16760/The Night Before Battle!

The Night Before Battle!
Date of Scene:	03 January 2024
Location:	New York (State)
Synopsis:	Did we hallucinate the Arby's thing? Maybe!
Cast of Characters:	Wade Wilson, Harley Quinn, Melissa Gold

---

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "Two nine millys, APDS rounds tempered in titanium." Wade stands over the cot in the corner of the team's 'headquarters' which is really just a large suite in the local Holiday Inn Express. Hands on his hips, and back to the room, he continues what he's been doing for the last hour and that seems to be taking stock of his appreciable amount of firepower.
    "H&K MP5, police version, suppressed. Four clips 30 rounds each armor-piercing 'peacemaker' rounds." He points at the aforementioned weapon. "Laverne and Shirley, two monomolecular bladed katanas, the best hand to hand weapons Museum Replicas and the Franklin Mint can provide."
    He rubs his mask's mouth thoughtfully in reflection, "And..." Out of a satchel he produces two square objects and tosses them on the bed. "Two anti-personnel claymores, if only on the off chance for a fun 'This Side Toward Enemy' quip."
    He leans back on his heels and hrms to himself. "A nice easy load. This'll let me keep my svelte lithe silhouette in my oh so flattering body suit. Also give my abs a good profiling for all the ladies. But I feel like something is missing. Besides..."
    He looks to the side, "If I take anymore gear I'll lose my dex bonus and my armor class will go to shit."

Harley Quinn has posed:
"What about adamantium...?" That's Harley, giving her two cents about this whole preparation and what bullets to get and all that jazz! "I mean, I have my ways with the Avengers, I could get Black Panther to... Or wait, is it the Justice League?" she scrunches her nose in thought, looking up at the ceiling. "Didi and the Hobo belong to which hero group anyway?" she looks between the two of them as if they would know who those two mystery people were.

A shrug later and she is moving on with the convo, listening to the rest of the prep. "Well, maybe ya should do it like me. Plot Armor!" and she exemplifies by gesturing to her torso which has but a white tight t-shirt covering it. Very tight ... A wonder how she never gets hurt. "This along with shorty shorts and then you can make it up in the weapon department!"

Exhibit B - A rather large warhammer she picks up VERY EASILY, "Look at this beaut. And it's finesseable too."

Melissa Gold has posed:
As was often the lot for Melissa's life, she had no idea what was going on for part of what was being said. The weapon run down? Check. The sheer amount of firepower? Check. The claymore that just got tossed on /her/ bed? Also check but holy fuck at the same time. Until he got to the end. "Dex bonus and armor class?" Immediately followed with her giving a negative shake of her head. "No, nevermind. Forget I asked." Because that was the best way to handle such things. Pretend she understood and just move on.

Only to start hearing about plot armor. "I don't think that's a thing really, Harley. Just in movies and stuff." Though Harley didn't usually get hurt in their escapades so who was Mel to correct her. She might be right! "And how is ...that...finessable? Please use your words, do not hit anything--or anyone--with it to demonstrate."

War hammer and claymores. She should go crawling back to the Grapplers and just see if they'd let her rejoin. She did answer the one question that had been asked. "No idea who the Hobo is but Princess Diana is Justice League."

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "True, we could go as twinsies, and nobody could tell which of us was the real deal." Wade says with a somber seriousness that clearly means he's imagining doing such a thing. He bites his lower lip, "Though, I mean, technically we're supposed to be stealing stuff. I just have this vibe. I haven't shot anything in days, I needs me somea that mayhem, Harls. I gots ta have it."
    He rubs the back of his neck thoughtfully as he walks around the bed where he has all his gear tossed down onto, then looks over at the clown girl. "Beside, you have the benefit of the comics code on your side, violence against girly girls is frowned upon. And you are the girliest."
    That said he looks over at Meliissa and causes the nose under his mask to crinkle. "Hey boss lady, shouldn't we have some special storage gear dealios? Since we have no idea what we're stealing and it could be weird things. Don't want a repeat of that whole Sanctum Sanctorum thing." Which... did they go on a raid there? Or is he misremembering?

Harley Quinn has posed:
"I dunno, haven't I heard ya shootin' blanks durin' those nights we spend at camp for group bonding? At least that's what it sounds like what ya doin' in yoh room!" Harley says back at Wade with no respect for decorum really! But then again who has respect for -that- in this group? "I mean, we could always bring ya to a strip club too..."

