8101/Never Sound Retreat!

Never Sound Retreat!
Date of Scene:	03 October 2021
Location:	An upstate park, scene of the AlcheMax corporate retreat.
Synopsis:	A victory over AlcheMax is celebrated with pancakes.
Cast of Characters:	Thomas Blake, Satana Hellstrom, Saeko

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Thomas Blake has posed:
Why yes, evil companies have corporate retreats. They also have medical and even dental. Evil pays. In this case, the AlcheMax retreat is set up in a lush upstate park on a cool but temperate day. There are picnic tables, gazebos (I shoot an arrow at it!), a huge buffet table and a small stage set up with a curtain. A sign with glitter splashed around it proclaims: the Astounding Satanna Satarra, and Ken. The wage earners have already starte filing in to watch the show, hot dogs at the ready. Thomas Blake, Catman to some lo0ks out from behind the curtain. "When did I lose control of this plan?" His hair is dyed black, contacts turned his eyes brown and he wear 50's style glasses. The glasses comprise 50% of his costume. "I think we're ready... MC just introduced y... Satana? Satana? Where th..."

Satana Hellstrom has posed:
The MC announces. "Ken" is there, but where is Satana? She's not in the stage area. She's not visible outside the curtain. Where is she? As Ted looks around, the curtains suddenly part ... and bump-and-grind music of a decidedly old-timey bent plays.

Hooker's Hooker. (OOC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSqDloLyVx8)

With only one person on the stage, and the music obviously intended for (pretty raunchy, actually) dancing, it's clear what's expected....

Thomas Blake has posed:
Thomas Blake grits his teeth and comes out, wearing his nerd glasses. A short sleeve shirt (very tight) unbuttoned to show off the abs, but not the scars...

And a loin cloth.

'Ken' looks around, somewhat befuddled.

"SATANNA!!!" Somehow he enunciates the second arrrrr.

Ten he shrugs and starts dancing. The loincloth occasionally demonstrating that less is more with loincloths.

"Come to mommy!" a senior exec screams. Her team cheers her on.

Why yes, he is a scene stealer. He's a theme criminal.

Satana Hellstrom has posed:
When the saxophone solo starts, a smoke cloud billows out of the back of the stage. Pink. Smelling of bubble gum and cinnamon. (And a hint of brimstone she can't quite get out of the mix.) From the smoke steps "Satana Sattara", dressed in what looks like a porn parody version of a Zatanna Zatarra outfit, showing more skin than two streetwalkers, straight into the arms of "Ken", for a smooch-and-dip (he gets to dip, not the one dipped) before she moves with him in his dance until the end of the number.

"Did you miss me?" she murmurs quietly as they proceed, grinning profusely.

At the end of the number she stops at the front of the stage which was where the original plan had her, with "Ken" behind her looking good for the female members of the audience.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" she calls out. "This afternoon you're going to be astounded as you witness true magic, death-defying stunts..." Her grin widens wickedly. "...and of course we're going to rob you..."

He lets that hang in the air a moment, just long enough for confusion to start to register.

"...of your belief in the laws of physics!"

That brings out relief laughter.

"Now put your hands together for my lovely assistant, Ken! And Ken, let's get started with the trick I like to call ... METAMORPHOSIS!"

That's the one where he gets replaced by Bloord behind a curtain, then back to him.

Thomas Blake has posed:
Thomas Blake grunts. He goes to the prop chest and takes a hoop with a silk curtain hanging from it. He walks over to 'Satanna' and lets the curtain fall, covering both of them. The curtain thrashes quite a bit before Satanna comes out, minus her hat, hair slightly askew. The hat is handed out to her.

"Grunt."

"Bring back my babeee!" the exec screams.

Satana Hellstrom has posed:
There's some shock in the audience when the dishevelled Satana comes out from the curtain, and when the hat is handed to her ... by an obviously non-human hand. And as they process the possibility that's a prosthetic, she rips away the curtain and ... Bloord stands there looking fierce and feral. Satana takes a bow as some of the more excitable audience members gasp and let out slight squawks.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Was the transformation too much? Let me turn him back."

