15906/Faking Humanity=lame

Faking Humanity=lame
Date of Scene:	22 September 2023
Location:	W01 - Caitlin's Dorm - Titan's Tower
Synopsis:	Kara comes to visit Caitlin during boring book reading time to talk about super important Kara stuff because she's self centered and doesn't care about other peoples personal time.
Cast of Characters:	Caitlin Fairchild, Kara Danvers

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Caitlin Fairchild has posed:
Caitlin's detour to the Titans Tower takes her right to her little suite overlooking the Bay. She'd dragged her way in from school, shuffled past the SnackyShake dispenser, grabbed two bottles of liquid gold and gone right on to her bedroom.

The twenty minutes she gets to enjoy the hot shower is about all that Caitlin has allotted for time, anyway. Dozens of med school books are stacked perilously high on shelves at her desk, and her bed's been moved out so a large VR-learning chair could be brought in its place. Anytime she's not actively awake, the redhead is doing electronic passive learning.

So she relishes the shower time, scrubbing her face until her skin is pink and healthy. The warmth sinks into her bones, easing some cramped muscles, and she keeps the water just about as high as the Tower will let her go.

Twenty minutes later, exactly, she steps out of the shower and into a pair of loose linen shorts in faded pink and a basic sleeveless babydoll tee with blue and white stripes. She's in the middle of drying her hair with a towel when the door chime notifies her there's someone at the threshold.

The door slides open, and Caitlin stares owlishly down at Kara in momentary confusion. "...Hi!" she says, and flashes a welcoming smile. "Good timing, I just got out of the shower. C'mon in," she invites, and steps back so she has room to wrap her hair up in the towel piled on her head.

Kara Danvers has posed:
Kara is technologically innept, as far as Earth Technology goes. Which is why all of her visits are spontanious, comparative to those of her counterparts who may announce themselves prior to arriving at someone's abode. She'd done her usual routine: Saving the people three or four times over, showering, and changing out of her Supergirl costume, prior to showing up.

WHich is why, when the door opens, she's standing there in a pair of pajama pants and pink babydoll tank. Her pixie cut hair pulled back in the smallest, cutest, ponytail. No makeup because who needs it when you're genetically perfect?

"Hey..." Said with a fragile smile and a wave. "Sorry to suddenly show up." Her accent, as always, is thick... kryptonian, and kind of Swedish (probably for comedic effect). "Sorry to show up without announcing." She holds up the phone that she has, but still hasn't quite figured out.

The stark difference between Earth and Kryptonian technology is astronomical. "I tried. I think I may have agreed to be emailed about several products I have no interest in, however." Stepping into Caitlin's room with only a cursory glance around. Aside from the simple differences, they all look the same. "Hope I am not interrupting your studies?" As she peers at the stacks of pre med books.

Caitlin Fairchild has posed:
"<It is OK,>" Caitlin says in her stilted Kryptonian, and flashes another reassuring smile at Kara. She gestures at the pile of books with a flick of her fingers, palm landing against her hip in exhausted resignation. "<I am going to be studying all time for next year, at least,>" she clarifies. "<Medical school is hard.>" A gross under-representation of the 20+ hour days Caitlin commits herself to, but at least she apologizes for being out of touch with a helpless shrug.

The redhead cracks open her second shake and offers it considerately to share with Kara, before taking a few sips and setting it on the coaster on her desk where they can both reach it. Caitlin invites Kara to take the comfy office chair while she herself sits on the foot of the bed, ankles crossed under her legs while she goes back to scrubbing her hair dry. "<You look like there is something bothering you. What goes?>" Caitlin ventures. "<Did you eat enough food today?>"

Kara Danvers has posed:
Despite the stilted dialect, Kara always appreciates anyone who puts the time in to understand her native language. While this is, of course, no surprise regarding Caitlin, she still smiles nearly ear to ear when she needn't try to wrestle her way through English for the sake of conversation. Switching seamlessly to Kryptonese to both make it easier for her and to help Caitlin learn in the same fluid moment, "Medical school is probably hard, yes, but I'm sure you'll do fine. Compared to advanced cloning technology, how difficult could it actually BE?" The joke, of course, feeds itself.

Coupled with her smile as she settles into a seat and accepts a sip of the shake offered her while smoothing out one leg of her pjs. That leg hoists and crosses the other, "You and I both know I need not eat anything... at least for a few more weeks. I did have several wieners earlier. They remain my favorite." Incase anyone hasn't been keeping track of her instagram.