Being the girliest is clearly a compliment so there's a big grin on Harley's expression, she turning one way and the other, those hips thrusting in an exaggerated manner, "Thank you! I look great, don't I?" she winking before her attention goes to Melissa, "Oh, the hobo is Aquaman. I mean, just look at him." she says as if it was evident who she was talking about. "He's so sweet though. I am sad he can't find a home."

But then something calls her attention and she sidles close to Melissa. "Uh, Wade... I think our intrepid leader doesn't know about D&D." she widens her gaze, "A roleplay virgin! Ya know what this means, don't you Wade?!"

Melissa Gold has posed:
The interplay has Melissa looking back and forth and then she gives a little nod to Wade's question. "Not so much storage as we have Spiral in the wings ready to teleport to the base back at the school so we don't have to worry too much. Unless she for some reason can't teleport us out." Which seems unlikely but now she has that worry in her brain too. Shit.

The girliest stuff just gets a little smirk as she concentrates on the computer screen, replying to the email from Rick Flag in regards to the upcoming. All encrypted and coded and /not/ use the Holiday Inn Express wifi. She wasn't making that mistake a second time!

As it was explained who the hobo was, Melissa sort of nodded but she muttered under her breath. "I'd give him a place to stay for at least a night or ten." Very low, hopefully not even understood.

But she quickly moved on as something about her being a virgin was mentioned! "I don't think that's any of your business. We're a team and that's a bit too far on my status as a virgin or non."

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "I'll go bust out B2: The Keep on the Borderlands, you help her roll up a character." Wade says almost distractedly to the side at Harley even as he looks down upon the bed with the gear. He rubs his chin and then spreads his arms out, "Fuck it, I'll just make it work. Like I always do." And thus the argument for what he should bring with them on the mission is settled.
    He turns back around and seems to only then realize that Melissa and Harls aren't figments of his imagination as he then adds, "Oh also hi."
    "Oh did I tell you guys I saw Diana again? It was at an Arby's. She likes Jamocha shakes. And she hung out with me and clearly likes me... I was pretty mad about them taking the potato cakes off the menu but she consoled me and..."
    A pause as Wade rests his hands on his hips. "Shit... maybe I imagined this."

Harley Quinn has posed:
"No, no. Now we gotta do somethin about that!" Clearly Harley is determined in popping Melissa's virginity in ..., whatever D&D is. "And since Wade's already gonna be the GM we will play! Oh, we should get the rest of the team in too." she says, eager now as she imagines the kind of mayhem that may come of the Suicide Squad doing a D&D session. "Team building!" she suggests to Melissa, since she's always prattling about that!

With that decided she looks Wade's way, "Oh, you found Didi!? Isn't she sweet? We still need ta go out someday, I got her a pair of shorty shorts for it as well. And I wanna see them!"

Pause!

"WAIT! THEY TOOK THE POTATO CAKES OFF THE MENU?!" Rage!

Melissa Gold has posed:
"Is which imagined? Meeting her at Arby's, them removing the menu item, or the conversation we are having right now in this room?" How's that for a way to mindfuck poor Wade?!

And now Melissa had to just shut the laptop and quickly put herself in a spot in front of Harley since she had a warhammer in reach and there were live claymores in the room. "Calm down! It's just potato cakes..."

And little did Melissa know that was likely the worst thing to ever say in front of this duo.

Wade Wilson has posed:
    "I know right?" Wade says in response to Harley's displeasure as he shakes his head. "I may or may not have been holding a spear gun on the cashier and demanding they fix that shit. But..." He shakes his head, brow knitting behind that mask as he looks to the side.
    "Shit, I for real can't recall if this was like a realy real thing or something I imagined. I mean... it sounds like something I'd imagine. Though, of course, in that case I'd be nude. Or she'd be nude. Or it'd take place in an alternate universe with no clothes for anyone."
    He looks at Harley and then just says, "Nude."
    Before he looks back to Melissa and points at her, "Hey now, fuck you for trying to fuck me up. I'm no..." Then she says the thing about the calming down of Harleen Quinzel. But the more egregious matter is her impugning potato cakes.
    "What did you just say?" Wade asks with white eyelets widening. "I am... I have never hit... well ok that's a lie. I have never..."
    Then he shakes his head and turns away, "I am googling this, and if they have taken potato cakes off the menu then we'll know that I wasn't imagining it!" He stomps over to his phone on the bed and picks it up, swiping it into life.

