19476/Attack of the Killer Pizzas

Attack of the Killer Pizzas
Date of Scene:	19 November 2024
Location:	Brooklyn
Synopsis:	How many heroes does it take to stop Killer Pizzas from taking over New York?
Cast of Characters:	Michelangelo, Leonardo, Belinda Gutierrez, April O'Neil, Dinah Lance, Rocksteady, Sally Pride

---

Michelangelo has posed:
Brooklyn.

It's a part of the city that lots of individuals love to be. There's almost always something going on that people can be a part of. A block party. A dance battle. Street fair. There's a lot of things that could be happening tonight. A lot of good things.

Those things aren't happening.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" The screams of the citizen's of New York bounce off the various walls of different buildings and vehicles as those same citizens are running in terror in all directions. The fear is real for most of them because of the terrifying, twelve foot tall, EXTRA CHEESY, PEPPERONIOUS, xenomorph-like creatures that are leaping and stomping and hunting throughout this particular street in a full out hunt for the fleeing civilians!

There's about a dozen of them. They look hungry. They they are bubbling hot. They are spitting globs of cheese and pepperoni that are volcanically dangerous. It's a pizza monster themed riot out here on these streets and if somebody doesn't help the citizens of this fair city, there's a good chance these pizza monsters are going to take over.

There are a handful of the more angry and tired New Yorkers that are attempting to fight back against these deliciously terrifying creatures that have decided to come out of nowhere to make this town their greasy playground! Bottles are being thrown! Guns are being shot! It's wild out here.

Good Luck.

Leonardo has posed:
Leonardo was honest to Megatroid just coming to grab a few pies for his brothers when all heck broke loose. "I heard your podcast." He says, walking in a very DEMURE trench coat with a fedora, which he tips to all the young lads and lass'. "I have about a million questions about Cassie, but let's get the most important ones out of the way first..."

ALAS we shall never know what important questions are the ones that Leonardo finds important as questions! For there are Pizza monsters hunting people of New York which is not something Pizza is suppose to do... Piping hot balls of cheesy... dripping hot pepperoni spots. A three fingered hand comes out, stopping April well short of a big ol' volcanic glob of extra smooth Mazarel...

"You realize that we can never tell Mikey we saw this right? He cannot know." Fedora comes off, set on April's head. Adjusted to rest at a jaunty angle. Followed by his trench coat. "I'm serious, April. If he finds out there were pizza monsters and we didn't call him to come eat his way through a conflict, we'll never hear the end of it."

While he has no Katana, he does have a pair of Daisho tucked in the leather belt around his, relatively, thin waist and shell. Wink and off he goes, running out into the street with the short bladed weapons held up the insides of both arms. "Alright, I'm not the witty brother, but I 'know' there's a joke somewhere about 'taking out take out' pizza." Sliding short when one of the giant monsters spits volcanically hot pizza sauce at the concrete in front of him.

Daisho pointed up at the spitter, "Better ingrediants, better hunters? No... Dammit, where's Raph when I need him to quip for me."

Belinda Gutierrez has posed:
The classic situation-- being at wrong place at the wrong time. And while that particular honor usually belongs to snooty and snoopy news reporters (from paper to televised to digital!), its a nondiscriminatory situation. Murphy plays no favorites.

Wild is the order of the night; that demand is met with the throaty howl of a creature that has no business being in the city. Or existing at all.

Delicious chaos met with the fury of the extremely cross and exquisitely hungry, Silverdane lungs towards another delectable Pepperoni Beast, snap and slash and slice; wielding a discharged fire extinguisher as an impromptu mace, she set the monster careening back with a heavy stroke.

"Just saying," the great wolf-woman remarks to her opponent, almost conversationally. "Jalopenos. Pepperoni is no bueno without jalopenos!"

April O'Neil has posed:
April was wearing her bright yellow zip-hoodie, the zipper half up to mid-chest level, a white and black t-shirt worn beneath it. Blue jeans, and black leather boots rounded out her attire this evening, as she glanced over at Leo, and gave him a big grin. "Don't tell me, you've been looking her up on Tik Tok. Wonder Girl's got some moves, right?" She fired back, mere moments before the chaos broke out, like a kitchen disaster in a strange retelling of Fantasia.

"What in the name of Regis Philbin..." But her question spoken to the universe would go unanswered, as a large fedora was thunked down on to her head, and a long coat shoved in to her arms.

"Leo?" April said, her dumbfounded expression going from the chaos, to the turtle leader that had been her dining partner for the evening. "What are you going to even do about thi--"

April cut herself off, as that steaming hot glob of pizza goo slapped the concrete right in front of them. It caused her to jump back, and release a loud yelp of fright, as the goop sizzled on the pavement, nearly having hit her damn legs!

