jurisdiction too."

Hellboy has posed:
    "Cat's fine," Red says. He snuffs a bit. "Didn't think any of that would matter to you." Either he's a bit hurt at how things are going or he's trying real hard to get over that crush she uncovered of his. However, thankfully, there's a nice, big sinkhole leading to hell.
    Red looks down into it. "Huh," he says with the same enthusiasm one would use seeing someone using an old flip phone in 2023. Looking to Phoebe, he says, "Any idea what's down there?"

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    "Don't be like that Red," Phoebe states, keeping things light, "The amount of black magic prep that went into that cat knocked me solidly on my ass if you recall. I'd like to think it's better than professional to check up on things." she adds on, and that actually sounds a little hurt.

    "No clue. I wanted an extra pair of hands before I went down. I haven't punched my 'Phoebe gets Kidnapped' punchcard this year and it's still early." she states, wrinkling her nose "Day after my birthday would be an awful time to be captured."

    She picks up her bag and hikes to the side of the hole, and looks down into the darkness.

    "You game?" she asks, raising her eyebrows as she grabs a harness for the dog.

Hellboy has posed:
    Red stops and squares off against Phoebe. It's obvious they're not on the same page of whatever playbook this is. "Whatever," he says. Doing a three-point landing stance, he gives the edge of the hole a Right Hand of Deathgrip before vaulting over the side and controlling his velocity as best he can with his Right Fingers of Doom.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    "... okaaaaay, noted." Phoebe states, scratching the back of her neck before she loops the doggo into the harness and steps over the side and into the hole. WHOOSH.

    The hole is deep enough that the bottom was hazy, but it's soft, uncompacted earth when Hellboy reaches the bottom. It smells of rich loam and something akin to shaving cream, and no roots penetrate this deep, but there are a few tunnels through the ground leading off into the darkness. There's an energy that might serve to put people's hair on end down here, electrical almost.

    Phoebe arrives a moment later. She has see-through wings of pale pinkish gold, which disturb the air as she gives a flap of them before landing. They don't make a sound, and she arches her shoulders, stretching them as the wings fade away and she tucks her jacket in the bag.

Hellboy has posed:
    "Be careful down here, huh?" Hellboy says when Phoebe finally makes her appearance. He takes a few, careful steps in the dirt before looking back up the way they came. "I don't think I could get you and the dog out of here in a hurry." Whatever his personally feelings were, at least down here, he sounded quite professional and even a bit protective of the young lady...well, younger than him, which isn't hard.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    Idu is let out of the harness, and he gives a shake and appears to grumble something in Coptic, which sounds suspiciously like he was making fun of Hellboy.

    "Be polite Idu," Phoebe states, also looking up at the fall from the top. "Red's a friend."

    The electrical impulses pick up. Metal on clothing begins to arc slightly, low voltage, but visible arcs of electricity.

    Phoebe braces herself.

    "Don't worry about us; I know I cn get us out in a hurry, so long as you don't mind showing up at one of my bookmar--" Phoebe begins.

    That's when the wall bursts, and a massive, shield-like head of a large creature appears. It has vestigil eyes, small and black and useless. It has stubs on front limps folded against it, and when its maw opens, it has thousands of spine-like teeth lining its tongue, inner cheeks and throat, and it gives a low, rumbling, clicking sound into the cavern around Red, Phoebe, and Idu!

Hellboy has posed:
    Red also grumbles something about talking animals and suddenly being in a kid's movie. However, when the beast appears, Hellboy's hand is already going for his oversized revolver. It's like he was anticipating it or something! He levels the barrel at the beast. "Shaddap!" he says before pulling the trigger.
    "BOOM!" Samaritan says at a volume that's dangerous outdoors, let alone in a confined, stone space.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    "Shai-hulud?!" Phoebe questions, like the Science Fiction nerd she is, and braces for impact before the revolver goes off, echoing deafeningly in the confined space. She ducks and covers her ears as Idu pins his back and gives a whine, taking a few steps back.

    Ka-TOI-OI-OING! The bullet bounces off the shield head of the worm. It shakes his hed, those dull clicking noises releasing additional electrical impulses as it turns its attention from Phoebe and Idu, obvious nutritional value items, to Hellboy. Who shot it.

    There's the hissing sound like air escaping a very, very large tire before it rears itself up to twenty feet of length in the air, likely as much or more behind it still in the tunnel as it regards Hellboy, and then dives for him, maw held wide open, all those hollow, pointed 'teeth' rattling against one another!

Hellboy has posed:
    Hellboy's ego deflates a bit as the shot ka-toi-oi-oings off the huge beast. It rears up and a knowing expression washes over him. "Aw, crap," he laments just before he puts his Right Fist of Doom up to take the brunt of the creature's fury. Thankfully, it's a lot tougher than the rest of Hellboy is. Less thankfully, the bite coming for him is a lot bigger than just that one stony section of him.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    The bite is indeed much bigger than just that stony section of him. Lucky for Hellboy, it seems that the bite focuses on just that stoney section of him. Unluckily...

