8908/SHHH It's a Library!

SHHH It's a Library!
Date of Scene:	02 December 2021
Location:	NYC Public Library
Synopsis:	Ant-Man and Livewire work out the location of the true enemy, through the power of idiocy.
Cast of Characters:	Scott Lang, Leslie Willis

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Scott Lang has posed:
     Sure Scott technically could access information at the Avengers Mansion. Hell by this point even SHIELD was at least starting to realize he was onto SOMETHING and might let him do some digging. But he'd never been comfortable in those settings. But the library, that he could do. Besides, Ghostbusters had filmed here, that had to count for something.

     So it was Scott found himself in the depths of the library, down a couple floors in the same meandering maze of books that had once held a spooky librarian lady back in the 80's. While there was a BIT of creepiness in such a labyrinth, he was too involved in his studies to take too much notice of it. A pile of a dozen books sat next to a computer he'd logged into at a heavy wooden table. A dozen tabs at least were open, everything from Youtube videos, occult websites, conspiracy of the lizard people, to a dry text on the history of Alexander Graham Bell, and the stack of books reflected similarly. Vampires, Nazis, Yetis, Phone Repair, even a normal old-fashioned phonebook all stacked up, little paper tabs marking pages while a scrawled notebook sat at the top filled with his handwriting.

     "C'mon, gotta be something more to Argentina, what do THEY have to do with this?" he muttered to himself, chewing on the end of a pen that looked ready to bleed out and die given how ragged its end looked by now from Scott's teeth worrying at it.

Leslie Willis has posed:
    Leslie's undercover. Well, okay, it's difficult to be 'undercover' when you haven't got any sort of espionage training. Or disguises. Or much else in the way of 'ability or inclination to sneak'. But she's at least not wearing a skintight outfit with a lightning bolt cutout taking up a good portion of her torso.

    No, Leslie's got a ball cap tugged down to cover that wild blue hair, a leather jacket gleaming with newness, though it's already festooned with tons of buttons, most of a conspiratorial nature. Highlights include the classic UFO and 'I Believe', one with an angry seagull captioned 'You really believe in birds?'

    And she's not really trying to hide so much as she is managing to keep her voice somewhere between 'Instigating a riot' and 'Library quiet', which really just means only her more unhinged claims are easily heard. "No no, I'm telling you all!" She exclaims into the camera of her phone, "You're all wrong! It was a true story! I mean, they just made everything else up to COVER IT UP man! Like, you really think they had puppet ghosts? Made by a guy who made the Muppets? That's the dumbest word ever! MUPPETS AREN'T REAL!"

    "You're all totally going to be blown away when I find proof! You'll see! Catch ya later!" And then her phone's shoved in her pocket, and she stalks around the corner to find Scott and his computer, "Holy shi- they have computers down here?! ...Hey, you see any ghosts man? I swear there's gotta be one here. I mean, like 'Ghosts aren't real', but then there's that Ghost Rider guy? If they're not real, what's he even _ride_ bro?"

    Leslie Willis is on the case! Sure, you might say there's no case, but Leslie says that's just what _they_ want you to think, Sheeple.

Scott Lang has posed:
     A slightly bewildered looking Scott raises his head and looks around at the living interruption. "What? Huh? Yeah they've got computers, it's a library. That's what half the people are here for...and of course ghosts are real. Aliens, yetis, and lizard people are real so why wouldn't ghosts?" Scott managing to draw that connection easy enough even if he'd never met a ghost. By now he's starting to turn back, a hand reaching up to tap a finger on the top of his pile.

     "No time for ghosts right now though. I'm trying to link Nazi vampires with a global phone conspiracy," he relays with a surprising lack of enthusiasm for all the insanity. He's been at this a while judging by the bags under his eyes and the beleaugered yawn that follows this statement. "All I think I've found though is where some Nazi gold got stashed. Good but not what I need," rubbing at his eyes now with both hands, his skin feeling dry. How long had he been down here without getting a drink?

Leslie Willis has posed:
    Leslie's eyebrows perk under the bill of her cap, "Well, yeah, of course lizard people are real. I mean, Spider-Man fights that one, and like... there's that other dude who's, okay, like _he's_ a dinosaur guy or whatever, but like... political correctness aside? C'mon, that's totally a type of lizard."

    She tilts her head and eyes the pile of books slowly, "...Wait, like, what kind of phone conspiracy? Are they the ones doing those automatic calls about how you won a cruise? IS IT A NAZI CRUISE?! Oh my god, of course! They can STAY IN THE SHIP! And then the food comes to them! It's _diabolical_! We've gotta tell the people! Like... uhhh... uh... Captain America? He fights Nazis! ...Or uhh... Buffy? She fights vampires. Wait, which one takes priority? Quick, check Wikipedia for who has jurisdiction for this!"