"Be careful!" she called after Leo, as she moved to find some cover of her own!

Dinah Lance has posed:
Before the night market could even get started, the Sherwood Florist stand is in shambles thanks to a stampede of panicked Brooklynites. Sherwood's proprietor has very little to go on when screams and terror abruptly boil around a corner and surge through the street: before the crash of humanity, all that noise could've been chalked up to distant crime, super or otherwise-- or maybe an alien sighting, a Mutant manifestation-- some point of chaos in the sprawling tapestry of the Tri-State area that may or may not require abandoning her post and her wig to leap into action. Now that it is definitively her problem, concrete intel is frustratingly sparse--

"DON'T LOOK THE ANCHOVIES IN THE EYE!"

Frustratingly, bafflingly, squint-inducingly sparse. Given that nobody - vendor nor would-be consumer alike - is still milling around here except her, she doesn't bother with subterfuge when tossing her cropped brunette wig atop a knapsack full of supplies, from which she fishes a beaten up leather jacket and metal dusters. In a matter of minutes, her street clothes are safely stashed amidst what's left of her disheveled stand and scattered petals and the Black Canary's off, sprinting against the stream and into a series of acrobatic maneuvers that lead her from concrete to a windowsill to a fire escape to a roof. A couple leaps from there reward her with critical insight:

"Someone is real fuckin' serious about 'thirty minutes or less'--" she hisses beneath her breath, eyes narrowed in a mixture of disbelief and annoyance as her mind works away on the problem of how, exactly, one goes about fist-fighting an assemblage of molten cheese and sauce--

Blue eyes set upon a flag pole jutting from the next ledge over. The Canary takes a few steps back--

*krak!*

-- and arms herself mid-descent with every intention of interrupting a pizza monster's approach towards a pair of men fearfully trying to shield a pair of small children with their bodies by jamming the snapped off metal rod through its body and swiping a chunk of its mass away.

Rocksteady has posed:
Rocksteady 'Hannibal' T. Rhino loves it when a plan comes together.

Today is not a day where plans are coming together. For one thing, he's pretty sure Bebop fell asleep and isn't answering his phone, and who's going to realize their group costume is the A-Team with Bebop 'B.A.' Baracus not in attendance? The black GMC van with red strip and spoiler? Sure, it'd hint at it.

But when your Faceman and Murdock are two ninjas in full on face-covering Footclan regalia?

No no, the flow is all off. And on top of that, when the van rounds a corner, gunning down the street at 'We need to get our last cast member' levels of reckless speed, only to be barreling towards panicked civilians and-

"Aw man. No way were gonna beat that costume, guys! Lookit that molten cheese! The fake greasy sheen! Lookit that one totally tryin' to rip that... guy... a...part?"

Rocksteady's low grumbling voice fades out slowly.

Aww man. This ain't no costume contest at all.

But it is an opportunity to kill some pizzas! Show those Turtles just how little regard the Foot Clan has for them. Also, he supposes, those civilians will wind up not dying. Sure, it's not stealthy like one would expect ninjas to be, but it's better than a bunch of ninjas fist fighting in the middle of the street.

Also he ain't no ninja.

Fortunately, Rocksteady's not driving the fan, that's being handled by one of his masked ninja minions, who's doing an incredible job for some truly vision-obscuring ninja mask going on... which is to say he's driving like most New Yorkers. Uncontrolled and careening around, barely avoiding hitting parked cars or running civvies. And Rocksteady's not helping as he moves around in the rear of the van, ominous mechanical noises sounding out, "Okay! We're gonna hit one of these freaks, and youse are gonna run off and tell da boss! ...Also, call me if he says he made a buncha mutant pizzas or something! And do it fast! I don't want none o' that stupid 'I get the phone call right as I killed the last one' sitcom things!"

Michelangelo has posed:
Pizza Monsters are everywhere. Luckily, there are also people that are everywhere that are trying to do something about it. There's a dozen of these monstrous things that would look tasty if they didn't look like they were going to destroy the city if they don't get handled. Which could be what some of these heroic individuals are doing right now.

The New Yorkers don't actually stand a chance. Guns and bottles burn underneath the hot cheese globs to send even those Brooklyn thugs running. Besides, there's better equipped people to handle some of this stuff.
R
Leonardo gets a pair of pizza monsters right around him and they are in claw and jaw mode. Snapping and swiping with all sorts of hungry fury. It could be painful. But it could also be just as delicious. Maybe it is a good thing that Michelangelo is not here.