With that the curtain is tossed over Bloord and Satana tackles the struggling figure to the ground, rolling aside, wrapped in the curtain, to reveal Thomas ... I mean "Ken".

Standing up, she offers Ken a hand up.

"And a round of applause for my hapless assistant and his brave metamorphosis into a being from the VERY DEPTHS OF HELL ITSELF!"

She pauses and winks at the audience, grinning wickedly.

"Stick around, folks. It gets more surprising from here."

Thomas Blake has posed:
Thomas Blake punctuates the 'surprise' part with a not so subtle goose to his boss' rear. He gets up, retrieves the curtain ring and fiddles with the curtain to reveal and retrieve a very lacy, wispy, red bra. He hands it back to Satanna, looking a little embarrassed. He puts the curtain away and looks bored.

"Grunt."

Satana Hellstrom has posed:
The show continues thusly, with trick after trick involving the revelation of some Infernal creation or creature or such paired with innuendo, Theiss Titillation, and impossible situations. The exec that was fixating on Thomas is brought up for a trick in which she winds up in a magic cabinet with "Thomas" (in which she gets groped by Bloord in one of Satana's little jokes). Finally she winds up on her knees, legs spread (of course!), looking at the audience with an expectant expression.

"And now is the crowning achievement of the act. You won't believe your eyes! Ken..."

She raises her hand dramatically. A wardrobe malfunction draws all eyes to her.

"RELEASE THE DEMONS!"

And "Ken" will have to unleash all the imps that have been slowly summoned over the course of the act to go out into the audience to start robbing while she uses her soul fire (non-lethal-but-sure-makes-people-wish-it-was version) to keep the crowd under control.

Especially those pesky security goons who think they're going to interfere.

Well, that's the plan, anyway. The question is ... are the imps reliable enough for this?

Saeko has posed:
Strip shows, comedy and a little stage magic? What wasn't to love? A soft giggle amongst the group of would be entertainment in the wings.

It seems Saeko was here, tails, ears and yukata swapped for that blonde guise and a button-up blouse paired with a black skirt and heels.

Who'd have thought the Kitsune would be a fan of such a 'trick'? Pretty much anyone who actually knew her...

Thomas Blake has posed:
Off some ways in a hunter's blind, elaborately constructed and hidden two men sit, watching the stage trough binocs and a telescopic sight mounted on a huge rifle.

Holding a phone in one hand the spotter says, "Eight six percent chance the man is Blake. The female... facial recognition is. working on it Mr. Director." The spotter, an older man sets the binocs down. He watches a bar fill on a screen under Satana's picture. "Holy fuck... Mr. Director... this woman is... yes Mr. Director. I understand. Homer, when this goes down, shoot the woman. Understand?"

"Yes Herr Stille," Homer says. She's more fun to keep in his sight anyway. A little harder too, the way she jiggles.

"Too bad. They're actually quite amusing... you are sure you have the woman, Homer."

"Herr Stille, this is a .50 caliber. I could hit Godalmighty with it."

"Wrong direction, Homer."

Homer swears as the imps are produced and fire is blasted at the crowd. Stille gives him the go and a suppressed shot rings out. The target moves last moment, the marksman is startled, instead of the headshot as befits her, Satana gets a bodyshot. Not the good kind either.

Thomas tears his glasses off, buffoonery forgotten. He points at the blind, spotted via the rifle shot. You can't completely hide a fifty. As he urries to Satana he points at the blind and screams, "Kill!" Rasputin crashes through the backdrop and charges. There is a loud roar as he slams execs and imps aside.

Satana Hellstrom has posed:
Satana stands stock-still as a crimson flower bursts out of her torso, front and back. The back one significantly larger than the front. She stares in shock at the hole in her, then in confusion at where the shot came from, Rasputin leaping forward with murder in its heart, knocking aside and slashing execs, security, and imps as it went for its target.