Harley Quinn has posed:
CALM DOWN?!

Harley's face turns red now at Melissa daring to say those words back at Harley. How can anyone be calm under such news?! It's like these people aren't even human. She fumes and her hands grip *hard* on her hammer, mulling on what to destroy perhaps. Though they were just talking of Didi. And would Didi want to see her destroy things? Most likely not! So she takes in a breath.

"It's not just potato cakes! It's a way of livin'!" she points her hammer at Melissa. "You just don't understand it like we do!"

Then Wade is going to check on the news and she nods. "Yes, check it!" then she takes her own phone out. "I will send a message to Didi to ask her about it!" and she types furiously on her phone, with one hand, because the other still has the hammer.

Melissa Gold has posed:
And this is how she was going to die.

Not during some heist with the Grapplers. Not at the hands of some superhero stopping her during a crime. Not even as a hero, trying to help others and make up for all the shit she'd done in her life before.

Melissa was going to die over potato cakes.

Or lack thereof.

She had drawn a deep breath in, even as her weight shifted, knees slightly bent, one leg more in front of the other, hands coming up as she prepared to defend herself through physical means--fighting or powers, either she was ready.

Then they were both furiously typing on their phones. And Melissa realized she probably needed to nip this right now. Thus, she grabbed her own phone and dialed Flag. Thankfully, he actually answered on the second ring.

"If the boss can't get potato cakes back at Arby's, I think we are about to have a situation..."

Wade Wilson has posed:
    And just like that, the two resident lunatics on the team are deeply esconced in the social media zeitgeist of the world. Wade, however, does not linger. Despite all of the alerts as to the recent wild activity on the Capes and Cowls Casual Nudity alerts he's received, not even to mention the email notifications he's gotten about his recently being granted a Dave and Buster's franchise. He ignores all of those things!
    For he's a man on a mission.
    Though it's not a particularly hard mission as he brings up Arbys' menu and clicks through and gets to the side orders page and...
    "J'accuse!" He shouts as he turns back around, holding the phone out toward Melissa, pointing a gloved fingertip at the screen and pointing out the utter LACK of Potato Cakes.

Harley Quinn has posed:
"Ooh Oooh, I am gettin' an answer heah ...." Harley's baby blue eyes widen as she looks at the screen. Yet it's an answer that will remain a mystery because her attention goes fully to Wade's phone when he starts waving it around and confirms her worst fears.

"Noooooooooo....!!!!!!!" and she throws her own phone away which smashes into a wall and gets wrecked. Ah well! Whatever did Didi have to say to her? A mystery for the ages!

"How could they...." she drops down to her knees, defeated. "What snacks will we now have for our D&D session...?" she lets out a loud sigh.

Melissa Gold has posed:
"No, I'm not kidding," came the reply from Melissa to the response she'd gotten from Flag in that instant. "They are seriously about to..."

Then the wail of denial came from Harley and she collapsed. "SEE?!" she said to the phone pointedly. "You hear that? And that's just two of them. When the rest of the team is told...I have no idea. I mean some of these people are in prison. They only had those potato cakes to look forward to when they work off their sentences," she added. As though it was true. Selling it for the duo and hopefully her addressing their outrage would count for something.

And hell, it might even be true. She didn't know.

"I'll...call you back if things escalate. But maybe double check we have a good security deposit on our rooms, mmmmkay?" Then she hit the disconnect before Flag could raise his voice. She'd learned he really liked to do that. That was her theory at least. It couldn't be they /caused/ him to raise his voice along with his blood pressure.

Wade Wilson has posed:
    And then Wade commits the ultimate sacrilege. "I mean, really. They're just hash browns, to be fair." Which might be the last thing he says as he can practically _feel_ Harley's eyes upon him.

Harley Quinn has posed:
A glimmer of hope! Melissa is actually helping out in getting those cakes back. And at the same time winning back Harley's heart considering the absolute look of devotion on the clownette's expression...

They are just hash browns.

People have died for less! So a few moments after Wade speaks those words? He can feel the /WOOSH/ of air of SOMETHING being thrown in this direction.

And by something we mean a warhammer. But such is life in the Suicide Squad. One moment you are wailing about Arbys the other you are getting a warhammer to the face.