The smile she's wearing fades only slightly, "There is something concerning me.... well not a concern, persay. Something that has been on my mind. That I'm not really sure how to express... I think because my birthday is tomorrow? I'm not sure. I've just been questioning why I'm pretending to be something I'm not. What it's actually doing for me."

Caitlin Fairchild has posed:
Caitlin laughs softly at Kara's witticism, shaking her head at her friend with a loving, tolerant smile on her face. When her tone shifts to something more serious, Caitlin's expression falters in surprise before she focuses her attention a little more closely on Kara's face. Caitlin's biggest muscle is definitely her heart, but she's not always a sure thing on picking up on things gone unsaid.

"Pretending to ... birthday?" Caitlin's nose wrinkles and she hoods her eyes in thought, trying to process. Realization flickers across her fair features and her green eyes widen slightly. "<Oh! It-- you mean your identity secret?>" Caitlin ventures, a little uncertainly. "<That is a thing everyone feels differently about. I have went circle and circles with Nightwing about his Name, for as long as I've known him. Donna had a secret identity, but she's pretty much abandoned that one entirely.>" She shrugs, then smiles ruefully and gestures at herself with a flickering of her fingers. "<Obviously, I never bothered with one. I don't, uh...>" she tries to think of the word. "<Dissolve?>" she ventures. "I mean, I don't blend," she clarifies, in English.

Kara Danvers has posed:
Kara's smile returns only long enough to weather the storm that is Caitlin appreciating her turn of phrases, then resumes something secretive and secular. A seriousness that betrays the internal thoughts, if only in that Kara is rarely so overtly serious at all. She's a turbulent storm of emotions, to be sure, but rarely is she so outwardly expressive of that tempest.

With her hands laid on her leg, she continues smoothing the soft cotton material on her thigh with both hands. One atop the other. A nervous gesture, perhaps. "Not that I am taking anything away from either of them, but where Nightwing's percarious inclinations towards his identity differs from my internal monologue is a lake to an ocean. I'm not pretending to be someone else simply out of necessity of secrecy... I'm pretending to be 'something' else." She blinks a once and glances down at her hands laid on her knee.

"Donna perhaps understands, but only marginally. She was born of Earth... I wasn't. I wasn't even raised on Earth. I'm pretending as if I belong here... and in a way, it's stunting who I will, and should, be.. The fabrication, the dramatic persona? It's... well... It's.." Her brow furrows. Trying to come up with the words to define it.

Ultimately, she shakes her head and sighs.

"I feel as if pretending to be this other person is making it harder for me to understand who the people around me are. In a way, I wish I'd been raised here. Like Kal... to have some root to base the lie on. Because make no mistake, what I'm doing? It's lying. I am not Human. Nor do I want to be."

Caitlin Fairchild has posed:
Caitlin adopts a pensive, thoughtful repose, staring at some invisible point just behind Kara's left shoulder while she digests all that. She unconsciously mimics Kara's gesture, rubbing her palm against her slablike knees while she contemplates.

"<I... can understand your feeling,>" she concludes, finally, and looks at Kara's eyes again. "<I don't know Kal's real name, but I know he does not think of himself as 'Kal-El' of Krypton. He thinks of himself as an Earthling. It is the way he talks about everything, from... current events, to sports and music.>"

She frets her lip in contemplation and gives Kara a flashingly apologetic expression. "All right, let me ask you this," she says in English. Her hair's drying enough that she can reach up and start taking the towel down, and leans her head waaaay to the side so she can draw her long red hair out in a drier towel. "Is there anything that you can't do as Supergirl, that you can do in your alter-ego?" she ventures. "Or, vise-versa, I guess?"

Kara Danvers has posed:
Even in this moment, mention of Kal's upbringing brings a smile to Kara's face. He had family, a mother and father, that raised him and aclimated him to a very alien world. Gave him a basis in wholesome reality that made him the man he is today. Which was always her goal. To protect him... see him grow into someone good and just. Things didn't turn out as they were intended, of course. The elder cousin is now the younger cousin.

It changes very little the protectiveness.

The directive for which led to her being sent here at all.

"I barely understand any of Earth's intricacies. I love the cultural differences... I really enjoy musicals... but I was an adult when I left Krypton." Her blue eyes flick up to look at Caitlin's. Something people often forget. Young as she appears, she was in suspended animation through all that travel. When she got here, she was already an adult.