RThe Silverdane may only have to deal with the heat of the Pizza Monster as she tears into it. There's another one that's maybe stalking as if they had spent some time watching a particular scene on Jurassic Park but its definitely a delicious chomping sessions. They are, after all, animated pizzas. Nom.

A particularly messy one slops its way up onto a taxicab near where April might be trying to find cover. It's not exactly trying to attack her specifically so much as it just wants to stomp and cheesy foot melt this taxicab while roaring bubbly.

Flag Pole to the cheese gut and pepperoni splatters onto the innocents that are scrambling away, while flailing gratitude in the direction of the Black Canary. That Pizza Monster is sliced right through the middle, sprawling out and oozing into the street as it seems to no longer be a threat. Too easy? Too cheesy. But that flag pole might not be worth too much more considering the stretchy cheese all over it.

The R-Team Van heads right for one of those damn Pizza Monsters and it explodes the moment the front end of that thing smacks into the Pizza Monster. It splatters all over the place, putting it out of commission but there's also SO much cheese on the windshield now. The wipers are probably going to get stuck if they are used. And those tires? Welp. Should be an interesting time.

Spotting their delicious brethren in trouble, the rest of the Pizza Monsters start converging on those that are fighting back. Which is a good sign since they won't be going further into the city. Poor Brooklyn, though.

Leonardo has posed:
A lot to unpack here.

Let's do a little recap for poor Leo who is having to face off against one of his staple foods? There is(was, as it turns out) an actual werewolf over there. Wielding a fire extinguisher to brilliant success. There's Dinah, he can just make her out as she pole vaults a pole right through the center of a Pizza monsters chest. Annnnnd...

The A-Team is showing up.

Only they're swerving all over the road and very nearly clipping a parked car that a couple of teenagers in honest to goodness letterman jackets like it's the 1960s are using for cover.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program already in progress:

Leo has a pair of pizza monsters trying to eat HIM for a change. "It's always the ones you love..." Blade up, swipes aside a pepperoni-claw. DO A BARREL-ROLL that away out of the impending doom of snappy jaws trying to bite him in half. The Turtle dives away from another hurled glob of molten cheese! Then sails out of it into a beautifully executed sumersault with his knees tucked to the front of his shell and lands atop the speeding Van. Giving the windshield a little 'tap-tap-tap' with on Diasho. Upside down Turtle head. Blue bandana dangling down towards the hood. Is that Rocksteady? And Foot clan dressed as two of the other members of the A-Team.

"... I'm guessing an impromptu team-up where we combine our Hadoken fire-balls is out of the questions huh?"

Van skids along the side of the parked vehicle, very nearly knocks Leo off, except he stabs the point of his blade through the roof to create a hand hold. "I take it back, April! Call Mikey!" CLUNK-CLUNK-CLUNK... shell bumping across the roof rack in one direction. CLUNK-CLUNK-"AHHHH!!!" Leo goes flying when the knife wiggles loose. DO ANOTHER BARREL-ROLL in mid-air, he looses one of the short handled blades like a throwing dart, right through the open mouth of a Pizza monster about to hurl some delicious molten cheese at a homeless guy pushing a shopping cart fool of knock off Jordan's.

The other blade scratches across the pavement, sending up sparks, and Leo slams, shell first, against the side of a car. "Okay, get it together, Leo... Gotta ask yourself 'what would Juggernaut do'."

April O'Neil has posed:
As much as April loved Leo, she almost immediately ditched his Detective coat over a fence, and with it the fedora fell off her head, as she moved toward a taxi cab to duck behind it. It took her only a second more to get her phone from her pocket, and her video recording app open. The young reporter rose up over the edge of the taxi's trunk, to aim her camera at the mayhem, as it continued to boil over.

She had a concerned expression across her facial features, as she looked at the world through the eye of her camera lense. "What in the Hell could cause this?" She asked, already providing some narration for her future upload to the internet, and to her personal website.

But a moment after that, and a heavy splash of sizzling hot cheese goop landed on the car she was hiding behind. It made April cast out a loud shriek, as she fell backward on to her butt upon the pavement. She crawled backward several feet, until her back was pushed up against the fence she tossed Leo's jacket over. Her blue eyes? They were up on the pizza monster that just smashed its foot down on the vehicle she was crouched behind, and even through the impending terror of a melty demise, April O'Neil had her camera up, and was recording her fate.

"Jesus...." She quietly said, her auburn hair flowing across her face, as she let her camera focus on what she assumed was the monster's face?

Or was that its butt? She wasn't sure.

Dinah Lance has posed:
"Oh-- Jesus--!" Dinah only gives pole-retrieval a perfunctory try before abandoning her makeshift weapon to the dairy ooze. Better to have her hands free, anyway, for leaping after flying pepperoni, reasoning that her gloved hands are probably better than bystander flesh at absorbing hot grease and sizzling pork-- not that she's able to snag more than a couple before tumbling her way to a crouch.