Scott Lang has posed:
     "I think he's different, these are lizards that can turn into people and he's a person that turned into a lizard. But we found them in Ohio and then it turned out they were working for alien Yetis in Switzerland and now THEY are working for some Nazi vampires in Argentina. And ALL of this is somehow connected to automated phone scams. I dunno if they're doing the cruise ones or not though. Mostly car warranties and debt collection for the IRS I think," Scott surmises with a stroke of his chin and sitting up a little bit straighter in his chair.

     Without an ounce of shame he reaches over and grabs another heavy wooden chair, scraping it across the ground with a squeal that would have people grinding their teeth before he pats the seat. "C'mon, sit down and take a look at what I got, I need some fresh eyes. See cause I'm pretty sure once I get to Argentina they're not gonna be behind it either. I gotta find some way to cut through the bullshit and get to the head honchos...unless it really is the Nazis and I'm just wasting my time," he admits, a bit of flump going back into his shoulders. Had he just wasted several hours at the library he could've happily wasted at home instead?

Leslie Willis has posed:
    Leslie spins that offered chair around, with even more ear-bleeding, teeth-grinding squealing, so she can drop onto it with her arms crossed over the back as she leans forward to eye the evidence, gaze darting, jumping from point to point with the practiced intensity of someone who's definitely strung up her share of red string on a cork board.

    Mostly because she tried to do online boards, but sometimes Leslie gets a little manic and her computer shorts out. It's just a thing.

    She frowns thoughtfully and lifts her eyebrows, "I mean, like... if it _is_ just the Nazi vampires, that's still worth doing. It's always worth beating up Nazis, or vampires, so like, both? Totally worth it. But yeah, this seems kinda... complex for Nazis to be the top, doesn't it?" Her head tilts side to side as she murmurs under her breath, really just nonsense sounds, "I mean... like... are you still getting the scam calls? What if you tell them you can only pay in gift cards in person? Then when they show up, you like... y'know, uhhh... enhanced interrogate them? It's totally allowed, because the government does it!"

Leslie's shoulders rise and fall, "I mean, what if it's a computer? Like, the phone scams are the core right? Maybe one of those press zero to talk to a representative computers became self aware, and it's upset no one ever wants to talk to it. And this is the opening gambit of its vast, terrifying plan to enslave humanity? Like, do you have a way t'trigger one of these scam calls? Trace the call or whatever?"

Scott Lang has posed:
     It was nice to have someone to talk to about this that wasn't just saying 'shut up Scott.' Even though he'd been proven right twice already nobody really wanted to listen to his babble which still sounded insane. Probably why Scott was being so open about what was technically classified information according to SHIELD. But then what was anyone going to do with it? Even SHIELD didn't want it.

     "Oh yeah, no totally gonna punch and stake Nazi vampires. But why phoneline conspiracies don't really mesh with their agenda right? See the last two we found the aliens were blackmailing the lizards and the vamps were blackmailing the yetis and I'm like, you know, 85% certain something else is blackmailing the vampires. It's all a smokescreen of craziness. The phone calls stopped soon as I started looking into this and I think this is like, the next layer. But I gotta find a way through it," Scott grumps, curling a fist under his chin and staring hard at the screen, his tongue poking out one side as he flips through tabs, highlighting a seemingly random name and going to the phonebook next, jotting down a number. "And we already tried tracing, me and my...team," Scott at least smart enough not to mention SHIELD by name before he carries on, "And I don't think tracing them is doable. Whoever they are, it's like they got complete control."

Leslie Willis has posed:
    Leslie leans further and further forward on the chair, frowning deeper, brow furrowing further, "Oh man, this is like... really seriously bad stuff. I mean, you know, Nazis and vampires are bad, but someone who's willing to blackmail Nazi vampires? That's like... whoa, man."

    She suddenly springs up, snaps her fingers, and double-points, "No no! You've _totally_ gotta go after the vampires. See, they're like... double bad guys, because they're Nazis too. And the only thing a villain hates more than heroes being after them? Being under the thumb of another villain! It's why you always gotta fi- uhh... why they always try to get the upper hand on them! So they'll totally be doing their research on whoever's pulling their strings, because they'll want to turn the tables. So you take them out and take _their_ research! Plus, Nazis always give up their superiors if you threaten them, or like, carve a swastika in their forehead! ...I mean, okay, not that one guy at the end of the movie, but he betrayed the other Nazis before that even, so like... bam! Guaranteed to work out!"

Scott Lang has posed:
     "Yeah, maybe. The lizard folks didn't have anything but the aliens in Switzerland had at least a little data they'd collected on the phone stuff, but it's all 1's and 0's type stuff. But they mostly thought it was the vamps so they had stockpiled like stakes and garlic. If the vamps just think it's some other group also being controlled I dunno how much help it'll be. Whoever is behind this is keeping it so secret that even the groups they're controlling don't know who it is controlling them. Gods and everyone thinks I'm an idiot and maybe they're right and this thing is just leading me around. Only reason I even found it I was so dumb to start looking and..." Scott's self-demeaning ramble slowing down a moment as a thoughtful look comes over his face.