The sniper, seeing the white tiger, nearly voids his bowels as he desperately tries to reload before the tiger gets to him. His spotter, paralyzed by the unexpected sight, brings up her gun too late and Rasputin is the cat among the pigeons.

We'll let Rasputin's doings happen out of frame because they're not very seemly...

What's compelling is the scene playing out on the stage as Satana collapses slowly to her knees, then flops backward into Thomas' arms.

"You got me, pardner..." she said, directed toward the blind where screaming and roaring and panicked, ineffective gunfire can be heard. She coughs a few times ... and boy do demons cough strangely! "H-h-hold me closer, Thomas..." Her voice falls to a frightened whisper. "It's getting dark!" Again the cough, like her lung is going to come out of her throat. "Tell Auntie Em to let Old Yeller out." Then, bizarrely, with a terrible British accent, "Tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home this Christmas."

It might, given the screaming, the shock, the surprise, and the anger, take a while for Thomas to catch on.

She's totally ripping off the Oscar scene from The Mask.

Thomas Blake has posed:
Thomas Blake takes a moment to catch on then rolls his eyes and shives her to Bloord. "Get her outta here!" Then he's behind Rasputin. He can't match the big fellow for speed but the seating has cleared out behind him. Somehow, he has the rune marked Khukri knife in his hands and it's unclear for a moment who is scarier. Probably Rasputin to the ill informed.

He watches Rasputin, waits to meet the first surge of inevitable reinforcements.

No reinforcements.

No reinforcements?

Nope.

"Why aren't they... oh shit... Rasputin! Off! OFF! Come! We have to get out of here now!!" He bounds back to the stage. "We have to go!" Rasputin rears up and roars behind him in defiance. "They're going for an airstrike or something!"

Saeko has posed:
Pointing, sending demons, Saeko actually appears behind the sniper still in her disguise, a little lift of her fingers offering a little wave that was likely distracting.

Of course, whatever she had planned? It was slightly interupted by Rasputin ripping into the spotter.

A little less subtle than she would have gone for, but well...

She shrugs, a giggle at her lips as her fingertip is placed to her lips and the sniper trips. Somehow, seemingly impossibly, their boot laces were tied tightly together.

Unlucky, when on was trying to flee a tiger.

Satana Hellstrom has posed:
Satana laughs as Thomas catches on, throwing her to Bloord who, as is his form, 'accidentally' cops a feel in catching her.

And another.

And another.

And he genuinely has NO idea how that hand got UNDER the clothing.

Satana's having way too much fun as the chaos reins supreme around her, laughing in a way that is chillingly similar to villain laughs on bad cartoon series. The last prop on the stage, the one not used, lights up.

It's the large-screen television screen. The one Satana worked on for two whole weeks, cluttering up the living room with dead animal parts, living animal parts (ew!), and other magical ingredients as she bound it mystically to its twin up on the wall.

"Time to leave, darlings!" she calls, holding up the remote and turning to channel 666. Because of fucking course it's channel 666. "Imps and tigers and super-hot lovers and foxy babes, get in and get out."

Channel 666 is a whirling maelstrom that looks suspiciously like the tunnel F/X from the old Sliders TV show. The nearest imp throws himself in with a bag filled with jewelery and cash and elongates into spaghetti before vanishing from sight.

"Chop chop! Thomas has a premonition. Get in there quickly!"

Thomas Blake has posed:
Thomas Blake runs for the screen and jumps in. Spaghettification is not pleasant but he's felt worse. Rasputin balks at the screen until Thomas jumps in. The big cat cuffs and lunges for it.

Off in the distance, overhead, a drone unleashes its cargo. the missile streaks for the camp grounds.

Saeko has posed:
With the distance between her and the stage...and the seemingly unpleasent spaghettification, Saeko gives a little click of her tongue before she vanishes, appearing a moment later by the portal...and then stepping through.