Though the question gives her pause consider it. Glancing down at her hands laid on the curve of her kne. "There are familia concerns, of course. Kal has established this identity for me... at least he helped. Nothing that couldn't be remedied." It doesn't answer the question. Though not because she has no intentions of doing so, glancing up at Caitlin. "No. There is nothing I can do as Kara Danvers I cannot do as Kara Zor-El."

Caitlin Fairchild has posed:
Caitlin purses her lips and gets to her feet. From the expression on her face she's clearly focusing hard on Kara's problem, even while she walks back to the bathroom to get her hair iron out of the drawer. She sits down on the edge of the bed again and starts flattening out her red hair, already trying to stand up with moisture-induced frizz.

"I can't find any fault in your logic," Caitlin admits to Kara. "I guess like... the only concern is that, you might not be able to meet humans on their terms?" She looks up at Kara and shifts her weight, trying to rephrase her words. "I mean, you'll always meet people as Supergirl. Kara Zor-El. Like--" she purses her lips and gestures with one hand. The heated ceramic sizzles softly with each pass she makes.

"--OK. There's a barrier between us, and 'just folks'," she clarifies, gesturing at the city out the window. "It doesn't bother Kori-- nothing does," she admits, "But there are times when I'm trying to make a connection with someone and they can't get past my physical appearance or my reputation. And not in a mean or gross way. But there are only a few people outside the cape community who really know me as Caitlin. For everyone else I meet, including some heroes, it's 'I want to engage with Fairchild the super-human'. Not... 'me', Caitlin." Her nose wrinkles in consternation. "I'm sorry, I'm blabbering. Am I making any sense?" she asks with a helpless tone.

Kara Danvers has posed:
Kara trails after Caitlin's path towards the bathroom to grab her flat iron. The divides between them are of little barrier to Kara, of course. Not that she'd use her vision to see through walls in what is, essentially, someone's personal and private space. She could, however. Without 20 years worth of getting use to this that Clark has had. Sometimes it just happens... sometimes she stops being Kara Danvers completely because of how hard she has to work to be her.

With both hands laid on her leg, picking at the material she can see down to nearly microscopic level... another abstract point in the world in which she lives. Something so simple for those who were born here made very difficult for her because she wasn't.

"Not to take anything away from anything that anyone goes through, Caitie... but how is that different to me? When every handshake I give could crush someone's bones if I don't remember to temper my squeeze. The difference is, I suppose, it's 'them' who have to put in the effort rather than me who has to... because seeing humans on their terms, right now, is exhausting. I have to remember not to sigh too hard... to clap with just enough force not to blow someone off their chair. I am walking on a razor... and that's not the things that bother me. I gladly do that... what bothers me, I suppose, is having to do all that and I'm still not being who I actually am."

"I'm so other person who doesn't really exist. Even when these people 'get to know me', on their terms, they aren't getting to know me at all. They're getting to know some character who was created so that I can fit in with them. The efforts do not equal the returns... at all.. it hurts."

Her hands come together, crossing over her heart. "It hurts me. That people who get to know Kara Danvers never really get to know me at all."

Caitlin Fairchild has posed:
Caitlin nods with a sincere, sober sympathy at Kara's plaintive statement. The cape creates walls, whether one wants them or not. Neither of the two women have a monopoly on that need to do everything with such *particular* restraint, when the least moment of laxity or surprise can cause real bodily harm.

"Like I said, I've never much seen the need for a secret identity," Caitlin repeats, and starts working on her bangs. The patient ironing gives her red locks a flat, healthy sheen that any cosmetic company would die to put on their hair products.

Superior genetics, what?

"If you're not protecting anyone with it, and it's not essential for your professional or personal life, and you feel like it's alienating you from people, then... yeah," she says, nodding carefully. She tries to look at her handiwork over her brow, goes a little crosseyed while chasing down an errant curling lock. "So either way you go, I understand and support it," she tells Kara. "The important thing is that you're happy, and if it's in the way of being happy, then..." she blows a raspberry and waves her iron at the door. "Right?"

Kara Danvers has posed:
The simple rhythmic act of ironing ones hair is centering. It's a repetative motion that keeps the hands occupied and, by extension, brings a calm that 'talking things out' rarely really achieves. Kara is watching and feels soothed by the action. Perhaps more so in seeing Caitlin come into her, genetically superior, own afterwards. With a little grin.