Where she comes within a heartbeat of absently tossing pepperoni in her mouth for a snack before remembering where they came from and tossing them aside with a soft gag.

Looking around for more weapons, Dinah takes a dripping headcoun

That's a fucking van with a fucking turtle guy on top and a fucking rhino guy inside.

That's all of Dinah's attention captured for a crucial moment of eye-squinting incredulity--

"What is it with you guys anDAAAH FUCK--!"

More than enough time for a three-cheese projectile to splatter against her thigh, dropping her to the ground where she frantically rolls, scrapes, and grits through the burn until there is enough sloughed off dairy to give her leave for action.

Which looks an awful lot like wasted time, given that it seems to involve chucking a fallen bottle into the monster that just assaulted her, then taking off towards another. It WOULD be wasted time, surely, if it wasn't for one small, but crucial detail:

Much like the hurled bottle, like the disincorporated monster that seemingly drew the pizza conglomerate's attention her way to begin with, Dinah pelts another monster with a brick and a lost shoe in passing-- and then hits a sharp brake and pivot towards a third.

Because the Black Canary's trying her damndest to get as many of them slithering and stretching after her as she possibly can, to gather several into a convenient blob so that dinner can enjoy a little high-decibel music when the time is right.

Rocksteady has posed:
Careening wildly down the street, the Foot-Team van actually saves a little old lady, blissfully unaware of the pizza monster about to... well, Rocksteady's not sure what it was going to do. Probably nothing good. And living up to his reputation for not being the brightest bulb or sharpest knife, as there's a metallic 'CLICK-CLACK' of some sort of heavy weapon being charged and readied to fire, Rocksteady realizes two things.

That thumping on the roof happened before they just splattered cheese over the windshield.

And there's a hole in the roof from a knife or something!

It's just a shame he didn't realize three things. Like that just because you can't see the street through pizza sauce and cheese on the windshield doesn't mean there's not an empty bus shelter still in front of your careening van.

KERRRRRUNCH

The Foot-Van crumples like only the finest American Engineered crumple zones could allow, and while his ninja compatriots are knocked loopy by the impact, Rocksteady's booting open the rear doors of the van with a bellow of rage and confusion.

"I dunno what's going on around here! BUT I'M GONNA SHOOT SOMEONE ALL ABOUT IT!!"

Sally Pride has posed:
Leave it to New Yorkers to be so use to supervillain shenanigans and monster attacks that they'd rather yell and fight back than do the sensible thing. But it could be worse. This could be New Jersey. Fortunately there are those out there a bit more suited for fighting these sort of things about.

New York has a lot of alleyways. It's out of one that a trash can is flung, opening first in hopes of actually getting it over one of the creature's ugly heads and stalling them from hurting anyone.

A moment after that out steps Sally Pride, still holding the can's lid in one clawed hand. "Pizza monsters, really? Talk about greasey food disagreeing with you." The lid is used like a shield against a spray of melting cheese at her, and then slung at the xenopizzamorph in a makeshift impression of Captain America with his shield.

Michelangelo has posed:
Leonardo's Pizza Monsters end up smashing into each other because Turtle Evasion skills like those are just a little too good for sloppy monsters of this style. They bite into each other, pause for a second to recognize their respective deliciousness and then turn their attention to trying to follow suit after the fleeing turtle with the blue bandana!

Now this is interesting. The Pizza Monster that's stomping out the taxicab near April seems to have noticed that its on camera. It actually stretches a bit to reshape that xenomorphic leg into something a bit more shapely. You know that Leg Lamp from A Christmas Story? That. But made out of pepperoni and cheese. What kind of vicious and delicious monster is this addicted to the limelight. Wait, is this thing trying to push up the pepperonis on its chest now? What.

Black Canary's making a pretty good 'HEY YOU GUYS!' distraction because those Pizza Monsters that were just milling about and trying to take down whatever innocent bystanders that were left are even more focused on chasing her down. They kind of collide into each other as they rush to snap their jaws in her direction. The sticky cheeseness of it all kind of makes the collective into a weird Pizza Hydra. Which also slows it down.

A pair of Pizza Monsters dive toward the Foot-Van and start clawing at the sides. How the cheese flavored claws are SLICING through the metal of a van is beyond the scope of reality. But it's happening. And they have no idea there's a giant Rhino kicking his way out the back with a giant(?) gun. Boy, are they in for a surprise.