    The worm picks Hellboy up, pulling him into the air and shaking him vigorously, as if trying to shake him out of his own fist!

    Phoebe gives a look to Idu, who apparently was silenced for the moment before the two move in tandem, coming up on opposite sides of the worm. Idu stands back, to the ready, while Phoebe brings her hands up, with a whispered incantation that muddles in the echo of the revolver's own blast, releases a small burst of fire at the worm's side to try and get him to release Hellboy!

    "Don't suppose you wanna talk things out at the moment?"

Hellboy has posed:
    Hellboy lets out an oof as he's slammed around. His bones can take lifting a five ton vehicle; he can handle a snake trying to kill him...at least just now. "Now?" he says before he's slammed against the other wall. He shakes his head, a bit punch-drunk. The worm stops and seems to be in a little bit of discomfort.
    "There," Red says. "I got his uvula." He looks at Phoebe. "What's to talk about? Just blast this guy so we can get back to ignoring the obvious subtext, huh?" To punctuate the statement, the worm lifts Hellboy up and slams his head into the stone above.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    "Thank you for saying it correctly and not the other thing!" Phoebe states, and then she winces as poor Hellboy is struck against the top of the tunnel.

    "That's gonna leave a mark --" she whispers.

    She raises her hands, crossing her arms in front of herself as she concentrates, a ring of rose-gold around her irises appearing, glowing along with a circle on her left hand nd the white circle around her left wrist as she hisses out:
    "Emitte ignem ad comburendum vermem ante me!"

    And a great gout of flame erupts between her and the worm, and she's trying *very* hard to keep the flames away from Hellboy!

Hellboy has posed:
    Not that Hellboy seems to mind. In fact, as the pillar of flame erupts, Hellboy does his best to turn and shift and tug the creature into it! It's quite a fight, since it's in the creature's self-defense best interests to stay away, but Hellboy is immune to fire, even if his cigar is not. Hellboy spits out the ashes as he struggles with the worm.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    There's just one problem here. There was already plenty of heat errupting into the cold of the February afternoon.

    The worm, tugged by its uvula, is dragged down by Hellboy's steering, but isn't down and out yet.

    THe worm heats up. The shield on its head turns hot. It gives nother low, rumbling clicking sound, and then it attempts to throw Red against the wall again as a gel-like substance begins to drip down.

    It smells like rubbing alcohol.

    ANd there's a sort of... thimble. In its throat, that's sparking as the gel begins to heat and become aerosol.

    ... this may be another 'aw crap' moment.

Hellboy has posed:
    Well, it might for someone else, but Hellboy isn't concerned about fire. However--
    "Phoebe, look out!" Red has time to say. He's the punching bag; he can take it. He genuinely doesn't want her to get fried, though. That would be the case even if he DIDN'T have a crush on her.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    Phoebe also doesn't want to get fried. And an alcohol fire is nothing to mess with! She raises her shield, the lazily-spinning eight pointed star showing as she winces visibly, heat not doing her hair any favors as she turns her face away from the flame that the worm breathes out in trying to dislodge its uvula-grasping fiend issue! It grumbles and clicks again, before it stops breathing fire, and instead begins to retract itself into the hole it had come from, spinning in order to reverse-drill and trying to throw Hellboy -- it seems like it doesn't want to play anymore!

    "RED!" Phoebe calls out, "Let go!"

Hellboy has posed:
    Red's stony Right Fingers of Doom release the uvula in question, but that death spin is straight out of a crocodile horror film! "I did let go!" he insists, loudly. "Tell him to let go!" he protests in his best, 'he started it' voice.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    "I can try!" Phoebe starts, and she removes from her pack what looks like a pair of Beats by Dre.

    She promptly breaks it, and whispers another spell, and breathes out:

    "Let him go" -- but it sounds like it's coming through a hundred different Phoebes, breathing out in a hundred different tongues.

    ... none of which the worm seems to speak, because it clamps down HARDER on the Right Chewtoy of Doom, and then pauses.

    It rumbles again, and then it just seems to go slack, and it releases the Cambion before it makes clicking sounds again.

    And then it promptly begins to surge forward, muscles rippling before it disgorges a 1930's era tractor.

Hellboy has posed:
    Hellboy recognizes an animal about to vomit when he sees one. It is at this point that Hellboy unleashes his own, "Aw, crap," just before he is covered in tractor puke...puked tractor...well, there's a 1930's tractor, in any case.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    THONK.

    Tractor disengorged, the worm seems more content that moment, rumbles, rattles, and then retracts itself into the hole it made, seemingly satisfied with not having a tractor stuck in it anymore.