As much for the action as what she says afterwards.

Is it possible she chose Caitlin to talk to becaus Caitlin would tell her what she wanted to hear? Distinctly possible. Whatever Kara is, she's still a twenty year old. They're self centered and manipulative bottom feeders.

"Then I'll have a press conference. Once I've spoken to Kal, of course. I don't want my decisions to adversely affect him. Simple matter, obviously, but it's one I owe him." Her own bangs are short enough as to keep them out of her face, but she still brushes them back with the flat part of her hand to scoop them off her forehead. Only for them to fall right back into place from wince they were moved seconds later because Kryptonian doesn't mean 'obediant hair'.

As for the door... she raspberries with Caitlin. Wiggling her finger at it because she lacks a flat iron to wave.

Caitlin Fairchild has posed:
Caitlin hangs her iron from a knot in the cord that keeps it dangling off the edge of her desk where it won't burn anyone or singe something it oughtn't. The little appliance dangles with a little pendulum motion, feebly rocking to a halt. Caitlin rolls backwards with a small grunt and reaches waaaay far over for her nightstand drawer. She comes up with a stiff black headband, then rocks forward so she's sitting on the edge of the mattress again before she starts speaking. Because she's considerate that way.

"Do you really need a press conference?" she wonders with mild curiousity. "I mean, Kara Danvers is just a cover ID. She's an exchange student. You could just quietly retire her, tell people she went home or something. I mean, Kal knows best," she amends, "but it seems like it might make some people upset if they think they got bamboozled by an alien. Again," she says, and flashes a teasing grin while she settles her headband carefully into place to keep her freshly-pressed hair back behind her ears and out of her face.

Kara Danvers has posed:
Kara consider the question, but watches Caitlin go through the motions with her iron. When the realization comes that she hasn't answer in a while, she glances up and tilts her head. "Yes. I'm not just 'some alien'. I'm Supergirl. As little as I feel that moniker is fair to me or anyone around me... the truth is, I am."

She straightens her babydoll shirt, tugging at the hem.

"Not everyone is struggling with alienation because they're an actual Alien. Some people are struggling because they are ... any number of things that alienates them from their peers. Could I quietly retire Kara Danvers? Yes, of course I could. It would be easier. It would come with less questions and lead to less scourn... or I could step out on a dias, tell peopel 'this is who I am' and make a statement for everyone who is hiding something and trying to fit in."

She grins slightly and shrugs, "It's not why I want to do it... but if I can help someone while helping myself? Isn't that what we're really suppose to be doing here?"

Caitlin Fairchild has posed:
"Also it's an excuse to get up on a dais and talk at a captive audience," Caitlin says with a sly, knowing grin. A beat passes and she laughs merrily, shaking her head. "You drama llama. I bet you set this whole thing up years ago," she accuses Kara. "'Oh look at me, I'm actually a super hero, but I'm also just folk like you, yes I am stunning and brave'," she sings in a poor mimicry of Kara's vice. And she princess waves to the imaginary crowd clearly applauding her speech.

"Seriously though-- ask Kal," she says, dropping the act a moment later. "He's always a good source of advice on this. Maybe he even knows someone who you could do it with, someone else who is trying to shake off a social mask," Caitlin suggests, and shrugs. "But I mean, you know I'll be there in the wings, no matter what," Cait promises Kara with a devoted sincerity, and holds out a pinkie finger. "Pinkie promise."

Kara Danvers has posed:
"You are onto me, you stunningly observant sleuth. The Worlds Greatest Detective over here." Kara says with an equally sly grin, though the slight pinkish hue of her cheeks might indicate she is inwardly considering whether she 'had' set this up years ago just for drama... No, that would be absurd, right? Supergirl, still a twenty year old with twenty year old anxiety.

She rolls her eyes, then.

"You wont get in my head, Caitlin Fairchild." Extending out her hand to link pinkies with her friends. "I'll talk to Kal. See what he thinks, though I suspect he'll probably tell me to 'give it a few years'. He grew up here, who he is when he's not Superman? That's him... Superman is the mask.. That's not true for me. I actually AM Kara Zor-El and I'm pretending to be Kara Danvers."

A little pinky squeeze.

"Thanks for letting me soundboard this offer you, Caitie."

"I'll let you get back to reading your incredibly boring books and go watch Moana."