One particular Pizza Monster is about to chow down on a poodle that's been tied up at a bike rack. Her owner has been trying to get past the pizza globs to get to her but that Pizza Monster has been in the way. But the sudden trash can that falls onto it pins those arms to its side and makes it super difficult to open its jaws wide enough to bite its way out. It starts hopping around to try and shake the trash can off but it soon trips and starts rolling in the direction of some of those other Pizza Monsters. Poodle Saved! Captain Priderica's shield is pretty effective against the globs of some others coming to avenge their fallen comrade!

Leonardo has posed:
More friendly faces on the field! Leo spies Sally and subdues a grin. In leu of his brothers, another of their extended eclectic, family is the next best thing. Especially with her wielding a trashcan lid to supreme success! "Go ninja, go ninja, go..." Murmured. He'd never let anyone know he actually likes that song. Written by Eminem in this universe. The bars are way more fire, but the hook, my dude, the hook.

Leo rolls to the left when a pizza foot tries to stomp through him where he was previously sitting against the shell dented door of a car. "Nope." He rolls to the right. "Uh-uh.." Where'd the other Diacho go... Oh, there it is. Passed through the warm cheesy center of a pizza monster who is now doing a 'single ladies' dance for April's cell phone. We'll get back to that in a second, because that definitely needs addressing.

Leo grabs the inside of the window ont he door above his head and pulls himself up in a flip to the roof. Just as a pepperoni claw passes through said door where his chest had been. "You're not very coordinated are you? I mean... okay, I'm no Donnie, but I'm sure he'd say something super smart like 'Leo, they're pizza's dude, how coordinated can they be?', but even for a dumb pizza, you're pretty dumb..." Can they understand him? He sure hopes so. One of their first lessons was to use distraction techniques against otherwise superior opponents.

Which includes insults.

The Pizza smashes both big sausage hands down on the roof the car, but Leo's already gone. Leaping towards his discarded Diacho in a shell roll. Which he flicks in the air, catches by the blade, and side-arm hurls towards the front tire of the car he's got that big luggo all up against. Hopefully an exploding tire will cause enough structural damage to a sentient, hunter, pizza to slow it down.

Because Leo's headed to interject himself in April's plight.

A green blur, right for a fire hydrant. Blade stabbed through the small slit between the twist on cap to pry it open, just enough, to get very cold water spraying onto very hot pizza. While cold pizza is just as delicious, he has a strong feeling it wont be nearly as good at fighting... or spitting... or sentienting...

April O'Neil has posed:
April's high resolution, HD video recording, mega pixel phone of the highest tech caliber, gets to witness the pizza creature form a... is that a sexy leg?

No, it was the leg lamp from that Christmas movie...

"Frah gee lee..." April quietly whispered to her camera phone, before she pushed herself to her feet, with one hand using the fence to pull herself back up to a standing position. "this is weird... Did Harley get the pen out of the cabinet again..."?" She talked to herself, her camera, but... hey, she was an only child, they tend to talk to themselves, right?

April's camera swept away from the creatures, in time to see Rocksteady, and others she wasn't familiar with, her lenses refocusing on the massive Rhino Man, with April feeling a bit too close to the action for her comfort. As Leo arrived back near her, April was trying to jimmy the fence latch open, clinking the metal levers and claws around until she kicked the door open, causing the chain link fence gate to swing open.

"leo. I don't know how you're gonna be able to stop whatever this i---"

When the hydrant was burst open, by a expertly placed slice, the intrpid reporter widened her blue eyes again. "That is a good idea!" She shouted after her turtle friend, as she backed up in the alley that was accessible through that now open fence gate.

Sally Pride has posed:
When she sees what the Pizza Monster was trying to get at Sally feels even more thankful that she interviened. Sure as a feline she may not be fond of dogs, but they don't deserve to be angry monster snacks. For the most part. She walks over to grab the leash, pull it free of the rack, then pick the dog up as a whole and shove it into it's owner arms. Then give them both a firm push at the nearest building. "Inside. Now." Less civilians, less potential civilian casualties as the soldier trained side of her mind thinks of it.

Then attention turns back to the rest of the chaos, and catching a glimps of a familiar blue-wearing-green form. One Turtle is better than none, and if there's one there's usually... yep, their human friend/sidekick. There's not really a moment to say much in the way of greeting though, just a brief glance of acknowledgement in their direction.

There's also a big rhino muscleman with a big gun, but that's a matter that we can worry about later.

There's still rampaging pizza to worry about. "I wouldn't want to touch these with a ten foot pole." To which she grabs the nearest street sign to rench free of the concrete. "But this will do." It's swung at the nearest creature, using the edge of the sign still attached something like an ax if nothing else. Sally really doesn't want to touch these things with her own paws, when they're made of cheese hot enough to cause severe burns to more than the roof of your mouth!