It was...certainly different than her own magics, but the Tenko hardly wanted the hassle of trying to come back from a missile strike.

Satana Hellstrom has posed:
Her friends are clear. So are the imps with the loot. Bloord is by the portal and she signals him to follow, and follow the rest he does.

Satana stands alone on the stage, in the open.

Eldritch words fall from her mouth like water from a mountaintop fall. Her hands raise and fall in off-rhythmic motions, fingers clenched and shaped in uncomfortable shapes as she gathers magickal essense from around her and from within.

This was going to cost her, but it would teach a valuable lesson.

Arms out, baleful red webs spew from her fingertips, capturing the incoming missile and holding it in flight for a few moments. The drone operator, confused at his panel miles away, flips switches and tries everything to clear up the feed that is going on the fritz.

The red webs invade the missile before hitching a ride on its digital signals back to the drone. The drone, now covered in pulsating webs reveal the location of the shed from where it is controlled and the webs fly back to the source.

Inside the control shed red, pulsing power, like electricity meeting Hellfire in its movement and effect, strike the controller straight in the eyes, burning them out, leaving him barely alive as other controllers doing other missions abandon their posts, screaming in fear.

Satana then mouths to the camera: "Fuck you." And gives them the finger. Doubled.

Then, merry as can be, she prances--literally prances--to the television, humming a cheerful little song. ("The Devil Went Down to Georgia" to be specific.) A quick flick of her wrist and the missile is back on its course like it had never been stopped and, as Hellfire missiles try to beat literal hellfire for destruction (and fail), she, too, spaghettifies and ...

...winds up on the floor like everybody else did, a large pile of meaty spaghetti. A state that lasts about five very unpleasant seconds before the bodies finally start shaping back to their original form.

Except for the imps that arrived holding hands. They're now one body. One very confused one.

Thomas Blake has posed:
The strand under Satana thickens and shortens into Thomas, rather pleased at his current position. He runs his hand down Satana's breastbone inspecting the wound. He'd make a remark about it being easy to miss her heart.

He knows she has a big heart though. She's just... different. He smothers her with kisses. After a moment he takes a sweet smelling strand he guesses is Saeko and wraps it about them.

Nope. Bloord. Bloord bats his eyes at Thomas and blows a kiss. Thomas pushes him away.

A very disgruntled Rasputin gets up, farts loudly, and stalks to his lair.

Saeko has posed:
The mess that was the fox reforms, a loud gasp that in another context might come from more pleasent endevours instead followed by her sitting up and shivers, watching the show of affection misdirected...okay, at least that made her laugh, and Bloord seemed to be enjoying himself.

"I think I prefer other means of travel," the vixen speaks, still in that blonde human guise as she pushes off the ground weightlessly and floats to her feet, "but I must say, the pair of you know how to put on a good show."

Satana Hellstrom has posed:
Satana looks ... drained. "That was a bit showy," she confessed. "I'm going to need to feed quickly."

She tries to unwind herself from Thomas and drag herself over to the couch.

"But they learned not to underestimate me. That was insultingly slack."

She looks across at Thomas. "I did OK, right? Good enough for ... pancakes?"

Thomas Blake has posed:
Thomas Blake doesn't like it when his girl doesn't feel well. The unwinding is resisted by Thomas who manages to get her to the couch and help her lay down. He gives her a peck on the forehead. "Sure. Pancakes it is. And I could do with them underestimating us for a while longer, to be frank." He hands her the giraffe, throws a comforter over her and heads for the kitchen. He pauses by Saeko and asks, "Want anything from me as long as you're here?" Lusty smile.

Saeko has posed:
"I would offer to provide the meal for you both and save the work, but that would require an offering. Besides, there is a satisfaction in doing things with your own two hands," A smirk, the fox tilts her head, "I'm sure you'd both agree." Alchemax and their estimations are left unmentioned by Saeko, a little shift from the vixen as she stretches her arms over her head and lets her shapechanging return her to the form of the 'true' her.

"I think I can stick around for breakfast..."