     "So dumb. Wait wait wait, that's what started this. It doesn't count on dumb. Quick, where's the first stupidest place you'd look for someone controlling all the phones in the world?" Scott asks Leslie, looking at her with such a gleam of hope in his eyes maybe she won't notice the fact he's calling her a fellow idiot.

Leslie Willis has posed:
    Leslie frowns thoughtfully, brow furrowing, "The... phone company? I mean, they're... the company. That runs the phones. I mean, I'd say 'the internet', but if you had the internet you wouldn't need the phones! You could just Skype everybody or whatever. Zoom? I guess you could Zoom them, but then they'd see you and the jig'd be up."

    Leslie also doesn't notice she's being called an idiot, mostly because Leslie's kind of an idiot. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, "And hey, don't let gods tell you you're wrong. I knew a god once and she totally talked me out of Bitcoin and now it's worth _so_ much. And she wanted to steal these shoes she said were some magic god artifact? And all _they_ did was send a security guard spiraling through spacetime. She said he'd 'Return when the time was nigh', but like, I've never seen him again. Gods, pff."

Scott Lang has posed:
     "Yea the phone company. But there's like, a bunch of phone companies now right? But the yeti aliens, they said they'd been doing this stuff for decades see?! And there didn't used to be a bunch! It used to just be ONE company, Ma Bell!" Scott almost squealing with excitement. This, this HAD to be something. It was too dumb not to be something! He's furiously typing at the computer again as he prattles on to her, "Oh my god you missed out on Bitcoin. I put in 5 bucks way back when and when I got out of prison it was enough to keep me in pizza for 2 weeks. A lifesaver believe me...THERE. The first phone exchange. Connecticut. That's gotta be something. I mean it might not be the FINAL answer but it's gotta be better than...well OK I still need to stop the Nazi vampires don't I?" Scott concedes, his nose crinkling as if jaunting off to Argentina to fight vampires was a chore when the real action was at an old phone exchange in Connecticut. He slumps back in his chair staring at the wiki article that had cracked the case presumably. "I think we can do this. Hey you're not bad at this stuff kid. We could give any of those genius detectives a run for their money amirite?" Scott holding up his hand for a fistbump that manages to look lame coming from a 30 something single father. "C'mon, don't leave me hangin now," he implores with a sideways grin that only makes it worse.

Leslie Willis has posed:
    Leslie tilts her head, cups her chin, puts on her best serious thought face... not at the phone exchange stuff. Millenial Leslie was born in between the ubiquity of smartphones and the death cries of analog telephone technology. Scott's babbling about these prehistoric 'Ma Bell' times? It's like dinosaurs but less cool because there's no giant meteor, or crazy island full of cloning experiments.

    But the Nazi Vampires? That is definitely a problem for the modern age. A problem that earns a little shrug and a grimace, "I mean, you don't _have_ to stop the Nazi Vampires. But like... you should? Really, I mean, you could probably get them to stop one or the other and it'd still be _kind_ of a win... but... I... uhh..." Eyes land on that fist. Hanging there. And hanging. Haaaaanging. She sighs and reaches out to complete the fistbump, with only a mild static shock, "Yeahhhh... uhh... I mean, you... don't you hafta be bonded to be a detective? They check criminal records right? I think I'mma stick to like... Youtube. Maybe branch out to tiktok. I can floss pretty good, so I just gotta wait for that to come back 'round and I'll be set! Or, y'know, I'm working on this tour idea. All the big landmarks, parties and stuff. It's gonna be totally awesome."

Scott Lang has posed:
     "YEA! PEW!" Scott only making it worse when he makes his fistbump the exploding kind as he jazzhands, though the static shock might have something to do with that too. He's all smiles now. He had a PLAN. "Nah we're set. I get my people together, vampires tomorrow, then on to the phones. This time next week? Nobody is gonna be getting a scam call anywhere in the world," Scott Lang assures, speaking with a heroic conviction not nearly warranted for such a minor accomplishment, his chest even puffed out a bit.

     He stands up gathering his books now and encourages Leslie, "And hey look, I know there's people into all sorts of stuff on the Internet. I mean, you've got pretty teeth. If there's some people on OnlyFans that'll pay to watch you floss that's, you know it's cool with me OK? You do you but just be careful, that Internet fame is tough business," Scott completely misunderstanding as he heaves his books in both arms. He was a HERO, of course he was going to put them back.

     "Catch ya later Blueberry," he finishes, a stray lock of blue hair having escaped Livewire's cap enough to warrant the terrible nickname as she watches him vanish down a library aisle...only for him to come sprinting back the other way a moment later, dropping books on the ground as something fast, translucent, and terrifying seems to chase after him. "HOLY CRAP IT WAS A DOCUMENTARY!" cries Scott as he escapes.