Dinah Lance has posed:
Of course they get bigger when they run into each other.

Of course they mutate into a goddamned hydra, made of pizza-- because the only thing worse than several impossible conglomerations of molten cheese and toppings is one huge, impossible conglomeration of...

... of course the little ones can cut through metal with their claws; what, then, might the big one be capable of?

If she cuts one of its heads off, will two more take its place?

(Does the rhino guy have a fucking machine gun?! The gun laws here might as well be written on crayon-- -- FOCUS Dinah Pizza Hydra--)

A full-intensity scream takes enough out of her that she might only get one in a fight-- two, if she's willing to risk it all on a gamble.

A pizza-based monstrosity that large could cause millions in property damage and untold riches in human costs: either way, the margin for error's thinner than the crispy, golden-brown spikes jutting from the hydra's back.

So Dinah intends to make her 'one' count.

Like a suicidal, homicidal, genocidal, death-defying maniac, Dinah leaps from the asphalt to the hood of a hastily abandoned car--

-- from the hood of a hastily abandoned car towards a brownstone wall--

-- from a brownstone wall into a soaring backflip, the treads of her boots scraping roughly against brick for split-second before powerful legs launch the Canary skywards. Black leather and lustrous blonde flutter out behind her as she spreads her arms, swan-like as she approaches the apex of her arc.

"COVER YOUR GODDAMNED EARS!" rings across the fracas, belted from powerful lungs before diaphragmatic breathing takes over and blue eyes lid. Dinah's chest swells;

        hooded blues lock with cold, silvery fish eyes jutting from one of many roaring heads;

                                and the Black Canary S C R E A M S ! ! ! ! !

... until sheer, sonic violence ripples towards not only the wood-fired abomination, but the world around it with force sufficient to liquefy gastronomic titans and shatter just about anything else. The blonde vigilante's body surges higher by the second as her throat grows raw and bloody.

Rocksteady has posed:
With the rear doors of the dearly departed Foot Van kicked open, several hundred pounds of hulking, angry rhino now on the street, and his broad shoulders covered by a truly alarming number of belts of ammunition for what appears to be a borderline antique M60 machine gun, Rocksteady is not to be messed with.

Yes, the imposing bulk of the rhino and that lethal military hardware is somewhat undercut by his ridiculous leisure suit and the grey wig and sunglasses completing his Hannibal costume.

But that's really only a concern for the sentient and self-aware turtles, people, and costumed sorts responding to these pizza monsters.

The monsters themselves are, one presumes, less aware of how ridiculous he looks. Especially since, as he turns around to find two of them stabbing the van (Stop! Stop!! It's already dead!) and raking... molten mozzarella claws through the sheet metal?

"...Yeah. Sure. Makes sense." He sounds resigned, like even Rocksteady realizes this shouldn't be something he finds normal. But you work with enough crazy ninjas who wear a car and a half worth of jagged metal, and answer to a weird brain alien from Dimension X, and sure. Pizza monsters.

"You shoulda... AVOIDED THE NOID!"

It's not really a good one-liner. But Rocksteady's confident no one heard it over the following roar of high caliber bullets firing into living pizza.

And then Dinah's unleashing that Canary Cry and he's pretty sure he felt that in his bones... and he wasn't even in the direction she was yelling!

And that's about the time he notices Leo and April and... he is just going to pretend he doesn't see them.

'cause the Turtles have a lot of friends and one of 'em might be that blonde.

He ain't messing with that.

Michelangelo has posed:
The Pizza Monsters must have some sort of intelligence because they do seem to be getting offended. At least the ones near Leonardo. There's some kind of weird bubbling up of the cheesy bodies when those insults are hurled in their direction. Even they can't figure out what exactly they want to do about it besides snarl and stretch and boil a bit hotter. Which could be a bad thing because they are going to end up getting stickier than they already were. It's kind of hard being made out of pizza cheese. When that tire explodes, there's just enough time for that Pizza Monster to look at Leonardo and flip the pepperoni bird before it splatters into all the pieces. IT'S RAINING PIZZA MONSTER.

When that fire hydrant gets cracked open wide, there's nothing short of 'WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD' from the pizza monsters that happened to be in that path. The Wicked movie's not even out yet and there's going to be far less Pizza Monsters to deal with. And a LOT of wet pizza toppings. Gross.

The Poodle is chomping on a spare pepperoni.

The Sexy Pizza Monster is infuriated at the lack of screen time and is about to try and pounce at April when the combination Diacho and Hydrant Water puts it right out of commission. It almost looks sad as it is washed away. The melting face frowning as it goes.