    Phoebe comes over, and looks at Red, then looks at the Worm, and then back to the Tractor, and then Red.

    She rubs the back of her head.

    "... I think that may have been the base of the problem."

Hellboy has posed:
    Hellboy is strong enough to push a tractor off of himself, though he doesn't have the best leverage. It topples off of him, leaving him covered in worm bile. "Really," he says, bringing back that sass. "You don't think maybe this guy coming to the surface and eating it in the first place was a problem?" He tries to shake as much as he can off himself, but there's entirely too much stuff on him for that. He lets out an, "Ugh," before holstering the Samaritan. He's going to have his work cut out for him getting that clean again. "Okay," he says, "problem solved. I guess you can go back to ignoring my texts until you need me again." He looks up. "Now, how the hell am I getting out of here?"

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    "Can you not be a fifteen-year-old girl for like, five minutes?" Phoebe asks, looking at the tractor. Ew.

    She heaves a sigh, and takes off her glasses, looking to Hellboy.

    "I don't reciprocate the romantic attraction. That doesn't mean that I'm not flattered, it doesn't mean that I don't like or appreciate you, and your friendship, and how we work well together in the field." she states, stepping forward and giving a slight kick against the solid wheel of the tractor. "Doesn't even mean I'd say 'no' to working part time with your association once I get outta college, but I'm nineteen. I'm in a semi-conservitorship because my brain's all messed up from a lot of Bad Stuff happening. You got grumpy an' left the restaurant because I was down on myself an' now you're kinda fulla sass 'cause... why?"

Hellboy has posed:
    "Hey," Hellboy returns, turning to face Phoebe again. "I get it," he says, somewhat defensively. "I'm not stupid. I've been sending you cats," he reminds her, having been sending her a slightly inappropriate number of cute cat memes for a man his age, "not dick pics." He puts his hands on his hips, pulling back the singed coat he wears in a definitely-not-a-15-year-old-girl level of sass. "You wanna be friends? Where you been?" he asks her, pointedly. "Huh? Abe's been askin' about you. What am I supposed to tell him? He doesn't get out much, you know. I didn't get you clearance to come over and hang out just so you could heal one sick cat." He turns to the stone wall and grabs it. He tries to climb, but the stone crumbles under his weight, keeping him stuck with Phoebe at least long enough to hear her response.

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    "You're not the only person who needs me around, I have responsibilities to Gotham. I have responsibilities to the dead. I have this whole body-horror thing about being touched that makes me almost set people on fire that I'm working on. Where's your understanding on that?" she asks, and she crosses her arms.

    "I can portal you out. You're just gonna end up on a roof across from the Curio because that's where my bookmark is." Phoebe states, and she purses her lips. "You're sending me cat memes? Great, I send you back trash pandas and swamp kittens. Neither of us work on our communication and say 'hey let's hang out'. We're both problematic assholes."

Hellboy has posed:
    Red looks like he's got a retort a couple of times, but about a second too late to jump in. He sighs once Phoebe's done with her rant. He brings his left hand up to his head, just behind his horns, smoothing it over where once there was hair. "Yeah," he says. A smirk crosses his features. "I'm a demon; what's your excuse?" he jokes, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "I don't get let out, much," he explains, though that hasn't been a valid excuse since he wielded Excalibur and got thrust into the public eye enough to get his own comic book series. However, he does seem to realize there's a lot he's done wrong the last little bit that hasn't helped further things, even if it didn't actively set them back.
    "I do try not to touch you if I can help it," he says, "and you know you can call me if you need help with ghost stuff." He gives his chin a thoughtful Right Rub of Doom. "If it'll help, you can set me on fire. Let me change out of these clothes, though," he quickly adds. "Don't wanna get chewed out for letting them get destroyed again."

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    "My man you are covered in alcoholic worm spit, stomach goo and tractor kibble. I set you on fire now it's gonna smell *so* bad." Phoebe comments with a slight smile, and she breathes out and shakes her head.

    "I should come by and spend time with you and Abe. I've been working on getting some waterproof headphones for him. Those ones I broke were prototypes." she states, and she holds up her right hand towards Hellboy. "Want me to clean you of the goo?"

Hellboy has posed:
    Hellboy looks at himself, then at her. He sighs and manages a smile. "Okay," he says. He stands with his arms to the sides. "Let's send actual words back and forth from now on, huh?"

Phoebe Beacon has posed:
    "Emundare vestimenta sua!" Phoebe commands, and there's a ripple of energy around Hellboy; it's tinged with 'Holy' so it might tickle a bit, depending on how sensitive he is to it. The goo, grime, dirt, dust, sweat, and all other things not considered 'Clean' turn to ash, and then sprinkle off him. He now smells like roses and citrus.

    "Sounds good. Only took a massive sinkhole and a fireproof shield-headed worm to get us back to talking."