That poodle and owner waste no time in getting the heck inside. They don't want to mess with no pizza monsters and they don't want to mess with no Sally Pride either. The Street Sign Ax is a solid choice because with the strength of Sally behind it, it might as well be a straight edged pizza cutter! Those Pizza Monsters quickly become oozing piles of former sentience with each slice.

So the combination of BULLETS and POWERFUL SCREAM seems to be one of the most tremendous combinations known to Pizza Monster destruction. The bullets rip through the cheese and pepperoni and that scream ripples what's left of that into some sort of twisted disintegration. Of course, along with that, comes the shattering of windows, the exploding of an ATM (MONEY!) and so much Brooklyn litter that there could been a Trashnado forming here in a bit. Even a classic New York rat sails through the air. This combo action folds right into the spraying hydrant water to create a vicious heroic hurricane that sets about washing away the final bits of the Pizza Monsters that seem to no longer be a threat to this fair city. Or alive.

LEVEL CLEAR!

Leonardo has posed:
Leonardo is far enough away from Dinah going full on Fat Lady on some pizza (the singing kind, get your head out of the internet memes) that his ears don't immediately start bleeding when she howls her Canary Cry into a mountain of mozarel and pepperboni. He's close enough that it definitely shatters the windows of the car he'd skittered across. Close enough that he's concerned he may have internal damage and pats himself accordingly. "April, I didn't cover my ears..." He sounds genuinely concerned as his hands run along his shell looking for cracks or other imperfections what may spell some kind of structural damage.

Finding none...

"Seriously, I didn't cover them, am I going to be okay?" This is serious. Splinter has a set of pipes on him when the brothers get out of line, but this is entirely different. No, listen, this is redefining his impression on music and making him question whether Splinter has been pulling punches on his 'angry lectures'.

Two fingers touch the sides of his head. "Are my ears bleeding, I think my ears are bleeding am I going to die?!"

Okay we'll move on, but you have to appreciate how god damn loud that was.

MOSTLY we're moving on because the Pizza he'd hit with the tire explosion didn't give an Opera Singers worth of hoowee about no singing song bird flippy doing around with a set of pipes that would make Adelle jealous. No, seriously, we're done now.

"April! I can't hear you, did you say something?" Meta cus she hasn't posed yet.

A big claw slaps down just above the turtles head... and his big blue eyes roll up to stare at the sausage links that are it's clawed fingers jaggedly stabbing through the metal of said vehicle coverage. Okay, time to pull some magic out of his bag. Donatello is a modern day Archimedes and outfits his brothers with a collection of tools what may prove useful in JUST THIS KIND OF SITUATION. You think you're smart, but you're not 'create a chart that has a cause and effect analysis of every possible thing to include Jack Paul winning against Mike Tyson and consulting a necromancer to fight Muhammad Ali' smart. Donnie is. Which is why, and the ONLY REASON WHY, Leo has a laser bladed pizza cutter.

What does it do?

It does what pizza cutters do. It emits an enormous laser guided cutting edge specifically tailored for the individual brothers need. JUST IN THE OFF CHANCE the pizza ever fights back. Which it has. So... Batman can suck it, or something.

Leo wields the pizza cutter as he pops up from the side of the car...

Only the only part of the pizza monster that remains IS the claw. The rest of it is blown apart by the tire explosion...

So.. Leo looks at the weapon he should have wielded way earlier, but didn't... then at the remains of the pizza.. and grabs the claw and brings it up to his neck, "OH GOD, IT'S GOT ME!" It doesn't, he's the one wiggling. He slices through the pizza monster('s disembodied claw anyways) with the laser pizza cutter... "Oh thank god I had this very specialized tool that could have been incredibly useful..." Shifty eyes.

Tool deactivates.

"April, I can't hear."

April O'Neil has posed:
The screaming blonde woman is blurrily captured by the reporter's hand held camera, April's lips moving as she tried to put a name to her identity, a super alias anyway. She wasn't an expert on every super hero though, and the name escaped her, as she continued to speak some commentary in to her phone's mic, some serious editing probably going to need to be employed before she can upload this video to her channel.

Rocksteady, turning away and moving off on his own, got a look from April too, and she tried to get a good angle on him as he fled in the opposite direction, but he was mostly obscured by parked vehicles from where April was standing. She cursed, and stepped around the fence to peer back at where Leo had been. What she sees is Leo standing there with his cutter in one hand, and a bewildered look on his turtle features.

April appeared beside him, holding his coat and hat, draped over her left forearm. Her eyes went to the wet street, viewing elements of the pizza creatures in the wake and wash of the blown open hydrant.

"We gotta figure out what caused this." She told her brave turtle companion. "And... I think it's an Arby's night now, instead."

Leonardo has posed:
"WHAT?! I thought you said Arbys, but that can't be possible. Nobody eats ARBYS, April." Leo says this because it's important to voice brand loyalties, "These were clearly abberant villainous monstrocities from the neighboring pizza joint over in Harlem, with which, Angelos has had a long standing rivalry." One big turtle finger swipes through gooey cheese to be sucked clean and immediately spit back out. "Yeah, I'd recognize the abdomination of processed cheese anywhere." He retrieves his coat, dons it, and replaces his fedora upon his turtle head.

"Arbys. Now I know I'm deaf."

Sally Pride has posed:
Chop chop chop! Sally may not have as much finess as the ninja trained turtle bros, but the brute strength of a mutated predator gets the job done just the same when you're mainly aiming to make as many small pieces of an enemy as possible. And she was ready to keep going at it... but when a metahuman says to cover your ears, you damn well listen.

To the warning, I mean. Not what they're warning you not to listen to.

Especially when hightened senses is one of your abilities.

Sally ditches the sign and dives for cover behind parked cars. Which won't help so much with the sonics when they shatter windows and make car alarms go off, but there's also going to be cheesy monster goo blowing up too. Even with hunching down to cover her ears she can still... honestly FEEL it is more accurate than anything else as the acoustic effect ripples through the air. It's like when you're a kid and don't throw the firecracker fast enough to beat it going off, and end up with your ears ringing for a few minutes.

A few moments after she slowly stands, fingers still in pierced ears until she's sure both the monster are down and the woman isn't screaming it into submission still.

She looks in Leo's direction, giving a nod to him and Miss O'Neil. "I think it's clear! As weird yet oddly fitting that monster was." She's talking a bit louder than usual because her own ears are still ringing. Tinnitus is a bitch.

Dinah Lance has posed:
Operatic apocalypse ends in a metal-rattling *KRRRSSSH!* when Dinah's heavy boots collide with the hood of a cheese-encrusted car, leaving her panting in a four-point perch. Her eyes are only for the bullet-ridden scraps of the many-headed meal, because for all she knows, high-cal rounds and high decibels are not enough to kill a pizza hydra.

Given a couple seconds of bubbling which amount to nothing, however, she is ultimately satisfied that it's dead-dead, which means she can hop down from the car and stretch both arms overhead as she marches towards the Turtle and the Reporter's alley. She didn't pick that car for nothing, after all:

"Hey--"

There's DETECTIVE WORK to be done.

"What the fuck was that?"

And step one of detective work is determining that since turtle guys apparently have a thing for pizza, they're surely the first ones to have the inside line on pizza-related mishaps.

"I was THINKING about grabbing a slice while I was down here, but I'd rather hit a White Castle at this rate," the blonde woman groans, dropping her hands to her hips.

Rocksteady has posed:
With gunfire, sonic screams, and ninja badassery abounding, and with his backup still unconscious in the ruins of their van, Rocksteady is torn on what to do.

Heroes always have the big post-teamup chat or whatever, but he's not a hero and also like... three fourths of the heroes responding to this bizarre chain of events have some level of animosity with him!

And so as mutant turtles descend upon mutant pizza (It's the ciiiiircle of liiiiiiife) Rocksteady does his best to nonchalantly jog down an alleyway, no doubt to dump off ridiculously oversized suitcoat in a trash can and throw his wig away so no one will recognize him.

It's entirely possible they'll think Wilson Fisk just threw one of his jackets out, right?

Michelangelo has posed:
As the sirens wail in the distance and the street looks a total and complete mess of a delicious battle waged between good and evil, we pan up to the rooftop of Angelo's. And there, in the darkness, barely illuminated are two figures. One tall, lanky and humanoid that appears to be wearing a skin tight suit with a pair of large tankers attached to the back of it. His identity is hard to make out but as the lights flicker past his masked face, the Crown emblem on the chest of his costume can be seen.

"That didn't work." comes from his lips as he peers over the side of the building. "You said this would work."

Moving, no oozing, towards the edge next to him is what appears to be something of a large blob of... well. it's pizza. There's an almost Soprano twinge to his voice as he bites back at the other figure with a level of sarcasm that could only be achieved by a mutated mob boss. "Relax, 'Youse Highness'..." As the light passes by again, the pepperoni eyes of this pizza blob narrow at the street below. At the heroes that have come, gone and linger.

"We's jus' gettin' started."

He starts to laugh and his partner for this scheme joins in. Soon enough the two of them are chuckling maniacally enough for us to pull up and fade to black.

CONDIMENT KING & PIZZA FACE WILL RETURN.